Creativity, Toxic Friendships, and Complicated Women

Welcome to sharing the middle of a recovering perfectionist overachievers. And anyone in the middle of a struggle come together and learn to embrace the messy metals of life. I'm Lacey, your friend in the middle and guide. His claim to fame this week is actually putting all of my laundry away. Not just, So in the things that need to get hung on the, clothes pile, no, everything got put away. I'm a big deal. Don't worry about it. Today's mini episode we're going to do an essay from the middle. We're going to jump into a little bit of it face from the middle. And then finish up with Lacy labs. Just a quick warning. I'm getting over a cold. And have a. Low sexy, but raspy voice. And my voice does cut out a little bit over this episode. So I apologize up front for that. let's jump in. Today's essay from the middle is called creation. Fixation. When I first started the middle and created its content. It consumed me. I ate, drank and breathed it. And now I don't want to do that anymore. I still love the middle. And all that has done for me and become for me. It has shifted for me. I look at it like my job. That I happily do every week. It's given me a space to consistently create it within a box. Make connections. And maybe someday make some money. Look, I'm fickle. I'm fickle with my creativity. I was able to suppress this for a while. And used it in different areas of my life to fulfill this need. Starting a new job moving, getting married, having a baby, et cetera. It worked for a really long time. And then I was bedridden and couldn't do those things. So the need to create exploded out of me and birth the middle. During that time I learned about what it means to be a manifestor in human design. My energy is designed to create something and move on. Not necessarily. To stick with it for periods of time. Recently I've started having that itch again, my creativity was stifled and uninspired, and then I thought. What if I just let that creativity fly? What if I've learned to do it in a constructive way. Leaning into it. Creating helps me survive the messy middles of life. So I'm creating a space C. You look at me, I'm Medica creating. Where I can just let that creative energy flow. It's a no holds barred area where whatever my little creation fixation for that week will be highlighted. You've already seen me do this a bit with my crocheting. I was even able to use it to relate back to the middle, but I don't want to have to do that in every single case. Honestly, who knows what it will be for a week. Knitting, crocheting, baking gardening. A new app or technology may fall into this. And maybe a very random blog where I need to talk to about Vanderpump rules for the week and get my thoughts out. It doesn't have to be anything, but whatever it is, most importantly though, it doesn't have to be a lasting project that I stick with forever. And guess what if it's nothing. I'm going to tell you that too. Wild right. Every week is part of my weekly newsletter. You're going to see. My creation fixation for what the week is. It's the thing that like my brain can't quite let go of. Whether it's a problem solve. Which is really at the core of this fixation. A project I'm doing or whatever it ends up feeling. Maybe it's related to the middle. Maybe it's not. I hope you can see how there is so much beauty in this for me. And so many different ways. It's giving myself a tool to be who I am. Without judgment or shame. And as usual. I'm letting you in on that ride. Welcome to Advice From The Middle segment for today. today I have one about toxic friendships. The letter reads. I have a friend who I've been close to for a long time, but I have started to feel like our friendship has become toxic. I feel stuck in this friendship and I can't seem to get out of it. My friend is very demanding and controlling. If they often make plans without consulting me and get upset. If I'm not available. They also make me feel guilty if I don't prioritize our friendship over my other commitments. I'm starting to feel like I can't be myself around them and that they don't respect my boundaries. I want to end this friendship, but I don't know how to do it without causing drama. Or hurting their feelings. I'm afraid that if I confront them, they will become angry and lash out at me. The same time. I know that this friendship is not healthy for me and I need to move on. Do you have any advice on how I can end this friendship and a respectful. And healthy way. I'm going to push back on a few things that you say here. Only because I think. It may be able to hope. You in, possibly ending this friendship. So one thing that I wanted to point out is that you feel guilty if you don't prioritize. Their friendship over other commitments. You are the one that makes you feel guilty? Not that. Guilt is something that we feel internally about things. So there still is something in this friendship. That you feel. Invested in. If you didn't care. You wouldn't feel guilty. So I say that initially, because. I think. Part of the work that you need to do before you even talked to this person. Is figuring out. Your internal. Thoughts and feelings. Because of you're feeling guilty about not prioritizing the friendship. It means that there's still something inside you that tells you. That the friendship is worthy of being prioritized. And it sounds That's not the case because you want to end it. And I know it may sound like semantics, and I understand that you probably feel guilty because you do care for this person, but they're not good for your life. The idea is just getting comfortable with both of those things at the same time. Because what that's going to do is it's going to give you power. In this situation. Because when I'm hearing a lot from this is that this person is doing things to you. Especially when it says you say things like they don't respect my boundaries. Boundaries are not about other people. Boundaries about what you are willing to accept. There's been a lot of talk about boundaries recently. Because of like Jonah hill using therapy, speak to be controlling in a relationship. And the reality is if you set a boundary to control another person, It is not a boundary. A boundary is about what you are willing to accept. So if they crossed your boundary, You have to be the one to not be willing to accept that. An example of this is you can call me after 10:00 PM. I'm not going to answer. So see the, they have the action that they're going to take. You have the action that you're going to take? It's really about setting up expectations and then actually following them. Because it sounds to me like this person knows that if you say. I don't want this. Then you will just bow down to it eventually. And so this is where I say start with these actions of you. Actually respecting your own boundaries. So they often make plans without consulting me and get upset if I'm not available. That's on them. You set the boundary of Hey, I need this amount of time. To be able to go and do something. If you come in after that, I won't be able to do it. Boom boundary. I say all this, because one it's about you reclaiming your power. And you owning your own stuff in this relationship. And when I think we'll end up happening naturally. Is if this person really is toxic. They are going to self-select out. That, if they know they can't really push you around anymore. And they're really only looking for a friend who is someone that they can get, whatever they need whenever they need it. They're going to stop coming to you. And that's where that work that you've done about not feeling guilty. It's going to come in handy because you're going to care less and less. What I think you should do is really focused on yourself in this relationship. And then if it gets to the point where they're not respecting or continuing to like. At that point, it's almost like harassment, right? You can very clearly say. I told you, this is what, how I felt you did this. I'm not gonna stand for that. I don't think we can see each other anymore. The best thing that you can do in situations. With people that you feel are toxic is to have very clear stipulations. Because in the gray area is where they can take advantage. Where they can say, I meant, and you can say, no, I said this. I'm being. It may sound like almost like lawyering, honestly. But it truly is in everybody's best interest to be upfront about what you want and what you'll accept. And if you don't want to accept something, That has to do with your willingness to accept it. Not about controlling their actions. cause I gotta be honest. There's a little bit of. You wanting to control their actions in this. Like I said, you, they don't respect your boundaries once they're your boundaries. You have to be the one to enforce them. I know that was probably a little bit more tough lovey than you were hoping for. But I think oftentimes, especially in relationships with a lot of history, We can feel that pressure. Of. having to do things certain ways, or this is who this person is and that kind of stuff. And that at the end of the day, that's fine. They get to be the person that they are. You get to be the person that you are. And if you continue to show up for yourself in a consistent. Calm. Way. They will probably show themselves out. Maybe. Your friend shapes up and then you have a friend still. And that works in the confines of your life. But yeah, you can only control you. And so that's where I would say really put in the effort. Have you in this relationship in standing up for yourself? Not yelling at them, not blaming them. But really actually standing up for your boundaries in what you want. And I have a feeling if they're really toxic. They will take care of themselves Yeah. I know it's all easier said than done. But, for your you know sake and health. I think this can also be good in other relationships moving forward. So I wish you luck my friend. And. You got this? You got this? Welcome to Lacey labs. This is a weekly Roundup of all the different things. And I am loving for the week. Ish. It's a little more than a week now, but anyway, It could be products. Feelings. I don't know all kinds of things. I am recording this on Monday morning. Afternoon. It's Monday afternoon now. And I just finished the new, It's like a reboot of real Housewives of New York. And I loved it. And I loved it because it is the things that I enjoy about real Housewives. if you're in the real Housewives discourse, she'll know that. Real Housewives have gotten a little too much into the, Intense drama. Of like people going to jail. high profile. infidelity and all these different things. And having people argue over. The comment of whether or not cheeses gross. First of all, it's not cheeses. Amazing. or that they faked NACA wanting to go to a restaurant. And once a different restaurant instead. Like it's so ridiculous. And it's Silly, but lovely in some weird way. I also love getting into, see some of these different people's lives of getting a window into different lives. That is a part of what I do enjoy about the Housewives. And the other thing is I just, you don't get to see you women. Be this complicated. I know that sounds, may sound high, like too silly or high brow, but A lot of these women have kids in there. Working, and then they are coming together to figure out how to get along. And that's interesting to me. I say all this, because since it's a new kind of reboot frat. RI boot. Is that the right word? Reboot. Yeah, that's right. who brain fog? Hello? if you have never dabbled in Housewives before, and maybe a good place to start, because there is no background that you really need to know going in, And it's a diverse cast, which I think is really exciting. Jenna Lyons is in it. I don't really know who that is, but a lot of people seem to be really excited about it. I've Googled her and I've read who she is, but I don't have the visceral response that other people have, talked about with her. but it's just interesting to see women in different areas of their lives. Come together. and be strong, but still fight over cheese. Cause that's fine. it's not fine. Nobody should ever fight over cheese because cheese is amazing. And any debate about it being amazing is not something that I want to support, but. It is where we are. it's fine. Spoiler. We all. We'll agree that she's amazing at the end of the. Episode. but yeah, it's a good entry and starting point and also just the fashion is so interesting to see. Fashion, manifest in different women. I don't know. it's for your eyes, your ears, your sensibility. I just, I love it all. Jose is a New York. That's one of them. I've also been diving back into true crime podcasts. I'm usually not a big, true crime podcast gal. I. I don't like violence and I don't like when a victim or. Really it's a victim gets turned into a character. don't get me wrong. Of course I fall into that. I listened to serial and was way too into it. I just. I don't know, there's too much humanity in. Someone dying typically for me to get really into it. But I stumbled upon on podcasts called schemata, which is about a woman with quote cancer. raising money and then writing about it online. And getting attention. And Amani. And maybe she didn't have cancer. I have a lot of thoughts on it. As someone who talks about my health and rights about my health online now. I also. Have a PA. A close relationship. With. Young women getting cancer. I've had several family members get cancer when they were young and the impact that can have and all those things. So I have a lot of thoughts about it that I'm actually writing my blog post this week about it. So stay tuned for that. The puck is itself. I don't know if I would recommend. Structurally. Like I, I find the. Story interesting, but the storytelling and the podcast is quite confusing. And there are so many questions that have been left, open. That I get why they didn't tackle them because there's a lot of Liability with some of it. But it's frustrating. We'll just leave it there. but I did listen to another one called believe in magic, which is similar. One from the UK. it was just nice too. Dive into true crime podcasts again. Without them needing to be murdered. About people dying. There's that. I do. Yeah. If you have suggestions of like scam type things, so you still listen to scam goddess. I fell off a little bit. Yeah, I enjoy that aspect of true crime. I'll take recommendations. You know what my Lacy loved this week, as far as the product I'm recommending is my own book. I would love for you to buy my book. It's on Amazon. And I'll put a link in there. I actually have been revisiting my book a lot. So that is genuine. I think I'm going to be re revisiting my personal mission statement. Because I need to get a little bit more focused in my life. So I did go ahead and set up a page where you can send it for the middle of newsletter and get the first chapter. Of the book for free. So you can do that. I'll have a link in the show notes. If you want to do that. Man. I'm so great at self promotion can't even handle it. I really do hope that you have a great week. And I would love for you to share something with me that you are loving. whether that's in DMS or email or just on a. middle post. Share the left. What are you loving? Have a great day.