Lacey: 00:00:05

Welcome to No Shame in the Home Game, the podcast that cares how your home feels, not looks. I'm Lacey, your co host, a little bit in sadness today because this is our final participant episode of the season with our, wonderful other co host, Sara. Hi, Sara.

Sara: 00:00:23

Hi, Lacey. When you said sadness, I was like, Oh no, what happened? I don't know about. And then you said last of the season. But then I got happy again because Tirra and I are connected off air. So when I still talk to Ashley and Teresa, so I'm like, Oh no, like it's still happening. Yeah. Just not on air.

Lacey: 00:00:46

That's just fine too. I think as you and I have talked about multiple times, this has been a really good season for us that we've enjoyed. and I think Tirra's story also is very special and near and dear to our heart and that's, we're wrapping up her story today.

Sara: 00:01:04

Yes, again, all the kudos to the participants for just embracing the process and Tirra is the perfect example. She got out as much as she put in she did the work. So kudos to her.

Lacey: 00:01:18

Agreed. and now we at least have these episodes that if we need a little Tirra Sunshine and Magic, we can just go back and listen to them if we need it. Just a recommendation for others as well.

Sara: 00:01:30

little drop of sunshine in your

Lacey: 00:01:31

All right, let's jump into our, again, this is also one of those where it's not, Lace is not there because Lacey be sick. I'll see you all at the end, but you're about to hear the wrap up conversation with Tirra

Sara: 00:01:45

Welcome back, Tirra. this is your episode three, our capstone. It's definitely not the destination Cause we always talk about home management. is such an ongoing process and so really it's just about giving you some tools and I just, I could talk to you all day. long, Ms. Tirra.

Tirra: 00:02:07

day. I

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:02:08

feel the same

Track 1: 00:02:09

you're just such a delight. And I was just saying before I hit record, you just look so Vibrant today. I always said your voice sounds like sunshine, but now it's like you look like sunshine.

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:02:20

you and I talked about this, in between this episode and the last one, I just had my birthday. So I guess I have my little birthday glow on. We have

Track 1: 00:02:29

Yes. Your birthday. Yeah. We had so many great back and forth between episodes. You really leaned into utilizing that in between support, which makes the world of difference. I'm always encouraging my clients. this is a very dynamic, active process. Like it's, it's going to be different every day and I love that you really embrace that. You can tell that you're a coach because you're like,

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:02:53

were like,

Track 1: 00:02:54

you knew how to work the process to maximize it. That's what I interpreted that as. Um, And, gosh, I don't even, it's hard for me to remember where we left off with episode two with the participants and where we were in between. I was just looking back at my notes. I circled a big old note about your seasoning closet that you did that big purge. You sent me a message one day and you were like, it was so easy. I noticed there was too much in my seasoning cabinet and you pulled everything out. And then you were like, it only took five minutes. When I heard that, to me it felt like you had unlocked This new tool, and you're like, oh, this is really easy. I can do this in all these spaces. Is that what it felt like to you?

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:03:43

to you? Definitely. it, the notion of it doesn't have to take all day. Because it feels so busy that thinking about even something as simple as the cabinet that has all my seasonings in it, which I've had the thought of, Oh my gosh, I need to go through all these seasonings. Everyone keeps buying seasoning and then we're not using them all. And they're just like, the cabinet is just way too full. This is ridiculous years. I've been thinking this, but to think, Let me just take five minutes and see what I can do. And I just, it just felt so charged up and energized. I just went in and I just looked and of course I have to make the decision. We're not thinking about it. If we are looking to see how old it is, it's out. We're not trying to decide, go through all of this. should I keep it? Or maybe I'm going to use it. Girl, you know you're not going to use it because you have not used it in the last three years. It's out. And in the other part too, that made me so proud that day is I told myself I'm seeing this to the end. So I just, went in on this whirlwind of just getting it all out of the cabinet. And the issue that I also have is I'll start cleaning and then it's you create a mess. Once you clean up because you just pulled everything, we pull everything out. And so I told myself, see it through till the end because I am a just I'm very devoted to recycling. So I can't just throw stuff in the trash can. If I can recycle it. I've got to clean out the little jar, the little can or whatever it is. And so I just told myself, find all the ones that you can just scrape out and just pour out really quickly. Some might have needed to soak for a little while. Go ahead, put water in it so you can dissolve it and get them immediately into the recycle bin. And the sigh of relief. So yeah, it took about five minutes to clean all of it out. And then I would say, spend another 10 minutes. working on just getting all the containers cleaned out and into the recycle bin.

Track 1: 00:05:53

That is so wonderful. And nothing changed, but your mindset, you stopped seeing it as this impossible boulder. And you started seeing the little rock that you could pick up, right? And that's so often with my clients, they're paralyzed to go forward because they think it's so huge. And it's No, it's just five minutes. And even if the spice cabinet felt like too much, it's okay, pick one shelf in the spice cabinet. Okay, just pull out five spices and make a decision. pare it down until it's as small as you need it to be. And so I'm like, I love that. that was all you and just the mindset. And I'm wondering too, this is something I noticed with myself and my clients is, once you take the time to do that with your spice cabinet, it's like when you go shopping? Are you thinking differently? when you pick stuff up and you're like, Oh, do I want to be cleaning this out of my spice cabinet in five years?

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:06:52

spice cabinet in five years? Oh, that is such a good point. yes, definitely. Spice cabinets and also clothing, that's something else that I would say. I definitely, when I go, I think, oh, do I really want to bring this into the house because Wow. This is something else I'm gonna have to be in charge of. That's a really good point, Sarah. It does make me more conscientious about what am I bringing in here and do I really wanna deal with it? And then I just start thinking about all the stuff that is here or just got it cleaned up. Why would I do this to myself? Then it does, yeah. Lead me to A new choice.

Track 1: 00:07:32

And it leads you to a new choice. Oh my. You're just full of pearls of wisdom. I'm writing that one down. I love that. I do want to anchor this back into when we met, it started out as your whole house no longer fit where you were in your stage in life. And when I met with you the first time, I heard your ambition and I matched it and it immediately was too much. So we worked together we paired it down and it It became focus on your office

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:08:06

getting the feeling

Track 1: 00:08:07

feeling and maintaining your office and then working on the other room that's on that top level in your house. So just like your spice cabinet, like we just zoomed in to a smaller area. And then it sounded like it was working, that you had a vision, you had a smaller bite size into it. And you kept leaving me messages that you were making progress. So Can you tell me a little bit about how that's been going in the past month and where you are with that top floor?

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:08:38

that top floor? Oh yes. So definitely one of the things that I said I would share today is there's something about having a desire to want a better looking space or to have the space feel a certain way. And then there's a, it's something different to actually create it. And I pretty much had felt like I gave up. Before I started working with you. And once I decided all I have to do is focus on the top floor. I still have the thought sometimes when I'm downstairs, I'm so irritated with how it looks down here. And then I just say, you know what, I'm just going to go upstairs. That's what I have. That's what I, where I have the most control. And so prior to, I had just given up some, it would be like, sometimes I would clean up and then other times. I was just as messy because I had just given up. But now with me saying, all I need to do is focus on the top floor. It is so much more neat. And, it's like I get to live how I like to live. I like when I wake up in the morning, I want to make up the bed. And, it's first thing, this is how I live. This is who I am. I get to make. sometimes in the morning times, I come and lay in the bed upstairs because my husband, he's up busy doing things downstairs where we sleep. So I'll come and lay upstairs in the room where my son's beds are, and I'll, just lay and meditate. Sometimes I journal. And so when I get up, I have this special blanket that I just love. I'll link it to something that you talked about. Having certain objects that remind me of my children without needing to keep everything. So this blanket is one of those things and I'll take my little blanket and I fold it up and smooth out the comforter and I just stand and I just look at it like, Oh, it's neat. but definitely, it, before. It's I've just given up. So I would just take my jacket maybe and just leave it on my chair or leave it on the edge of the bed or whatever. And here lately, I've been like, we don't do that

Tirra: 00:10:48

anymore. Tirra, everything

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:10:50

has its place. So then it goes in its place. And I just love those moments. My house is still not where I want it, but I have made enough progress that I just stand and I just look like that is neat. It looks exactly how I want, even if it's just something small, it makes me feel so good. and so the other part too, especially when we talk about mindset is there are still times because I am, making this progress and I did take several, there's been several days where I just get all this energy. And I just will purge and, I've made progress in that way. However, it's, things aren't exactly like I want them yet. And so there are times when I come home, Oh, things are not how I want them. And then I'll stand at the door as I walk in and I'll say, you know what? That's not how we are thinking about our home anymore. We have a plan. We've been making progress. And quite frankly, Tyler, that's, Way of thinking isn't helping. It has not helped in the past. We're not doing it anymore. And then I'll just switch the way I'm thinking. I'll walk in, walk through the downstairs, go straight upstairs. And, and then, it's just Oh, here, it feels so good. Like my incense, my candles, and just be happy. it, I think I've accepted. It doesn't actually have to be perfect as long as I just continue to have this new way of thinking and Continue to work towards the vision that I have for my home. I can be happy in my home

Track 1: 00:12:29

Oh my gosh, there are so many amazing good nuggets that you just said. And to touch on what you just said and ended with is that's that phrase, which can be hard. it's in the journey, not the destination, which is really hard Cause you're like, no, I'm working towards X, but you just highlighted. No, you can enjoy your house every day, even though it's not in your ideal place. I'm picking out the, everything you said that will help our listeners. You're focusing on what you can control. No, I'm going to hang up my jacket. No, I can spend five minutes on my spice cabinet. No, I can optimize my office, right? And you are finding joy. I'm getting goosebumps from my ankles all the way up. You are finding joy where it's possible. And you're not letting the journey take away from that. You're not done. You're still moving. But the more joy you feel from all of those steps, it's the fuel to keep going.

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:13:36

if

Track 1: 00:13:37

if you feel good every step of the way, I mean, one day you may get to your house exactly how you want it, but you're going to be like, Oh, well, I feel good this whole time.

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:13:46

to your house exactly how you want it, but you're going to be like, I don't know, so I feel good this whole time. We've got, one of my favorite quotes is from Alex Haley, find the good and praise it because life is so precious. And, how can we maximize the moments even in the imperfections? I'll tell you something else too. One of my shining crowning moments. Cause I know we've talked about my homeschooling journey and being in retirement was seeing my son graduate. Even though I always felt like I am imperfect as a person, I have struggled in the past with. Confidence and worth and value. And I used to describe myself as the homeschooler who was totally imperfect. I would just say, I'm just failing forward some kind of way. I'm making it work. And, I started homeschooling before it was cool. I would have to deal with people who were, who sometimes would make me doubt myself about my choice to homeschool my children. They're not going to be very successful with you homeschooling them. And so when I saw him on stage graduating, he had on this white uniform, of both of my sons, he's gotten this really dark, color. And so that, that uniform, that white Coast guard uniform was popping. It was just looking so good on him. Sarah, I have to send you a picture of him. And, it was like glorious. And he graduated at the top, at the top 10 percent of his class. And just everyone loved him when he was there. Just, he was just a star. And what went through my mind was. Oh my gosh, something so perfect from something so imperfect. I was like, Oh, I'm good. And that's how I feel about this home loving journey. I came up with the word home loving. How can I love my home is in, in having this conversation with you, something good is still here in the midst of what seems to be imperfect. So i'm good, it's oh, everything is good I'm happy It's important

Track 1: 00:16:08

it is. And I'm, you highlighted so many good points. Again, I could talk to you all day long. I want to spin off podcast. Lacey and I already joked about having

Sara: 00:16:17

time with Tirra as like a

Track 1: 00:16:18

spin

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:16:18

love that

Track 1: 00:16:20

you're so lovely to speak with you highlighted so many great points there. It's so much more than the home. it's rating 80, like what you take out into the world, how you're interacting with people, how that time was with your children, what that meant for him going out into the Coast Guard, what that's going to mean going forward. It's so easy to overlook,

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:16:41

that

Track 1: 00:16:42

but it is the fundamentals that we are spending our time in our energy, and I love that you called it home loving, because that reiterates, if you love your home, it's going to support you. It's very full circle. And I really liked that you highlighted that stumbling forward and that imperfect journey, because if you wait for something to be perfect, when is it going to happen? And I learned a phrase years ago, and I love it, it's imperfectly perfect. And I love that, I'm just like, yeah, no, that's life. it's never going to be like, with the bow on it and all like picture perfect. You've got to just keep showing up, like you said, finding joy where you can, what do find the good and praise it.

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:17:30

And praise it.

Track 1: 00:17:31

And that's where you are, that's where I'm hearing you are in your home right now. It's not where you want it, but you are finding the good And you're praising it and I love that you highlighted that blanket that reminds you of your children, because I when I work with people and they'll tell me about these really precious items And i'm like, are you honoring these items if they're that precious? Why are they buried underneath? old boxes And you can't get to it?

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:17:59

it And

Track 1: 00:18:00

And so I love that you pointed that out, because it's like now you're actually really savoring that item that's special to you. And you're, and you can enjoy it even though the rest of your house isn't how you want it.

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:18:16

Oh my gosh, that

Track 1: 00:18:17

that is just, I hope somebody listening feels inspired that no matter what your house looks like right now, you can love it

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:18:26

some,

Track 1: 00:18:27

in some, you can find control to love it in some way. Hang up your jacket, Wash one dish. Right? Like just one step. And that's,

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:18:37

where

Track 1: 00:18:38

always where I try to get people in. And then that fuel of that one thing feeling good is going to lead you to that spice cabinet purge for five minutes.

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:18:47

going to lead you to spice cabinet first.

undefined: 00:18:53

Mhm.

Track 1: 00:18:55

In highlighting your journey as a home educator, we had talked about. How your home was sort of a reflection of that previous period in your life and taking time to really honor That you had a teaching career Even though you don't get a pension even though you didn't get a retirement party but taking time to honor yourself and then also helping other homeschooling parents to learn how to honor their time has did anything come up and it's okay if nothing did, but I just didn't know, did anything come up as a way that you want to honor that time or some kind of ritual or just something.

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:19:32

degree, it's like working with a coach. You get that reframe and it's Oh, I'm good. it's yeah, I had just to hear you, this is, you have affirmed me so much. What you just said in the moment ago, I'm like, yeah, I am a educator, even though I got no pension, there was no like actual salary. Becky Mollenkamp is how we found each other. And I remember talking to her one time in a coaching session and she

Tirra: 00:19:57

was like, Tirra, I want you

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:19:59

to add up all the money that you would have been paid for everything that you did. And I went through and added it all up. It was a huge amount. I don't even remember what it was. And so it's I just need people to reflect those kinds of things back to me, but I do plan on doing something to honor homeschool parents, but I haven't done it yet.

Track 1: 00:20:21

well, and anyone listening, yeah, whether you're a homeschool parent or, whatever it is honoring how much we do in a day and how much of it is not appreciated, but we can appreciate ourselves in one another. And for you to pay it forward to other homeschooling parents, it's going to be part of that. It's just going to grow. Right. and yeah, it starts with appreciating ourselves. and what we

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:20:48

does. I just want to say, I remember when my kids were very young, I don't even know if we were homeschooling yet. And I remember just being so angry that they're all just sitting around playing. And my husband is watching TV. Everyone was just chilling and I was in the bathroom cleaning. And then I thought to myself, you know what, they may not really, it's not like they don't appreciate me, but it's just not on their radar. I'm like, but I appreciate me and it helped me because I was, I went to undergrad, I went to grad school. I had this career planned out until I had children. Of course, I wanted to be a stay at home mom. but I had done a lot of career development stuff first. And so to become a stay at home mom, I was like, I just feel like a maid, a second class citizen until just like what you've been talking about today. I made that shift in my mind. Like, no, I'm doing the best work. I love what I'm doing. And it changed the way that I took care of my home at the time. It was like, I am doing the best work ever. So yeah, having that self appreciation. Of what we do and seeing it within the big picture and also understanding society has classified these levels of what is a value and worth, but do I have to receive what society says is true? No, the only thing that matters is what I decide about the value that I bring to the world. And so making that shift around being a parent and raising a child, because it's homeschool moms and, people who are raising children and. those who work, everyone is having to make these choices. Cause I know women who don't have someone who comes in and keeps the house. They go to work, then they come home, they have to take care of the kids. We can all end up feeling some kind of way, but we just have to make the decision. We're just gonna, I think about the, I want to say like the wild women, or we think about these personalities. They're just larger than life. It's like nothing gets them down. And it's because they're just rolling with it and they're choosing to not have a lot of judgment. Of what's going on. And I have always been like, I wish I was like that person, And so that's, I think a good way. That's what I'm hearing from you. That's going to stick with me today is I may roll in. Can I even make a joke? Can I get myself to a point where it's like, ha ha ha. Walking in and, here's all this mess again, but at least I know my family's here, like they're here. Cause if they weren't here, this mess wouldn't be here, or whatever. So hope that made sense. That was a little ramble.

Track 1: 00:23:31

No, I love that. And just going back and yeah, pulling out some of those good nuggets about, loving your home, appreciating the work that you're doing. Yeah. Even though it's not seen as like our society, like you said, has this construct of importance, but yet, as I said in the beginning, Our home, we overlook it so easily, but it is so important. It is the foundation. So appreciating, okay, I'm doing I'm cleaning this bathroom, and yeah, it seems so mundane and boring and not appreciated, but I'm loving my home so I feel better.

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:24:11

and it's

Track 1: 00:24:12

and it's again, that mindset, which is a hundred percent in our control. We don't have to wait for society to catch up to our mindset. choices. And it's amazing how easily again, just cleaning is overlooked. It's can you imagine if you checked into a hotel room and it hadn't been cleaned? It's vital! You know what I mean? so just thinking about it. And that's what we can do for our next generation, is reframe all this stuff. No, if you have a home, you're going to respect it. You're going to love and appreciate it and you're going to scrub that toilet because that's what that means It's not a gender job. It's not I mean I could go off forever But so I think that's the gift we can give to the next generation and You had something else in there. That was such a good nugget Oh when you come home and the house is a mess, it's not like how you want it I always think back to my sister lives in this neighborhood And she has four kids and She has a neighbor who, her lawn was always impeccable. Yeah. Everything was always like, the grass was always equal height. Nothing out of place. And my sister's yard had bikes and balls. and it was just a lot. And my sister one day apologized to the neighbor and just said, Oh my gosh, I'm so embarrassed. Yours always picked up. My house is always a mess outside. And the neighbor smiled And she goes, Oh, I love it though. That means that you have life going on at your

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:25:37

on in your house. She

Track 1: 00:25:38

said, cause she, her kids were out of the house, and she's I had that time in my life, and I miss the vibrancy and the vitality. And she said, so when I see all that in your yard, I know y'all are living. And I always think about that when people get stressed about their homes not being picked up and ready for a photo shoot. I'm like, that's not life. A house is for living, Which is a verb. It is an action. A photo shoot is a freeze frame and we don't live in a freeze frame. your house had so much life. It was a school. It was where your family ate and did everything like your house served so much life. And so it's going to take time to shift that.

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:26:30

good. Wow. Yeah. Let's see. Again, you just dropped so many gems that I'm like, yes, that is correct. My house was serving and so many different capacities. And it's going to take a little while to get it shifted. And we're still living. We're not living in a freeze frame photo shoot. Oh my gosh, that is so good. And also the other thought that's coming to me today as I talk to you and listen to you is the notion of having this perfect home. It truly is a judgment against me is how I feel. It's Oh, I don't have this picture perfect home because society has sold it as, and there are some people who I know they were born. To do interior design. They like to have things neat. It's just who they are, but it's the values that we're placing on it that I'm struggling with. And I think the thing to think about is a lot of us actually don't live these picture perfect homes. Why are we trying to do this? What we want to do is me, I'll say what I want. I want to live in a house that just feels good. Good. That allows me to do the things. And I remember hearing you and Lacey say this early on. I want to, I want a house that allows me to be my best self either while here, or as I go out into the world. And to that end, the question is what actually really needs to happen. do I need to change furniture or not? what needs to be cleaned out? Do I need to bring something new in? I remember the desk that I have in my office, I got tired of the old desk. And one day I was just like. It was just like with the spice cabinet. I'm done and I found this desk at Costco And I was like boom buying the desk right here right now because I'm done with the other one bringing in a new one because it's More aligned with who I am you're aligned home, right? So yeah

Track 1: 00:28:34

And that's the key is aligning it to you as an individual, not aligning to an external society expectation, which is what we've done. And I could go into the history of why I think that is, which is based on that expression of cleanliness is next to godliness. There became this external judgment of you are holy if your house is maintained and kept up. And that phrase was, I'm not going to go into the origin of why that even was a phrase, but at the time that phrase became popular, women spent 24 7 365, maintaining the home for the most part.

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:29:14

Wow. That's

Track 1: 00:29:16

And that's not where we are anymore. So I think there's a, I think there's something like set in us that we just don't even recognize and to change it, like I said, going forward, what we can control, like we are here, but let's think about what we can do going forward. And I always say the biggest thing we can do, don't judge our own homes and don't judge your neighbor's

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:29:37

judge your neighbor's home.

Track 1: 00:29:39

If you don't like how it feels for you thinking, Oh, what if somebody saw this? It's like. Well, then don't judge anyone else's start Break at the cycle right now And Like you said some people are born to be the interior designer. Some people excel at that And that's great, but we're not all the same. We don't all want to run a marathon We don't all want to sculpt clay. We're all different. So why do we expect us to all manage a home? the same? That's ridiculous And that's our choice to break that

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:30:17

And

Track 1: 00:30:17

external expectation. And also going back to, gosh, you said so many good things. cause there's just so many things. And I got on a little rant and I got really excited.

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:30:26

was so good. That was so insightful. I never thought about, why do I? why do I have this standard that feels like I need to have a photoshoot ready home? Like where in the world did that come from? It never crossed my mind. So I'm definitely going to be looking into what you're talking about with this history.

Track 1: 00:30:45

two things for me that led to me doing this work is one, I traveled all over the country in my twenties and I stayed in all these different homes, friends, family, friends of friends, every house I went to, I'm not joking. You, the woman of the house said, I'm so sorry. Please excuse the mess the spectrum could have a hundred data points and no two of them overlapped Every person said that and I was like, that's weird all parts of the country all state all different like shapes and sizes of houses all different conditions Every single person said that and then when I started working and helping busy working moms Every mom had that disconnect of oh, i'm so embarrassed how my house looks It's not perfect and i'm like

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:31:36

i'm

Track 1: 00:31:36

But nobody's is.

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:31:38

Huh. I it

Track 1: 00:31:39

who do you think is? And it's wait, can we all just be honest? That's why I wanted to do No shame in the home game, because let's all open our front doors wide on any given day and go, this is what my house looks like, this is life, this is not, I'm picking it up for Thanksgiving and dusting my dust, my baseboards and shoving everything in a closet and locking it. This is what my house looks like. Cause this is life.

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:32:06

right.

Track 1: 00:32:07

So that's, yeah, that's why I'm so passionate about the work that I do. Because that shame, and that guilt, and that embarrassment drags us down and keeps us from being the best version of ourselves. And nobody's got time for that.

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:32:19

it's interesting, Sarah, I have noticed the same thing. I know no matter who's home I go to, I have seen the house looks immaculate I'll come in and they'll be like, Oh, excuse. It might be a dish in the sink. I'm like, Oh my God, you should see my house. If you are saying you're sorry for that. And then of course, those of us who Whose homes are well lived in. We are for sure saying, Oh my gosh, excuse all of this. I have noticed that I liked that. You said open that front door and said, say, this is who I am. We're coming out of the cave. We're coming out of the dark. We're shining the light on all of this and we're going to be proud. Sarah?

Track 1: 00:33:00

Yeah. And it starts, with us. I, too have that initial gut response. My neighbors often help let out my dog. when we're gone for long periods of time. And I always have this initial, I go to text, please excuse the mess, and then I stop. and I'm like, nope, I'm like, no, because I want them to know that I'm going to walk into their house, and I'm not going to judge their house. And they're going to walk into my house and know, oh, she had 10 different things going on, she's got life happening too. And that's how we're going to start to break that down. And,

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:33:32

it made

Track 1: 00:33:32

it made me think too when you were talking about going to somebody's house and seeing how good it looked. so part of my work is I actually am a home manager. for people who don't have time. And I was at somebody's house and she's, she runs this very powerful company, very busy and somebody was in her house

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:33:48

house

Track 1: 00:33:48

and I was there and the person introduced me and then the person visiting goes,

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:33:53

Oh,

Track 1: 00:33:54

Oh, I always wondered how you kept your house so immaculate. And my client goes, Oh, I don't do it. She's like, I can't do it all by myself. And she was honest. if we can start being honest. Oh, I hire somebody to do this. I pay somebody to do this. Oh, I or, Oh, this is what my house really looks like when I don't do a frantic 45 minute pickup. let's just start being honest. see what happens.

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:34:23

You know, I had someone do that one time I said to her, why is it every time I come to your house, your house is neat. Cause I like picking people's brains so I can figure out, if I'm not that way and someone is, how can I, what can I adapt or adopt from them and do the same to get a better outcome that I want? And she said, girl, I don't play in my house. I have a housekeeper. I was like. Makes all the sense in the world. She actually is one of the ones who inspired me to want a housekeeper. I'm like like when you get someone to come and help you. That's what I'm talking about So yeah, and like you said she was honest and that helped me It's like oh just go get a housekeepers like so simple right if I can afford it get one. I love that

Track 1: 00:35:12

I too, I like to ask people like, Oh, I like that quality. How did they get there? I have this friend that I had my son, as an infant and she had four kids So I turned to her for lots of wisdom and one of the areas I was struggling with was paper management And I noticed my friend who had four kids. I never noticed paper So one day I just said hey, do you mind sharing with me? what is your paper management system? You always seem so on top of it. And She laughed and said, Oh my goodness, if you opened that double closet in the hallway, you would see bankers boxes. filled with paperwork. She goes, Oh, I hate doing paperwork. She's like, it doesn't get done. You just don't see it.

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:35:57

it. I love it.

Track 1: 00:35:59

And I was like, Oh, okay. She's human too. Okay.

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:36:07

story for me that around that is there was a mom I was hanging out with and I can't remember how we got on talking about paper, but she was like, Oh, let me tell you my trick. She said, as soon as it comes in the door, it's going in, from the mailbox, either I'm going to use it and it goes in a certain pile or it's going in trash recycle bin, wherever she put it. I, that was probably easily over 10 years ago. And that's that I started training myself. So like you're saying, when we start. Talking to other people and finding out what's really going on. First of all, we, it's okay, we're all human. And so this is great. So no shame in the home game. And, but also we can learn tricks and tips, I'm like, wow, all these years, I don't even remember her name. I barely remember her face, but I remember what she said. And yesterday I went, got something from the mailbox. And I was in the middle of doing something and I set it down and later when I came in, I was like, Oh, that is just, it needs to go in the recycle bin. But yeah, just, Let's support one another you know, we can learn from one another and we can just feel okay by learning. We're all working on this together in some way. And perhaps those who are more experienced or they just have a natural inclination for keeping the home a little bit more tidy or whatever the language we want to use. For me, I like to watch you all and, and learn and it helps me. And then for those of us who are a little bit more I'm a little bit more of a free flowing person. Maybe things are together. Maybe things are not y'all can come hang with us and we'll show you something that, that you can learn from us. So we're all just going to be teaching and supporting one another. I never fully, maybe I've thought about it when I was younger, when I had my, when my children were younger, but now that I'm older and less connected to moms in that way. Maybe I need to remember, I still need to be talking up to women about home management, home loving, and what are things that they're doing that are helpful to them. And, just to feel normal about it and to continue to help myself grow. because I do want to actually be someone who Naturally is more inclined to not accumulate a lot of stuff. It just isn't working for me anymore. I don't like it, but I have a propensity for it. I'm just being 100. So it helps me to hang out with other people. Cause then I get to watch what are, what is this neat person thinking when she's doing whatever she's doing, or he's doing whatever he's doing. They're doing whatever they're doing. What are they thinking? And I, how can I adopt those thoughts and make it a part of something that I'm doing also? Thank you for sharing all of that. that's very helpful moving forward.

undefined: 00:39:06

Mhm. Mhm.

Track 1: 00:39:10

again, for everyone listening, it's all about breaking down those walls, realizing either, maybe you weren't shown how to do these things, which I talk about in the home CEO course, which is like our grandparents generation, it was very defined. And then our parents generation, your mom went back to work. My mom went back to work. It all got lost in the wash. And. Even if you were shown how to do it, maybe it doesn't match your lifestyle. And so we can crowdsource this information. Instead of being embarrassed or ashamed or thinking, oh, everybody knows this. It's no, let's just be honest about what's working. Cause then you can pick and choose oh, I like how they do the paper. Oh, I like how they do their laundry. you just start talking it all out. And yeah. And if you love your home and it feels easier, then you'll feel better than everyone else out there. Feels better. And We're starting a very, happy revolution here.

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:40:06

Happy revolution. I want to share something with you too that came to me along this vein. I shared it with you, but I just want to share it here. And one of the breakthroughs that I had was recognizing my inner world, my mood, My emotional state is directly linked to how I am taking care of my home. And I remember when I was a little girl, I connected being whenever I would get a little overweight, I connected it to how I felt and my mood. and I think I used to be that way a little bit too with my home. I've never been the neatest person. I don't lean towards neatness. I lean towards chaos. and so I would always feel like I just need to get myself together and I would just clean and clean. But of course, once I had children, I just didn't have the opportunity to do that because maybe something was going on with my children Little kids are going to do what they do. They don't know, have a concept of neatness necessarily. So it, I just couldn't use that as a way to gather myself. But in all that I was, that I've been doing and working with you, I remember having a moment where I recognize my inner landscape, my emotions. And how to a certain degree, I was thinking my house was making me feel some kind of way. And I guess it's full circling us back to what we talked about earlier. I was thinking my house was making me feel a certain way when in all actuality, it may have been a reflection of just. How I was feeling on the inside. And so again, like you have said, it's not necessarily about what we're seeing or even how we're acting in terms of how we're caring for our homes, that it might be a reflection of something else. And if I could recognize that, then I take all the burden off of.

Tirra: 00:42:10

Tirra, why are

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:42:10

you not, this neat person in your home? And I actually get to deal with what's actually going on, which, I have been just a little bit down and out here lately. And, for the last few years, even with adjusting to being, a stay at home mom. And now in, I feel like there's some things emotionally That I have gotten a little bit more settled on the inside. And it, I think what I'm trying to say is I've unlinked, whatever is going on with my inner world, or at least I've been able to highlight it and see how my home is actually a reflection of maybe some care that I need to bring some healing that I need to be bring to the inside. And it, it totally changes what I see. I hope that makes sense.

Track 1: 00:43:00

It does. I think it's a back and forth, right? I think it's an ongoing reflection both ways and recognizing, like you had said, it's not about it, the house being one way in order to make you feel a certain way, it's how am I feeling inside, and then that'll support it. it's, it's a back and forth, and

Sara: 00:43:23

oh, Tirra, I just I

Track 1: 00:43:25

can't thank you enough for being open to this journey, for sharing this I, my joy, and my hope, is that it helps other people, and you were willing to let us into your home, to open that door, to show us what was going on. And you were a little hesitant at first cause you didn't know me and you trusted me. And I thank you for that. And if this helps one other person, I mean I feel like it already helped you.

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:43:56

did. But if

Track 1: 00:43:57

but if it helps one other person

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:43:59

going to be

Track 1: 00:44:00

it's going to be worth it.

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:44:02

and that's

Track 1: 00:44:02

that's how we're going to make the change and you are part of that change. And I just, I thank you so much and I really hope we can keep in touch because I don't want to lose you now that I know you.

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:44:16

want to lose you. Oh, so much again. We appreciate this. I

Track 1: 00:44:22

Oh, well, thank you so much again. I appreciate this. I wish you the best of luck on everything going forward and remembering it's every day, it's an opportunity. And it's not about a set. It's got to be this or that or the other. It's just Using all the tools going forward.

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:44:42

I know that I'm a different person. I

Tirra: 00:44:46

am not the Tirra who started

spiritual-coach-and-guide--she-her-_1_03-26-2024_090413: 00:44:48

out with you three months ago. And, uh, you know, you talked about how radiant I look and so much of that is because the weight of how I had been thinking and feeling about my home is now gone. So yeah, the world is a better place. Even if one person Offload some Burton like that. So thank you Sarah. Thank you for the work you are doing. This is revolutionary.

Track 1: 00:45:15

You do seem transformed. We're going to call this

Sara: 00:45:17

transformed Tirra.

Track 1: 00:45:18

you are much more relaxed and at ease. than when the first episode, it's really noticeable. So Thank you. so much.

undefined: 00:45:30

Mhm.

Sara: 00:45:31

Oh, it does feel a little monumental is too big of the word. It does feel. Looked like a bookend. When you close a chat, when you close a really good book, like you're a little sad, but you're also really glad. So yeah, that was a bit of a closing of a really good book, but it was worth it. I'm so glad for the journey.

Lacey: 00:45:51

Totally worth it. And next week, Sara and I will do a wrap up episode, talking about all of our thoughts and feelings from this season. And then we'll move to talking with some experts every other week until we get season three up and running. So just a little business stuff so people know what's coming up, but I'm just so honored to be a part of our participants journey this season. They're so cool. And man, the joy ripple, you can just feel it. I

Sara: 00:46:24

Did you see Tirra posted her certificate of appreciation for herself?

Lacey: 00:46:30

I loved it so

Sara: 00:46:32

if you want to see what Tirra did for herself, I was scrolling and I saw it and I just started crying because she took the time to create herself this certificate of appreciation for homeschooling, for being the teacher for showing up and she really put her heart into it. And so I thought, Oh, like that's what she needed and she did it and it felt good. Everybody needs that. Everybody that note, Lacey has made a dalting points certificate whenever I need some adulting points. Cause I did something like, I don't know, my taxes or fix the refrigerator. I'm like, mama needs some

Lacey: 00:47:11

Yeah. I have an image I can post for you. adulting points

Sara: 00:47:18

I know it's easy to laugh, but I actually feels good. Cause I need that validation. And. Tirra needed it and got it from herself, which is

Lacey: 00:47:28

and totally deserved it. She's the bomb. She deserves that.

Sara: 00:47:32

She is amazing. Should we jump into gratitude?

Lacey: 00:47:37

we should. Do you want to go first?

Sara: 00:47:40

It is spring and I am just thankful. I love the seasons. Let me see it. That's what I'm, that's what I'm thankful for. I know not everyone has seasons where they are and I, the older I get. I get more wise. I'm just joking. I just wanted to be silly. The older I get, the more I really appreciate the seasons because I like, I love when winter started. I'm like, yes, I'm ready to slow down and hunker in. And then yeah, you get to a point where you're like, I get to a point where I'm like, okay, this bear needs out of this cave. I am done being inside. I need some sunshine and I can finally start to feel the spring and the birds and the green and the flowers. there's some not so great things that come along with it, like pollen and mosquitoes,

Lacey: 00:48:28

I've never really had bad allergies, but man, do I? You could probably hear it. I'm having awful allergies this year, so yeah, that's what my cough is.

Sara: 00:48:39

Yes. Very familiar with those, but I'm just, I, my moment of gratitude is appreciating this. the changing of seasons and the changing of pace. Like I am now more energized to do more projects and that's fun. But I also know that I'll get really burnt out on it and then I'll be glad that it's fall. Oh,

Lacey: 00:49:03

of the seasons. Spring is my favorite season. I think it's a very optimistic season. There's so much ahead of us. And so this is my favorite time of year for sure. My son keeps asking, is it summer yet? I think he's like, we're going to go to the beach and we're going to swim. That's what summer means to him. So he just wants it to be summer so bad.

Sara: 00:49:24

I remember that feeling as a kid. I always felt like summer was half the year when I was a kid. And now that I'm adult and I look at the calendar, I'm like, it's 10 weeks. So what are you looking, what are you

Lacey: 00:49:36

I am grateful for my tarot cards. Let me just say, I am a, have never really been a woo type person. But I've been embracing that more and it's been a fun journey. But what I really love about the tarot cards that I bought, they're like really simple ones, I've bought other packs, but I still keep going back to this simple tarot pack. And I just love that it essentially gives me a framework for a story and define meaning in my life. So I don't necessarily think that I'm predicting the future or anything like that. What I'm doing is I'm giving myself, prompts to tell a story. And so I, yesterday I did one for myself in motherhood. It was mother's day yesterday when we were recording this. And so I'm, I wanted to think about my motherhood journey. And I did a spread that was past present future and boy. Did it give me so much? Cause it, the way the card's read is in my past, I had this desire to be this kind of wise, all knowing woman and be like everything for everyone, know everything. And then, My present is like literally broken cups, there's opportunity in those cups. And then my future was, I don't remember the exact number, but it was about finding joy in the process and work. I'm like, Oh yeah, that's right. I need to not like, it just told this beautiful story. And then I took it, we went to my parents house yesterday for a little bit. And I did readings from my two of my sisters and it also really helped them and so I just love the opportunity that it gives for reflection. And like I said, I don't think I'm just, predicting the future. And I am looking for meanings about me in them. that's literally the point. So if you're saying I'm making it up, I am, I'm telling you I am. but it really, when it made a great conversation with me, it helped me like talk with my sisters about what's going on in their worlds. And I got a better understanding about their thoughts and feelings. And I just, I just had this moment where I'm like, Oh, I'm so thankful for them. it's been a lovely little journey with them.

Sara: 00:51:50

Thank you for sharing. that made me happy because you're right. It is so much more than just the woo ness of it. It is framing it, interpreting, like you said, giving yourself context for your story and seeing meaning and purpose in it, and then connecting that with others. I had a therapist that I worked with, He used a tool, which was to frame things in the story of, that whole, like Joseph Campbell, The Hero's Journey. And he encouraged me and his other patients to use that framework. And that was like the way through was to see the arc of the story. And I was like, wow, if I did that on my own, I don't think I would have done on my own, but here I have this healthcare professional, guiding me through it. And so when you were saying that, I'm like, yeah, we all get to use that story for better or worse to help frame our lives and carry us

Lacey: 00:52:45

Yeah. that's what tarot cards are, you learn about them is they have different suits and there's a major arcana and minor arcana, but they're about journeys in specific areas of life. And so when you pick a card, it's just saying this plot point of this journey. And so that's really what it is. as we were talking to, I remembered, this weekend, my son was very upset and we went through, our joyful support steps. He and I went through it with him. We were sitting on our swing outside. He was very upset about coloring a card for Grammy. And we were sitting there and we got to a place of calm and I said, are you ready to do something about this? And he says, no. I'm like, okay, what if we look for something to make us happy? So we were looking for our spot of joy. And then I said, buddy, can I tell you what I think happened? And I told the story. I'm like, let me tell you the story of what I think happened. and then we sat there again for a little bit and I said, are you ready to take a step? And he was like, yeah, I guess. And I just had this moment. I was like, joyful support steps in action, sharing our story, you know, but it really did in that moment. Cause you know, as a parent, you just want to fix the situation, right? And it really made me slow down and be like, wait, No, we're going to, we're going to try some of these other things first. So we looked around, we were thankful. My son was actually thankful for snow. Cause he liked playing in the backyard in the snow. and I told him, I was like, but cause he was mad at Iris or something. And I'm like, no. You, I'm the one who did this and this. And so we were able to craft story with more context to help him move forward. And it was just, and then we took a step. So I just, I wanted to share that little win of. Our little joyful support steps in action as a tool for working through stuff.

Sara: 00:54:32

A tool for life. I Love hearing that because, you know, I know as a kid, these three steps for me would have been super helpful, right? It's not ignoring the pain, which I was taught as a coping mechanism, yeah, you can still hold the good with the not good and then figure out what can you do. And I love that. That's my joy.

Lacey: 00:54:56

you were talking about seasons, I'm like, Oh yeah. And then talking stories. I'm like, now I have to tell it because this incorporates all the things that we're talking about today.

Sara: 00:55:04

yeah, wait, I have another gratitude. I finished a book last night. So I was really thankful for mother's day. I realized all I wanted to do was drink coffee and read and that's what I did. And I finished a book yesterday and it was such a beautiful, I can't say the name of it because I cannot pronounce this woman's name. It's like Climestra or something. It's a goddess or not a goddess, a princess from Sparta. And it's about all these things that happened to her. And then I was, I never do this. I was reading like this author's interview and she was talking about how important it was to tell the woman's side of the story and how she's remembered a certain way. But if you look at the context of everything and it really helps explain and give more fullness to all of her decisions and. Oh my gosh. It just, it's been like rattling in my brain ever since I put it down. Oh So good.

Lacey: 00:55:58

book. I love a book. I think that's all for today. Sara.

Sara: 00:56:02

That's all for today. Thank you, Lacey.

Lacey: 00:56:05

Sara.