Hangin’ TVs and Racing Thoughts: Lacey Solo Episode

Welcome to sharing in the middle of a recovering perfectionist overachievers, and anyone in the middle of a struggle come together to learn, to embrace the messy middles of life. I'm Lacey, your friend in the middle and guide. Who doesn't have a claim to fame this week, because this episode is basically me coming to you. Apologizing but also not, I do have a few really great episodes lined up that I am editing and we'll get out to you. And I'm so excited for you to hear. But I had this moment today where it was like, you know what? I'm just gonna sit down and talk. and maybe that will feel good for me. And all of you. So today is a Lacy solo episode. I'm not going to call it a mini episode because I don't know how long it's going to be. And also I don't want to downplay it. It's so ridiculous. It is exciting because I am recording from my new house. We officially. Have moved. our old houses under contract and we're in the process of getting that sold. And that's where I've been in the past few weeks. I. I had really great intentions. I usually do. That's I think that I'm super woman. Am. I am on a lot of ways. But as usual as if you've been a listener for awhile, Aye. Over estimate my abilities. Because I'm still learning what it's like. To be chronically ill. And. It's not easy. it's not fun. And it's so frustrating. But one of the other things that I. I have learned and really need to step back and think about is that. I'm allowed to do things my own way. I'm going to say that again for myself. To do things my own way. I want to be consistent and I want to have a schedule and to get everything out to you all. But the reason why I did this podcast in the first place. What's to share when life is messy. And if I'm not letting myself be messy. I'm not really sharing it. Right. And part of being messy, isn't just showing up and talking about how I'm being messy, but it's also sometimes being quiet because that's what I need. And I don't know. Maybe this will make me a bad podcast or content creator or whatever. But man, y'all. I needed it. I, at the end of every single day for the past few weeks, I've had nothing left to give. I can say with the utmost certainty that I have done, literally everything I can. To help us move. And, That was all I had. And it's still all I have. I also am an Amana, as I've mentioned before, I'm a, manifestor in human design and we are supposed to go with our urges and where we get energy and how we get energy. And my energy has not been coming through. For sharing in the middle, it's been coming through. For things in my house, did I spend 20 minutes? No, it was more like 45 minutes. Let's be honest. Lacy hanging a TV by myself, into my bedroom this morning. Yes. Which by the way, I got one of those, TV, what are they got? Hang smart. TV wall mounts. And I was able to do it by myself. It wasn't easy by myself. If I had another person, it would've been lickety split, but I did it by myself, dag on it. And it's holding it. Hasn't fallen so far. This is not an ad. They're not paying me. maybe they should, but Hey. Anyway. That's my brain was like, that's what you have to do right now. And that at the current moment, Those things don't always make sense. Did my living room, sconces need to get hung yesterday when I had my parents help. Probably not, but guess what? They did. And I like them and Joe hates them. And it's just an interesting dynamic. Anyway. It's the same thing. I just sat down to edit my episode that I've been working on for you all. And just my gut said no. No, you need to. Talk about. Yourself and give almost a little bit of an explanation Mia Copa ex. Right. That's rented. I don't know, apology. At transparency about where I've been and what's happening and what life feels like, because the reality is it feels. Pretty darn good. To be in this new house. There are so many things that make it. Just a much better fit for our family at this time in our lives. And I will miss our old house dearly. But whew. did you know how nice it is? To have a bathroom connected to your room. Or oh, okay. I'm obligor. All of mine. A closet that you can actually see your clothing. Did you know that existed? I knew it existed. But I didn't know, it would be able to exist for me. So there are just so many things like that, that it's just This is awesome. Also, this is the quietest house in the world. I cannot stress enough how quiet south is. We don't have a basement. It's just a slab. And I think it's that like things don't rattle. And it's very disconcerting for me. Like things do not rattle. I do not hear other people in this house, which would be great when my kids are older, but now it was a little nerve wracking. the backyard is lovely. We have a big patio that the kids can play on and be outside and not have to worry about the dog poop. And the grass and I just. It's good friends. It's really good. Move. I'm excited for my family. Joe has a much shorter drive, which is just great for all of us. yeah, so it's not that I've been particularly sad. I have had severe anxiety because it's just so much news, newness. I made a video yesterday. I posted it on to take doc. We'll see if I post on Instagram, basically I was in therapy earlier this week. I started with a new therapist. It's been great. And, we were just talking about everything and I just finally, it was like, you know what? I have to say something out loud that I've never told anybody else. For the past couple of weeks, I cannot not think about Travis, Kelsey. And I don't know why. I'm sure he's a lovely person. I'm sure. yes. He and Taylor swifter everywhere. Right now. It is a sports romance novel in. In action. And I also went to school with him, I didn't really know him, but he's just been in my peripheral for such a long time that I think my brain is we see this man all the time. And now we're going to think about him all the time. And I don't want to. It's so bizarre. I can be in my hand. I'm like, why are you here? I know, I don't need you. Therapist a great job of helping me understand that. maybe it's my brain latching onto something and all of this change and newness and anxiety and things to do. He is separate from all of that and is not associated with anything that I need to do. And it's made this like pathway that it's using to shortcut. Around. to do thoughts and all this stuff. I've been practicing mindfulness and it's been helping him not be in my head, but it's not that I'm like attracted to him. Like I think he's handsome. It's. I wish I could tell you, Something fun about it. It's not, it's just, he pops into my head. I don't have feelings about him. Aye. I think, I don't know. It's so bizarre. I've never had this before. I've had racing thoughts before, so it essentially. Is my racing thoughts, but it's a health and not necessarily healthy. I can't believe I'm going to put this out in the world. It's not a healthy version, but it's not the. Like me mean to myself or you think thoughts or worry racing thoughts. It's just. This man keeps popping into my head and I'm like, why? Here. It's like nothing. The fight against. Oh, but I can laugh about it. And I can appreciate. Understanding it. Honestly, it's progress. Right? So instead of my racing thoughts, being about bad stuff, Or mean stuff. It is about something so neutral. Anyway. so that's where I've been. That's what I've been doing. I. Had this realization the other day. That I just need to be, I just need to talk. I need to say these things out loud. And that's another part of being a manifestor in human design of just sharing and informing. And not having expectations. I'm having a little bit of a hard time with the middle right now. I'm going to be. Honest, not the middle of. The middle, like the brand and the business. Because I love parts of it, but other parts of it, I'm just like, Ugh. And I could get around them with money, but I don't have money to invest and all these different things. So I'm working with Sarah, my partner from no shame, the home game. And we're really trying to come up with something that we both love and meet both of our needs. So stay tuned for that. I don't foresee myself not. Podcasting with the middle. Cause the one I like that it's mine. It's no one else's and I love the conversations that I have in the middle. I think maybe. I'm just kinda, kinda let go a bit of a very rigid release structure. I do want something every week. If at all possible or every other week. I don't know. Let's just say every other week. I do want to continue to have conversations with people that I think are interesting, but also around topics. That are related to the middle. So like my friend, Katie and I had a really awesome conversation about apologizing. And if in the middle, we're supposed to be messy and we're supposed to be allowed to make mistakes. Then we have to be able to be apologizing in as well. So I want to have a conversation about that. I want to have more conversations with my family about the uniqueness of it. Aye. I cannot say enough. About how special my family is when it comes to showing up for you. In certain ways, like my parents have been here regularly. To help me with all the stuff that I can't do. Carolyn almost single-handedly has moved on. And there's just something so special in that then I would love to share with the world. So the middle's not going anywhere. It's just going to be a little bit more of an amorphous blob that takes. Whatever shape it needs to be. I'm sure that you're like great as a listener. Exactly. But maybe it is. and I truly hope. It is because. I don't know. There's something special here. And I want. I don't know. I don't know what I want and we'll figure it out together. My friends. Anyway. I'm going to go ahead and sign off. Because this became way more of a stream of consciousness as I intended it to be. But as usual. Thanks for joining me in the middle. It's messy. It's weird. It's not always pretty. It's silly and it's fun. It's all of these things at once. you know what, I'm just going to let it be that. I will be back with regular interview episodes starting next week. Most likely I think so. I won't even give it to them. I do Melissa from living in the way is amazing. And I loved our conversation and she and I are going to talk more. But yeah. Thanks so much. And. I have really loud sharing the middle with you today.