Celebrating our Victories: Tirra Episode 2

Welcome to No Shame in the Home Game, the podcast that cares

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how your home feels, not looks.

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I am Lacy, your grumpy co host today

with, the ray of sunshine that I have a

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feeling is going to make me feel better.

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Sarah, my other co host.

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Hi.

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Sara: Hi Lacey, it's okay if you're

grumpy today and I don't have to make

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you feel better because we all get there

when it's the right time and it's all

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up and down and you just let it come

and you let it go and you ride the wave.

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Lacey: yeah.

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And I am saying that I'm grumpy

because I feel like whenever

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people are like, how are you?

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I'm good.

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How are you?

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I'm good.

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And so me, a person that people

often think is like, Captain

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positive over here, I get grumpy too.

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And I'm grumpy right now, but you

know, who doesn't make me grumpy?

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Tyra.

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We're doing episode two of Tyra

today and she makes me not grumpy.

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Sara: I could use a little bit

of Tyra in every day of my life.

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Even I feel like grumpy Tyra.

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It would still be.

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It

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Lacey: magic.

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Sara: and again, I can't say it enough

how thankful I am that our participants

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come on and share what's going on.

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Tyra really did some emotional digging

to make progress in her home and

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just so much appreciation that she

was vulnerable and open and shared.

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Like you were saying at the beginning,

you're sharing that you're grumpy

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because that's part of life.

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Tyra shared the parts that

weren't working and that's how

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we're going to help other people.

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So all the thanks to Tyra

to showing up as it is.

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And that's how we're going to

help each other is just admitting

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when the days are tough.

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Lacey: Yeah.

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Because when we can admit the days

are tough, that's when we can go

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into our joyful support steps of

recognizing the good, talking about

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it, and then taking steps forward, a

little plug for, our joyful support.

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class.

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I don't want to delay it any longer.

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We're gonna go ahead and jump

right in and do Tyra part two.

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Mhm.

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Track 1: we are

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Lacey: back with Tirra, And as usual,

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Track 1: I'm going

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to throw it over to Sarah

she knows what's going on.

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This is episode

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Sara: two with Tirra and I was

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Sara: say miss Tirra.

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I don't

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know why I felt like

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Sara: saying Tirra.

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You were,

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call me that?

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Yeah.

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a lot of children used to call me

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Tirra: Ms.

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Tirra, Tirra.

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And at the

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nonprofit where I teach, they

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Tirra: call me Ms.

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Tirra.

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So you were

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picking up on it.

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so episode two, the first episode

when we met you, we talked about what

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in your home wasn't feeling great.

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And we talked about everything

that had led up to then and what

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we wanted to do moving forward.

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And what I really

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Sara: enjoyed, Tirra, was that

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took a lot of time to do back and

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forth with me between episodes.

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Because this is a process.

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It's a journey.

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, We know where We want to go, but how

we're going to get there, it really

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takes a back and forth and so many of

my clients, I have to convince them.

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No, tell me when things aren't

working because that means we need to

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change course, but oftentimes clients

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will feel bad.

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And I'm like, no, it just means

we need a different tactic.

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And you were so right.

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So open about what wasn't

working, which was wonderful.

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So the perception I got was when we

left off of episode one, , we were

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looking at your whole house and really

tackling your whole house because , it

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was on a journey for 20 years with, or

20 plus years homeschooling your kids.

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Now the kids are older, you're at a

very different chapter in your life.

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And it felt pretty immediate that.

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Didn't feel good.

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It felt like too much.

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And what I heard was, I'm

pretty much going to shut down

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because I don't like this.

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which was a tool that I talk about is the

zoom in, zoom out, and we zoomed way too

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far out and we needed to zoom in and I

suggested that we focus on your office.

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What do you call your office?

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You had a term for it.

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mama's room,

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Yes, that's why I wanted to call

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Sara: you Miss Tirra,

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mama's room.

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focus to Mama's room, and then you said

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up on that second floor where Mama's

room is, is also one of your kids And

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so reframing into just thinking about

the top floor, and I really encouraged

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you to focus in on that vision board,

which you so beautifully created.

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, tell the audience whatever you want

to share about that vision board.

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what did it feel like doing it?

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What do you have on there?

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How is it helping you?

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I want to hear all about the vision board.

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Oh yes.

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I, okay.

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So I love Canva.

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So to create a vision

board on Canva was so fun.

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And yeah, One of the things I thought

about as I created it was what is the feel

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of, what do I want my house to be about?

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What do I want to focus on?

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And family is at the top of that.

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And so I put a picture of my family

from my older son's graduation

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from the Coast Guard Academy.

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and then I put for me right

now, a lesson from my mother.

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Was clean

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Tirra: as you go, Tirra, clean as

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you go.

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She was so neat and I was not.

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But that has just stuck with me.

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My mom died when I was 27.

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And it's like little nuggets

like that mean the world to me.

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And so there was something that I put on

my vision board that said clean as you go.

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Because that's what I want

everyone in my house to do.

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So I'm hoping that will

invoke that, in the house.

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And then I chose other pictures that

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have the feel of what I want.

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They may not look exactly like what

I want, but they have the feel of it.

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I like natural

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elements.

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There was one picture I put on there.

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I've always wanted.

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It's, I don't know if it's really a

sunroom, where all I do is just go

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there and study or do something fun.

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Even though I have mama's room,

it is still like I work here.

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I exercise here.

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It's an all purpose room.

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It's not always about relaxing.

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So I had a picture on there that

was more of I just want this place

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in my house where I can have fun,

be creative, relax, and just.

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Do nothing.

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Track 1: and it's also because

I want to be like a cat curled

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up in a sunbeam reading a book.

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So I just, as soon as you said

it, I'm like, Oh, I know exactly.

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Yes, I agree.

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we're vibing Lacey.

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and then just, I'm a minimalist.

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I've I'm accepting that I'll

probably never have an ornate,

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beautiful home, even though when

I go to other people's homes and.

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Just all the style and the pizazz.

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So just pictures that are

goals for me, because I do feel

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like I have too much stuff.

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A lot of my pictures were more like open.

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So I love, I love creating it.

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I love looking at it.

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It makes me happy.

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Just like, You said it's a way

for me to move my mind from

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walking in the house, just being

like, Oh my gosh, I'm back here.

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And it's just a mess and it's

never going to get cleaned up too.

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You know what?

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I have something else I can

think about for my home.

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And it's so great because it

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creates direction and focus.

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Like you said, when you walk into the

house and you feel that overwhelm,

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I mean, we, we have to remember you

had 20 years of really focusing on.

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Teaching your children, raising your

children, juggling a lot, and so you're

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really looking at history when you walk

in and the vision board is really your

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future and right now you're at that

line, that intersection, and it's a

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tension point of walking into your past.

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Desiring your future, right?

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And the vision board reminds us

of, I always say it's the fuel.

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Why are we spending five,

10 minutes every day?

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Why are we doing this?

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I love the analogy of when people

talk about, making sure you have

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purpose and direction and intent.

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It's like going into a restaurant

when you're hungry and saying to the

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waiter, I want food and it's like,

well, that's not really going to get

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you where you want to go very quickly.

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So.

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This is creating, okay, this

is the direction I'm going in

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and sure it's not a magic wand,

although it'd be great if it was,

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but it's reminding you and then to take

that step of focusing on that top floor,

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which is really two rooms, correct?

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The two rooms then.

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So creating that vision and

creating it more doable.

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I think that felt more doable.

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Like I can focus on the office, which

you've already claimed and you can

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maximize, and I even talked about

just a corner of your desk, just your

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pencil cup, just pick one small area

in your office and align it with that

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vision board, and then it can't help,

but Overflow because when you see

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that little corner, it feels good.

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And you can see clearly the

decisions that have to be made.

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Right?

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So when you're trying to do the

whole house, I think we just

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crumble under the decision fatigue.

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But when you've already

claimed your office and then

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you've got this vision board.

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And then you're trying

to line them up, right?

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There's fewer steps.

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You're like, Oh, it's just

that this needs to be adjusted.

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This needs to be removed.

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So does that, that feels doable?

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You're shaking your head.

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So I feel like we're talking

the same language, right?

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Yeah.

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Yes.

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And when you told me, Hey, because

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even the box got overwhelming and you

were like, okay, let's just focus on

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one small little corner of your desk.

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I was like, Oh my gosh.

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That is so doable.

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Five

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Tirra: minutes, Tirra.

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Five minutes.

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And I was like, I have five minutes.

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I definitely could take five minutes

to do this and not feel like what

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you talked about that overwhelm.

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and aligning it with the

vision board that is in genius.

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So yes, we are definitely aligned

that, actually between the vision

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board and you saying, just focus

on a small corner on your desk.

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It pretty much shifted everything for me.

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It just took all the load off.

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And, honestly, Sarah, when I walk

in, I'm not just completely and

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totally frustrated anymore because

now, like what you said, the other

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thing that I do, it's you know what?

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Five minutes.

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Okay.

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If I walk in and I, whatever I

can actually take control of.

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Let me just work on that for five

minutes and I feel so accomplished.

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So you're good.

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Yeah.

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it comes from years of

myself feeling overwhelmed.

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And I love manuals.

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I always joke.

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I want life to have a user manual.

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And so I always felt like

there's got to be a solution.

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So it was me just trying things on all

the time and then working with clients.

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And it's that, Thing of

it's not one size fits all.

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You need to meet people where

they are, what their goal is

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and what their resources are.

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And so I came up with a plan with

you and I perceived like where you

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were, I just perceived it incorrectly.

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And that's why it fell flat.

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And it's okay, that's fine.

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Like I, I heard this gung ho, like

I'm ready to take on the world.

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And you probably were, but then

it immediately was like, No, I

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think I'm just going to pull a

blanket up and not do any of this.

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And it's no.

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There's definitely a thousand

options in between like surrender

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and like conquer the world.

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And that's one of the best

books I talk about all the time.

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It's called Tiny Habits.

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And it's all about starting small.

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When your motivation monkey

is huge, that's often when you

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don't meet your goals and you're

You've done personal training.

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that person who's never walked

before says I'm going to run

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a marathon in three months.

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maybe, but maybe a half marathon

in six months is more reasonable

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to integrate into your life.

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So I love this.

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And when I heard you

talking, I wrote down a note.

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I heard when you were talking about.

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That space, like your office is

for working and exercise, but

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you want that space for like joy.

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What I'm hearing is you're at

that stage in your life where it's

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I've got these other facets that

I've just been on the back burner.

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And it's like, let those come forward.

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And I really see optimizing that

top floor of your house to be that.

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And then once that's optimized,

it'll naturally ripple

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over into the first floor.

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It will just, there'll be such a

disconnect between the two floors

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that , as long as you throw your elbows

up and say, I'm not letting this first

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floor, affect the second floor and

it's the other way around, then it'll

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naturally just, it'll just start.

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It'll be so you won't even have to think

about it because you've made, you've

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gotten the second floor where you want it.

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And tell me about, so the

five minutes felt doable.

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The vision board felt motivational.

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Can you give me an example of how

you're integrating this into your life?

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And if it's feeling more

effortless as you're doing it.

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you know that I did get

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a little bit sidetracked

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COVID coming in and it really just

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everything Just went in disarray.

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I was like, Oh my gosh.

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By the time I got on the

other side, I was like,

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Sarah would be like, what are

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Tirra: we doing Tirra?

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But then

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I just remembered

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five minutes, five minutes.

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And so, making sure that I keep

the vision high, the vision board.

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and the feel of the vision

board for me, that's what the

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vision board is so much about.

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How am I feeling?

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am I is the feeling that I have

aligning with this vision board or

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the vision board actually is the

reminder because I can have that now.

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Even in the midst of, things not

being exactly how I want them to be.

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what I have been doing is, a habit that I

have from previous times that I've worked

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to be more orderly and have routines.

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Is have a timer set for when I need to,

clean or, take a moment to clean up.

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And so that's one of the

things I've been doing.

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It's just stop right now.

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We're just getting ready to,

clean for just a few minutes

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and then you can just stop.

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And it makes me feel successful

and, it makes the room look better.

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And, let me see.

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Is there anything else?

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I think that's it.

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That's it's just incorporating

it bit by bit day by day.

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And it's interesting because I,

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think I did come on the

last time super gung ho

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and so ready for it, but

I didn't even see it as

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the plan that we had.

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I saw it as, well, just so grateful.

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It's the biggest thing that has come

through for me is the importance

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of getting support because I was

gung ho, but because I had you to

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leave a message like, Ooh, this

is not working and I don't even

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know what box to start with.

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I was able to leave you a message.

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And That's when we came

up with a new plan.

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And I was like, that's

really what I needed.

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Just somebody to say, hey,

I'm on the outside looking in.

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I'm more objective and

let's just try a new plan.

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So having the new plan.

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And one, one last thing I'll put in

there is also interesting is I started

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saying One little basket at a time,

I went under, there's these little

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baskets that are under my son's beds.

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And so I would pull the basket out.

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and one day, I think I went to three,

it was just one and then I did three.

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so overall the take it bit by bit

plan every day is working for me.

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great.

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And I, I just wanted to share that

because everybody operates uniquely.

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And so hearing ideas of, Oh, maybe if I

set a timer at 12, or maybe if I set a

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timer and seeing what works best for you.

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And I love that one basket.

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And then one day you did three.

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And that's the whole thing with

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the tiny habits is it's all about

just integrating that baseline.

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He talks about if you want to have a

goal of a hundred pushups, the first

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goal is just to have a place and then

just to get in that start position.

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And he's like, if that's all

you ever do, that's fine.

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But if the one day you do

one pushup, that's great.

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But just keep showing up it's that muscle

memory of just, this is what we're doing.

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And I do want to distinguish when you're

taking those five minutes in your office,

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there is a difference between, Resetting

what you already have and making choices

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to move your office closer to your vision.

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So making sure you're intentional

about, okay, am I just putting

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these items back where they belong?

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Or am I in the mindset of, does

this item line up with what I

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want this to feel like in here?

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Does that make sense?

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Those two different categories.

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having those two different categories.

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yes, that's actually something I would

like to get into my muscle memory and,

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just make a part of a natural way of

thinking about when I am cleaning.

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Yeah, that intentionality.

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I think you even mentioned that the last

time, something about being intentional.

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And that really resonates for me.

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being in a different part of your brain.

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and I, I usually don't say cleaning,

if we're just talking about

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picking up or resetting is just

taking an object and putting it back

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where it belongs versus cleaning

is dusting, vacuuming, wiping.

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So if you're picking up,

you're in the part of your

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brain, where does this belong?

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But if you want to change something to

be in line with your vision board, you

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need to go to a different part of your

brain of, is this part of my vision?

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it's like you're standing in a different

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room in your brain of how

you're making these choices.

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And I like to remind people to make

the choices as simple as possible.

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Mhm.

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Mhm.

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in your son's room and you're going

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through a basket, first tell me how you're

doing, how are you going through it?

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What does that process look like?

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First of all, I'm taking a deep breath

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and setting the intention that I will

get rid of as much stuff as possible.

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I will not come up with a reason

to keep anything that I know

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for a fact that my sons do not,

they're not going to use again.

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They're not going to want long term.

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And the other part of me thinks before I

even get started, how excited I am, how I

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know I'm going to feel lighter after this.

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I'm going to feel happy.

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And so no matter how painful it

feels to go through the basket.

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And the pain actually is not sadness

around stuff because I have realized

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I can get rid of some stuff.

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The pain is, Oh my gosh, I,

I just don't want to do this.

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Why did we, I go into the

negative mindset part.

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Why did we do all of this?

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why didn't I clean this sooner?

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and then once I start,

I do think about, okay.

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Where does this go?

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Does, is this going to be something

we're keeping or is this something

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that needs to go into the trash or

do I need to take it and donate it?

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And, definitely have the

boxes for donation for those.

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And, I created a little trash pile for

everything that's going to be thrown away.

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And then there's a place for me to

put, I decided I'm going to keep a

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box, a keepsake box for each child.

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I probably have a makeshift one for each

one, but now I'm dedicating these boxes.

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It won't be a lot.

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but I'm going to create these boxes

that way if there's something I think

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they may want, it goes into that box.

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And then, yeah, once I get

done, I do a little dance

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afterwards.

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love that you do a little dance

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because you're doing work.

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Reward yourself with that happy

energy, whatever that looks like.

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Oh, I love your happy little dance.

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And I like that your decisions are

trash pile, donation box, keepsake box.

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And I often tell people

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limit it down to two or three

choices on a decision tree.

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And if somebody is listening,

another option is absolute yes.

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Keep absolute no, and maybe, and

then later you can go to that

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no pile and go trash or donate.

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So it's just another way of

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doing the same thing.

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But if this is working for you, keep

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Oh, I

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love what you're saying.

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we, cause what is with the decision

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fatigue, I always think about when

people go through their closets.

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Oh, does it still fit?

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Will I ever wear this

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again?

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Oh, will so and so want it?

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You're asking too many questions.

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You take everything out.

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You go, absolute yes.

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If I'm packing a week long

vacation, these are the items that

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are absolutely yes coming with.

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And then you pick out your absolute no's.

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I've never worn it.

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I've never liked it.

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I want to get rid of it.

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I hate the way it feels.

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It's scratchy.

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Absolute no's.

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And then you're left with your maybes.

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And then that's when you come up

with a new set of decisions, right?

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And then when you're all done, you go

to the nose, are these worth donating?

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Where am I going to donate it?

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But if you take each item and

you go down that rabbit hole of,

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can I donate this, which donation

place, what time are they open?

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When am I going to drive?

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that's what burns you out.

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but it sounds like you have

a good rhythm and I love that

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you do the dance afterwards.

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I want to see the dance.

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I saw you kind of chair dance

there, but I'm like, Oh, yes.

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Yes.

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We need to celebrate.

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You are doing this work for you, right?

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And I think that's why the whole

house felt like too much because

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those messages of why am I doing this?

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Nobody cares, right?

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Whereas when you're doing the top

floor, this is for you and your space.

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And we can tackle that shared

space at another day and time.

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And so doing that dance, it's

I'm making myself a priority.

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I'm choosing what my

next chapter looks like.

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I'm creating that space

for me to relax and enjoy.

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And it's for You

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right?

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And you're smiling and I love it.

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And that's your fuel.

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And I do want to address.

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I love that you already dissected

the painful part of the process.

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And you were very clear.

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It's not sadness.

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And I like that you already know that

and I hear you and I recognize why

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those thoughts would come up and I think

it's just taking that moment to honor.

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It got like this because you had a

lot going on, you were raising your

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boys, you were teaching your boys, you

were working, you were taking them,

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you told me about all these events

you were taking them to, it got like

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that because that's what life was.

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In the past

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and it's okay and guilt and shame

actually does nothing to move

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us forward to the vision board.

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It actually holds us back, which I'm

not telling anyone that their shame

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and upsetness feelings don't matter.

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They do matter.

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Do.

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It's just that they're not

gonna help us go forward.

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It's like when you're going,

I always use analogies.

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If you're driving from point A to point

B and it's a very long road trip and

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you end up taking the wrong highway,

I mean, how long are you gonna sit on

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the side of the road and kick yourself

for losing an hour out of your drive?

501

do it as long as you want,

but it's not getting you any

502

closer to your destination.

503

a good analogy.

504

and it's up to you.

505

It's your choice.

506

and

507

that's why I'm always very

adamant when I work with people.

508

I'm never telling you how

to do it or what to do.

509

But if that is your goal, that

vision board, then feeling bad

510

about something, just honor it.

511

And you're at this point.

512

I, we mentioned our coach, the,

how Lacey and I met Adriana.

513

She taught us this system

called human design.

514

And.

515

I had so many epiphanies and I

told her at one point, I said, I

516

am actually mad that I didn't know

about this earlier in my life.

517

I said, I have been through so much

struggle and pain and being mad at myself.

518

And I'm like, how much of that

could have been alleviated?

519

And she said, I hear you, but honor

the fact that now you really notice

520

the difference and it's going to really

521

feel like a big change for you.

522

And that this was just.

523

The path of your life.

524

And so thinking about you and these

feelings, it's like honor this journey

525

and know that now you have these tools.

526

You can help other people who

are going through the same thing.

527

you work with clients, you

have coaching clients, right?

528

529

just say really quickly, I never

even thought about to sharing

530

this with homeschool moms.

531

You know, sort

532

of as my little volunteer service,

because there's been no one to

533

talk to me about what it means

to be a retired homeschool mom.

534

I think we're new and even the

ones who came before us, they

535

didn't have social media and I'm

just not plugged into that group.

536

I wasn't raised up like this.

537

And I have made videos to say,

these are the things you want

538

to think about after you finish.

539

It's a very big shift and change.

540

So I've never thought about that.

541

I'm going to make sure I do that.

542

And the other

543

thing that you're reminding

me of is how little, and it's

544

probably not just homeschool moms.

545

I would say parenting in

general can bring this up.

546

It's almost like a thankless job.

547

I'm not saying it is definitely

thankless, but when people retire from.

548

these corporate companies or just

wherever they're retiring from, there's

549

a retirement party, there's certificates.

550

And I just never have gotten that.

551

My, my kudos has been seeing my children

552

thrive as young adults.

553

And so I don't have it, it's so helpful

for me to hear you say things like that.

554

why do you have all this?

555

Because you were busy.

556

You were homeschooling.

557

You were doing the best you could.

558

If I can't even begin to explain

like how much that touches my heart.

559

Tirra: I really appreciate you,

560

Sarah.

561

Thank You

562

Lacey: Tirra,

563

Track 1: first of all, choked up over

here, but it's really funny that you say

564

that because I learned as a new mom, that.

565

Reaching the 1st birthday was for me.

566

It was not for the kid.

567

So now, anytime I'm invited to a

1st birthday party, I get mom or

568

dad or whoever a gift card of you

celebrate you because you made it

569

through this 1st year and was tough.

570

And it was a big change and now I'm like.

571

Okay, if somebody moves out or

graduation, I'm going to give a gift

572

to the parent and be like, get yourself

some champagne or sparkling grape

573

juice, whatever your, celebratory

thing is, because you're right.

574

the parent puts so much work and

love and effort and all of these

575

into getting their child there.

576

And yes, it's their lives,

they're making it forward, but.

577

I think both deserve the

578

Thank you, Lacey.

579

I feel so

580

seen.

581

we're tapping into this cause it goes

582

back to the whole reason we're doing this

show is if you feel better in your home.

583

That's what you take out into the world.

584

And we talk about that ripple of joy.

585

And I said something about

10% making a 10% change.

586

And Lacey's like, no, it just has to be

587

2%.

588

I think it

589

was it two.

590

1%.

591

one or 2%.

592

So if you feel 1% better

593

about.

594

Why you're where you are

and everything you did.

595

And then you share that with

some homeschool teachers, Hey,

596

thank you for what you're doing.

597

I know it's a thankless job.

598

You're then rippling out that

appreciation and validation.

599

And then they're going to take

that forward in their journey.

600

And to me, that's the whole point of this.

601

And and I also, I agree with you.

602

I think there are so many thankless jobs.

603

Especially as women.

604

And that's the lens I'm seeing it through

because I am a mom, a working mom, so

605

I'm very firsthand with that as well.

606

Funny side story.

607

I started walking around my

house talking in the third person

608

because I needed to hear, thank

you for things that were thankless.

609

And so I will say, Hey mom, thanks for

reminding me to take my medicine today.

610

I love that you're so concerned

about my wellbeing all the time.

611

That really is awesome.

612

I do it as a joke, but I'm validating

myself and my family laughs and then

613

they realize that they need to validate.

614

So , two things that I'm going to propose

to you if it feels good is one, take

615

yourself out for a celebration lunch

or celebration walk with a friend.

616

And just say, my intention for this

is to celebrate all of my hard work

617

you can do it by yourself or with a

friend, but you set the intention.

618

I actually want to brag

about everything I did.

619

And I will pay for your lunch.

620

If you sit there and nod

your head and clap for me,

621

622

I'm tearing up just hearing that.

623

Cause I need it.

624

or write yourself a letter.

625

it doesn't have to be a one time thing.

626

Oh, I'm just going to give you a moment.

627

No, I'm listening.

628

I really, I just actually had

this conversation with myself

629

Tirra: today.

630

Like Tirra, you need

631

to take some time to really honor.

632

What you've done, I just feel like this

20 plus years of investing in my children

633

so in depth, where my identity was so

tied to mothering and just, to a certain

634

degree, I feel a little silly, but I'm

not going to sit on the side of the road.

635

talking about what hasn't happened

or whatever, but I feel a little

636

silly that I'm this many years out.

637

It's been about two and a half years

and I'm still like, why do I not feel

638

like the loop hasn't been closed and

maybe even, going out with somebody and

639

saying, I need you to listen and celebrate

with me, which that would be very easy.

640

I have so many people who love me and

support me, and everything that I've done.

641

So I know I can do that.

642

And also I'm going to link this

to the getting rid of everything.

643

It's I need to close it out.

644

Maybe that's why the loop is still open

is all the evidence is still here, of

645

all that I did with my children for so

long, but, yeah, again, I just have to

646

say this for people who are listening,

it's so important to get support because

647

when we have people on the outside.

648

You all are able to see what

I haven't been able to see.

649

Lacey, I don't even know how I

didn't come up with that idea.

650

I'm going to use your idea

651

also, for the new parents and

the retiring parents, because.

652

it's just something that is just so

key and necessary, but moving forward,

653

definitely one of the things I do

want to just say, I did go and buy

654

myself a membership at this place

called hot works cause I love heat.

655

I love the sauna.

656

And so that was one of the things I

was like, I'm just gonna, I didn't

657

used to be able to do this, just pick

up and go work out whenever I want.

658

So I bought a new membership yesterday at

hot works, but I need somebody to talk to.

659

I need to.

660

hear it.

661

I need

662

to see it celebrated or something.

663

Cause the loop is not closed.

664

Thank You for that.

665

666

And that makes so much sense.

667

The items were sort of an evidence.

668

How much you did and by

getting it out of the house.

669

You are you're sort of wiping

the slate clean, but you want to

670

be doing it in a positive way.

671

Not an unpositive, I don't want to say

negative way, but you want it to feel.

672

Yes.

673

I like, that.

674

I like, and ritual is so important.

675

I used to do papers on ritual and why

they're important and how our society

676

doesn't have them and having a ritual

sorry, I get so many thoughts at once.

677

So having a ritual around closing

the loop that feels good to

678

you and celebrating yourself.

679

That is one thing I tell

all the women I know.

680

Celebrate your own birthday.

681

Don't you dare wait for anyone

to buy you flowers or jewelry.

682

You celebrate your own birthday

because that's what it is.

683

And so just like with your

teaching career, celebrating that.

684

Coming up with some kind of ritual

that feels good to you and then the

685

next step as Lacey was demonstrating

is then honoring other teaching parents

686

and that's how it's going to embed

in you is when you ripple it forward.

687

And you say, end of the school year.

688

Hey, all you stay at home teachers.

689

Celebrate yourself today.

690

Take yourself out for a cup of tea.

691

Do something, buy yourself some flowers.

692

You got through another year and

then really start a conversation.

693

What does it look like to close out

our careers as teaching parents?

694

What does that look like?

695

And crowdsource ideas and

come up with a ritual.

696

That would be beautiful.

697

And it goes to show, you know,

698

you going back to the 1%.

699

If I feel 1 percent better than

Everything in my life and just how

700

I show up will be 1 percent better.

701

And this just goes to show

how it could look like.

702

I'm just sitting in a house that I

don't want to purge, but it's now

703

turning into something that has

so much more meaning to me, like

704

being able to support other women.

705

Homeschooling moms and even

just mothers in general.

706

Cause I just love supporting moms no

matter what our career choices are.

707

it means the world to me.

708

I'm like you, I'm so much

about women's empowerment.

709

And now it's this is

an even bigger purpose.

710

I get to not only learn that

I need to celebrate myself.

711

And how I can now see that me moving

things out of my home is my way of,

712

tying it all up and closing out the loop.

713

And it truly is at this stage for me, a

714

wiping of the slate has been wiped clean.

715

But it, it feels like the slate has been

wiped clean because there's a part of me

716

that's just been like, I don't even know.

717

What to do with myself

on a day to day basis.

718

but then in a way it's not because hidden

behind the scenes is all this stuff.

719

but yeah, I do want to wipe the

slate clean and it feels safe now.

720

I think even before, cause I didn't

quite know what it meant to me.

721

To not be a homeschool mom.

722

And now I do have a

definite sense of that.

723

I'm so much more used to it.

724

Now it now feels safe.

725

I hadn't even thought

about that until right now.

726

Maybe I haven't gotten rid of it because

it made me feel connected to my children.

727

And I'm ready.

728

I'm ready to go on ahead and

just, you know, recognize.

729

I still have them just they're adults.

730

it's, shifting.

731

all of that is over the intense raising

of them and educating all of that is over.

732

And now.

733

I can create this room that Lacey

and I maybe one day we'll sit

734

in and just have this great time

735

together where we're just doing

nothing, reading books, sitting

736

with the cats or whatever.

737

yeah, I can create that and just, live

out the rest of my life supporting moms.

738

And I even see myself, cause I really

don't talk about homeschooling anymore.

739

It's just like a whole thing in me is

in me, but it's ripped away from me.

740

So now it's Ooh, I get to do something.

741

About something I love.

742

I still love homeschooling

so much and it's okay.

743

homeschool mom roll call.

744

I need all the homeschool moms to

check in on this post and you are

745

all officially teachers of the year.

746

I used to just pass by the

school and think I'm never given

747

that title teacher of the year.

748

But I'm going to designate, teacher

of the year and just do whatever I can

749

to support homeschool moms, or retired

homeschool moms, wherever they are.

750

I'm excited.

751

Track 1: You, are speaking to our

soul, with what you're saying to is

752

like, Sarah and I's partnership, , I

have gotten so much out of it.

753

And I'm like, I want other people

to So to hear that you're like,

754

I'm getting something out of this,

and I want will make Because.

755

That's it, Lacey.

756

Mhm.

757

Mhm.

758

goes back to what I say a lot, I have a

759

couple of broken record sayings, which

is the stuff in the house is 50 percent

760

about the stuff and 50 percent emotional.

761

you had a bit of a block with the

physical tangible, but you just

762

unlocked that emotional part.

763

And I think now that

you've opened that up.

764

, it's going to feel a lot different.

765

You're going to have a lot more awareness.

766

Like when you said you were going through

the bins and you said it was painful, but

767

you were very aware it wasn't sadness.

768

I think this just unlocks a

whole nother level of awareness

769

when you're processing items.

770

And going back to that, honoring your

career as a home school teacher is.

771

You're right.

772

You said you don't want to just

wipe it away like it didn't exist.

773

Come up with a way, a ritual,

come up with some part of that

774

where it is having something.

775

Maybe it's a beautiful painting.

776

Something that is a token of I did this

for a really big portion of my life.

777

I am proud of it, but having

something, a touchstone.

778

So it's not floating in your brain.

779

It's something you can anchor it to, but

you can get rid of these items that you

780

don't want in your house, but you still

want to honor that chapter in your life.

781

And again, just crowdsourcing with

his other homeschool teachers.

782

How do we honor ourselves?

783

How do we appreciate this journey?

784

How do we validate one another?

785

I have to say, I am so intrigued by the

subliminal messages we as women get.

786

Why can't we toot our own horns?

787

Why can't we congratulate ourselves?

788

I can't speak for every woman, but I felt

this message of no, you give everything

789

you have until you're bleeding from

your knuckles and you don't say boo.

790

In fact, you're going to show up with

a smile on your face and whatever's

791

asked of you, you're going to do it.

792

And you're never going to complain and

you're going to carry it all on your back,

793

but don't hunch over, stand up straight.

794

What is that?

795

Yeah.

796

idea, pervasive.

797

It is pervasive amongst women.

798

everything you were just saying,

799

I see that as such a female thing.

800

As soon as we go to start to

appreciate ourselves, it's Oh no,

801

I'm getting too high on my horse.

802

My britches are getting too big.

803

Oh no, people are going to

think I have an inflated ego.

804

no.

805

What about just that healthy

satisfaction of I work damn hard.

806

If you run a marathon or a

half marathon or 5k you get a

807

little ribbon at the end like

808

Get yourself a ribbon, girlfriend.

809

I love that.

810

I'm a hypnotherapist.

811

And so there's a lot that we

do with, it's called anchoring.

812

Actually it's an NLP.

813

I'm an NLP practitioner.

814

And I was like, that is freaking

ingenious, Sarah, to have something

815

that every time I look at it, zing, I

just get to remember all of the beauty,

816

the wonder and joy of homeschooling.

817

Without keeping all of the evidence.

818

Oh my gosh.

819

Ingenious.

820

821

, I like the zing and the dancing

and you're very much in touch

822

with this higher

823

Sara: vibration Tirra.

824

I've heard you say a couple of

825

things of why does it matter?

826

Why am I doing this?

827

Nobody cares.

828

Your voice changes.

829

Your presentation, your face change,

everything about you changes.

830

, so just think about all these choices

are just moving you up to that

831

higher vibration, that hot room,

that dancing, that zing, right?

832

And if something, you pick up an

item in your house and it starts

833

to feel like that heavy, that item

is not getting you to your zing.

834

Everyone needs to get to their own zing.

835

Let us, some people get to

836

Zen, other people get to zing.

837

Track 1: makes me feel so much better.

838

Because I'm a zinger.

839

I'm I am.

840

I can't tell you how many times

in my life I've been told, calm

841

gives me permission to do that.

842

Me too, Lacey.

843

844

I feel like this episode in

your journey has really turned

845

into a celebration of all we do.

846

As moms, as women, as homemakers

and making sure that we are

847

validating ourselves and others.

848

I learned this expression from

a women's networking group I'm a

849

part of, which is lift as we rise.

850

So as you rise, you're lifting

all those other homeschool

851

teachers that you know about.

852

So it's not just for you, you're actually

doing it so everyone else can feel 1

853

percent better., I'm so zinged right now

that I could go on So I'm gonna pause

854

myself because I feel as though we've

gotten to a really good point with You're

855

going to keep doing those five minutes.

856

You're going to keep focusing

on your vision board.

857

You're going to really think about,

are these five minutes, me resetting it

858

to what it needs to be, or these five

minutes towards making a decision about

859

moving towards the vision and really

minimizing those decisions of trash pile,

860

donation pile, keepsake box, and then

taking some time for yourself to come

861

up with a ritual, how do I celebrate.

862

And close that loop.

863

There you go

864

Sara: dancing again, Tirra.

865

Every time you say it, like,

866

Yes!

867

let's do it.

868

I am really excited.

869

Track 1: logistical question

with your vision board.

870

You made it in Canva.

871

Where do you see it?

872

do you have to pull it up or?

873

So I asked because.

874

For our listeners, I think it's a digital

vision board is what I did as well.

875

And it is now the background of my

computer and my word for the year is joy.

876

So it just says joy really big.

877

So I just wanted to see where

yours was in your house.

878

did you print it off?

879

Did you whatever?

880

881

Good question.

882

I, actually am using it

digitally on my phone.

883

I pull it up on my phone, but,

I'm actually getting ready

884

to print off my vision board.

885

I do so well with physical copies.

886

Both.

887

Track 1: just, I love making it

digitally, but I think a lot of

888

don't know what to do with it.

889

that's actually, I think, a good

890

point, which is, and I made this

891

Sara: point to Tirra on one of

892

of make sure that when you're looking

893

at the vision board, you're actually

looking with intention, things can become

894

background noise, and so you create it,

it gets all that, it gets all that energy.

895

And then if it just becomes

part of that background, it's

896

not holding the same power.

897

So if we either.

898

Like really look at each image and feel

it, or if you have that physical copy,

899

tape it up in one place, but then make

sure you move it to, your vanity or,

900

a door it, it will keep refreshing.

901

That's what it is.

902

It's like refreshing that vision for

903

yourself and making sure it

904

Track 1: so I've been working on my

office set up and part of that has been

905

like connecting monitors to this and

then projecting it other And every time

906

it pops up, I like, focus in on another

part that I don't So it's so interesting

907

that I have had that intentionality,

908

You are aligned.

909

910

Sara: love this.

911

Tirra, do you have

912

that I can help you with going forward?

913

Do you feel like you have a good plan?

914

I do feel like I have a good plan.

915

I really, what I'm going to focus

on is the, okay, am I resetting?

916

Or am I actually trying to decide?

917

Or am I moving in the

direction of, my vision board?

918

that was so good.

919

so definitely going to focus

on that, but yeah, for the most

920

part, I feel like I have my plan.

921

you'll come up with some ways to

922

celebrate your teaching career.

923

And I am really excited to hear what

you come up with and maybe, yeah, ritual

924

to share with other homeschooling moms,

925

that is so great that you can be

a leader, an example for them.

926

And you can flag those, Oh, be aware

of keeping all of this or be that

927

guide along the road, cause you've

been there and you've seen it.

928

And,

929

I'm somebody who's really tied

930

to purpose, meaning in a way,

like things need to be practical.

931

So to have a new, a whole new mission and

purpose around, okay, now I understand

932

when we land the homeschooling plane.

933

There may be some unpacking or,

like what you even mentioned.

934

Let me let the moms know if you

can unpack every year at the end of

935

the school year, pass on all your

curricula and get rid of the clothes

936

that your children aren't wearing.

937

If I can just give them some encouragement

to do that, because I now see if we

938

wait on the, the back end of it, then it

could just feel like a lot, that it just

939

makes me feel so good and so excited.

940

it's not just like what Lacey was

saying and what you were saying.

941

It's not just about me.

942

So that has me so excited today.

943

Thank you for your time.

944

And again, thank yourself for

taking this time for you and

945

please keep staying in touch.

946

Good stuff, things that aren't working

out, things we can troubleshoot.

947

And then we will meet again in about

four weeks and we'll get to hear

948

how this, iteration goes for you.

949

I look forward to that.

950

Thank

951

you.

952

Sara: Thank you, Tirra.

953

That was our daily dose of Tyra.

954

again, I hope the listeners

resonated with something.

955

Even if you weren't a homeschool

teacher, even if you didn't raise

956

two kids, even if you're not

living in Tennessee, there's always

957

something that we can all reflect on.

958

And Connect to.

959

I hope you all listening found something

about Tyra's story that felt true to you.

960

And something that you can take forward.

961

And remember, we're just going for 1%.

962

If you resonate with 1%, then

that's where the growth is.

963

Lacey: Heck yeah.

964

I want to start with

my something grateful.

965

and it is purely stealing Sarah's

thunder, okay, , I know we said

966

that we're not doing, like why we're

grateful for each other, but these are

967

like roundabout things that just made

me happy and they're related to you.

968

One is that Sarah put a wallpaper

behind her, inspired by my peel

969

and stick wallpaper that is.

970

The number one question I get when I

make a video, where'd you get that?

971

And it's just peel and stick from

Amazon and it is the joy of my life.

972

it's up and I see it behind

you and it looks so good.

973

Sara: Thank you.

974

It was one of those things where like when

I'm doing it, I started getting really

975

tense about it lining up and not having

bubbles, but , I don't know if you know

976

this, nothing in life is perfect and and

when you step away from it and you just

977

look at the big picture, it's all good.

978

actually there's a part of the wall

that doesn't have enough because

979

somehow, even though I enjoy math and I

think I'm pretty good at math, somehow

980

either math failed me or I failed

math and didn't get enough wallpaper.

981

Lacey: with these patterns, you have

to match things at a certain place,

982

so there is more excess that is not

used, then I think that's one way.

983

You don't necessarily know

how to calculate that in.

984

Sara: I was actually so desperate to get

the whole wall done that I used all the

985

scraps and just made it look as pretty as

possible and I still didn't have enough.

986

So no, not, it's that was not the problem.

987

And at first I did try to get it

to line up and then after a while

988

I was just like, eh, whatever.

989

I'm glad you like my

wallpaper and I'll be honest.

990

Took all my willpower not to get the

same one you have because I love yours.

991

So much and then I just thought well,

that's a little that's a little much But

992

let's also do a plug to support no shame

in the home game If you go to Lacey's

993

storefront and purchase the peel and stick

wallpaper through Lacey's storefront It

994

will help support the production costs of

no shame in the home game, Which is real.

995

Lacey: is.

996

Yeah.

997

And we put other products on there too.

998

Sara: yes.

999

Lacey: I put some on my,

did I put my laundry system?

Yeah.

We just, we put other stuff on there too.

So if you're ever curious about a product

that we talked about, Typically, we try to

put it somewhere, and the Amazon store is

the easiest place for me because we have

affiliate links and we get 13 cents, but

that is 13 cents more than we had before.

And we will take it.

Sara: Empires are built on 13 cents.

Do you remember the movie?

And I cannot remember the

title office space, the movie.

Yes.

Office space.

Have you seen that one?

Remember they developed that code

to skim like one, one hundredth of a

penny off of every ATM transaction,

and they don't think it's going

to add up as quickly as it does.

And then they've got like all this money

that they're now sitting on top of.

So it adds up.

Lacey: my other related thing with Sarah

is I sent this to her via a message

yesterday, but it just makes me so happy

because I feel like I've been talking

a lot about Iris and what she says and

how it's been delightful yesterday.

I was making dinner in the kitchen

and she came in and she brought a

Like it's it's not a Barbie doll.

It's like Barbie's little sister.

I don't know, Chelsea.

Anyway, it was one of those dolls

and she looked at me and she said,

Mommy, it's your friend, Sarah.

And then she said high and low because

at dinner we do high and lows and

often Sarah, having a meeting and

talking to Sarah is one of my highs.

the joy that brought me to it just

made me so happy in so many ways.

And I had to tell Sarah right away, and

so now I'm telling all of you, because,

I just love how much our kids pick up

on, and the good parts that they pick

up on, and, just made me so happy.

Sara: well.

And that's the perfect

example of the joy ripple.

Like I had no idea I was somehow

influencing your daughter and

then that made you happy and

then it came right back to me.

It was like a joy ripple echo effect

and it was beautiful and wonderful and

thank you for sharing that with me.

That made my day.

Lacey: a joy boomerang.

Sara: I love that.

Joy Boomerang.

Yes, that was so sweet.

That made my day.

Lacey: And it is thanks to this podcast

and our moments of gratitude that I

have, enforced, and now my kids are

really on board with it, that at dinner

we do a high and low from our day.

And they don't have to have a low,

but they always have to find a

high, and they sit down and it's

a way for us to talk about our day

and, find out things that happen.

and I gotta say, my kids are three

and five, so you wouldn't think.

They would do well, Isaac's a very

verbose child, so he does very well

at it, and Iris has picked it up, and

she's getting better at it, and when

she doesn't know what to talk about,

sometimes she's just my high was,

we're gonna have two little reflective,

delightful beings, and yay, more, more

goodness that No Shame in the Home Game

has brought into my world, personally.

Sara: That's beautiful.

I like that.

that makes me happy.

So my gratitude, yes, one, the wallpaper.

I'm so glad that I took the jump

and I did it and I will order more.

My moment of gratitude,

it's twofold around birds.

I'm sorry, but one is.

The first one is, Sarah from participant

one, who is starting pops of joy podcast

did a run through with me and she asked

me about mine and I did birds and for

somebody to ask me about that joy.

Like her whole premise is I don't

want you to convince me to like

what you like, but I want to

understand how it brings you joy.

And I've never talked about that.

And it made me so happy , to

be asked these questions that

I've never been asked before.

And she said the best thing at the

end, which was, Oh, that was nice.

You made me hate it a little bit less.

And I was like, that's

the most I could ask for.

That's wonderful.

Lacey: Yes, plug, Pops

of Joy is the third.

Joyful Support Movement podcast that

will be joining our network soon.

and it's going to be hosted by, Sarah,

who is a participant from season

one, about just the things that bring

people joy and why they bring them joy.

And, maybe that's a bonus episode

someday, because that's not even

the episode that you're going to do.

That was just a run through.

Sara: That was just a run through,

but it still made me happy.

And on the bird note.

I was sitting here in my office

editing this morning and out my

window, which looks into my backyard,

I saw this ginormous turkey, this

female turkey in my backyard.

I got super excited.

I grabbed my phone and I was

trying to get a picture of it,

but turkeys don't stand still.

she was moving and

shaking through my yard.

And then I just stopped and I went,

who am I taking this picture for?

Nobody gives a shit.

And I honestly just laughed at myself.

I was like, no one's going

to be as excited about Turkey

in my backyard as he is.

I am.

so I just enjoyed the

turkey . She was big.

she would have challenged my dog.

for sure, like really

big gal in a healthy way.

Lacey: there's a body neutrality here.

All bodies are good bodies.

Sara: I hope she didn't poop back there.

Cause my dog does love

to roll in stinky poop.

I should go check that actually,

now that I'm saying that out loud.

Lacey: Oh,

Sara: that's my joy.

Lacey: I do get joy from

you getting joy from birds.

So even though I am not a bird person.

I love your joy of birds.

I gave Sarah a bird book for her birthday.

I'm willing to lean

into other people's joy.

I just don't want to

have to be a part of it.

That's really what it's about.

Sara: and you've infiltrated that in

my brain because as I was taking the

picture, I went to take the picture.

I'm like, nobody else cares

and I'm like, that's okay.

I enjoy it.

And then I was like, do I really want

a picture of a turkey in my phone?

I do not.

So I didn't take the picture.

That's the thing is I don't

take pictures of birds.

So I don't know why I was about to start.

Anywho, huh?

Thank you for listening to my story.

Lacey: I also want to take a minute that

I think it's beautiful that you love

birds and you got to have that moment.

that moment would have been wasted on me.

And you got to have that moment.

So I am grateful for that.

I think that is cool and wonderful.

Cause I would have just looked

out there and been like, Oh

my gosh, that's a big turkey.

I don't want to go outside.

is that turkey going to hurt me?

I don't even know what I would do if a

wild turkey and I got in the same space.

If there's geese, I like

get away from geese.

I don't trust them.

I don't like them.

They're mean,

Sara: I'm with you on the geese.

I have no desire to dwell

on the presence of geese.

Lacey: And they don't want you to either.

Sara: I know

Lacey: they would like

us to all not with them.

Just not.

Sara: Oh, anywho.

moments of gratitude, Tyra episode two.

It's okay to be grumpy.

Lacey: I can't believe we've

already made it to third

episodes with our participants.

So we're going to wrap up

Ashley's story next week.

And it's going to be new to me cause

I wasn't there for Ashley or Tyra's

final one cause Lacey be sick.

And so I'm excited to know what happens.

Sara: I'm editing and listening and I

too, it's like I'm listening anew because

when I'm doing it, I'm participating,

so I'm hearing it very differently.

And then when I'm listening,

it's a totally different

view, view with your ears.

What's that called?

Perspective.

Thank you.

I was like, we need Joe.

What do you call it when you

view something with your ears?

yes.

I am enjoying it all over again.

So all good stuff.

I hope everyone else is

enjoying it as much as we are.

Lacey: Good, great, grand, fantastic.

Thank you,