I wish I could pinpoint when I stopped caring about being cool.
Don’t get me wrong, I spent much of my early life desperately trying to be cool, doing the things that cool kids did, such as having plans every weekend, going to parties or events, and liking certain music or movies.
Being cool is complicated.
Being Cool
Here is the thing about being cool – you’re supposed to like the right popular things, but also like the right amount of obscure things. Generally, the type of media can make a big difference in which of these directions you go.
Music is always cooler to be obscure. Some kind of band that does not play on the radio but is just on the brink of being popular. The key here is to know it before other people. Popular music that plays on the radio? So not cool. You’re also supposed to have a standard answer for the type of music you listen to. Define yourself, don’t be wishy-washy when it comes to the type.
TV and movies are trickier. With streaming and the availability of so many things, I truly can’t even tell you what is cool. I will say that you have to know the most popular things, but they’re not what you’re passionate about. Phrases like, “of course Succession is so good, but I’m really into rewatching old episodes of The Wire right now,” feel like the right direction. Lead with the dramas because you’re a serious person (as all cool people are), and then later you can admit you have a soft spot for a comedy.
Books are cool, but only if you read super deep ones.
You have to be interested but also kind of bored of people. You have to be on social media, but not super active on it. Like somehow you have a following of thousands of people from the 5 posts you’ve done over the past three months.
And most importantly, you have to not try. Trying is so not cool.
At a certain point, I realized that it was way too much work. How in the world would I be cool? Maybe I’m just not meant to be cool.
The Switch
Don’t get me wrong – I care about being liked. This is an important distinction. You can still be liked and not be cool.
The realization that you can be liked and not cool was pretty liberating for me. This happened somewhere in late high school and early college. I didn’t like going out, I didn’t like so many of the cool activities, and I didn’t care that I was home on a weekend night.
I like pop music. I exclusively watch comedies and reality TV. I read romantic comedy audiobooks and self-help books that I think will make a difference for me. I do not have the time, patience, or energy to put into finding and fighting through things I don’t have an interest in.
I also try so hard all the time. I truly do not know how to not try hard.
This wasn’t an overnight success or switch. Realistically, even though I let go of being cool, I still grabbed onto other things that I thought I should be.
Taking That Joy Wider
I want to take that realization and be able to apply it in more places.
How can I use the same lack of care and apply it to:
- Mom guilt or mom shame?
- The way my house looks?
- Professional envy or needs?
- My ability status and using mobility aids in public?
These have a bit more baggage than just perception in my opinion. But there is something here that maybe I can tap into.
If you haven’t yet, join me in not being cool. We have more fun.