Welcome to No Shame in the Home Game, the podcast that cares

2

how your home feels, not looks.

3

I'm Lacey, your co host, a little bit

in sadness today because this is our

4

final participant episode of the season

with our, wonderful other co host, Sara.

5

Hi, Sara.

6

Sara: Hi, Lacey.

7

When you said sadness, I was

like, Oh no, what happened?

8

I don't know about.

9

And then you said last of the season.

10

But then I got happy again because

Tirra and I are connected off air.

11

So when I still talk to Ashley

and Teresa, so I'm like, Oh

12

no, like it's still happening.

13

Yeah.

14

Just not

15

on air.

16

Lacey: That's just fine too.

17

I think as you and I have talked about

multiple times, this has been a really

18

good season for us that we've enjoyed.

19

and I think Tirra's story also is very

special and near and dear to our heart and

20

that's, we're wrapping up her story today.

21

Sara: Yes, again, all the kudos to the

participants for just embracing the

22

process and Tirra is the perfect example.

23

She got out as much as she

put in she did the work.

24

So kudos to her.

25

Lacey: Agreed.

26

and now we at least have these

episodes that if we need a little Tirra

27

Sunshine and Magic, we can just go

back and listen to them if we need it.

28

Just a recommendation for others as well.

29

Sara: little drop of

30

sunshine in your

31

Lacey: All right, let's jump into

our, again, this is also one of

32

those where it's not, Lace is

not there because Lacey be sick.

33

I'll see you all at the end,

but you're about to hear the

34

wrap up conversation with Tirra

35

Sara: Welcome back, Tirra.

36

this is

37

your episode three, our capstone.

38

It's definitely not the destination Cause

we always talk about home management.

39

is such an ongoing process and so really

it's just about giving you some tools

40

and I just, I could talk to you all day.

41

long, Ms.

42

Tirra.

43

Tirra: day.

44

I

45

feel the same

46

Track 1: you're just such a delight.

47

And I was just saying before I hit

record, you just look so Vibrant today.

48

I always said your voice sounds

like sunshine, but now it's

49

like you look like sunshine.

50

you and I talked about this,

51

in between this episode and the

last one, I just had my birthday.

52

So I guess I have my

little birthday glow on.

53

We have

54

Track 1: Yes.

55

Your birthday.

56

Yeah.

57

We had so many great back

and forth between episodes.

58

You really leaned into utilizing

that in between support, which

59

makes the world of difference.

60

I'm always encouraging my clients.

61

this is a very dynamic, active process.

62

Like it's, it's going to be

different every day and I love

63

that you really embrace that.

64

You can tell that you're a

coach because you're like,

65

were like,

66

Track 1: you knew how to work

the process to maximize it.

67

That's what I interpreted that as.

68

Um, And, gosh, I don't even, it's hard

for me to remember where we left off

69

with episode two with the participants

and where we were in between.

70

I was just looking back at my notes.

71

I circled a big old note

about your seasoning closet

72

that you did that big purge.

73

You sent me a message one day and

you were like, it was so easy.

74

I noticed there was too much in my

75

seasoning cabinet and you

pulled everything out.

76

And then you were like,

it only took five minutes.

77

When I heard that, to me it felt like

you had unlocked This new tool, and

78

you're like, oh, this is really easy.

79

I can do this in all these spaces.

80

Is that what it felt like to you?

81

to you?

82

Definitely.

83

it, the notion of it doesn't

have to take all day.

84

Because it feels so busy that thinking

about even something as simple as the

85

cabinet that has all my seasonings in it,

which I've had the thought of, Oh my gosh,

86

I need to go through all these seasonings.

87

Everyone keeps buying seasoning

and then we're not using them all.

88

And they're just like, the

cabinet is just way too full.

89

This is ridiculous years.

90

I've been thinking this, but

to think, Let me just take five

91

minutes and see what I can do.

92

And I just, it just felt so

charged up and energized.

93

I just went in and I just looked and

of course I have to make the decision.

94

We're not thinking about it.

95

If we are looking to see

how old it is, it's out.

96

We're not trying to decide,

go through all of this.

97

should I keep it?

98

Or maybe I'm going to use it.

99

Girl, you know you're not going

to use it because you have not

100

used it in the last three years.

101

It's out.

102

And in the other part too, that

made me so proud that day is I told

103

myself I'm seeing this to the end.

104

So I just, went in on this whirlwind of

just getting it all out of the cabinet.

105

And the issue that I also have

is I'll start cleaning and

106

then it's you create a mess.

107

Once you clean up because you just pulled

everything, we pull everything out.

108

And so I told myself, see it through

till the end because I am a just

109

I'm very devoted to recycling.

110

So I can't just throw

stuff in the trash can.

111

If I can recycle it.

112

I've got to clean out the little jar,

the little can or whatever it is.

113

And so I just told myself, find all

the ones that you can just scrape

114

out and just pour out really quickly.

115

Some might have needed to

soak for a little while.

116

Go ahead, put water in it so

you can dissolve it and get them

117

immediately into the recycle bin.

118

And the sigh of relief.

119

So yeah, it took about five

minutes to clean all of it out.

120

And then I would say,

spend another 10 minutes.

121

working on just getting all the containers

cleaned out and into the recycle bin.

122

Track 1: That is so wonderful.

123

And nothing changed, but your mindset,

124

you stopped seeing it as

this impossible boulder.

125

And you started seeing the little

rock that you could pick up, right?

126

And that's so often with my clients,

they're paralyzed to go forward

127

because they think it's so huge.

128

And it's No, it's just five minutes.

129

And even if the spice cabinet felt

like too much, it's okay, pick

130

one shelf in the spice cabinet.

131

Okay, just pull out five

spices and make a decision.

132

pare it down until it's as

small as you need it to be.

133

And so I'm like, I love that.

134

that was all you and just the mindset.

135

And I'm wondering too, this is

something I noticed with myself and

136

my clients is, once you take the time

to do that with your spice cabinet,

137

it's like when you go shopping?

138

Are you thinking differently?

139

when you pick stuff up and you're like,

Oh, do I want to be cleaning this out

140

of my spice cabinet in five years?

141

spice cabinet in five years?

142

Oh, that is such a good point.

143

yes, definitely.

144

Spice cabinets and also clothing,

that's something else that I would say.

145

I definitely, when I go, I think,

oh, do I really want to bring

146

this into the house because Wow.

147

This is something else I'm

gonna have to be in charge of.

148

That's a really good point, Sarah.

149

It does make me more conscientious

about what am I bringing in here

150

and do I really wanna deal with it?

151

And then I just start thinking

about all the stuff that is

152

here or just got it cleaned up.

153

Why would I do this to myself?

154

Then it does, yeah.

155

Lead me to A new choice.

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Track 1: And it leads you to a new choice.

157

Oh my.

158

You're just full of pearls of wisdom.

159

I'm writing that one down.

160

I love

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that.

162

I do want to anchor this back into when we

163

met, it started out as your

whole house no longer fit where

164

you were in your stage in life.

165

And when I met with you the first time,

166

I heard

167

your ambition and I matched it

and it immediately was too much.

168

So we worked together we paired it down

and it It became focus on your office

169

getting the feeling

170

Track 1: feeling and maintaining your

office and then working on the other room

171

that's on that top level in your house.

172

So just like your spice cabinet, like

we just zoomed in to a smaller area.

173

And then it sounded like it was

working, that you had a vision, you

174

had a smaller bite size into it.

175

And you kept leaving me messages

that you were making progress.

176

So Can you tell me a little bit about

how that's been going in the past month

177

and where you are with that top floor?

178

that top floor?

179

Oh yes.

180

So definitely one of the things that

I said I would share today is there's

181

something about having a desire to

want a better looking space or to

182

have the space feel a certain way.

183

And then there's a, it's something

different to actually create it.

184

And I pretty much had felt like I gave up.

185

Before I started working with you.

186

And once I decided all I have

to do is focus on the top floor.

187

I still have the thought sometimes

when I'm downstairs, I'm so irritated

188

with how it looks down here.

189

And then I just say, you know what,

I'm just going to go upstairs.

190

That's what I have.

191

That's what I, where I

have the most control.

192

And so prior to, I had just given up

some, it would be like, sometimes I

193

would clean up and then other times.

194

I was just as messy because

I had just given up.

195

But now with me saying, all I need

to do is focus on the top floor.

196

It is so much more neat.

197

And, it's like I get to

live how I like to live.

198

I like when I wake up in the

morning, I want to make up the bed.

199

And, it's first thing, this is how I live.

200

This is who I am.

201

I get to make.

202

sometimes in the morning times, I

come and lay in the bed upstairs

203

because my husband, he's up busy doing

things downstairs where we sleep.

204

So I'll come and lay upstairs in

the room where my son's beds are,

205

and I'll, just lay and meditate.

206

Sometimes I journal.

207

And so when I get up, I have this

special blanket that I just love.

208

I'll link it to something

that you talked about.

209

Having certain objects that

remind me of my children without

210

needing to keep everything.

211

So this blanket is one of those

things and I'll take my little blanket

212

and I fold it up and smooth out the

comforter and I just stand and I

213

just look at it like, Oh, it's neat.

214

but definitely, it, before.

215

It's I've just given up.

216

So I would just take my jacket maybe

and just leave it on my chair or leave

217

it on the edge of the bed or whatever.

218

And here lately, I've been

like, we don't do that

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Tirra: anymore.

220

Tirra, everything

221

has its place.

222

So then it goes in its place.

223

And I just love those moments.

224

My house is still not where I want it, but

I have made enough progress that I just

225

stand and I just look like that is neat.

226

It looks exactly how I want,

even if it's just something

227

small, it makes me feel so good.

228

and so the other part too, especially

when we talk about mindset is

229

there are still times because I am,

making this progress and I did take

230

several, there's been several days

where I just get all this energy.

231

And I just will purge and,

I've made progress in that way.

232

However, it's, things aren't

exactly like I want them yet.

233

And so there are times when I come home,

Oh, things are not how I want them.

234

And then I'll stand at the door as I

walk in and I'll say, you know what?

235

That's not how we are thinking

about our home anymore.

236

We have a plan.

237

We've been making progress.

238

And quite frankly, Tyler, that's,

Way of thinking isn't helping.

239

It has not helped in the past.

240

We're not doing it anymore.

241

And then I'll just switch

the way I'm thinking.

242

I'll walk in, walk through the

downstairs, go straight upstairs.

243

And, and then, it's just

Oh, here, it feels so good.

244

Like my incense, my

candles, and just be happy.

245

it, I think I've accepted.

246

It doesn't actually have to be

perfect as long as I just continue

247

to have this new way of thinking

and Continue to work towards the

248

vision that I have for my home.

249

I can be happy in my home

250

Track 1: Oh my gosh, there are so many

amazing good nuggets that you just said.

251

And to touch on what you just said and

ended with is that's that phrase, which

252

can be hard.

253

it's in the journey, not the

destination, which is really hard

254

Cause you're like, no, I'm working

towards X, but you just highlighted.

255

No, you can enjoy your house every day,

even though it's not in your ideal place.

256

,

I'm

257

picking out the, everything you

said that will help our listeners.

258

You're focusing on what you can control.

259

No, I'm going to hang up my jacket.

260

No, I can spend five

minutes on my spice cabinet.

261

No, I can optimize my office, right?

262

And you are finding joy.

263

I'm getting goosebumps from

my ankles all the way up.

264

You are finding joy where it's possible.

265

And you're not letting the

journey take away from that.

266

You're not done.

267

You're still moving.

268

But the more joy you feel from all of

those steps, it's the fuel to keep going.

269

if

270

Track 1: if you feel good every step

of the way, I mean, one day you may

271

get to your house exactly how you want

it, but you're going to be like, Oh,

272

well, I feel good this whole time.

273

to your house exactly how you want it,

274

but you're going to be like, I don't

know, so I feel good this whole time.

275

We've got, one of my favorite quotes

is from Alex Haley, find the good and

276

praise it because life is so precious.

277

And, how can we maximize the

moments even in the imperfections?

278

I'll tell you something else too.

279

One of my shining crowning moments.

280

Cause I know we've talked about my

homeschooling journey and being in

281

retirement was seeing my son graduate.

282

Even though I always felt like

I am imperfect as a person, I

283

have struggled in the past with.

284

Confidence and worth and value.

285

And I used to describe myself as the

homeschooler who was totally imperfect.

286

I would just say, I'm just

failing forward some kind of way.

287

I'm making it work.

288

And, I started homeschooling

before it was cool.

289

I would have to deal with people who were,

who sometimes would make me doubt myself

290

about my choice to homeschool my children.

291

They're not going to be very

successful with you homeschooling them.

292

And so when I saw him on stage

graduating, he had on this white

293

uniform, of both of my sons, he's

gotten this really dark, color.

294

And so that, that uniform, that white

Coast guard uniform was popping.

295

It was just looking so good on him.

296

Sarah, I have to send

you a picture of him.

297

And, it was like glorious.

298

And he graduated at the top, at

the top 10 percent of his class.

299

And just everyone loved

him when he was there.

300

Just, he was just a star.

301

And what went through my mind was.

302

Oh my gosh, something so perfect

from something so imperfect.

303

I was like, Oh, I'm good.

304

And that's how I feel about

this home loving journey.

305

I came up with the word home loving.

306

How can I love my home is in, in

having this conversation with you,

307

something good is still here in the

midst of what seems to be imperfect.

308

So i'm good, it's oh, everything

is good I'm happy It's important

309

Track 1: it is.

310

And I'm, you highlighted

so many good points.

311

Again, I could talk to you all day long.

312

I want to spin off podcast.

313

Lacey and I already joked about having

314

Sara: time with Tirra as like a

315

Track 1: spin

316

love that

317

Track 1: you're so lovely to speak with

318

you

319

highlighted so many great points there.

320

It's so much more than the home.

321

it's rating 80, like what you take

out into the world, how you're

322

interacting with people, how that

time was with your children, what

323

that meant for him going out into

the Coast Guard, what that's going

324

to mean going forward.

325

It's so easy to overlook,

326

that

327

Track 1: but it is the fundamentals that

we are spending our time in our energy,

328

and I love that you called it home

loving, because that reiterates, if you

329

love your home, it's going to support you.

330

It's very full circle.

331

And I really liked that you highlighted

that stumbling forward and that imperfect

332

journey, because if you wait for something

to be perfect, when is it going to happen?

333

And I learned a phrase years ago, and

I love it, it's imperfectly perfect.

334

And I love that, I'm just

like, yeah, no, that's life.

335

it's never going to be like, with the

bow on it and all like picture perfect.

336

You've got to just keep showing up, like

you said, finding joy where you can,

337

what do find the good and praise it.

338

And praise it.

339

Track 1: And that's where you

are, that's where I'm hearing

340

you are in your home right now.

341

It's not where you want it, but

you are finding the good And you're

342

praising it and I love that you

highlighted that blanket that reminds

343

you of your children, because I when

I work with people and they'll tell

344

me about these really precious items

And i'm like, are you honoring these

345

items if they're that precious?

346

Why are they buried underneath?

347

old boxes And you can't get to it?

348

it And

349

Track 1: And so I love that you

pointed that out, because it's like

350

now you're actually really savoring

that item that's special to you.

351

And you're, and you can enjoy

it even though the rest of your

352

house isn't how you want it.

353

Oh my gosh, that

354

Track 1: that is just, I hope

somebody listening feels inspired

355

that no matter what your house looks

like right now, you can love it

356

some,

357

Track 1: in some, you can find

control to love it in some way.

358

Hang up your jacket, Wash one dish.

359

Right?

360

Like just one step.

361

And that's,

362

where

363

Track 1: always where

I try to get people in.

364

And then that fuel of that one thing

feeling good is going to lead you to that

365

spice cabinet purge for five minutes.

366

going to lead you to spice cabinet first.

367

Mhm.

368

Track 1: In highlighting your journey

as a home educator, we had talked about.

369

How your home was sort of a reflection

of that previous period in your life and

370

taking time to really honor That you had

a teaching career Even though you don't

371

get a pension even though you didn't get

a retirement party but taking time to

372

honor yourself and then also helping other

373

homeschooling parents to

learn how to honor their time

374

has did anything come up and it's okay

375

if nothing did, but I just didn't

know, did anything come up as a way

376

that you want to honor that time or

some kind of ritual or just something.

377

degree, it's like working with a coach.

378

You get that reframe

and it's Oh, I'm good.

379

it's yeah, I had just to hear you,

this is, you have affirmed me so much.

380

What you just said in the moment

ago, I'm like, yeah, I am a educator,

381

even though I got no pension,

there was no like actual salary.

382

Becky Mollenkamp is how

we found each other.

383

And I remember talking to her one

time in a coaching session and she

384

Tirra: was like, Tirra, I want you

385

to add up all the money that

386

you would have been paid

for everything that you did.

387

And I went through and added it all up.

388

It was a huge amount.

389

I don't even remember what it was.

390

And so it's I just need people

to reflect those kinds of things

391

back to me, but I do plan on doing

something to honor homeschool

392

parents, but I haven't done it yet.

393

Track 1: well, and anyone listening,

yeah, whether you're a homeschool

394

parent or, whatever it is honoring

how much we do in a day and how much

395

of it is not appreciated, but we can

appreciate ourselves in one another.

396

And for you to pay it forward

to other homeschooling parents,

397

it's going to be part of that.

398

It's just going to grow.

399

Right.

400

and yeah, it starts with

appreciating ourselves.

401

and what we

402

does.

403

I just want to say, I remember when

my kids were very young, I don't even

404

know if we were homeschooling yet.

405

And I remember just being so angry that

they're all just sitting around playing.

406

And my husband is watching TV.

407

Everyone was just chilling and

I was in the bathroom cleaning.

408

And then I thought to myself, you

know what, they may not really, it's

409

not like they don't appreciate me,

but it's just not on their radar.

410

I'm like, but I appreciate me and

it helped me because I was, I went

411

to undergrad, I went to grad school.

412

I had this career planned

out until I had children.

413

Of course, I wanted to

be a stay at home mom.

414

but I had done a lot of career

development stuff first.

415

And so to become a stay at home mom,

I was like, I just feel like a maid,

416

a second class citizen until just like

what you've been talking about today.

417

I made that shift in my mind.

418

Like, no, I'm doing the best work.

419

I love what I'm doing.

420

And it changed the way that I

took care of my home at the time.

421

It was like, I am doing

the best work ever.

422

So yeah, having that self appreciation.

423

Of what we do and seeing it within

the big picture and also understanding

424

society has classified these levels of

what is a value and worth, but do I have

425

to receive what society says is true?

426

No, the only thing that matters

is what I decide about the

427

value that I bring to the world.

428

And so making that shift around

being a parent and raising a child,

429

because it's homeschool moms and,

people who are raising children and.

430

those who work, everyone is

having to make these choices.

431

Cause I know women who don't have

someone who comes in and keeps the house.

432

They go to work, then they come home,

they have to take care of the kids.

433

We can all end up feeling

some kind of way, but we just

434

have to make the decision.

435

We're just gonna, I think about the,

I want to say like the wild women, or

436

we think about these personalities.

437

They're just larger than life.

438

It's like nothing gets them down.

439

And it's because they're just

rolling with it and they're choosing

440

to not have a lot of judgment.

441

Of what's going on.

442

And I have always been like, I

wish I was like that person, And

443

so that's, I think a good way.

444

That's what I'm hearing from you.

445

That's going to stick with

me today is I may roll in.

446

Can I even make a joke?

447

Can I get myself to a point

where it's like, ha ha ha.

448

Walking in and, here's all this

mess again, but at least I know my

449

family's here, like they're here.

450

Cause if they weren't here, this

mess wouldn't be here, or whatever.

451

So hope that made sense.

452

That was a little ramble.

453

Track 1: No, I love that.

454

And just going back and yeah,

pulling out some of those good

455

nuggets about, loving your home,

appreciating the work that you're doing.

456

Yeah.

457

Even though it's not seen as like

our society, like you said, has

458

this construct of importance, but

yet, as I said in the beginning,

459

Our home, we overlook it so

easily, but it is so important.

460

It is the foundation.

461

So appreciating, okay, I'm doing I'm

cleaning this bathroom, and yeah, it seems

462

so mundane and boring and not appreciated,

but I'm loving my home so I feel better.

463

and it's

464

Track 1: and it's again, that mindset,

which is a hundred percent in our control.

465

We don't have to wait for society

to catch up to our mindset.

466

choices.

467

And it's amazing how easily again,

just cleaning is overlooked.

468

It's can you imagine if you checked into

a hotel room and it hadn't been cleaned?

469

It's vital!

470

You know what I mean?

471

so just thinking about it.

472

And that's what we can do for

our next generation, is reframe

473

all this stuff.

474

No, if you have a home,

you're going to respect it.

475

You're going to love and appreciate

it and you're going to scrub

476

that toilet because that's what

that means It's not a gender job.

477

It's not I mean I could go off forever

But so I think that's the gift we

478

can give to the next generation and

You had something else in there.

479

That was such a good nugget Oh when

you come home and the house is a

480

mess, it's not like how you want

it I always think back to my sister

481

lives in this neighborhood And she

has four kids and She has a neighbor

482

who, her lawn was always impeccable.

483

Yeah.

484

Everything was always like, the

grass was always equal height.

485

Nothing out of place.

486

And my sister's yard had bikes and balls.

487

and it was just a lot.

488

And my sister one day apologized

to the neighbor and just said,

489

Oh my gosh, I'm so embarrassed.

490

Yours always picked up.

491

My house is always a mess outside.

492

And the neighbor smiled And

she goes, Oh, I love it though.

493

That means that you have

life going on at your

494

on in your house.

495

She

496

Track 1: said, cause she, her kids

were out of the house, and she's

497

I had that time in my life, and I

miss the vibrancy and the vitality.

498

And she said, so when I see all that

in your yard, I know y'all are living.

499

And I always think about that when people

get stressed about their homes not being

500

picked up and ready for a photo shoot.

501

I'm like, that's not

502

life.

503

A house is for living, Which is a verb.

504

It is an action.

505

A photo shoot is a freeze frame and

we don't live in a freeze frame.

506

your house had so much life.

507

It was a school.

508

It was where your family ate

and did everything like your

509

house served so much life.

510

And

511

so it's going to take time to shift that.

512

good.

513

Wow.

514

Yeah.

515

Let's see.

516

Again, you just dropped so many gems

that I'm like, yes, that is correct.

517

My house was serving and so

many different capacities.

518

And it's going to take a

little while to get it shifted.

519

And we're still living.

520

We're not living in a

freeze frame photo shoot.

521

Oh my gosh, that is so good.

522

And also the other thought that's

coming to me today as I talk

523

to you and listen to you is the

notion of having this perfect home.

524

It truly is a judgment

against me is how I feel.

525

It's Oh, I don't have this picture perfect

home because society has sold it as,

526

and there are some people

who I know they were born.

527

To do interior design.

528

They like to have things neat.

529

It's just who they are, but it's

the values that we're placing

530

on it that I'm struggling with.

531

And I think the thing to think

about is a lot of us actually don't

532

live these picture perfect homes.

533

Why are we trying to do this?

534

What we want to do is

me, I'll say what I want.

535

I want to live in a house

that just feels good.

536

Good.

537

That allows me to do the things.

538

And I remember hearing you

and Lacey say this early on.

539

I want to, I want a house that allows

me to be my best self either while

540

here, or as I go out into the world.

541

And to that end, the question is

what actually really needs to happen.

542

do I need to change furniture or not?

543

what needs to be cleaned out?

544

Do I need to bring something new in?

545

I remember the desk that I have in my

office, I got tired of the old desk.

546

And one day I was just like.

547

It was just like with the spice cabinet.

548

I'm done and I found this desk at

Costco And I was like boom buying the

549

desk right here right now because I'm

done with the other one bringing in a

550

new one because it's More aligned with

who I am you're aligned home, right?

551

So yeah

552

Track 1: And that's the key is

aligning it to you as an individual,

553

not aligning to an external society

expectation, which is what we've done.

554

And I could go into the history of

why I think that is, which is based

555

on that expression of cleanliness

556

is next to godliness.

557

There became this external

judgment of you are holy if your

558

house is maintained and kept up.

559

And that phrase was,

560

I'm not going to go into the origin

of why that even was a phrase,

561

but at the time that phrase became

popular, women spent 24 7 365,

562

maintaining the home for the most part.

563

Wow.

564

That's

565

Track 1: And that's not

where we are anymore.

566

So I think there's a, I think there's

something like set in us that we just

567

don't even recognize and to change it,

like I said, going forward, what we can

568

control, like we are here, but let's

think about what we can do going forward.

569

And I always say the biggest thing

we can do, don't judge our own homes

570

and don't judge your neighbor's

571

judge your neighbor's home.

572

Track 1: If you don't like

how it feels for you thinking,

573

Oh, what if somebody saw this?

574

It's like.

575

Well, then don't judge anyone else's

576

start Break at the cycle right now

And Like you said some people are

577

born to be the interior designer.

578

Some people excel at that And that's

great, but we're not all the same.

579

We don't all want to run a marathon

We don't all want to sculpt clay.

580

We're all different.

581

So why do we expect us

to all manage a home?

582

the same?

583

That's ridiculous And that's

our choice to break that

584

And

585

Track 1: external expectation.

586

And also going back to, gosh,

you said so many good things.

587

cause there's just so many things.

588

And I got on a little rant

and I got really excited.

589

was so good.

590

That was so insightful.

591

I never thought about, why do I?

592

why do I have this standard

that feels like I need to

593

have a photoshoot ready home?

594

Like where in the world

did that come from?

595

It never crossed my mind.

596

So I'm definitely going to

be looking into what you're

597

talking about with this history.

598

Track 1: two things for me that led to

me doing this work is one, I traveled

599

all over the country in my twenties and

I stayed in all these different homes,

600

friends, family, friends of friends,

every house I went to, I'm not joking.

601

You, the woman of the

house said, I'm so sorry.

602

Please excuse the mess the spectrum

could have a hundred data points

603

and no two of them overlapped

Every person said that and I was

604

like, that's weird all parts of

the country all state all different

605

like shapes and sizes of houses all

different conditions Every single

606

person said that and then when I

started working and helping busy working

607

moms Every mom had that disconnect of

oh, i'm so embarrassed how my house

608

looks It's not perfect and i'm like

609

i'm

610

Track 1: But nobody's is.

611

Huh.

612

I it

613

Track 1: who do you think is?

614

And it's wait, can we all just be honest?

615

That's why I wanted to do No shame in

the home game, because let's all open

616

our front doors wide on any given day

and go, this is what my house looks like,

617

this is life, this is not, I'm picking

it up for Thanksgiving and dusting

618

my dust, my baseboards and shoving

everything in a closet and locking it.

619

This is what my house looks like.

620

Cause this is life.

621

right.

622

Track 1: So that's, yeah, that's why I'm

so passionate about the work that I do.

623

Because that shame, and that

guilt, and that embarrassment drags

624

us down and keeps us from being

the best version of ourselves.

625

And nobody's got time for

626

that.

627

it's interesting, Sarah, I

628

have noticed the same thing.

629

I know no matter who's home I go to, I

have seen the house looks immaculate I'll

630

come in and they'll be like, Oh, excuse.

631

It might be a dish in the sink.

632

I'm like, Oh my God,

you should see my house.

633

If you are saying you're sorry for that.

634

And then of course, those of us

who Whose homes are well lived in.

635

We are for sure saying, Oh

my gosh, excuse all of this.

636

I have noticed that I liked that.

637

You said open that front door

and said, say, this is who I am.

638

We're coming out of the cave.

639

We're coming out of the dark.

640

We're shining the light on all of

this and we're going to be proud.

641

Sarah?

642

Track 1: Yeah.

643

And it starts, with us.

644

I,

645

too have that initial gut response.

646

My neighbors often help let out my dog.

647

when we're gone for long periods of time.

648

And I always have this initial,

I go to text, please excuse

649

the mess, and then I stop.

650

and I'm like, nope, I'm like, no,

because I want them to know that I'm

651

going to walk into their house, and

I'm not going to judge their house.

652

And they're going to walk into

my house and know, oh, she had

653

10 different things going on,

654

she's got life happening too.

655

And that's how we're going

to start to break that down.

656

And,

657

it made

658

Track 1: it made me think too when you

were talking about going to somebody's

659

house and seeing how good it looked.

660

so part of my work is I

actually am a home manager.

661

for people who don't have time.

662

And I was at somebody's house and she's,

she runs this very powerful company,

663

very busy and somebody was in her house

664

house

665

Track 1: and I was there and the person

666

introduced me and then

the person visiting goes,

667

Oh,

668

Track 1: Oh, I always wondered how

you kept your house so immaculate.

669

And my client goes, Oh, I don't do it.

670

She's like, I can't do it all by myself.

671

And she was honest.

672

if we can start being honest.

673

Oh, I hire somebody to do this.

674

I pay somebody to do this.

675

Oh, I or, Oh, this is what my house

really looks like when I don't

676

do a frantic 45 minute pickup.

677

let's just start being honest.

678

see what happens.

679

You know, I had someone do that one time

680

I said to her, why is it every time I

come to your house, your house is neat.

681

Cause I like picking people's brains so

I can figure out, if I'm not that way

682

and someone is, how can I, what can I

adapt or adopt from them and do the same

683

to get a better outcome that I want?

684

And she said, girl, I

don't play in my house.

685

I have a housekeeper.

686

I was like.

687

Makes all the sense in the world.

688

She actually is one of the ones who

inspired me to want a housekeeper.

689

I'm like like when you get

someone to come and help you.

690

That's what I'm talking about So yeah,

and like you said she was honest and

691

that helped me It's like oh just go

get a housekeepers like so simple

692

right if I can afford it get one.

693

I love that

694

Track 1: I too, I like

to ask people like, Oh,

695

I like that quality.

696

How did they get there?

697

I have this friend that I had my son,

as an infant and she had four kids

698

So I turned to her for lots of wisdom

and one of the areas I was struggling

699

with was paper management And I

noticed my friend who had four kids.

700

I never noticed paper So one day I just

said hey, do you mind sharing with me?

701

what is your paper management system?

702

You always seem so on top of it.

703

And She laughed and said, Oh my goodness,

if you opened that double closet in the

704

hallway, you would see bankers boxes.

705

filled with paperwork.

706

She goes, Oh, I hate doing paperwork.

707

She's like, it doesn't get done.

708

You just don't see it.

709

it.

710

I love it.

711

Track 1: And

712

I was like, Oh,

713

okay.

714

She's human too.

715

Okay.

716

story for me that around that is

717

there was a mom I was hanging out

with and I can't remember how we got

718

on talking about paper, but she was

like, Oh, let me tell you my trick.

719

She said, as soon as it comes in the

door, it's going in, from the mailbox,

720

either I'm going to use it and it goes

in a certain pile or it's going in

721

trash recycle bin, wherever she put it.

722

I, that was probably

easily over 10 years ago.

723

And that's that I started training myself.

724

So like you're saying, when we start.

725

Talking to other people and

finding out what's really going on.

726

First of all, we, it's

okay, we're all human.

727

And so this is great.

728

So no shame in the home game.

729

And, but also we can learn tricks

and tips, I'm like, wow, all these

730

years, I don't even remember her name.

731

I barely remember her face,

but I remember what she said.

732

And yesterday I went, got

something from the mailbox.

733

And I was in the middle of doing

something and I set it down and later

734

when I came in, I was like, Oh, that is

just, it needs to go in the recycle bin.

735

But yeah, just, Let's support one another

you know, we can learn from one another

736

and we can just feel okay by learning.

737

We're all working on this

together in some way.

738

And perhaps those who are more

experienced or they just have a

739

natural inclination for keeping

the home a little bit more tidy or

740

whatever the language we want to use.

741

For me, I like to watch you all

and, and learn and it helps me.

742

And then for those of us who are

a little bit more I'm a little

743

bit more of a free flowing person.

744

Maybe things are together.

745

Maybe things are not y'all can come hang

with us and we'll show you something

746

that, that you can learn from us.

747

So we're all just going to be

teaching and supporting one another.

748

I never fully, maybe I've thought

about it when I was younger, when

749

I had my, when my children were

younger, but now that I'm older and

750

less connected to moms in that way.

751

Maybe I need to remember, I still

need to be talking up to women

752

about home management, home loving,

and what are things that they're

753

doing that are helpful to them.

754

And, just to feel normal about it

and to continue to help myself grow.

755

because I do want to actually be

someone who Naturally is more inclined

756

to not accumulate a lot of stuff.

757

It just isn't working for me anymore.

758

I don't like it, but I

have a propensity for it.

759

I'm just being 100.

760

So it helps me to hang

out with other people.

761

Cause then I get to watch what are,

what is this neat person thinking

762

when she's doing whatever she's doing,

or he's doing whatever he's doing.

763

They're doing whatever they're doing.

764

What are they thinking?

765

And I, how can I adopt those

thoughts and make it a part of

766

something that I'm doing also?

767

Thank you for sharing all of that.

768

that's very helpful moving forward.

769

Mhm.

770

Mhm.

771

Track 1: again, for everyone listening,

it's all about breaking down those

772

walls, realizing either, maybe you

weren't shown how to do these things,

773

which I talk about in the home CEO

course, which is like our grandparents

774

generation, it was very defined.

775

And then our parents generation,

your mom went back to work.

776

My mom went back to work.

777

It all got lost in the wash.

778

And.

779

Even if you were shown how to do it,

maybe it doesn't match your lifestyle.

780

And so we can crowdsource

this information.

781

Instead of being embarrassed or ashamed

or thinking, oh, everybody knows this.

782

It's no, let's just be

honest about what's working.

783

Cause then you can pick and choose

oh, I like how they do the paper.

784

Oh, I like how they do their laundry.

785

you just start talking it all out.

786

And yeah.

787

And if you love your home and it

feels easier, then you'll feel

788

better than everyone else out there.

789

Feels better.

790

And

791

We're starting a very,

happy revolution here.

792

Happy revolution.

793

I want to share something with you

too that came to me along this vein.

794

I shared it with you, but I

just want to share it here.

795

And one of the breakthroughs that I had

was recognizing my inner world, my mood,

796

My emotional state is directly linked

to how I am taking care of my home.

797

And I remember when I was a little

girl, I connected being whenever

798

I would get a little overweight, I

connected it to how I felt and my mood.

799

and I think I used to be that way

a little bit too with my home.

800

I've never been the neatest person.

801

I don't lean towards neatness.

802

I lean towards chaos.

803

and so I would always feel like I

just need to get myself together

804

and I would just clean and clean.

805

But of course, once I had children,

I just didn't have the opportunity

806

to do that because maybe something

was going on with my children Little

807

kids are going to do what they do.

808

They don't know, have a concept

of neatness necessarily.

809

So it, I just couldn't use

that as a way to gather myself.

810

But in all that I was, that I've been

doing and working with you, I remember

811

having a moment where I recognize

my inner landscape, my emotions.

812

And how to a certain degree,

I was thinking my house was

813

making me feel some kind of way.

814

And I guess it's full circling us

back to what we talked about earlier.

815

I was thinking my house was making me

feel a certain way when in all actuality,

816

it may have been a reflection of just.

817

How I was feeling on the inside.

818

And so again, like you have said, it's

not necessarily about what we're seeing

819

or even how we're acting in terms of

how we're caring for our homes, that it

820

might be a reflection of something else.

821

And if I could recognize that,

then I take all the burden off of.

822

Tirra: Tirra, why are

823

you not, this neat person in your home?

824

And I actually get to deal with what's

actually going on, which, I have been just

825

a little bit down and out here lately.

826

And, for the last few years, even with

adjusting to being, a stay at home mom.

827

And now in, I feel like there's some

things emotionally That I have gotten a

828

little bit more settled on the inside.

829

And it, I think what I'm trying to say is

I've unlinked, whatever is going on with

830

my inner world, or at least I've been

able to highlight it and see how my home

831

is actually a reflection of maybe some

care that I need to bring some healing

832

that I need to be bring to the inside.

833

And it, it totally changes what I see.

834

I hope that makes sense.

835

Track 1: It does.

836

I think it's a back and forth, right?

837

I think it's an ongoing reflection

both ways and recognizing, like you

838

had said, it's not about it, the house

839

being one way in order to make you feel

a certain way, it's how am I feeling

840

inside, and then that'll support it.

841

it's, it's a back and forth, and

842

Sara: oh, Tirra, I just I

843

Track 1: can't thank you enough for

being open to this journey, for sharing

844

this I, my joy, and my hope, is that it

helps other people, and you were willing

845

to let us into your home, to open that

door, to show us what was going on.

846

And you were a little hesitant

at first cause you didn't

847

know me and you trusted me.

848

And

849

I thank you for that.

850

And

851

if this helps one other person, I mean

I feel like it already helped you.

852

did.

853

But if

854

Track 1: but if it helps one other person

855

going to be

856

Track 1: it's going to be worth it.

857

and that's

858

Track 1: that's how we're

going to make the change and

859

you are part of that change.

860

And I just, I thank you so much

and I really hope we can keep

861

in touch because I don't want

to lose you now that I know you.

862

want to lose you.

863

Oh, so much again.

864

We appreciate this.

865

I

866

Track 1: Oh, well,

thank you so much again.

867

I appreciate this.

868

I wish you the best of luck on

everything going forward and

869

remembering it's every

day, it's an opportunity.

870

And it's not about a set.

871

It's got to be this or that or the other.

872

It's just Using all the

tools going forward.

873

I know that I'm a different person.

874

I

875

Tirra: am not the Tirra who started

876

out with you three months ago.

877

And, uh, you know, you talked

about how radiant I look and so

878

much of that is because the weight

of how I had been thinking and

879

feeling about my home is now gone.

880

So yeah, the world is a better place.

881

Even if one person Offload

some Burton like that.

882

So thank you Sarah.

883

Thank you for the work you are doing.

884

This is revolutionary.

885

Track 1: You

886

do seem transformed.

887

We're going to call this

888

Sara: transformed

889

Tirra.

890

Track 1: you are much

more relaxed and at ease.

891

than when the first episode,

892

it's really noticeable.

893

So Thank you.

894

so much.

895

Mhm.

896

Sara: Oh, it does feel a little

monumental is too big of the word.

897

It does feel.

898

Looked like a bookend.

899

When you close a chat, when you close a

really good book, like you're a little

900

sad, but you're also really glad.

901

So yeah, that was a bit of a closing

902

of a really good book,

903

but it was worth it.

904

I'm

905

so glad for the journey.

906

Lacey: Totally worth it.

907

And next week, Sara and I will do a wrap

up episode, talking about all of our

908

thoughts and feelings from this season.

909

And then we'll move to talking with

some experts every other week until

910

we get season three up and running.

911

So just a little business stuff so

people know what's coming up, but

912

I'm just so honored to be a part of

our participants journey this season.

913

They're so cool.

914

And man, the joy ripple,

you can just feel it.

915

I

916

Sara: Did you see Tirra posted her

certificate of appreciation for herself?

917

Lacey: I loved it so

918

, Sara: if you want to see what Tirra

did for herself, I was scrolling

919

and I saw it and I just started

crying because she took the time to

920

create herself this certificate of

appreciation for homeschooling, for

921

being the teacher for showing up and

she really put her heart into it.

922

And so I thought, Oh, like that's what she

needed and she did it and it felt good.

923

Everybody

924

needs that.

925

Everybody that note, Lacey has

made a dalting points certificate

926

whenever I need some adulting points.

927

Cause I did something like, I don't

know, my taxes or fix the refrigerator.

928

I'm like, mama needs some

929

Lacey: Yeah.

930

I have an image I can post for you.

931

adulting points

932

, Sara: I know it's easy to laugh,

but I actually feels good.

933

Cause I need that validation.

934

And.

935

Tirra needed it and got

it from herself, which is

936

Lacey: and totally deserved it.

937

She's the bomb.

938

She deserves that.

939

Sara: She is amazing.

940

Should we jump into gratitude?

941

Lacey: we should.

942

Do you want to go first?

943

Sara: It is spring and I am just thankful.

944

I love the seasons.

945

Let me see it.

946

That's what I'm, that's

what I'm thankful for.

947

I know not everyone has seasons where

they are and I, the older I get.

948

I get more wise.

949

I'm just joking.

950

I just wanted to be silly.

951

The older I get, the more I really

appreciate the seasons because I

952

like, I love when winter started.

953

I'm like, yes, I'm ready to

954

slow down and hunker in.

955

And then yeah, you get to a

point where you're like, I get

956

to a point where I'm like, okay,

957

this bear needs out of this cave.

958

I am done being inside.

959

I need some sunshine and I can

finally start to feel the spring

960

and the birds and the green and the

961

flowers.

962

there's some not so great things that come

along with it, like pollen and mosquitoes,

963

Lacey: I've never really had

bad allergies, but man, do I?

964

You could probably hear it.

965

I'm having awful allergies this year,

so yeah, that's what my cough is.

966

Sara: Yes.

967

Very familiar with those,

but I'm just, I, my moment of

968

gratitude is appreciating this.

969

the changing of seasons

and the changing of pace.

970

Like I am now more energized to

do more projects and that's fun.

971

But I also know that I'll get

really burnt out on it and then

972

I'll be glad that it's fall.

973

Oh,

974

Lacey: of the seasons.

975

Spring is my favorite season.

976

I think it's a very optimistic season.

977

There's so much ahead of us.

978

And so this is my favorite

time of year for sure.

979

My son keeps asking, is it summer yet?

980

I think he's like, we're going to go

to the beach and we're going to swim.

981

That's what summer means to him.

982

So he just wants it to be summer so bad.

983

Sara: I remember that feeling as a

984

kid.

985

I always felt like summer was

half the year when I was a kid.

986

And now that I'm adult and I look

at the calendar, I'm like, it's 10

987

weeks.

988

So what are you looking, what are you

989

Lacey: I am grateful for my tarot cards.

990

Let me just say, I am a, have never

really been a woo type person.

991

But I've been embracing that

more and it's been a fun journey.

992

But what I really love about the

tarot cards that I bought, they're

993

like really simple ones, I've bought

other packs, but I still keep going

994

back to this simple tarot pack.

995

And I just love that , it essentially

gives me a framework for a story

996

and define meaning in my life.

997

So I don't necessarily think

that I'm predicting the

998

future or anything like that.

999

What I'm doing is I'm giving

myself, prompts to tell a story.

And so I, yesterday I did

one for myself in motherhood.

It was mother's day yesterday

when we were recording this.

And so I'm, I wanted to think

about my motherhood journey.

And I did a spread that was

past present future and boy.

Did it give me so much?

Cause it, the way the card's read is in

my past, I had this desire to be this kind

of wise, all knowing woman and be like

everything for everyone, know everything.

And then, My present is like

literally broken cups, there's

opportunity in those cups.

And then my future was, I don't remember

the exact number, but it was about

finding joy in the process and work.

I'm like, Oh yeah, that's right.

I need to not like, it just

told this beautiful story.

And then I took it, we went to my

parents house yesterday for a little bit.

And I did readings from my two of my

sisters and it also really helped them

and so I just love the opportunity

that it gives for reflection.

And like I said, I don't think

I'm just, predicting the future.

And I am looking for

meanings about me in them.

that's literally the point.

So if you're saying I'm making it

up, I am, I'm telling you I am.

but it really, when it made a great

conversation with me, it helped

me like talk with my sisters about

what's going on in their worlds.

And I got a better understanding

about their thoughts and feelings.

And I just, I just had this moment where

I'm like, Oh, I'm so thankful for them.

it's been a lovely

little journey with them.

Sara: Thank you for sharing.

that made me happy because you're right.

It is so much more than just the

woo ness of it.

It is framing it, interpreting, like you

said, giving yourself context for your

story and seeing meaning and purpose in

it, and then connecting that with others.

I had a therapist that I worked

with, He used a tool, which was

to frame things in the story of,

that whole, like Joseph Campbell,

The Hero's Journey.

And he encouraged me and his other

patients to use that framework.

And that was like the way through

was to see the arc of the story.

And I was like, wow, if I did that on my

own, I don't think I would have done on

my own, but here I have this healthcare

professional, guiding me through it.

And so when you were saying

that, I'm like, yeah, we all get

to use that story for better or

worse to help frame our lives and carry us

Lacey: Yeah.

that's what tarot cards are, you learn

about them is they have different

suits and there's a major arcana

and minor arcana, but they're about

journeys in specific areas of life.

And so when you pick a card, it's just

saying this plot point of this journey.

And so that's really what it is.

as we were talking to, I remembered, this

weekend, my son was very upset and we

went through, our joyful support steps.

He and I went through it with him.

We were sitting on our swing outside.

He was very upset about

coloring a card for Grammy.

And we were sitting there and we got

to a place of calm and I said, are

you ready to do something about this?

And he says, no.

I'm like, okay, what if we look

for something to make us happy?

So we were looking for our spot of joy.

And then I said, buddy, can I

tell you what I think happened?

And I told the story.

I'm like, let me tell you the

story of what I think happened.

and then we sat there again

for a little bit and I said,

are you ready to take a step?

And he was like, yeah, I guess.

And I just had this moment.

I was like, joyful support steps in

action, sharing our story, you know,

but it really did in that moment.

Cause you know, as a parent, you just

want to fix the situation, right?

And it really made me slow down

and be like, wait, No, we're

going to, we're going to try

some of these other things first.

So we looked around, we were thankful.

My son was actually thankful for snow.

Cause he liked playing in

the backyard in the snow.

and I told him, I was like, but cause

he was mad at Iris or something.

And I'm like, no.

You, I'm the one who did this and this.

And so we were able to craft story with

more context to help him move forward.

And it was just, and then we took a step.

So I just, I wanted to

share that little win of.

Our little joyful support steps in action

as a tool for working through stuff.

Sara: A tool for life.

I Love hearing that because, you know, I

know as a kid, these three steps for

me would have been super helpful,

right?

It's not ignoring the pain, which I was

taught as a coping mechanism, yeah, you

can still hold the good with the not

good and then figure out what can you do.

And I love that.

That's my joy.

Lacey: you were talking about

seasons, I'm like, Oh yeah.

And then talking stories.

I'm like, now I have to tell it

because this incorporates all the

things that we're talking about today.

Sara: yeah, wait, I

have another gratitude.

I finished a book last night.

So I was really thankful for mother's day.

I realized all I wanted to do was drink

coffee and read and that's what I did.

And I finished a book

yesterday and it was such a beautiful,

I can't say the name of it because I

cannot pronounce this woman's name.

It's like Climestra or something.

It's a goddess or not a

goddess, a princess from Sparta.

And it's about all these

things that happened to her.

And then I was, I never do this.

I was reading like this author's interview

and she was talking about how important it

was to tell the woman's side of the story

and how she's remembered a certain way.

But if you look at the context

of everything and it really helps

explain and give more fullness

to all of her decisions and.

Oh my gosh.

It just, it's been like rattling in

my brain ever since I put it down.

Oh So good.

Lacey: book.

I love a book.

I think that's all for today.

Sara.

Sara: That's all for today.

Thank you, Lacey.

Lacey: Sara.