I’ve had a complicated relationship with the word “lazy” my whole life. It became a word I used to beat myself up with. I often equated lazy with easy.
This has led to a complex relationship with productivity, input, output, appearances, and life’s “shoulds.” It might not paint me in the best light, so…prepare to like me a little less.
Lazy and Easy
Here’s an honest confession—many things in life have come easily to me. School was easy. I was fortunate enough not to need much studying to get good grades. Seeing others work harder than me left me feeling guilty, and I began equating easy with lazy.
Comparison is the thief of joy, and I constantly judged myself against others’ output. Input didn’t matter—only output did. There was always more I could do, especially when I didn’t reach the imaginary standard in my head. If I reached that standard easily, I felt it should be higher.
Living life where you’re never good enough is exhausting and unhelpful.
Strategic Laziness
For a brief period, I allowed myself “laziness” in strategic ways. My strategic laziness consisted of specific choices to make my life easier, though often at others’ expense. I warned you this post wouldn’t make you like me.
“I get to choose easy. I get to make life easier.”
The best example was walking around campus with peers. On a college campus, you’re constantly going through doors—many of which need unlocking. I mastered the art of slightly slowing my pace to make it obvious the other person should open the door or get their keys out. A small thing, but it eliminated my need to open doors and avoided the awkward moment of figuring out who should do what. A win for me…but rather inconsiderate to others.
This behavior stopped almost immediately when I met my husband—he spotted my little tricks right away. He let some slide while calling out others, never letting me get away with too much. He saw through my cheerful manipulation and gently steered me away from it. Reason 1,398 why he’s my person in this world.
This led to a rigid overcorrection on my part (not his doing) of avoiding any hint of laziness, always keeping score to ensure I contributed the most to relationships, and doing everything possible to prove I wasn’t lazy.
Changing Abilities Means Changing Input…and Acceptable Output
This perfectionism pervaded every aspect of my life—work, home, friends, family, and eventually motherhood. Motherhood is full of paradoxes between input and output. You can do everything “right,” be the most dedicated mom in the world, and it still might not matter. You’re dealing with another human being—you can’t control them.
Potty training perfectly illustrates this. You can’t force your child to use the bathroom. You can do all the “right” things, and ultimately, they’ll decide when they’re ready.
My first taste of changing abilities came during my second pregnancy. I couldn’t be the mom I aspired to be while growing another child. Morning sickness (really, all-day sickness), along with complications from gestational diabetes and blood pressure issues, made it impossible to reach that idealized version of motherhood in my head.
Just 18 months after having that second baby, my abilities changed dramatically when I developed my chronic illness. I wrote all about this experience previously. The short version is—I couldn’t do much of anything. My capacity for input dropped to almost zero.
How do you find worth, fulfillment, and joy when you’re nowhere near meeting expectations? Is it truly lazy when you can’t do something? Is it all in your head?
Choosing Easy
Two years after that life-changing moment, I’m still working through these questions. But the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that it’s okay to make life easier. If a tool makes my life simpler or a goal more attainable, I’m absolutely going to use it.
The thought “how lazy do you have to be to use it?” might still cross my mind, but I give it no attention because “lazy” is a construct. If I’m still accomplishing my goal, why judge the tool or myself? If the output is the same (or better than not doing it at all), it’s not lazy—it’s productive.
Letting go of “shoulds,” focusing on desired outcomes, embracing available resources, and accepting that most things aren’t black and white—this mindset has transformed me.
I now choose easy. I don’t just want to appear effortless; I want to create genuine ease in my life. I don’t need to be secretive about it. I don’t need to minimize my efforts or desires.
I get to choose easy. I get to make life easier.
And I hope you do too.