From Panic Attacks to Packing Boxes Mini-Episode

Welcome to sharing in the middle of where recovering perfectionist,

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overachievers and anyone in the middle

of a struggle come together to learn,

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to embrace the messy middles of life.

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I'm Lacey, your friend

in the middle and guide.

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Who doesn't really have a

claim to fame this week.

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And we're going to talk about it.

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Today's a mini episode,

which typically looks.

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Pretty structured where we, I

read an essay from the middle.

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Then I, answer.

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An advice question, and then

talk about my Lacy labs.

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But I got to be honest friends.

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That structure just isn't

feeling good to me anymore.

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And I'm learning continually.

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That I am the most successful.

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When something feels right.

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And so today we're going

to try some stuff out.

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Maybe it's good.

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Maybe it's not.

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But if you're here and along for

the ride, I appreciate you greatly.

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I ultimately.

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Have settled on this idea of.

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Maybe letting you in a little

bit more on my writing process.

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Mostly because my writing process.

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Has a really big block right now.

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And.

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I wish.

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Oh, I wish I could tell you why.

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. I really think it has to do with

just my mind being everywhere.

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And the sheds of life.

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Are really just.

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Kicking me down.

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And that's okay.

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And that's okay.

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if you've been listening to the podcast

or no shaman home game at all lately.

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You know that my family is going through.

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A really exciting time of change.

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My husband switched jobs.

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We're going to be moving we're in the

process of buying and selling houses.

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I'm so excited about the

direction our lives are.

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Moving in.

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I'm seeing.

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I can see the change.

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I can see the light at

the end of the tunnel.

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It's there.

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But the process of getting there.

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It's so challenging.

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I mean, it's the messy middle

and I suck at the middle.

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Right.

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I mean, that's why I started.

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So right now we are.

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Doing things like appraisals

and inspections, all of

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these different things.

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And some things are working out perfectly

better than I could even imagine.

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And then other things that I

took relatively for granted are.

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Popping up out of nowhere.

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And my chronic illness is.

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it's a bigger problem.

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Like I knew, I knew it

was going to be a problem.

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Of course they knew it

was going to be a problem.

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But when you're staring down the

list of things that need to be done.

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Knowing you can't take

care of 90% of them.

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Whoa.

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I just really am

struggling with that idea.

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Quite a bit you know, our house,

our house is beautiful and wonderful.

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I love the house that we are currently in.

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But it just isn't fitting for our life

right now and With my husband's new job.

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We also have.

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This opportunity of buying a

new house that will fit our

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life and our family better.

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We found a house that we loved, Not even

the initial one that I was talking about.

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No shaming, the home game.

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It's.

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A different house.

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The other one, Things

just didn't work out.

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And this one.

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I have been working out.

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And I just look at it.

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And I can't wait to go there cause

it's going to feel like our home.

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And that I am so excited about.

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I'm excited too.

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I make my kids' rooms.

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Feels like there's.

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I'm excited too.

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Create spaces that my

husband and I want to be in.

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So it's exciting.

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Our current home now, we.

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Have always taken care of the big things,

the little things maybe haven't gotten

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taken care of as much as they should have.

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So there are a lot of

little things around here.

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That we just need to.

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Touch up.

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Paint spackle.

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Add molding to those kinds of things that.

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Make a difference.

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They make a difference when someone's

walking through your home and

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seeing it as potentially there's.

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And I can't do those things.

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repetitive movements and arm strength

is really one of the things that

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I struggle with most day to day.

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Things like brushing my

teeth or very challenging.

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And I know that sounds so silly when

you don't understand, but if you

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take a moment and really think about.

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Brushing your teeth is two minutes

of constantly moving your arm.

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Back and forth.

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Pretty much And I can't

lift my arm for two minutes.

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That is really challenging for me.

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So how in the world am I

going to paint a bathroom?

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Or repair a ceiling.

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I just can't do it.

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And those are the things

that need to be done.

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And that is so hard for me.

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Because I'm a doer.

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I'm not great at physical

labor, don't get me wrong.

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We learned that very early on in my life.

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But.

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If things need to be done.

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I do want to take care of them.

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And I can't.

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I'm trying my best with

all the other stuff.

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. And every once in a while,

I push myself to pack a box.

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And I'm successful.

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I make progress, but then I have to

lay down for an hour afterwards because

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the energy output that does for me,

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And it feels.

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Ridiculous.

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I feel so ridiculous

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.

I'm sharing all this one because I don't.

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I didn't know, pre chronic illness.

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The little things.

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That would become a

problem for me later on.

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I just, I challenge you today every time.

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You use your arms.

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To lift.

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Every time you bend over.

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Those are all things that

are very challenging for me.

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At this point in my chronic illness.

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I have orthostatic intolerance.

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Which means that being upright.

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Often.

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Causes me to have additional problems.

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I have difficulty getting warm.

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Oh, if I lift my arms over my head.

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There's gonna probably be some problems.

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So you can imagine, things

like showering where it's warm.

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And you're washing your hair.

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Lifting arms over your

head is a challenge.

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Aye.

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I am constantly amazed at

how much my chronic illness.

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Changes my life.

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there's the things on the outside,

So I don't really drive anymore.

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I probably, honestly I

could drive more than I do.

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But I'd rather be safe than sorry.

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I also don't want to be sick in public

and that's the thing I got to get over.

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I don't mind sharing with you today,

listener because you're hearing from

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me directly, you are hearing from.

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My perspective, and I can give

you context and nuance and.

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If you then decide that I'm a

lazy piece of shit after that.

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That's your prerogative, whatever.

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But to go out into society.

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And that the people around you

don't know those things about you.

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They will jump to those conclusions

and they will cause I used to.

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Absolutely.

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I just think all the

times I was so ablest.

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And I just don't.

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Want to deal with that.

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It's also really energy draining.

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Friday, we had some things

come back with an appraisal.

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That's causing some

problems with our loan.

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We're working on it's spine.

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Joe and my kids and his parents went out.

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To do things.

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And then they came back and

I was having a panic attack.

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Because of this stuff, because

the appraisal could impact us our

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ability to get alone, a big deal.

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And I went downstairs for two minutes

to be around the five of them.

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And I just couldn't do it.

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I couldn't do it.

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Oh, I might cry.

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I couldn't.

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Be in that state.

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That I was in.

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Of.

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Hi, high anxiety and panic.

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And be around anybody.

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Period anybody.

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But anybody that I had to give.

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Of myself.

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Really in any way.

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Just pants are lovely.

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I love them very much.

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They love me.

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But just, I couldn't do it.

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So the being around.

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Sick or another people.

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It's just hard.

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yes.

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With a little bit of a rabbit hole there.

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I know it's all gonna work out.

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I do.

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Aye.

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I feel it in my bones.

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I feel.

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The certainty of it.

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I also have the privilege of.

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Being a white lady.

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Whose middle to upper-middle class.

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I don't know where other

middle class starts, but.

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My parents have my back.

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My family has my back.

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It'll all get taken care of.

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It'll all.

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Get done.

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But the middle of this,

the process who boy.

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It's wearing me down.

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I'm realizing now that I

essentially just kind of did a.

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And spoken word version of

what I would write down.

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Which is nice.

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I do feel like I keep saying the

same things over and over again.

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The maybe.

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Dear listener.

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If you keep trying and listening.

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The one way they say it

a little bit differently.

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Will resonate with you and help you see.

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I shared a make one.

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One other person feel heard.

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Or seen.

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I share it.

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Cause maybe you hearing my

story will help you understand

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somebody else's down the line.

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And I share it for myself.

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Absolutely.

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I'm a talker.

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And during this.

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Talk, even when I'm alone.

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At home.

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And enjoying.

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That solitude.

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My hope.

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Is that.

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We figure out a space.

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For other people to have that same outlet.

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I'm working on it.

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I'm figuring it out.

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Life keeps coming at me though.

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Here's the thing.

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The community I want to build.

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Requires buy-in and not

necessarily like money buy-in.

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But it requires people.

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I almost want to make

people go through a course.

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foundational information.

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As a way to not have to have like

super strict rules in the community,

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but that we all come in with the

same foundation of information.

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And.

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If issues arise, we can all go

back to the new information.

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And see how our actions.

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Either didn't live up to it or did.

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It's so funny.

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I keep having this, what, the

struggle that I'm having of

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actually setting up this community.

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Cause I have.

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Mild structure in place and I could just

launch something, but the reality is.

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I want a community.

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That doesn't have to rely on rules, but

can rely on individual responsibility.

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And now we all.

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Use our responsibility and come in.

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With the same knowledge

about that responsibility.

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It's the thing that I don't

like being told what to do.

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But I love having information to use,

to make my best decisions possible.

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All right.

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You've gotten about what?

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15 minutes of me.

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Basically treating this as a diary.

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So hopefully that works for someone.

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Aye.

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As someone who loves

podcasts and listens to them.

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It is not lost on me.

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The intimacy.

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I have someone in your ear talking.

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And the fact that.

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Anyone.

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We get to this point.

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And say, ah,

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Thanks for talking to me, Lacey.

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Has made my day.

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And it's corny, but I'm corny.

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If you haven't figured out that I'm corny.

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Yeah.

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I may not be the gal for you.

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But I.

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.

And just so grateful.

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And thankful.

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For this opportunity to

be in your ear today.

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we have another interview

coming next week.

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So I'm going to keep lining those up.

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Look, he mess around with many

episodes and seeing what feels good.

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If you have thoughts about today's mini

episode, seriously, reach out to me.

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I would love to hear of yeah, we

like just raw unfiltered Lacy or no,

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maybe have a little more structure.

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I am down.

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To hear what you need.

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And so I thank you for providing

me with the space for what I need.

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I hope you have a fantastic day.

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I really do.