Bradley Women Die Young

The title of this episode may seem provocative and harsh, but it’s a phrase that came from my own writing and continues to resonate in my mind. It certainly isn’t all Bradley women, but more than what I would consider normal.

This is part 1 of a series where I sit down with my wonderful cousin Al. We open up about our family’s powerful narratives and shared experiences, shining a light on the strength of the Bradley women in our family who have unfortunately faced illness and loss far too early. In this episode, I delve deep into the personal journeys of several young women in our family. We explore how these devastating losses and the strong family bonds have shaped our unique identities. Throughout our open-hearted talks, Al and I fondly remember our beloved family members and touch on universal themes of grief, resilience, and the crucial significance of staying connected in the face of adversity. Our conversation encapsulates the whirlwind of emotions that accompany the loss of family members, the health challenges that the women in our family have endured, and our aspiration to honor their legacy through the power of storytelling and shared experiences.

In our next episode we will take a deeper look on how this has been felt deeper in our individual Identities.

For more Sharing The Mddl:

Submit your own question for advice. Email me at hello@themddl.com

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Transcript
Lacey:

Welcome to Sharing the Middle, the podcast where we dive into sharing our

Lacey:

stories about the messy middles of life.

Lacey:

I'm Lacy and I am here to share and hopefully create space for

Lacey:

others to share their stories and feel seen by the stories we tell.

Lacey:

Today's episode marks a kind of new beginning for the podcast where we

Lacey:

are really going to focus on the stories and how they impact our lives.

Lacey:

It's also the start of a series where you're going to hear

Lacey:

me telling my story through conversation with those in my life.

Lacey:

This conversation is with my lovely cousin, Al, and it really sparked the

Lacey:

direction, the podcast is taken and.

Lacey:

It, it's really, truly something special.

Lacey:

So special that I'm actually separating it into two parts.

Lacey:

This first episode will focus on our shared experience of losing several

Lacey:

young women in our family, very young.

Lacey:

And then the next episode we'll take a deeper look on how this and kind of

Lacey:

our, our family dynamics in general have impacted our individual identities.

Lacey:

So welcome to my conversation with Al part one, Bradley women die young.

Lacey:

Hi Al, welcome to Sharing the

Al:

Hi.

Al:

Hello.

Al:

Thank you for

Lacey:

I am so excited for you to be here because you are from the Bradley side

Lacey:

of my life and I don't feel like I talk about them very much and I think we're

Lacey:

gonna talk about why, because it's a lot.

Al:

Yes.

Al:

it is a lot.

Al:

Yes.

Lacey:

The Bradleys are, it's a big family, Al's dad

Lacey:

is my dad's brother, okay?

Lacey:

And this is the Bradley side of our family.

Lacey:

There are 10 Bradley siblings, I was telling Al before we started recording,

Lacey:

that when I told my parents that we were gonna be talking about this idea

Lacey:

that like the Bradleys are almost kind of like a tragic family in a way.

Lacey:

and that there's just been a lot of stuff that has happened, especially,

Lacey:

where this idea came from is that the Bradley women tend to get

Lacey:

sick young, and even, die young.

Lacey:

Now, not, this is not a blanket statement or anything like that, but I just,

Lacey:

we've had a much higher instance But when I was telling this to my dad,

Lacey:

he just, he started being like, we could even do a whole trivia night.

Lacey:

And then he just kept listing things that I was just like, what?

Lacey:

So you could tell me anything.

Lacey:

You could tell me anything about a member of the Bradley family.

Lacey:

And I'd be like, yeah, sounds about right.

Lacey:

Okay.

Lacey:

You could not surprise

Al:

That is awesome.

Al:

Now I want to have a trivia

Lacey:

I,

Al:

mom and dad.

Lacey:

and I will say what I appreciated about this conversation

Lacey:

is that he was so frank because we don't talk about these things.

Lacey:

This is not, we don't really acknowledge it.

Lacey:

We don't really talk about it.

Lacey:

and I do think the, so in a little bit more context, Al is

Lacey:

the youngest Bradley cousin.

Lacey:

she's the youngest of my father's.

Lacey:

siblings, children.

Lacey:

And so I think you have a very, I'm only a few years older than

Lacey:

you, so I am similar, but I think you have a very unique perspective

Lacey:

and being that youngest person.

Lacey:

cause you experienced a lot of that change very young.

Lacey:

cause the Bradley's.

Lacey:

were very tight for a long time when we were younger.

Lacey:

and then it fizzled and it wasn't as tight.

Lacey:

And if I'm honest, we're probably just closer to what a normal family

Lacey:

is as far as extended families seeing each other and it's not unusual.

Lacey:

But when you put it in this context of a family that goes through a lot of sadness

Lacey:

and tragedy in a way, it is Disheartening, so I Suggested this topic and I was

Lacey:

like, yes, and I am so thankful because one Your perspective to you're like,

Lacey:

we'll talk about it and I am so excited but three I also think you have another

Lacey:

perspective that you are In my opinion, the best at still staying connected to all

Lacey:

of the different parts of the Bradleys.

Al:

I do too.

Al:

I try my hardest.

Lacey:

And you do a great job.

Lacey:

My mom was like, I admire her for how good she is at that.

Lacey:

I want to, I thought you would appreciate that.

Lacey:

Because I'm like,

Al:

I love your mom.

Al:

We love Aunt Carolyn.

Lacey:

best.

Lacey:

She's the best.

Lacey:

and so I hope that you see that effort is seen and appreciated and recognized

Lacey:

because, Like I said, I think you, you are the right person for me to have

Lacey:

this conversation with because you do that and you put in that effort.

Al:

Thank you.

Al:

I appreciate that a

Lacey:

Yeah.

Lacey:

I was afraid to send you my idea, but then you came back with I love this.

Lacey:

So I would just like to hear what you thought of after that.

Al:

I started to think, honestly, I don't know.

Al:

We just have to just dive into it and it might be harsh for some people, but

Al:

unfortunately for us it's not, but I immediately thought of all the cancer

Al:

that we have had in our family, especially with the women and unfortunately,

Al:

the death mortality with that is More that are gone than are alive.

Al:

My, oldest niece is the only one that has survived it.

Al:

and so that is where my thought process went.

Al:

And then it went to all the different things that We have, some of us have

Al:

PCOS, some of us have, I personally have endometrial hyperplasia.

Al:

A lot of us get migraines.

Al:

A lot of us possibly, I don't know who has gotten checked and who hasn't, and

Al:

the Baraka gene and, you have, that's

Lacey:

have it, which I think is

Al:

That is great.

Lacey:

because you would think I would have it, but I do not have it.

Lacey:

because again, for our listeners, we have our grandmother got breast cancer young.

Lacey:

She beat it.

Lacey:

but then she died later of cancer in her eighties.

Lacey:

One of our aunts.

Lacey:

Got colon cancer, fought it for a long time, but then did end up, dying from it.

Lacey:

I think she was in her late forties, early fifties.

Lacey:

I don't remember the age.

Al:

That was young.

Al:

I don't really remember

Al:

that one.

Al:

I will say, I love her so much.

Al:

I'm named

Lacey:

I know, but we, I was like, I was like, we're going to talk about Kitty.

Lacey:

So we'll talk about Kitty more.

Lacey:

our cousin Natalie, at the age of.

Lacey:

She was 17 or 18 when she was diagnosed with leukemia and

Lacey:

passed the following year.

Lacey:

and then our, I just feel like it's and then,

Al:

know, I'm like, we have three or four

Lacey:

I know.

Lacey:

And then our, cousin Emily, who, is older than us.

Lacey:

But it was in her 30s when she, passed from ovarian cancer,

Lacey:

again, after a long fight.

Lacey:

and then our, Al said, her niece, had leukemia, but beat it.

Lacey:

So she was very young when that happened.

Lacey:

but, so you can hear from that, it's like, ba da da da da da da.

Lacey:

You know, it's, yeah, it's a lot.

Al:

Is Aunt Jo not in there?

Al:

I thought that's how she passed away.

Lacey:

I didn't count her in the, cause she wasn't young.

Lacey:

I was counting the young.

Al:

Gotcha, okay.

Al:

Gotcha, sorry.

Lacey:

because the grandma got her breast cancer young

Lacey:

is why I put her in that area.

Lacey:

which let's just take a moment to talk about what a badass grandma Bradley was.

Lacey:

I just, she had 10 kids.

Lacey:

Her husband died when her youngest was six.

Lacey:

I think that's how late old lane was.

Lacey:

got breast cancer.

Lacey:

She, just was such a, I still can't get over Ted Kitts.

Lacey:

But, just the amount of things, and she kept it going.

Lacey:

just, and she also was an orphan herself.

Lacey:

She took care of her younger siblings when, when she could

Lacey:

and got out of the orphanage.

Lacey:

she, I just, our origin story is also a little tragic

Al:

It's so cool!

Al:

very unique.

Al:

Our grandpa also had a very tragic death, too.

Al:

That unfortunately has made me terrified of trains ever

Lacey:

yes, yeah, he, it was a train.

Lacey:

See, here's the thing, you're gonna hear me say this a lot, I don't

Lacey:

really know specifics of some things.

Lacey:

And you're going to hear probably Al and I put things together, and it's not that

Lacey:

anyone, like we, I mean, we don't talk about unpleasant things just in general.

Lacey:

That's just a rule.

Lacey:

not, it's not, it's an unspoken rule, but if I asked, they would

Lacey:

tell me, you know what I mean?

Lacey:

But we've never, like, I know it was a train accident.

Lacey:

I know my dad was 16.

Lacey:

I know he was in the hospital for a little while.

Al:

He, from, I believe he was working on the track and, no

Al:

trains were supposed to come on it.

Al:

And unfortunately one did.

Al:

And that's really all I know, along with him being in a coma for a while.

Al:

So everyone else can.

Al:

piece the puzzle together on

Lacey:

I know.

Lacey:

I just want to say we are 10 minutes in now and we are still giving context on

Lacey:

the on all the tragedies of our family

Lacey:

. Al: I think we might be, I was about to say, I think we might be

Lacey:

finished as far as the ladies though.

Lacey:

Yes.

Lacey:

I will add My older sister, Becky, who's been on the podcast,

Lacey:

has, issues with dysautonomia.

Lacey:

I have my issues.

Lacey:

Do you all pass out a lot?

Lacey:

That's a thing that we do.

Al:

Julie, my sister had a wild spell with, seizures and she passed out

Al:

and went into a two Januaries ago.

Al:

She was in the hospital.

Al:

from that whole stunt and it was scary and they still just have

Al:

diagnosed her with seizures and that's what we're rocking with.

Lacey:

Oh,

Al:

She's doing great though now, I should add that.

Al:

she's doing

Al:

well.

Lacey:

Now I will say one of the times I passed out, they said I had a seizure,

Lacey:

but I don't really think that I did, but it's the only time I peed my pants though.

Lacey:

I want to say is obviously we're laughing because I don't know,

Lacey:

that's how I deal with things.

Lacey:

And

Al:

same.

Al:

I'm tired of crying so I just laugh.

Al:

And so my friends are like, why are you laughing?

Al:

And I'm like, cause

Lacey:

it's bizarre.

Lacey:

It is almost sitcom like and oh, it's another thing.

Lacey:

Okay.

Al:

Right, bring it on.

Lacey:

There's a lot, there's a lot here.

Lacey:

yeah.

Al:

but that's

Lacey:

It is.

Lacey:

It's our reality.

Lacey:

it's really funny because in my current like diagnosis journey,

Lacey:

which if I get diagnosed with something cool, this is my reality.

Lacey:

But, my neurologist is like, no, there is something in your all

Lacey:

genes and you're going to find it

Al:

Please, please do.

Al:

I mean, I hate that you have to be like the guinea, pig

Al:

but you got

Lacey:

if I can, and that's kind of had been my feeling of this all along is

Lacey:

okay, if I can go through this and someone else doesn't have to, cool, let's do it.

Lacey:

I can handle this.

Al:

And you're doing great.

Lacey:

you.

Al:

and you have a podcast and it's awesome.

Al:

And you're just, I look up to you more than I think you could ever

Lacey:

Oh,

Al:

Yeah.

Al:

You just, you're

Lacey:

I I appreciate that and I don't know how to take a compliment.

Lacey:

So I'll just say thank you and roll on,

Al:

Roll with it.

Al:

You're welcome,

Al:

but we got just really quick We got to give you your flowers because most people

Al:

would probably give up and you're like, I'm not doing that That's like you're

Al:

like I'm not and you have a lot going on and you're still like but I want to

Al:

be better And I want to be the my best possible self that I can be and I want

Al:

to spread my joy and kindness And so thank you for doing that for all of us.

Lacey:

thank you, I,

Al:

welcome

Lacey:

it's, sometimes feels like I'm screaming into a void but then

Lacey:

other times it's like, Oh, okay.

Lacey:

One person likes it.

Lacey:

So that's fine.

Lacey:

Let's keep rolling.

Al:

For sure.

Al:

I enjoy it.

Lacey:

I think now we have all the context.

Lacey:

Let's go back to my question there's all these things.

Lacey:

I wanted to talk about it.

Lacey:

You thought about the young women.

Lacey:

And then you're right.

Lacey:

the more that you think about it, the more that comes up.

Lacey:

I don't know, like, gentle ways to ask this, so we're just gonna go in.

Lacey:

I figured we would talk, about our experiences with some of

Lacey:

these, especially the women.

Lacey:

Cause, for example, our cousin Natalie, who, she was in between you and I in ages.

Lacey:

So I, it went Nat, or it was me, Nat, Al, as far as ages go.

Lacey:

We were the youngest three.

Lacey:

And you two were very close.

Al:

We were.

Al:

We were.

Al:

yeah.

Al:

I still, I talk to her every day still.

Al:

I talked to her this morning.

Al:

I talked to everyone and just just be with us and, but yeah, I, especially her.

Al:

I talk to her every day.

Lacey:

Talk to her every day.

Lacey:

I love that.

Lacey:

I think I'll be honest.

Lacey:

I'm a little jealous of that closeness because we were the family, like we

Lacey:

did sleepovers and that kind of stuff.

Lacey:

We would, always be going.

Lacey:

And so like I have those memories and that kind of stuff.

Lacey:

But I do also have this It's frankly this idea in the back of my mind that

Lacey:

I'm like, would Nat even like me now?

Lacey:

hold on.

Lacey:

She would like me.

Lacey:

I'm a likable person.

Lacey:

Okay.

Lacey:

I get that.

Lacey:

But I just, I do really wonder.

Lacey:

And I think that's the hardest part for me is I would have

Lacey:

loved to see her later in life.

Lacey:

I've I would have really loved to see what she did because she was not like.

Lacey:

Everyone else.

Lacey:

She was a drummer and marched to her own drum in a lot of ways, beat, drum,

Lacey:

I don't know the right term, but, and so I do, that's, I think about that

Lacey:

a lot of I just really wonder what life would look like today for that.

Al:

I do too.

Al:

I actually, I, this is how I picture it because she was also an artist as well.

Al:

I have one of her paintings and, it is like my most prized possession and

Al:

I picture her in New York and it's probably like a wild thought because

Al:

she probably wouldn't like a lot of people, but I just feel like there would

Al:

be so many opportunities for her there.

Al:

And she would just thrive, but I could also be completely wrong and

Al:

say she would follow in her brother and father's footsteps and be up in D.

Al:

C.

Al:

and just changing the world because that's just who she is.

Al:

She, you are, she's, she was one of a kind.

Al:

For

Lacey:

So much , I want to make sure I give you space to say

Lacey:

what you would like to say.

Al:

We were very close.

Al:

I have a lot, of good memories with, her.

Al:

And, but I also, there are the ones that don't go unforgotten of the hospital days.

Al:

Cincinnati Children's was amazing.

Al:

I don't know if you knew this, but they always made sure that

Al:

Nat and Alexis's rooms were always together, always next to each other.

Al:

That was really cool because they had to change rooms just, I think

Al:

like sanitary reasons and whatnot, but yeah, they always made sure that

Al:

their rooms were next to each other.

Al:

It was cool to just, I would go see my niece and then I would go watch a movie

Al:

with Nat cause we like to watch movies and then I would just jump back and forth.

Al:

And it was, it was not, I don't want to say it was a good time, but it was.

Al:

out, like it didn't matter that she was in the hospital,

Al:

like we were still hanging out.

Al:

Like it was nothing, you know?

Lacey:

That's really cool.

Al:

Anytime I see those really big blow up blue or like a green aliens that

Al:

you can win at a fair, I think of her.

Al:

Cause we walked up to that big church.

Al:

That's like right before there.

Al:

street entrance and went to a festival and we were always hanging out

Al:

at family events and making burnt CDs and just like playing with,

Al:

ah, do you remember her dollhouse?

Al:

Ah, the best dollhouse.

Al:

And even though I, she doesn't like the typical person that would

Al:

play with dolls, I was like, this is just the coolest thing though,

Lacey:

I do.

Lacey:

She, taught me about Pokemon.

Lacey:

So now whenever I think about Pokemon, I think about that.

Lacey:

And that

Al:

That is, that's awesome.

Al:

Does Isaac like Pokemon?

Lacey:

Joe does.

Al:

Well, That's even

Lacey:

Joe in pro Like, when Pokemon Go was big, he got into it.

Lacey:

And then stayed into it longer than most people.

Lacey:

every once in a while, I still see, a pop up on his phone.

Lacey:

I'm like, okay, cool.

Al:

My partner does that too.

Al:

We'll be out and I'm like, what are you doing?

Al:

And she's I'm collecting Pokemon.

Al:

And I'm like, okay, I support this.

Al:

You got it.

Lacey:

I probably get a little bit more grumpy about it.

Lacey:

Cause I'm like, what are you doing?

Lacey:

A child is running away.

Lacey:

I thought you were watching them.

Lacey:

it's probably not as good.

Al:

not

Al:

the same.

Lacey:

but yeah, so like whenever I think of Pokemon, I think of her.

Lacey:

I Struggle too because This is where we're gonna just throw things out.

Lacey:

I feel like for some reason when Nat died, a lot of the Bradley family

Lacey:

closeness went away too, and I just wish I could understand that better.

Lacey:

Cause I think people are always like, Oh, these are the things

Lacey:

that bring people together.

Lacey:

And I'm like, maybe the third time.

Al:

But not the 30th.

Lacey:

it, it drops off.

Lacey:

I don't know.

Lacey:

I don't know.

Al:

I would agree with that statement.

Al:

And then, I would especially say after Emily's

Al:

passing.

Al:

Cause she was really good at staying connected with everyone too.

Al:

You know?

Al:

So I would say after her passing as well, we all definitely only see each

Al:

other at holidays and that's sometimes, and that's some of the people, but

Lacey:

Yeah.

Al:

you are correct.

Al:

You would think that death and especially all the death that we saw and, like

Al:

the type of death that we saw, we would be closer in there for each other.

Al:

but people deal with things in their own way, even within like

Al:

my immediate family, As people get older, people aren't always as close,

Lacey:

Yeah.

Lacey:

Oh yeah.

Lacey:

And I, so I also think I've been thinking about this a lot more now because since

Lacey:

I've had kids, it gives me a different perspective of like what it was like

Lacey:

for maybe my parents or whatnot.

Lacey:

When they had kids and I'm like, what were they doing at this time?

Lacey:

like I keep having these like I'm just so curious about some of those

Lacey:

different things because like for example, we moved right we just moved

Lacey:

and My nieces and nephews and my brothers and sisters showed up for me

Lacey:

And I had this moment where I was like, I remember helping Uncle Jeff move.

Lacey:

I remember we woke up really early and got donuts.

Lacey:

That's what I remember about helping you guys move.

Lacey:

And I remember helping Elaine move.

Lacey:

So I'm like, okay, this is in there.

Lacey:

and but it's just so interesting to think about those.

Lacey:

Kind of moments and same thing with like when I got married, I

Lacey:

was the youngest of my siblings and all the kids were in the wedding.

Lacey:

And that's how Lane's, wedding was for all of us.

Lacey:

And so it just, I keep seeing these similarities and I just keep

Lacey:

thinking like, what, I don't know.

Lacey:

I don't know if it's just that I'm nosy.

Lacey:

I am nosy,

Al:

it's okay.

Al:

I am too, if it makes you feel any better.

Lacey:

but it is just so interesting to think about what was going on?

Lacey:

I don't know.

Lacey:

Behind the scenes that I did not see as a kid.

Al:

Yes.

Al:

Sometimes I think about that, but also I don't know if I would want to know,

Lacey:

Yes, I do know.

Lacey:

I do know.

Lacey:

I don't want to think differently of somebody.

Lacey:

I mean, that's part of the reason why I don't ask questions, is because

Lacey:

I would like to preserve my views.

Al:

I was thinking before I got on here today about actually christmas and how we

Al:

all did stay the night and I think that would be cool, you know Hypothetically one

Al:

last time to get all the cousins together, but I know that Isn't you know the case

Al:

but it they were great times, eventually I mean Speaking of you, me and na.

Al:

I'll never forget the time where you just got so upset because we wouldn't stop

Al:

talking and you wanted to go to bed so bad and we just would not stop giggling.

Al:

And eventually you were like, I'm just gonna join in the conversation.

Al:

And I'm pretty sure my sister, I know my sister came in, but I wanna say

Al:

her cousin Erin was there too, and she came in and then one of your sisters

Al:

came in and we just stayed up all night long talking because you were

Al:

like, well, I'm not getting sleep.

Al:

And then just waking up and smelling the big breakfast that

Al:

our dads put on every morning.

Al:

Oh, it was just, it was great.

Al:

And even though those traditions can't carry on it, I still like to think that

Al:

like we can bring that into, at least for me, I don't have any children.

Al:

My niece's and nephew's life, like I can still show up to that for them and

Al:

show them some of the joy that we all

Lacey:

Oh yeah, you are a much better aunt than I have ever been,

Al:

I don't know, but thank you.

Al:

I really appreciate that.

Al:

I needed to hear that from someone, even if it wasn't from them.

Lacey:

Our Aunt Kitty was my godmother and Someone very special to me because

Lacey:

she always made me feel special.

Lacey:

and she was that cool aunt who went off and did things.

Lacey:

So she lived in, Palo Alto near San Francisco.

Lacey:

She always knew how to give the best gifts.

Lacey:

And she always still gave me a gift for Christmas as her goddaughter.

Lacey:

She gave me the entire Mary Kate and Ashley.

Lacey:

VHS set of all of their movies.

Lacey:

And I was just like, this is the best gift I've ever gotten.

Lacey:

I still think about that gift.

Lacey:

I loved it so much.

Lacey:

Right?

Lacey:

we loved them so much.

Lacey:

I watched those movies all the time.

Lacey:

And Kitty had the pulse on things.

Lacey:

Cause I don't remember telling her I loved them.

Lacey:

But man, she got me the entire library.

Lacey:

she like, got me, she listened to Backstreet Boys when I

Lacey:

was into Backstreet Boys.

Lacey:

those kinds of things.

Lacey:

And I just, I felt very close to her and that kind of stuff and so for me,

Lacey:

not, I don't want it to sound like I miss someone more, but for me, I do, I

Lacey:

think a lot about, I would have loved for her to have been another person in my

Lacey:

kids lives, as like a honorary grandma.

Lacey:

Or, cause when she passed, her husband did say something to me once

Lacey:

of Oh, she really thought of you as like an extension of, one of, the

Lacey:

closest thing she would have to a kid.

Lacey:

I could cry right now thinking about that.

Lacey:

and I

Al:

you guys were, you were super close.

Al:

I wish I would have gotten the years that you got with her to

Lacey:

I know.

Lacey:

And then, and so it's also silly because you're named after her.

Lacey:

she was called Kitty, but her name was Allison.

Lacey:

It's very confusing.

Lacey:

All of their names are very confusing.

Lacey:

Not all of them, but

Al:

we have a

Lacey:

yeah, but her name is

Lacey:

actually Elena Maria, like it's so confusing.

Lacey:

Maria Lane.

Lacey:

Yeah, I actually have one of Lane's paintings around here.

Lacey:

Anyway.

Lacey:

But I was always like, but Allie's named after her.

Lacey:

which is just so petty.

Lacey:

Kids are so dumb.

Lacey:

Yeah.

Al:

have our second cousin is named after her as well.

Al:

Emily's daughter is, she has an Allison.

Lacey:

Allison has always been on the list of things I'm

Lacey:

trying to name children of mine.

Lacey:

Allison, and Catherine, because her name's desperately I've been campaigning

Lacey:

to have a kid, and we name her Kitty.

Lacey:

And Joe has not been on board, but I'm gonna If I ever get pregnant again, it's

Lacey:

going to be a campaign I continue to do.

Al:

I'm team Lacey.

Al:

I'm here for this.

Al:

Mhm.

Al:

Mhm.

Lacey:

you mentioned Emily was really good at being, keeping

Lacey:

in contact with everyone.

Lacey:

You're really good at that.

Lacey:

Kitty also was very good.

Lacey:

Even though she lived far away, she did such a good job of still

Lacey:

staying connected to people.

Lacey:

And obviously I, So you're talking about the gifts that she gave me and

Lacey:

how special she made me feel, So I am very biased on that, but I've heard

Lacey:

multiple people say oh, you know well, we talked to Kitty about this

Lacey:

and I'm like, you talked to Kitty?

Lacey:

Tell me about when you talked to Kitty.

Lacey:

And I just, definitely become like this kind of figure in my head of I don't even

Lacey:

know the right words now that I'm saying, she's just, she, when you say you talk

Lacey:

to Nat every day, I talk to Kitty a lot.

Lacey:

And I, I say things like, Oh, I was thinking about this today or, and I

Lacey:

do say out loud, Hey, I just, I really wish I could know you as an adult.

Lacey:

Cause I just really think I would have spent a lot of time with you as an

Lacey:

adult and, And those kinds of things.

Lacey:

And, Cause I got, we went and saw her the year before she died.

Lacey:

We went and spent a week in San Francisco with her.

Lacey:

And I am so thankful for that trip because one, I got to see where she lives.

Lacey:

And it was as cool as you, if you've ever, I don't think, I don't know who

Lacey:

all went there, but it was a very small house in Palo Alto next to Stanford.

Lacey:

And it was exactly what you think it would be of like, really earthy

Lacey:

and cool and I just remember and again, maybe this is just me.

Lacey:

I was a freshman in high school and it was like the coolest

Lacey:

thing I'd ever done, and so yeah.

Al:

didn't know that.

Al:

That is

Lacey:

Yeah, I, it is very special to me because I think that's

Lacey:

probably the most time that I got to spend with her like one on one.

Lacey:

And like she took us around San Francisco.

Lacey:

So one of my favorite pictures of mine is I have a picture of her and

Lacey:

I in front of the Golden Gate Bridge.

Lacey:

and it just means a lot to me, and so I do.

Lacey:

she's my, I feel like a lot of people.

Lacey:

Have a person that they, that's their, I think for you, obviously it's Nat, but

Lacey:

that's their person that they talk to in, in the afterlife and Kitty's my person.

Al:

That's awesome.

Al:

I'm, she, I'm glad that you got to have that experience.

Al:

I am a little jealous.

Al:

I,

Lacey:

You, yeah, I, especially you talking about being a

Lacey:

flower child, people, what was the name that they called her?

Lacey:

It was like something

Al:

Oh, Skyloft.

Lacey:

It was a bird.

Lacey:

Yes.

Al:

Yes.

Al:

Yes.

Lacey:

even had another name, to

Al:

Great.

Al:

Oh, she had so many

Lacey:

Yeah.

Al:

I do have a good memory of her and it's also with my dad when she

Al:

would fly in and out of town getting to go to the airport because back

Al:

then you didn't need a boarding ticket, like you could get pretty far.

Al:

And so it was always cool to be able to just spend the day either going in there

Al:

and picking her up or dropping her off and That was a really, that was where my

Al:

love of airplanes started to come from.

Al:

And it's, it was really cool.

Al:

And just no, like I would just think one day, I'm just going to go with

Al:

her to California because it seems way cooler out there than it is here.

Al:

So that's cool.

Al:

You've got to go and see

Lacey:

I did.

Lacey:

It was very special to me.

Lacey:

It was the last time I got to see her, actually, before

Lacey:

she passed later that year.

Lacey:

So it was, very good for me.

Lacey:

And I'm very grateful for that.

Lacey:

I do want to, I feel like we talked.

Lacey:

About Nat, we've talked about Kitty, we talked a little bit about Emily,

Lacey:

and I do also want to make sure we talk a little bit more about her,

Lacey:

because, She was also very special.

Lacey:

And I think what you're going to hear is that, The person who like became

Lacey:

the center of our family, We lost.

Al:

Yes.

Lacey:

And I think that maybe why it feels so hard to talk about

Lacey:

is because they're like, Grandma was the center of the family.

Lacey:

I think that's very difficult,

Al:

Her house was where we went.

Lacey:

we still, every, we used to drive past it 'cause we lived in Pleasant Ridge

Lacey:

and we would drive through, Hyde Park and Mount Lookout and then Joe would

Lacey:

drive past and I'd be like, there it is.

Lacey:

And I just, I actually have a lot of dreams.

Lacey:

I have dreams about being in that house and being in the house that we

Lacey:

lived in, in, in northern Kentucky.

Lacey:

Those are where I physically,

Lacey:

uh, that

Lacey:

is where I have when my dreams take place, and I know where I am.

Lacey:

It's in one of those two places, which I think is so bizarre.

Al:

best.

Al:

so warm.

Al:

It always smelled like Christmas cause somebody was always cooking.

Al:

It was just

Lacey:

She always,

Al:

yes,

Lacey:

to my dad the other day too, she had the best movie collection.

Lacey:

I feel like I sound so materialistic, but I just, when you're a kid, like those

Lacey:

are the things that you think about.

Lacey:

And she had all the Disney movies.

Lacey:

And she would sit there and watch them with you.

Lacey:

And, I just, I always loved that about her.

Lacey:

She was a badass in a lot of ways, and I don't even feel like I'm the right person

Lacey:

to talk about it because, whoo, yeah.

Lacey:

but she passed, and you've heard us talk about how Kitty very much was the central

Lacey:

figure in our family, and then she passed.

Lacey:

I think everyone felt like they had a special relationship with

Lacey:

Nat because she was so different.

Lacey:

She was also very quiet, but, She also had that same ability to make you feel seen,

Lacey:

that I think, both Kitty and Emily had.

Lacey:

and so I just, I think about it more and more.

Lacey:

I'm like, did we just always lose that like central figure?

Lacey:

I don't know.

Lacey:

I

Al:

they weren't really good even thinking about it like I'm like

Al:

I had a special relationship with Emily I'm sure everybody did like

Al:

I loved my relationship with Emily.

Al:

She helped me so much This is a funny story, but sad.

Al:

She came over to my house one day cuz I just Wanted to talk to somebody, and

Al:

she drove there and it was a good thing she was there because she was like

Al:

always there for me, but my rabbit was, my rabbit died and it was just like

Al:

the wildest thing that she was there though for, and I will, I'll just,

Al:

I will never forget that, but she.

Al:

She always was just there for you.

Al:

At least for me anyways.

Al:

And she was especially there for me during, like Natalie's funeral and stuff.

Al:

And just everything after that.

Al:

But, I don't know.

Al:

She always just made me feel seen and heard.

Al:

And I always just felt very close to her.

Lacey:

the more that we talk, I think I'm realizing, the reason why these

Lacey:

particular, we would, we love our family.

Lacey:

We love everybody and that kind of stuff.

Lacey:

But I think these particular people were so good at that

Lacey:

making you feel seen and special.

Lacey:

In their very own unique way.

Lacey:

Because I remember being at Uncle Bill's house for a Fourth of July, and

Lacey:

Emily and I walked around the pool, and she was telling me about berries.

Lacey:

I don't know why this is what I remember very specifically.

Lacey:

But I just, and I do, I just, I had this moment of she made me feel

Lacey:

seen and special in that moment.

Lacey:

and I have a very, we, I think you'll hear there's a lot of these

Lacey:

weird connections and things.

Lacey:

I'm like, so Emily, when she, was towards the end of her life and in hospice, she

Lacey:

was living with our, aunt and uncle.

Lacey:

And it happened to be the area where my then boyfriend, now husband's mom worked.

Lacey:

And I had known that she had moved into that area, and I had

Lacey:

known that she served at hospice.

Lacey:

I don't think I put together at the time that's exactly where

Lacey:

Joe's mom was a hospice nurse.

Lacey:

But the day that she like met Emily for the first time, they came over

Lacey:

for dinner at our house and she was like, I've just had a really rough day.

Lacey:

I met a really lovely patient who's just young and it's so hard to see them.

Lacey:

And I looked at her and I said, is her name Emily?

Lacey:

And she just looked at me and she was like, you know, Emily,

Lacey:

I'm like, Emily's my cousin.

Lacey:

And so it was just this moment where I was like.

Lacey:

Because, and she wasn't breaking HIPAA, there was nothing

Lacey:

wrong with what she said.

Lacey:

She had literally never talked about any of her patients up until that point.

Lacey:

And that day, she talked about her patient to me, and it was Emily.

Lacey:

And again, it's just that, and because of that, she has a little special

Lacey:

relationship with some of the aunts and uncles in our family, because she was

Lacey:

Emily's hospice nurse until she passed.

Lacey:

And I do, I think there's just something.

Lacey:

Magical about that.

Lacey:

I don't know how else to say it.

Lacey:

I was like, yes, there's been a lot of loss here, but man,

Lacey:

there's a lot of things that make me go, something was on purpose.

Lacey:

I don't know what else to say with that.

Lacey:

I, and yeah, and Joe's mom asks me how, our aunts and uncles are, who

Lacey:

she spent time with, At our wedding.

Lacey:

I know that they spent time chatting like anytime that there's a family thing and

Lacey:

they're in the same place, I Don't know

Al:

I didn't know that.

Lacey:

Yeah

Al:

That makes me, that's brought some tears

Lacey:

But right isn't there

Lacey:

and Joe's mom is very good She's retired now and she's was so good at her job

Lacey:

because she has a very strong faith.

Lacey:

That's something that's important to her and I know I Think they had also gone

Lacey:

through maybe some other I got to meet one of, I think all the other hospice

Lacey:

nurses that they weren't super happy with.

Lacey:

But then they got Joe's mom and they're like, Oh my gosh, she's amazing.

Lacey:

It's weird.

Lacey:

yes, we, it's not like we lived in a big place.

Lacey:

We live in Cincinnati and all those different things, but

Al:

But still,

Lacey:

something magical about each of these people and the losses

Lacey:

and the connections that we had.

Lacey:

Have.

Lacey:

Apologies.

Lacey:

Have.

Al:

yes.

Al:

I

Lacey:

a lot, which is why I wanted to talk to you about it.

Lacey:

It's because I do.

Lacey:

I think about these things a lot, especially since I've gotten sick

Lacey:

and it's just this Oh, there's just something about young Bradley women

Lacey:

that is special, but maybe too, maybe we're just too much for the world.

Al:

too much, can, may I add one more thing about Emily that kind of

Al:

ties this together for, since we have had so much death and our family,

Al:

I will always just be so thankful that she gave me this opportunity.

Al:

she.

Al:

It was when she found out that there was nothing else that they could do,

Al:

and she knew that her days were being numbered, and, I asked her, I said,

Al:

can I come over and just have a one on one time with you, and just talk to

Al:

you, just like a, I'm not gonna cry,

Al:

just a real honest I know.

Lacey:

This is a safe space.

Al:

thanks.

Al:

and she said, yes, of course.

Al:

And I wrote her a letter and I asked her a bunch of just real raw questions.

Al:

Because with Natalie's, passing, for me personally, I didn't know

Al:

that her cancer had came back.

Al:

And so when I was told that she passed away, I was completely blindsided.

Al:

And for us, how close that we were, that was hard for me.

Al:

so for Emily to give me that opportunity to be able to come over and just talk

Al:

to her real and raw about death and her emotions with dying and giving me a

Al:

sign that she's here with me and, like I, not a lot of people I think would

Al:

be able to do that, but I think she made sure to do that for a lot of us.

Al:

I know that my other brothers and sisters got to go over there and they

Al:

all went together, but I wanted to just go alone and be alone and so

Al:

that was really cool that she did that for us and, came and talk to us.

Al:

And I know that she was at Uncle Bill's one or like the last time.

Al:

And I know that she got to talk and say her final goodbyes

Al:

to a lot of people there.

Al:

And, just like giving us all that opportunity.

Al:

Cause we didn't have it in a lot of sense, we didn't have a lot of

Al:

opportunities to say our goodbyes.

Al:

I know I didn't.

Al:

Get to with Natalie or Aunt Kitty.

Al:

I do remember with Grandma, though.

Al:

I was very aware what was happening, but my father also,

Al:

I think, was staying there.

Al:

I think I have this timeline right at that time.

Al:

So I was very aware that Grandma was

Lacey:

Yeah,

Lacey:

grandma was sick, and she had a hospital bed in her house for a full summer.

Lacey:

And so I remember too, like on my, the siblings, they split up

Lacey:

days, so she was never alone.

Lacey:

And on my parents days, I would go down with them.

Lacey:

So I have that same like memory of that time as well.

Lacey:

So yeah, I think that's right.

Al:

Yeah, no, that is right.

Al:

I do remember that.

Al:

Yes.

Al:

I, I, that was, if there was one thing to, learn from Emily, it was that.

Al:

even to know that, it's your final days to just be with your family and share stories

Al:

and share feelings and saying goodbye.

Al:

That is, it's just really awesome.

Lacey:

My mom's a doer, right?

Lacey:

That's how she likes to show up for people.

Lacey:

And so towards the end for Emily, mom was like, what can we do?

Lacey:

And we helped put together some things for her kids to have at

Lacey:

certain points in their life from her.

Lacey:

And so I remember going over and doing that, and that's where I had

Lacey:

a little bit of that time with her.

Lacey:

But I also just think about, we started this conversation with,

Lacey:

we don't talk about these things.

Lacey:

But because Emily did talk about the, ooh, I'm going to cry too.

Lacey:

Because Emily did talk about those things with you, you got

Lacey:

something that you needed from it.

Lacey:

And so I think it's a big lesson for me to just keep trying to Not shy away

Lacey:

from the scary stuff, because I think that's something that has definitely

Lacey:

been Entrenched in me, and it sounds like you too, of if we don't talk about

Lacey:

the bad stuff And it's maybe we need to talk about the bad stuff And that if

Lacey:

there's too much bad stuff, and we don't talk about it Maybe that's why we all

Lacey:

don't see each other very much, and it's hard and it's easier to just say no,

Lacey:

and to not go and that kind of thing.

Lacey:

And I just wonder

Lacey:

if that's a lesson in this for us.

Al:

I think it is.

Al:

I think it has to be,

Lacey:

Yeah,

Al:

That's hard.

Lacey:

it is hard.

Lacey:

I, yeah.

Lacey:

I want to name this episode Bradley Women Die Young, because

Lacey:

it's a little provocative.

Al:

That's what the text message said.

Al:

And I

Lacey:

because that, for some, I was writing, honestly, when I, before,

Lacey:

right before I got sick, I was writing a lot, and that, that came out,

Lacey:

and I can't stop thinking about it now, and the die part is the best.

Lacey:

Scary part, I know, and I think we've proved that we've had enough

Lacey:

of that for it to be a legit comment.

Al:

Yes, it's,

Lacey:

but I would adjust that to now to say Bradley women get sick young.

Lacey:

and I think Bradley women carry a lot.

Lacey:

Not that the men don't.

Lacey:

I don't want it to, I don't want to downplay how much.

Lacey:

Now I'm going to cry for my dad.

Lacey:

That's very, it's been very hard on my dad and like we were talking

Lacey:

yesterday and the other day and he was like, I didn't know my grandparents.

Lacey:

Both of, all of my grandparents were dead when I was born.

Lacey:

And so To hear him say some of those things, I just I wish we

Lacey:

would have had this conversation 10 years ago of I think I understand a

Lacey:

little better of why certain things happened and that kind of stuff.

Al:

We have my, brother.

Al:

Brendan's wife, Erin has said that since she has met him, she

Al:

has been to more funerals than any person that she has ever met.

Al:

And, she's definitely said more funerals than weddings.

Al:

And, it's just, I, it got me thinking and I have probably been to more than.

Al:

40 funerals, And it's, a lot of them are from our family.

Al:

and I remember every single one of them.

Al:

I remember grandmas, I remember kitties, I remember Natalie's.

Al:

I will say I remember hers the most.

Al:

I could tell you almost every detail.

Al:

I remember Emily's and even recently I remember Uncle Craig's.

Al:

I know we're talking about women, but, and I think the reason I remember

Al:

them so well is because even though We are distant and we are not close.

Al:

In those moments, though, we become close.

Al:

We become the family, We're all walking into the places together.

Al:

We're leaving the places together.

Al:

We're probably going to Uncle Rita, or Uncle Rita, Uncle Steve

Al:

and Aunt Rita's for, the after dinner and, stuff like that.

Al:

And that, I think, makes us special because in that moment, we

Al:

are really there for each other.

Al:

We know the other person gets it, It's okay to cry at a funeral.

Al:

It's also okay to laugh at a funeral.

Al:

And,

Lacey:

I get you in trouble because I make faces.

Al:

that was, that, you know, I'm sorry, but it needed to happen.

Al:

Yeah, you got me in so much trouble.

Al:

All, the whole row in front of me just

Lacey:

I know.

Lacey:

And it was all that the aunts giving that Bradley look that it's like terrifying.

Lacey:

Cause they got it from grandma.

Lacey:

And you're like, I just was sitting here making faces.

Lacey:

And Becky's all of a sudden the best Catholic in the world

Lacey:

saying all the prayers, And shit.

Lacey:

And I'm like, wait.

Al:

I think it was Amy though.

Al:

I, cause it was,

Al:

and you just kept looking at her like, what?

Al:

And she's I go to church.

Al:

Oh yes.

Al:

But yeah, that got me in trouble.

Al:

That a few, I got a few words after that funeral and I was

Al:

like, I'm sorry, Lacey's funny.

Al:

I don't know what you want me to tell you.

Lacey:

one of those faces that I can't control sometimes.

Lacey:

And it just gets written all over it.

Lacey:

Yeah,

Al:

and this is why I will never sit next to you again, and I don't

Al:

know why, but like all the cousins were sitting next to each other and

Al:

sometimes that happens and sometimes it doesn't, but yeah, after that, I

Al:

didn't sit by you about the next one.

Lacey:

I will say something that always, there is always like a really funny

Lacey:

thing that happens at one of these.

Lacey:

Usually for me, it's like the process of getting from the church to the cemetery.

Lacey:

Cause most of our, funerals are Catholic and you, that's, the family gets to

Lacey:

be behind the thing and we are always in the longest funeral procession line

Lacey:

and just shit goes down in that line of what's going on, who's going where,

Lacey:

And then there's always like one jerk who like tries to just become part of

Lacey:

the line so that they can, and it's just, it is always the most stressful,

Lacey:

but also the, just, you just laugh.

Lacey:

It's like stupidest shit that's ever happened from the church to this.

Lacey:

Cemetery!

Al:

Yes.

Al:

we're 50 cars deep, too.

Al:

There's people listening to all kinds of music and then there's some

Al:

serious conversations happening.

Al:

I don't know if you remember this, and I don't remember, I think it might have been

Al:

Aunt Kitty, but my sister Julie and Erin Carpooled together and they rolled up like

Lacey:

I

Al:

Michael Jackson!

Al:

And I'm like, are you guys insane?

Al:

our aunts are, you're, they're, you're going in the grave next, I hate to make

Al:

that joke, but, what is wrong with you?

Al:

But I can't say much, because me and my dad jam out too, that's

Al:

like our thing, but, we weren't showing up with the windows down,

Al:

rocking Michael Jackson's Man in the

Lacey:

I will say too, the other thing that I think happens a lot is you

Lacey:

have a lot of morbid conversations that really stick with you.

Lacey:

So for example, my mom and dad are going to get buried in the same place

Lacey:

that Kitty, Grandma, a lot of the funeral, the cemeteries where we end up.

Lacey:

And my mom just always makes these comments where I'm like, Carolyn, shut up.

Lacey:

Like, and she doesn't mean it in like a, a funny way.

Lacey:

She's like, Oh, you can come here and we'll put a tree under here.

Lacey:

Um, but you're not allowed to come alone because it's not in the greatest

Lacey:

part of town and, and all this stuff.

Lacey:

And I'm just like, shut up, mom, shut up.

Al:

I remember that so vividly, I was laughing so hard at Aunt Carolyn, I

Al:

was like, I will sit on that bench.

Al:

But you're right, especially at that funeral, because I think it was

Al:

the first time the Bradley thing, the huge Bradley plot was put up.

Al:

And that's, and everyone was saying, they're like, oh, we're going there.

Al:

And my dad's I'll be here.

Al:

And I, at first, I did cry.

Al:

That did get to me, because I was like, whoa,

Lacey:

yeah, it was your

Al:

would say place, but this is the time and place, but then

Al:

thankfully your mom made, us all feel better by saying that and I was

Al:

like, okay, I'm still going to come

Lacey:

Oh, she told me I'm not allowed.

Lacey:

I'm just

Al:

Do you know why they're all buried there?

Al:

Or do you know the, or Uncle Jack's story?

Al:

That he wanted to be buried across from that Irish bar that's right

Lacey:

No!

Al:

The Crows?

Al:

Yes!

Al:

So that way, afterwards everyone could go have a drink for him.

Al:

Sorry, everyone that's watching, my family likes to drink.

Lacey:

We are

Lacey:

Irish Catholic.

Al:

We are very Irish Catholic.

Al:

yes, but

Lacey:

Yeah, no, but Ma, it's just, it's so funny, too.

Lacey:

Cause So then, by the time we got to Natalie's funeral I was like, all right,

Lacey:

if I die, and I just started listing, like, all right, I want everyone to

Lacey:

come and just what they feel best in.

Lacey:

I don't care if it's your prom dress.

Lacey:

I don't care if it's your wedding dress, it could be pajama pants.

Lacey:

Just come and what you feel the best in.

Lacey:

and then we started doing like Oh, wouldn't it be cool if we could get this

Lacey:

artist to come play at your funeral?

Lacey:

And I was like, no, cause then I'd be pissed cause I wasn't there.

Lacey:

And again, this is how we've gotten to this place where we're just laughing.

Lacey:

It's cause you, at a certain point you have these conversations

Lacey:

and it's, it is what it is.

Lacey:

And

Al:

And some people, they don't like I'll talk about these things with my partner

Al:

and she's stop talking about this and I'm just like, I have to, I have a playlist

Al:

of the songs that I want played already.

Al:

I ready to go.

Al:

yeah, I don't want to die though.

Al:

I'm going to live till I'm 112.

Lacey:

It's also been very interesting for me.

Lacey:

So the two sides of my family, we've got the Bradleys and the Ludwigs and

Lacey:

the Ludwigs did not experience any loss up until my grandpa died about

Lacey:

two, it was three years ago now.

Lacey:

And, it's just so bizarre to, to have such desk just like to have so

Lacey:

much loss and have none on one side.

Lacey:

But it's been interesting now that, They, we lost both of my agreements

Lacey:

the past few years and I don't know if it's just because my parents

Lacey:

are older when this happened.

Lacey:

My parents have been doing a lot more of the well, We want it to

Lacey:

be very clear when we die who gets what and I'm just like shut up.

Al:

you guys don't do that.

Al:

I go to my parents house all the time and I'm like, that's mine.

Al:

That's mine.

Al:

That's I'm going to just go ahead and take this.

Lacey:

literally we were here the other, they were here the other day

Lacey:

and dad was like, yeah We're gonna put Christmas ornaments up and then whatever

Lacey:

we don't put up We're just gonna let you guys go through and pick each you

Lacey:

want and then we'll throw the west.

Lacey:

Rest away.

Lacey:

So you guys don't have to deal with that later.

Lacey:

And I'm like, what?

Al:

No!

Al:

them on a wall up.

Al:

They have the best trees.

Al:

The biggest trees.

Al:

If anyone doesn't know it, Lacey's parents have the best Christmas tree.

Al:

It is the best part of Christmas.

Al:

There is nothing better.

Al:

It's, I just, I still am amazed at how they get a tree in there.

Lacey:

they've, the past six or seven years, they've gone to an artificial,

Lacey:

I think it's a 15 foot, no 12 foot tree, but we used to every year.

Lacey:

So I'm a big Christmas person because.

Lacey:

of my parents, and because of my dad.

Lacey:

And I also want to say, it's not a classy Christmas.

Lacey:

We're not classy Christmas people.

Lacey:

It is bright lights, kitschy.

Lacey:

And I am, because of that, I'm the same way.

Lacey:

I'm like, why?

Lacey:

Would I have, vibes?

Lacey:

the Christmas tree behind you is too pretty.

Lacey:

no.

Al:

Yes.

Al:

That's not mine.

Lacey:

Too pretty.

Al:

I know.

Al:

I'm like a 90's Christmas.

Lacey:

But it, but we used to go cut down a tree, so I'm the

Lacey:

youngest of five, and we would all go cut down a real tree together.

Lacey:

My parents, their living room is two stories.

Lacey:

So we would get the tree in and it was usually somewhere between 12 and I think

Lacey:

one year we did get up to a 17 foot tree.

Lacey:

that was our blue spruce year.

Lacey:

That's a big year for us because they didn't have enough, they

Lacey:

didn't have a big enough tree.

Lacey:

So then they're like, here, we have this tree by this house.

Lacey:

So it was, we were going to cut down soon.

Lacey:

And we'd like.

Lacey:

It was not part of the lot.

Lacey:

It was a figure.

Al:

know that's awesome.

Lacey:

now, since they're older and it's harder for people to get there

Lacey:

on the weekends, they've gotten their standard artificial tree that's pre lit.

Lacey:

And, I think this year's the first year we're not even helping them decorate it.

Al:

wow.

Al:

I'll go up there.

Lacey:

my kids and I are going over there this evening and I think there

Lacey:

may be some ornaments for them to put on, all of my nieces and nephews

Lacey:

are just so busy and weekends.

Lacey:

It's hard to get people together and, and this is also part of the reason

Lacey:

why as I mentioned earlier, I've been thinking a lot about this kind of period

Lacey:

of change and adjustment and like what.

Lacey:

What happens when your traditions change because of that and I think The Bradley's

Lacey:

it was the first time I experienced that because Bradley's you had traditions like

Lacey:

I explained to Joe I'm like Thanksgiving.

Lacey:

We went to grandma's it was fancy a F.

Lacey:

We had place settings we Named hags and it like it was the fanciest I felt all

Lacey:

year and when we said, it was like 40 people, it had to be more than that.

Lacey:

I don't even know him.

Al:

I was about to say more than that.

Al:

At least

Lacey:

I know.

Lacey:

And they did.

Lacey:

they had place settings for everybody.

Lacey:

They had, and then when we lost grandma, a lot of that changed.

Lacey:

And now that this year we've lost my grandma on my other side,

Lacey:

a lot of it's changing again.

Lacey:

And so I'm in that place again.

Lacey:

And so I'm just, it's weird.

Lacey:

It's just weird life.

Al:

It is.

Lacey:

but I also, then I compared to Joe's family and

Lacey:

they don't have as entrenched.

Lacey:

we do this here, we do this here, we do this here, and we do this here.

Lacey:

and it's just weird to go to that.

Lacey:

I don't know.

Lacey:

Life's weird right now.

Lacey:

I don't, life is chaos.

Lacey:

Thank you so much for talking with me today.

Lacey:

I don't think we've said anything that would upset people a whole lot.

Al:

I

Al:

hope not.

Lacey:

hope not.

Al:

I feel like we've been very reserved.

Lacey:

I think

Lacey:

that's something that I've been really trying to dance with doing this podcast

Lacey:

and sharing in general of if I'm sharing my emotions and perspective.

Lacey:

It's okay.

Lacey:

I can tell the facts of what happened and I can share my emotions and perspective.

Lacey:

But there, when I start going into somebody else's experience that I'm

Lacey:

giving an opinion on, when I'm sharing someone else's experience that I am like

Lacey:

a really peripheral figure of, That's also been really hard with my kids.

Lacey:

It's like, how much do I share about my experience as a parent

Lacey:

without sharing my kids stuff?

Lacey:

And so same with Joe, because Joe is not a person who puts anything out there.

Lacey:

Whereas I'm like, let me put as much out as possible.

Lacey:

and so that is a dance that I've been doing.

Lacey:

And so that's why I say, I feel like.

Lacey:

We've done a good job of saying, this is the experience, this is what happened

Lacey:

and this is my experience of it.

Al:

I

Lacey:

there's going to be a whole lot that we don't know about.

Lacey:

As we've said, we don't know a lot.

Al:

we do not.

Al:

we only know so

Al:

much

Al:

and I don't know if I could take any more,

Al:

Mhm.

Al:

That's where we're going to take a break and we will continue with

Al:

Al's story in the next episode, which should be out in two weeks.

Al:

Thanks for sharing the middle with us today.

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