The Art of Meal Scaffolding: Theresa Episode 2

Welcome to No Shame in the Home Game, the podcast that cares

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how your home feels, not looks.

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I am Laci, your, host who is still

trying to figure out a new mic.

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So I appreciate everyone's patience.

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Here with, the most patient of

patients, Sarah, my co host.

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Hi, Sarah.

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Sara: Hi Lacey, that was actually

a really fun five minutes.

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It was like that commercial,

can you hear me now?

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And then it was like, there was this

one where I was like, oh, that's it.

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and then you talked more and

I was like, no, that's not it.

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And so it was just like, it,

for me, it was actually comical.

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no, I love that you're so

intrepid with technology.

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And here I'm using these

headphones from the nineties.

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I think, I don't know.

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Lacey: Need whatever

makes you feel confident.

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You don't need anything else.

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Sara: That's the core of the show.

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Lacey: is.

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Sara: I love that.

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Thank you for reminding me.

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I need those reminders.

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Thank

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Lacey: I'm happy to provide

them to you because I'll

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never provide them for myself.

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That's not true.

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I've been getting so much

better about my self talk.

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I've had a couple of breakthroughs with

it lately that I'm feeling so good about.

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Okay, so we're talking Teresa . I want to

say Teresa 2, I was actually present for

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it because I wasn't present for Teresa 1.

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And let me tell you the joy that

I had during this episode because

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Teresa has a special guest in it.

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And the whole time, I am just joyfully

watching the special guest be cute.

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I'm like trying to

dance around what it is.

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Sara: a little cliffhanger

for our audience to go.

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Ooh, who's going to show

up that we can't see

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Lacey: But we'll post a

picture of because worth it.

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Sara: It is so fun working with

Teresa because she really embraced

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the process and all the steps.

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And she really proves that whole

point of life keeps happening

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because Teresa lives a lot of life

all at once, full speed ahead.

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And we really flex with

everything that's going on.

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And so it's an adventure.

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It's a wild ride.

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Lacey: It is, but it also makes

sense, it's not like her problem

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went away or anything like that.

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What I love is it's very clear her

priorities shift throughout her journey

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and that feels so, relatable to me.

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Like a lot of Teresa's story, I'm

just like, yes, I feel you girl.

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I feel you.

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So I have my heart,

definitely, in this one a lot.

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Sara: and that's such a great point too,

because There is no end point, right?

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It's about coming up with a framework.

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I always call it the scaffolding.

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I'm not sure.

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I think I just like the way

that word sounds, but it's

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about coming up with a way to do

things, not the way to do things.

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And so even her goals from the

beginning and what the road we thought

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we were going to go town, it was

like, it did, it really morphed and.

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It ended up working for her.

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We got to where it needed to be.

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So I'm glad that all this stuff

happened, because it shows we all

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have to pivot so much, and it really

shows that's how this work is done.

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Nothing is set or etched in stone.

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Lacey: Yeah, by the way, scaffolding is

actually a learning design term that by

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when you're doing, instruction, the idea

is that you scaffold the information

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so you give them enough to then take

that next step up and next step up.

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So scaffolding is a really good term

to use in this situation as well.

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Sara: Word of the day.

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Scaffolding.

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Lacey: All

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right.

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Sara: I, yeah, okay, let's get

it, let's get it, we can go crazy,

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we can go wild, but let's get in.

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Lacey: let's jump in here

from Teresa in part two.

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Mhm.

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Lacey: We're excited to do episode number

two with participant Teresa, hello.

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But as usual, I'm going

to kick it over to Sarah

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Sara: to Sarah because

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Frustration, emotions, not really

having a smooth system and something we

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narrowed in on with Teresa, which I can

laugh about because I've known Teresa

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a long time, is she doesn't want to be

hemmed in by being told like what to do.

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She doesn't want to plan.

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But as Lacey and I just discussed in one

of our episodes, having a certain amount

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of structure actually allows you to have

more creativity because you're not having

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to think about every single element.

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So,

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we got to this point with Teresa of, you

came around to seeing, okay, I can have

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a structure, but I don't have to do it,

but it gives me something to fall back on.

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And then as with life, I love this

about No Shame in the Home Game.

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Life happens.

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So Teresa's had a lot of change

between episode one and episode two.

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Teresa, do you want to give a

couple of quick highlights of

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everything that's changed in your

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Theresa: will say today, first of

all, it's the first day that I have

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not had to get up and out of the

house at five o'clock in the morning

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for skating because we said, I

think we're going to stop skating.

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My daughter has been a figure skater

and joined the synchronized skate team

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here in the DC area, which was amazing.

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It's a travel skate team.

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And there's a lot of going to

rinks that are a little ways away.

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So anyway, I get to stay home now

more because we're, um, shifting gears

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and not doing so much ice skating.

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But I think the thing Sarah's referring

to is that we added this really

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cute, adorable puppy to our home.

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His name is Harry, Harrison

Ford, Prince Harry, Harry Potter.

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So we added a puppy and, there's just

so much you could say about adding a

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puppy to life, that's a big thing, right?

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Sara: Well, so three big things.

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Your time is shifted.

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You already have a big travel commitment.

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You drive an hour each way to work.

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So that's already a big time commitment.

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And then the time you were taking

your daughter to her skating

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was a huge time commitment.

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And that's where we really saw a

lot of conflict with the food is you

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didn't have a lot of time to eat.

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Be creative on these days when

you're working these long days.

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And then two things that I thought of

was one was the puppy and two is you

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added a washer and dryer or you're

going to add a washer and dryer in your

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Theresa: Today.

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Sara: Today.

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is new washer dryer day.

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What was great was that you

were able to come to me.

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We do, back and forth between

episodes and you talked about these

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big decisions and we talked about.

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How you want your family to feel and

what is adding or subtracting from

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that desired feel and the time to

take to figure out washing and drying

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without having it in the house, you'd

gotten used to it, but it was actually

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adding some friction to your week.

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And then you wanted to add in

this puppy, but you already had a

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certain friction load with feeding.

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Food and laundry.

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And so you were able to really come

to some clarity around, I really, like

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you wanted that feeling of the new

puppy in the house, cause you're very

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much a dog family, but you had this

fractured energy for not frustration.

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You'd figured it out, but

the food and the laundry.

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it was taken away from any time

you could devote to that new puppy.

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And you're very much about training your

dogs and giving them a lot of attention.

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So it was great that you were able

to use that as a starting point for

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conversation with your family about,

do we, it was, it's home CEO in a

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nutshell, do we want this as a family?

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Yes, we do.

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Okay.

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How much time are we devoting to stuff?

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to the skating.

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How much time are we

devoting to food prep?

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How much time are we devoting to laundry?

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And you made, as a group,

a decision about those.

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So I think that was huge.

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And then the other thing that was

so beautiful was your family had

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gotten excited about a salad drawer.

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So this was all about food, and

un, unbeknownst to them, you were

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talking to me about food prep.

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And at the same time, your family

came and said, Hey, what if we turn

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this drawer into a salad drawer?

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What was the evolution of

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Theresa: my family likes to watch those

I don't know if it was like quantum

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tech or something, but like shows

with like just clever stuff or spaces.

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So they already like watching

those and they saw this, salad

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bar in your drink drawer of the

refrigerator and then you and I

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talked and then it all came together.

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But my husband also had for Christmas,

given me food prep containers so they

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fit really nicely in the refrigerator,

I loved sending you that picture of

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the drawer as it has evolved, where

Shannon is cutting the vegetables.

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She, it turns out she loves

pickled carrots and she

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discovered that on her own.

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It was this amazing synergy.

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And then when my husband saw this

stuff taking over his drink drawer,

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And mind you, what's in the drink

drawer is like seltzer and water.

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and it's big enough for it

to be shared with vegetables.

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But I wasn't quite sure how it'd go over.

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And he was like, Oh, I love the

snack bar in the drink drawer.

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I'm like, yeah, that's

been there for a few days.

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Thanks for noticing, so he, and he

called it a snack drawer, yeah, go

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ahead and get yourself a snack of

chickpeas and carrots and cucumbers.

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And my family will eat meat and pasta

like all day long, but they don't mind

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if there are no vegetables, but I mind it

bothers me that we don't eat vegetables.

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It bothers me in my mind.

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It bothers me in my digestion.

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And I have been like eating

what they eat, I keep saying.

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And now we have this drawer where

we can like add the vegetables

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and it's been going well.

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I have to admit that the puppy,

the last week , we haven't been

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able to prep it, I added the

chickpeas and they're still there.

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And.

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like today is a major, like

replenish that drawer, but it is

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working and Sarah, you really came

up with it as a, like a manager.

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She did her magic.

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It's I want more vegetables.

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How can I scale it?

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How can I, what do we call it?

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Like parallel play of sorts, like with,

I want to make curry and vegetables that

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are warm, but I'll, I can flex with this,

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Lacey: I need a very visual

description of the salad drawer.

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so we're talking multiple containers

in this drawer where you open it up

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and they're filled with pre cut, pre

opened different salad fixings to be

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able to do like a quick salad bar.

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Theresa: Yeah.

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I have also, I have hard boiled

eggs in there and then I have

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chickpeas, carrots, cucumbers, olives.

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That's it.

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right for right now.

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And so I can just grab the lettuce.

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That's, not yet in the salad

bar, and throw it in a bowl and

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then add these other things.

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And then I just run off

and I just made lunch.

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I'm like, wow,

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Lacey: I just want you to know

that I'm making this today.

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this is so up my alley because for

a while we were doing veggie trays

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and we enjoyed the veggie trays.

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Don't get me wrong, but I've gotten to a

point where I'm like, I would love to have

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a salad, but then I got to cut everything

up and all these different things.

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And now it's my mind,

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blowing my mind.

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, Theresa: I love curry.

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I love spicy and no one

in my family loves that.

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So last night I bought soup and we've

been playing around more with what

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do we purchase out of the house?

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Because since now my husband takes care

of the dog a lot, the puppy a lot more.

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He's Oh my God, there's

just so much to do.

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I don't have time.

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I'm like, why don't you tell me

what to bring home for dinner?

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And I keep saying that like specifically.

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What, but last night soup and I picked

up curry like in the refrigerator section

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at Harris Teeter, and I'm like, that

plus my vegetables from the drawer is

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gonna make me very happy to tomorrow.

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I don't have time to cut them.

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it's a wonderful, I even buy

them in a bag like broccoli.

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That bag is rotten.

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I didn't, it's not in the drawer!

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if it's not already in the line

of fire, it gets forgotten about.

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That's the other thing,

it's all in the right place.

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it's a total, win.

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Lacey: Okay.

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Sara: gave that example of if I have

a bag of chips on the counter, my

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family will snack on those chips

all day, cause it's right there.

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But if I put a bowl of clementines on the

counter or grapes, they will eat those

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because it's the path of least resistance.

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So there was just this beautiful

lining up of what your desire was

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and what your family's idea was.

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And you made this, I want to

go back to a sentence you said.

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The drawer is not stocked right

now because life had gotten busy.

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And I want to say, and that's okay,

because it's all about having the

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scaffolding, and then life happens,

but then you go, as soon as you

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have time, like today, you go, okay,

I'm going to fill this back up.

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You don't have to keep

reinventing the wheel.

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You already have the structure.

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Theresa: And I also, Sarah, you also

know that I'm like pretty much a

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rock star with the lunches, right?

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Like I get lunches together

for my family pretty easily.

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Especially for my husband, a really

nice routine on what he likes.

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And now that's added

to the salad bar drawer

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like I'm making more tuna and hard

boiled eggs, deviled eggs for Shannon,

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egg salad for the lunch, and it's

in the drawer because I have enough

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containers and enough space that

I'm like, this is like an area of

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my refrigerator that's very known.

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And here's another thing,

Sarah, that I recognize.

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So in my house, I have like this.

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Little mantra I say in the morning, beds,

floors, dishes, beds, floors, dishes.

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It's like phone, wallet, keys.

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And I can look at the kitchen and I'm,

I know many people will not go to sleep

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until their kitchens are clean, I don't

mind going to bed with it being messy.

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I wake up to a disaster zone, but I

know where everything goes because

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it's going to fit into the dishes and

the floors, like It all gets picked

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up in the morning so that when they

get home from their day, it's nice.

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And when I come home, I've lost my edge.

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I'm like, Yeah.

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it's a disaster tomorrow

morning, bed, floors, dishes.

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And now I add salad bar

to The weekly thing.

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it doesn't have to happen every day.

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So I'm excited about that.

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Sara: There's so much good stuff because

I talk about that with people, the

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reset point and what's your prompt.

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Is it an event or a time?

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And I love that you are,

yeah, I do it in the morning.

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Beds, floors, dishes,

is my morning routine.

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That's awesome.

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Yeah, I don't like to go to bed at night

until my kitchen, that's my nighttime

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prompt, but yours is in the morning.

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So finding what works for your family

and What makes you feel the best, right?

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If you had that, it has to

be done before I go to bed.

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The energy might really

change in your household.

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If there's not enough time or energy

or space around that, I do want to go

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backwards a little bit to the work that

we did around the food planning and the

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salad drawer, your assignment, when I

left you on episode one, was I asked

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you to get in touch with your family

about what are meals that they like

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and what are vegetables that they like.

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And that was a real voyage of discovery

because part of what I kept hearing

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was, so and so doesn't like this, so and

so doesn't like this, but I like this.

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And yes, you already

mentioned parallel play.

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And I thought it's okay to have a theme.

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themed dinner, but then people get to

switch out what they do or don't like.

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And you said some of these were big ahas.

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You're like, oh, I didn't

know they liked this.

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We ended up for each family

member, finding overlap of,

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oh, this is the common element.

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you can trade out this

vegetable or this base.

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I think it's hilarious.

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It's hilarious.

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Each of you likes a different

lettuce base, which I just love.

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One was butter lettuce, one

was green, just leaf lettuce.

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And you were Aula.

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Theresa: Oh, no, it's not green lettuce.

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It's iceberg lettuce.

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. Sara: Yes.

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And but again, okay, we're

all gonna have a salad.

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But you, now you have your salad bar, and

then everyone liked different toppings.

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Okay, go pick out your toppings, but we're

having salad, and then the main course,

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I think grilled cheese was one of them.

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Okay, great, you might each like

a different cheese, but we can

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all have grilled cheese and salad.

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I know there's a big thing around

not making different meals for

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different people in the family.

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And I hear that a lot with

people and I get it, but again,

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just having that same theme.

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And So we were able to come up with

some ideas and I'm wondering how

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is the meal planning part going?

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How are you integrating meals

to compliment the salads?

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Theresa: I think with the puppy,

the last little bit and the skating

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thing, just ending, I've been

repeating, but the soup got added in.

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So while I picked up soup at

the grocery store, we have been

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doing more soup based thing.

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That was like new.

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And then we've been, buying out a bit,

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I think a little bit of that.

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My brain's a little foggy on

how we've been doing that.

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I still have my sheet next

to the the refrigerator, but

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I think really we've been

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Lacey: for

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Theresa: still, and a little bit of,

when mom's home, she's making her

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routine things, and for me, the routine

things are getting easier to do.

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But the exploring, I think I wanted to

explore on Sundays and add something new.

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And I'm like, exploring Sunday has

been more like chaos Sunday still.

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So no trying new things . I don't

even know what we've had really,

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but I don't feel stressed by it.

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You know?

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Sara: And that's what's important.

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That's what's important is that

you don't feel stressed about

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Theresa: And remember how I was

like, I could be coming home from

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work being like, I don't know

what I'm going to have for dinner.

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Not any deal.

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and somehow magically, like in

massage, it's all going to come

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together with, Intuition, I'm like,

yeah, no, there's stuff at home.

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there's stuff to like work from.

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And I'm like, I don't know

just yet, but now I know.

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And then I can tell them

it's what's for dinner.

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I'm like, Oh, we're having such and such.

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and and you can find

it or I'm coming home.

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And I'll make it,

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Sara: And that was something we talked

about was there's two nights, is it two

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nights or three nights a week where you

don't get home until eight or nine right?

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Theresa: three days a week.

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Yeah,

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Sara: Three days a week.

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and so one of the things was a mind

shift around, use that, expression,

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let them suffer of, they are fully

capable of making food for themselves

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and you can have the food in the house

and they can figure things out and they

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can focus on eating things that you

may not enjoy as much on those nights.

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So we did come up with Oh, you can always

have, these, we reviewed certain items.

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Like the manicotti you said

is always in the freezer.

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They can always do that, and

you mentioned there's a canned

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soup that your husband will eat.

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He can always have that, right?

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So you don't have to plan for them

on those nights where you're not

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getting home until later because

there is food in the house.

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And are they taking to that to

figuring it out for themselves?

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Theresa: I think they are.

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I definitely don't get

home to, I'm so hungry.

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what's for dinner?

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I'm like, it's nine o'clock.

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what do you mean?

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What's for dinner?

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I'm not seeing that.

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So they are figuring it out.

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And I'm not hearing about it so

much, which to me is a success.

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I'm much more focused on what I'm

making for dinner on the nights

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that I'm here and letting it go.

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I don't know if that's also, cause there's

more chaos in our house with that puppy

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and everyone's happier with they're

not focusing on what they don't like.

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They're just focusing on their joy more.

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But I know that today's like a big

day of just me revisiting what it is.

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Prepare for the coming days for food,

like looking at my list again, and I've

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been so happy about my salad drawer

that lunches have been going well and

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Oh no, you've got plenty to choose from.

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And that I haven't really been

doing that day to day work.

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Mhm.

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Mhm.

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Sara: And setting you up for success

with the salad drawer is a good idea

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to keep a running tally of things

that you've done because, we get

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bored, seasons change, tastes change.

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Do you have some place in the kitchen

where you can tape a piece of paper

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that you can easily reference?

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or you could put it right on the

fridge because maybe you notice

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the family isn't eating, I don't

know, the pickled carrots as much.

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So you can rotate in something else.

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But then if you get bored with

that something else, you can

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look at the list and go, Oh,

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yeah, we used to do pickled carrots.

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And then you can go back.

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So it's a way of, again, reducing

that mental burden of having

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to remember what worked in the

past and just writing it down.

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Cause we talked about that too,

you could come up with six things

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and then the family could pick four

for that week of what do they want

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to see in the drawer this week.

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I did want to note for people listening,

and this came up with Lacey as well, with

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the vegetables, certain vegetables can

last longer in the fridge than others.

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And it's about having an awareness

about the vegetables that.

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can tolerate time better.

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so very wet vegetables like cucumbers,

there is a great way to store them so

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that they don't go soft as quickly,

but just knowing you need to eat those

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a little bit faster or like carrots.

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As long as you don't do anything

with them, they can last a

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pretty long time and then you can

shred them and deal with them.

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But you had done some pickling,

because people Pickling will help

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them stay even longer in the fridge.

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Lacey: I do love pickling.

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I actually did my first

attempt at pickling last week.

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I made some pickled cabbage for a meal.

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And so I would like to explore that more.

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Pickled onions I think is

where I'm going to start next,

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Theresa: Oh, that sounds yummy

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Sara: How do you, how did

you pickle the cabbage?

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I'm very, I don't, I've never

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Lacey: just a quick pickle where you, heat

up, the vinegar, salt and sugar and water.

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You heat it up and then you

cover it and then you let it sit

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for, I think it was four hours.

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And it gives it a little bit

more of a pickle type thing.

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It's not, it's never going to be kimchi,

but it's getting us closer to that.

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We made these like Korean bowls.

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Theresa: What did you put in your

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Korean bowls?

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Lacey: purple rice, which is a mix

of black rice and white rice, we make

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this, cause I just don't like brown

rice, but the black rice is similar.

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So when you mix them, I feel

like I'm doing better at least,

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we found like this Korean beef,

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So that has like a lot of flavor in it.

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My husband always makes that

part, so I don't really know.

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and then some like scallions,

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we did carrots.

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So yeah, it's a very Americanized

thing with some Korean flares cause we

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love, bibimbap and that kind of food,

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Sara: I love Korean too.

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And Teresa, you said Shannon's taking

ownership over pickling some items.

444

What is that?

445

Can you tell me what that looks

446

Theresa: she was cutting the carrots and

putting the vinegar and sugar on them.

447

That's all we added to it.

448

She's been doing that like after school.

449

That's one of her chores

on the days I'm not here.

450

So she's done that probably.

451

twice, on request.

452

and she got excited about it.

453

So I was glad for that.

454

Sara: What I love about that and

this is something I try to encourage

455

to people is When the family is

complaining about food, give them

456

ownership, pick the recipe, help me

prepare it give them an opportunity

457

to see what goes into it so that.

458

they know, Oh, I really liked this

flavor, but I didn't like the texture.

459

Or then they can start to under, instead

of a family saying, I don't like it,

460

which so many apologies to my mother.

461

Of how many times I

said that as a kid, but.

462

If you're just served something,

it's easy to say, I don't like it.

463

If you have participation in making it,

there's a lot more awareness around, Oh, I

464

saw what this looked like when it started.

465

How it ended like, , what

could be different?

466

, maybe I really just don't

like this item at all.

467

Or maybe I just want different seasoning.

468

So I love that your daughter's getting

involved because then she can have

469

even more awareness over what she

likes, and then she's learning how to

470

make her own food, which is ultimately

the goal when you're raising kids is

471

that they can do this for themselves.

472

And I want to also touch on

mindset that we worked on.

473

When we talked last time,

a lot of your mindset was.

474

I don't know how else other to

say it than a little beaten down.

475

I think you were carrying around a

lot of weight around things that hadn't

476

worked or, not finding that magic recipe

or piece that satisfied everybody.

477

And I really encourage you to

change your mindset around.

478

We're figuring it out or we're

going to work together or there is

479

a solution and really Taking off

those heavy feelings in order to

480

open up the landscape of possibility.

481

Did you do some time around that

or did you ponder those thoughts?

482

Theresa: I am noticing that very

much, not like just in this moment,

483

but I've been just noticing it

over the last couple of weeks.

484

Just, as you say that I think about

like the background story of all

485

of the times I've said, I'm going

to do better with the food stuff.

486

And I think I shared this the

last time, I remember doing that.

487

The EFT, that emotional freedom tapping,

like this was my main complaint.

488

I think like seven years ago, I

started tapping because I needed

489

a better handle on food prep.

490

it's that long ago and that

old, an issue of sorts for me.

491

So yes, I really enjoyed being able

492

Sara: I

493

Theresa: to do, some,

494

Sara: to

495

Theresa: Meditation, really some journal

drawing about home and about food prep and

496

about the scalable nature of getting it,

getting a meal right isn't really my goal.

497

It's getting a meal that has these

options so that we're all happy.

498

That feels like a better

goal for me in my home.

499

Sara: And

500

Theresa: I guess I got happy about that.

501

I got more joyful because

it fits me better.

502

It fits more of Oh, I

get to have what I want.

503

Other people get to have what

they want and we don't have

504

to all be the same basically.

505

So I guess focusing in on, I value

my home and in a different way.

506

And when I was doing the home exercise

of I value home I remember the funny

507

thing to me was like, I asked one

person, what do you love about your home?

508

And they're like, Oh, I love that.

509

My husband does projects

and I really love to cook.

510

I'm like, ha.

511

I don't love to cook and I get

so tired of the projects and.

512

I thought that was really interesting.

513

I'm like, that's not really my joy.

514

I really love that home is a functional

hub and I like seeing it that way.

515

It's not always going to

be neat and picked up.

516

It's not always going to

have all the food we want.

517

Sometimes the food is

going to come from outside.

518

Sometimes we're all going

to be doing the same.

519

Sometimes we're going to be

doing something different.

520

It may feel a little chaotic.

521

But it's mine and I value and can

stand behind my home and my food.

522

And I don't know, that just

started to click more for me.

523

Sara: so much goodness.

524

I want to highlight first.

525

I want to let Lacey in the audience.

526

no.

527

Teresa and I also share.

528

A friend who's a coach, a

woman's transformational coach.

529

And we did her 10 day value challenge

where we got to pick three values.

530

We really wanted to focus on and see how

do we integrate those into our lives?

531

Yes.

532

And Teresa jumped on to home very quickly.

533

And I think that's so pivotal.

534

And I just got goosebumps all up my

leg because and I say it all the time,

535

not every home should be the same.

536

We all have different values and goals.

537

We don't all have to love prepping food.

538

We don't all have to have

the same output, right?

539

You define, what did you say?

540

Your home is a hub of, what did you say?

541

Restoration?

542

Theresa: Like a functional hub.

543

Like I wish it was a home of

restoration, it's not, it's functional,

544

it's a functional hub.

545

Like it, it serves each of us

differently as a hub of our activity.

546

Sara: But that's perfect.

547

And as long as everyone in the home

understands, and if Shannon decides

548

that having a certain type of food is

her passion, Then she gets to take the

549

lead on that and I love that mind shift

and we just had episode 2 with another

550

Participant Tyra where we really needed

to find that mind block for her in

551

order for her journey to open up And oh

my gosh, the goosebumps are just going

552

all the way up my leg because I feel

like for you, I feel like that was the

553

block you were sitting in what from the

outside looked like this pit of failure.

554

You felt like you tried everything,

things weren't working, the family

555

wasn't satisfied, and it felt like you

were holding The burden all on your own.

556

And I feel like we were able to shift it.

557

Not we, it was you did the work, but

you were able to shift it to my family

558

can be in discomfort around food and

they can figure it out for themselves.

559

There is a way to approach this.

560

That's different.

561

That may work, right?

562

Like you identifying

our houses for function.

563

Food is not my joy.

564

All right, but you need food to survive.

565

But yeah, it doesn't have to be your joy.

566

And I really feel like It's just

lightened you and it's given

567

you permission and freedom and.

568

From the outside, I'm inspired because I

hold some guilt and shame around the meals

569

that I give my family, but yeah, I love to

bake and cook, but not under obligation.

570

I don't like spending more time

cooking than I do eating and so

571

you're giving me that permission

of, Oh yeah, food prep isn't really

572

my joy either, but my family's fed.

573

That was it.

574

You getting clear on your goal to me, that

was the unlocking that you're not going

575

to make everyone happy with food, right?

576

It shifted how you looked at it.

577

Does that resonate?

578

Theresa: Yeah, I, yeah, and it's so

interesting because at the same time

579

it hasn't given me some level of like

freedom to not do anything in the kitchen.

580

I actually just am starting to

enjoy the kitchen more because

581

it doesn't have the same feeling

as it did a month ago, really.

582

So.

583

yeah, I'm really, I'm really

hopeful that it stays.

584

And I also want to say, Sarah, thank

you for listening so carefully.

585

Like you took notes, you've

checked in, you enjoyed my photos.

586

it's been, it's not just me doing it.

587

I really felt like I had this.

588

Sara: just

589

Theresa: supportive person in my

corner being like, yeah, just

590

try, try some other new things.

591

And I look forward to, really

seeing myself flourish with it more

592

because it has been a really nice

shift, just as you've described it.

593

Sara: nice.

594

First of all, thank you.,

595

I receive and hear what you've said

and I love the granular details.

596

That just lights me up.

597

I love the little nitty gritty, but

also what I've said all along with

598

this work is that It's like we're given

a car and told to drive, but we're

599

not taught how, and it's, when you're

managing a house, it's like we get

600

to hear the complaints way more than

we hear the praise or appreciation.

601

We're always being told

how we're doing it wrong.

602

But then it's like, where

do you go to figure it out?

603

We're all so unique and different and

nobody wants to admit that discomfort and

604

shame of, Oh, I don't know how to do this.

605

It should be so basic.

606

I should know how to do this.

607

So that's why I started doing this

work because, Hey, we all need driver's

608

ed to learn how to drive a car.

609

Nobody just gets in and knows, right?

610

You need those guides.

611

And so I love being this guide and.

612

I really hear what you said about . The

kitchen feels different because it's

613

50 percent about food and 50 percent

about the energy and the mindset.

614

And you did, I think you used to

walk in your kitchen and immediately

615

feel defeated because you felt the

heaviness of the meals that didn't work.

616

The food you, I know throwing

away food is really bothering you.

617

And.

618

I think you.

619

felt that weight.

620

And also I want to say, like, it's

interesting because I think if you ask

621

my daughter and my husband, if I've

made a transformation in the kitchen,

622

I'm not even sure what they would say.

623

aside from I love the

new snack drawer but

624

I know there's a shift and it's

like a step in the journey.

625

I don't think it's over.

626

I just think, my gosh, I just stepped

onto a new path and I, I'm ready to

627

like take another hike, you know?

628

So, Yeah, that's feeling that also

feels really good about it in terms

629

of, sometimes I worry that changes

like this up and down, Oh, I just

630

found the newest, best thing.

631

It's how long will that last?

632

But I feel like it's a shift

that I can feel in my body.

633

it's where do I feel it?

634

No, I feel it.

635

Almost like I would say in a grounded

kind of way, like in my feet, like I know

636

how to walk around the kitchen and start

putting things in their places in that I

637

have new scaffolding, as you would say.

638

And for me, you know, that

639

means I can listen to a podcast and

do something fun for myself while I'm

640

getting this work done and be like,

I love my job here in the kitchen.

641

and be like, I

642

Theresa: here home working in the

kitchen, And not making food and

643

looking for this, like, how'd I do?

644

I prepped so that you can be functional.

645

And so can I

646

Lacey: want to

647

put that on a shirt.

648

Sara: when you say you don't even know, if

your family has noticed the shift, I would

649

say you're right, I don't think they

couldn't articulate your mindset shift.

650

But, Lacey and I talk about

that 1 percent change.

651

I would bet money that your family

has noticed a 1 percent shift

652

in your mood and your energy.

653

around, how you're showing up in general.

654

you're not walking in the door with

that heaviness of what's for dinner?

655

I'm hungry.

656

You're not being confronted with that.

657

When you walk into the kitchen,

you're enjoying your podcast,

658

you're a little bit more at ease.

659

So I would bet that your

family has noticed that.

660

But come on, it's all

clouded by the new puppy.

661

Like, how can we really know

what's making you happy?

662

Is it the puppy or the food?

663

Lacey: I've been staring

664

puppy for 40 minutes now,

and it's made me so happy.

665

So I get it.

666

Theresa: exactly,

667

Mhm.

668

Mhm.

669

Sara: because this is episode two

and we are going to do a third

670

episode, what is something that I can

help you with in the kitchen around

671

the meal planning and the journey?

672

What still feels like a

friction point for you?

673

Theresa: I think now, like just

even talking about it, it's okay,

674

is it the joy, the puppy or the fact

that we have new ideas in place?

675

And now I think it's

follow through for me.

676

It's okay, great.

677

Let's see those new

meals that are scalable.

678

And I think that's what it is.

679

But now I really would like to see

myself, walk a few miles basically and

680

see how it goes, in, the day to day.

681

And I'm so excited that I'm

not working as much too.

682

I've just told myself three

days of work is plenty.

683

I really have at least for the next

month, like a real set schedule

684

about being home to do home things.

685

Lacey: I, so something that I noticed

in the beginning that I'm starting

686

to see more and, understand more and

more is it sounds like you have a

687

very heavy expectation for yourself.

688

To be like the most consistent when

it comes to all this, if you're not

689

super consistent, you will fail.

690

I heard it when you were like, it's

not been as good with, because we've

691

had the puppy and all that stuff.

692

I just want to say, I'm not the expert

here, but I am giving you permission.

693

to not be perfect at it all the

time, I think accepting that maybe

694

another layer for you of any little

bit that I do that's better is great.

695

And tomorrow I can do better or I cannot.

696

And it's, I think that mindset

will also give you a little

697

bit more of a lift because.

698

We're not, we all don't do great

all the time, we go through ups and

699

downs, but if we can just keep going

back to that scaffolding, we have

700

a foundation to continue to go up.

701

Theresa: yeah, that makes,

that definitely makes sense.

702

that's a nice thing to offer me too,

that perfectly consistent doesn't have to

703

be in my mindset along with my new joy.

704

Lacey: Yeah.

705

Sara: Your work right now is

creating that scaffolding.

706

And life is going to up and

down change, life happens.

707

But all you need to do is know

that you have something to go

708

back to when the time is right.

709

And that really your objective is your

mindset of I've provided the foundation.

710

I'm doing what I can, when I can.

711

And I think the way I can support you

on this journey with this next step

712

is between now and the next meeting

is I want us to go back and forth

713

and create a very clear outline.

714

These are the meals that are always

available in the freezer, in the pantry.

715

These are the go to meals when mom is

working and won't be home until late.

716

Or these are the meals

we can fall back on when.

717

Our new washer and dryer is being

delivered and I'm not going to

718

spend as much time in the kitchen.

719

And then creating a clear outline of

every week we're going to have, and

720

you decide is it four or five items in

the salad drawer, here is a list of all

721

those items and Shannon can do this one.

722

Richard can dump the olives into a can,

like getting it really clear I always see

723

it as like a building blocks of what the

building blocks are, and then knowing the

724

rhythm of your week of working three days.

725

Okay.

726

My goal is to do it on this day.

727

On these days, when I'm out doing

this, I'll pick up soup to go with

728

the salad and starting to see,

this is the day I have more time.

729

I want to try that new recipe on this day.

730

And so we're going to get really

clear on that outline for you.

731

Okay.

732

Just to reduce that mental pressure

and that mental reinventing

733

the wheel every single day.

734

So really just cementing what

you've already been doing,

735

but getting it on paper.

736

Theresa: yeah, that sounds really good.

737

Yeah.

738

because once it's on paper,

it'll become more clear.

739

That sounds really helpful.

740

Sara: and if you go out of town for a

week to go be with your mom, the family

741

can look at the piece of paper If you go

into a restaurant, this is such a great

742

example, going back to, talking about how

not everyone has to eat the same thing.

743

When you take a group, your family

to a restaurant, not everybody's

744

going to order the same thing, right?

745

But they're all going to sit down

and look at the same menu and go.

746

these are my options for appetizers.

747

These are my options for entrees.

748

These are my options for sides.

749

And so it's really creating your own

family's menu of if you're out of

750

town for a week, we can do grilled

cheese easily tonight for dinner.

751

Oh, that's right.

752

Manicotti's in the freezer.

753

We can do that for dinner.

754

Mom usually makes deviled eggs on Monday.

755

She's out of town.

756

I can do that.

757

I can make egg salad today and it's

just giving them, it's taking down

758

that mental load, that invisible

load and letting your family see it.

759

So that's where we're going to be.

760

And Lacey's smiling because

she's looking at the dog and I'm

761

trying not to look at the dog.

762

I'm trying to only look at Teresa

because the dog and I love, I'm

763

going to only call him Harrison Ford.

764

Theresa: I know.

765

When Cause they Shannon and Richard wanted

to call him Harry, and I'm like, I would

766

be happy if you guys settled on a name.

767

I can work with Harry.

768

And then, three days later, I'm like,

Harrison, I've always loved that name.

769

Harrison.

770

Is Harrison Ford.

771

I'm like, done.

772

I can hang with Harry.

773

And I can call him Harrison

Ford whenever I want to.

774

Yep,

775

Sara: I want to hang with Harrison Ford,

776

Lacey: Yes, so handsome.

777

woof!

778

Sara: Of allowing the magic to unfold for

really coming in with a new perspective

779

and you saw something that wasn't working.

780

You took a step to make a change.

781

You were willing and open.

782

I want you to really appreciate.

783

All you've done for your family.

784

This is what we talked about with Tyra

is we don't get to hear thank you enough.

785

So thank you, mama Teresa, for

all you've done for making food

786

for your family over the years.

787

Thank you for taking time to make this

an easier journey so that you can enjoy

788

life more and enjoy your family more.

789

And we are going to come up with

that outline for your family.

790

So it's not all on you.

791

And you're going to keep enjoying your

puppy and you're going to enjoy the joy of

792

having a washer and dryer in your house.

793

Lacey, do you have anything else to add?

794

Lacey: Be gentle with yourself.

795

I see so much of myself in you in

this, it's not really shame, but it's

796

more of like beating yourself up.

797

Cause I do that so much all the time.

798

And, I would never do

that to anybody else.

799

So that's what I'm, I want to

say to you, no, you're doing it.

800

You're making it happen.

801

There is no such thing as

802

perfect.

803

There is no award for it.

804

Theresa: I hear, I really hear you.

805

And also I was just wanting to add that my

other value word was self respect, which

806

was interesting to happen along with this.

807

It's You know what, I'm pretty

happy with what I'm doing.

808

So isn't that enough?, I also

know that I do a lot of comparing

809

to other people and that's where

the perfection starts to come in.

810

I'm like, Oh Yeah.

811

look, if your sister walked in your

kitchen, she would have something

812

to say, I'm like, my sister, my mom

and six other people would be like.

813

What's happening in here and

be like, Oh, it's my kitchen.

814

Sara: and that's a great point because

the comparison game, there's up comparison

815

and down comparison, and there are

instances in which it can be helpful.

816

There are, but I would say for

the majority of the time, we're

817

actually using it to beat ourselves

up and two houses are the same.

818

Your priorities, your values, your

energy, your motivation, your time.

819

Everything is different and my sister's

house is so different than mine.

820

We're very different people

and I'm okay with that.

821

And if she doesn't like

my house, that's fine.

822

She doesn't have to live in my house.

823

I'm taking ownership.

824

Over how I'm leading my life.

825

And I think that's where the self

respect is, you're respecting

826

yourself and your journey.

827

Theresa: Yeah.

828

I noticed like when Lacey's saying

don't be too hard on yourself.

829

And I'm like, Oh yeah, one of

the reasons I get hard on myself

830

is because I get comparative.

831

that's not the way that my mom

raised me to have a kitchen, or

832

that's not what my sisters do.

833

And I really felt like this

freedom, but this is how I do it.

834

And it's part of that, that no

shame in the home game mindset that,

835

both of you are carrying forward

in all the episodes, it's like how

836

your house feels, not how it looks.

837

And I just, yeah, I'm just really

noticing that I can go down that road

838

and be hard on myself again, or I can

be back in the joy where it's like.

839

I bet if, and I love my

sisters too, and they love me.

840

I bet if they walked in and saw

my salad jar, they'd be like,

841

hey sister, that's a great idea.

842

I'm like, yeah, that's one of my

successes, one of my wins, and I would

843

be happy about that, which is really

different than I think that my sisters

844

have something every evening that

they have prepared for their families.

845

And it's probably not even true.

846

They probably eat ramen

noodles some nights too.

847

Sara: and I just, I really want to put

this out because It's part of my movement

848

And my, revolution that I'm starting,

which is if it doesn't feel good for

849

us to compare to others, it's really

important that when we walk into somebody

850

else's home, that we don't compare.

851

It's got to go both ways.

852

We can't judge others for

how their home is run.

853

If we don't want to be judged.

854

And I really like to impress that

upon people because it goes both ways.

855

And that's how we start

to make the change.

856

And on that note, I feel like we've

solved all the world's problems.

857

Theresa: yep.

858

Thank you so

859

Sara: Oh, thank you.

860

Thank you ladies for

such a beautiful morning.

861

Theresa: Thanks.

862

Sara: Okay, we're back

and I'm no less silly.

863

So I did the scaffolding because

we've been watching Saturday Night

864

Live and there's this hilarious bit

with, I can't think of his name.

865

Because I'm not great at remembering

names, but it's like a spelling bee.

866

And so the judge is giving these words.

867

And so he keeps doing that voice

that like scaffolding only, that's

868

not the word he says, I want to

break out that voice more often.

869

I don't know what that is,

the spelling bee judge voice.

870

Lacey: Yeah, I love it.

871

Like it, love it, love

everything about it.

872

Absolutely.

873

Oh, I am so glad that everybody got

to meet Harry and now knows why I

874

spent most of the episode just staring

at him and we will put up a picture

875

of him on the no shame Instagram

because I think at one point I teared

876

up because I'm like he is so cute.

877

I know there was one point where he

like yawned and I was like sorry.

878

Sara: YII have, again, Theresa and I

are friends in real life and I have

879

the blessing of, we do Marco Polos,

so I get a lot of him in my life in

880

little videos and I usually, sometimes

I'll listen to Marco Polos while I'm

881

driving and I can't listen to Marco

Polos when Theresa does one, because I

882

just wanna stare at the dogs like the

whole time there's something about him

883

that, yeah, I am drawn in like a moth

to a flame and I don't wanna look away.

884

Yeah, he's my kryptonite.

885

Lacey: I always wanted a golden

retriever growing up, like

886

that was my dog that I wanted.

887

So I think there's just a piece

of that in there for me too.

888

Just, My heart, like I could just

feel my heart lifting and soaring.

889

But, we will, finish up Teresa's

story in a couple of weeks, but next

890

week you're going to get to hear Tyra

part two and, hear the continuation

891

of Tyra's story because there's a

lot more story to tell there too,

892

Sara: I want to hear Lacey, what

are you appreciative of today?

893

What are you grateful for?

894

What's on your mind?

895

Lacey: Sarah.

896

I have started, I don't think

I talked about this last week.

897

I have started doing a call out on social

media for people to let me hype them.

898

Did I talk about this last week?

899

Sara: I don't know, but I can't, I want to

hear, I want to hear about it all again.

900

Lacey: It is something that

brings me so much joy now.

901

I've been, I've done it, I think I did

Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, last week,

902

took the weekend off, did it again

today, and It is just so much fun.

903

I've had People out

there randomly respond.

904

Some people just say, I love this.

905

And then I hype them because

they said they loved it.

906

this morning, my cousin Al, she

said she was starting a new job

907

and I was like, girl, and I hyped

her and 30 people liked that video.

908

And I was like, Oh, I 30 people

cheering her on, And it is

909

just bringing me so much joy.

910

So much joy and it feels so authentic

to me and who I am and what I enjoy

911

doing and this is something Sarah and

I have both talked about of showing

912

up on social media in a way that feels

good to us because a lot of the social

913

media advice feels so structured and

businessy and not our genuine feelings.

914

And this is the first time, one

of the first times where I'm like,

915

Oh, I could do this every day.

916

No problem.

917

New people to hype, put the

goodness out in the world.

918

This is all I would want in life.

919

So I have literally, that's how I start

my weekday mornings now is I make a

920

video saying, Hey, let me hype you.

921

And I am loving every minute of it.

922

Sara: I love that.

923

To me, it's the equivalent of perpetual

motion, but it's perpetual joy.

924

You are hyping someone up to feel

better, and in doing so, it makes

925

you feel better, and then that person

feels better, and then other people

926

witness it, and then they feel joy.

927

It's perpetual joy.

928

I tagged you in somebody on threads

who had a book coming out and I went

929

back and I read your, and I was like,

Hey, you want to hype this gal up?

930

And then I came back and I

read your hype and I was hyped.

931

It was so good.

932

and I'm going to do a little side

plug, joyful support movement.

933

We're not just the

founders, we're members.

934

If you're inside the

village, you can get hyped

935

Lacey: Anytime.

936

Anytime.

937

Sara: of gratitude, but it's funny.

938

I've joked with, participants

season one, Sarah about being

939

an emotional bouncer for people.

940

If you.

941

Don't have the emotional energy

to deal with something, but you

942

also don't have the wherewithal to

express it in a way that's healthy.

943

I would come in as like the emotional

bouncer and be like, at this time,

944

I'll just say, Lauren will not be

participating in the family Sunday

945

gathering as she has no time, energy,

or patience to deal with any of you.

946

And I would do it on behalf because I have

no emotional attachment to the situation.

947

And I just thought.

948

Oh my gosh.

949

We could sell ourselves as a package.

950

I could be the emotional bouncer

and you could be the hype gal.

951

Oh my gosh.

952

I think we need to be a

part of somebody's crew.

953

Is this our future?

954

Lacey: That's what I was thinking,

but then I also recognize I like to

955

be the center of attention too much.

956

I don't know if I would be good

being on somebody's entourage.

957

yeah, I'm realistic

about that about myself.

958

Sara: Fair.

959

That's good.

960

To know yourself.

961

That is fair.

962

I like that.

963

Lacey: it's one of the reasons

964

why Joe and I's marriage works so

well is he does not want to be in the

965

spotlight and I'm like, don't worry,

I can be in the spotlight for you.

966

Sara: When you did that, I immediately

recalled some stories you've told us

967

about Iris and I was like, there it is.

968

There's Iris right there.

969

Lacey: It was

970

Iris's, birthday this weekend,

and she was so happy, so joyful,

971

on Saturday morning, she knew that

her grandparents were coming over.

972

We did a grandparents dinner and she

was like vibrating with energy and joy.

973

She's Grammy and Bop Bop and

Grandma and Grandpa are coming over.

974

And preschool teacher got her some

presents, which is so lovely, and she got

975

her balloons and, Isaac let one of the

balloons out of the house on accident.

976

So now that's Iris's go-to thing

to tell people like she'll, Iris,

977

Isaac lit my balloon outside.

978

He let my balloon blow away

instead of putting her in

979

bed, she's I'm gonna tell Ms.

980

Jen tomorrow, Isaac, Isaac,

let my balloon blow away.

981

Sara: Oh, I almost want to start

like a comedic, resume for her.

982

Many things nailed intuitively.

983

Lacey: much.

984

She did something else that Joe and

I were rolling the other day and

985

now I can't remember what it is.

986

Oh, I know what it is.

987

my dad was saying, I want to give you a

big birthday hug and Iris is a leaner.

988

She lets you hug her like that's her

jam, which I'm like, that's a girl

989

after my heart because I'm not a hugger,

I'll participate if you want me to.

990

So my dad was giving her a big

hug and he was like, I got to

991

give you a big birthday hug.

992

And she just declared, it's

not my birthday anymore.

993

It's Lucas's birthday.

994

So my dad would stop hugging her and now

she wouldn't have a birthday hug anymore.

995

And it was just.

996

The comedic timing of it was so good.

997

And also, girl, yeah, if you don't want

the hug, you don't need to have the hug.

998

You established those boundaries.

999

It just was a, oh, and we were just dying.

Cause then my dad teased her

and he was like, birthday hug.

And she was like, not my birthday.

It's Lucas's birthday now.

Okay.

Don't know who Lucas is.

I'm like, he's a kid in her class.

She's whip smart.

She's got it.

Sara: I love that.

By the way, as soon as you said you're

not a hugger, I made a mental note.

I went in my brain and made

like an asterisk in my brain.

It was like mental note.

Lacey is not a hugger

Lacey: It genuinely surprises a lot

of people that I'm not a hugger.

it is because heck, I've been

saying I went to hype random people.

You would think a hugging thing is part

of that, but I just, we can appreciate

each other from a soft, solid distance.

Sara: and no, and I totally respect that.

And.

I will find another way to like a

dog when it gets excited and they

shake like when we do meet in person.

we'll side note that I'm not sure

what, I'm not sure about that, but

I'll just have to find another way to

let my energy out, like hug a tree or

Lacey: There, there are, I will say,

there are very appropriate hugging times.

And I am very affectionate

with my children, with Joe.

I will hug all over my mom.

But I have some very strong

boundaries and that's one of my

places where I have boundaries.

And so you're either one of those

people or there are hugging occasions.

When we meet each other, Sarah, in

person, it will be a hugging occasion.

Sara: okay.

I was talking to a friend last

night, and I was telling her all

about Joyful Support Movement.

She was like, how did you and Laci meet?

And I told her the whole thing,

and then she goes, are you

ever gonna meet in person?

And I said, I don't know.

I don't know because I don't know

if it's going to change the magic.

Lacey: mean, in my head,

you're still five, 10, Sarah,

Sara: amazing.

I hope I can grow into that.

I'm like, I legitimately don't know if

it'll, this is like people who meet

long distance over the internet like, and

they think they're, we're not romantic.

Let's be very clear, but Oh my gosh.

And you meet for like the first time.

That's gotta be really nerve wracking.

Lacey: I, in my heart, I

believe that we're going to meet

and it's going to be lovely.

And in my mind, it's like on a talk

show, not like a dramatic review,

Sara: not like Jerry

Lacey: not like Jerry Springer, but

because you and I are going to be on

a talk show together, we meet there

in the process of the talk show.

And

Sara: That's what I was picturing too.

Lacey: it out in the universe.

If you have a talk show that you

want us to come talk about joyful

sport movement and therefore gives

us a reason to travel and meet.

Sara: And meet in person.

Lacey: We would love it.

Sara: Oh, okay.

That's going to happen.

I was thinking about what my moment

of gratitude is, and I actually

have so much to be thankful for.

And I was trying to pick just one.

And then I thought, you know what?

I am just really thankful that I made

bagels today because life has been

very busy and chaotic and I haven't

made bagels in a while and the joy

of doing something very simple.

It felt very restorative

in the most simple of ways.

And I was very happy.

I was very happy.

And which is funny for me to say,

cause I'm not usually very happy in

the kitchen, but I took the time.

I had the time and I made

the bagels and now they're

downstairs and I can't wait to eat

Lacey: I feel like the bagels are like

a cornerstone of your household for me.

I'm like, of course you're happy.

The bagels are a big deal to y'all.

Sara: they are, but I had traveled and

then when I came home, there was the

whole roof thing that started before

the traveling, during the traveling,

returning from the traveling, and

then trying, you know how it is

after you travel, you're trying to

get back into the swing of things.

So yeah.

So bagels were absent for a while.

So yeah.

Happy to have bagels back in the life.

Lacey: bagels are like a symbol

of normalcy for you and stability.

Sara: yes.

Lacey: it.

Which, I, it's so funny how

much you want normalcy when

you haven't had it in a while.

I remember we had gotten through

the holidays and then something

else happened and then it wasn't

until February for me that I was

like, Oh my gosh, life is normal.

It's normal right now.

And it is.

Beautiful, and I love everything about

it, and I am very thankful for it.

So I get it.

Totally get it.

if there's any way to

end this, that's how.

So I'm just gonna say thank you for

listening, and thank you, Sarah.

Sara: thank you, Lacey.