Intuition and Forgiveness in The Middle with Serin Silva

Welcome to sharing the middle or

recovering perfectionist overachievers,

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and anyone in the middle of a

struggle come together to learn, to

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embrace the messy middles of life.

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I'm Lacey, your friend

in the middle and guide.

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Who's claimed a theme this week is

actually like getting my house ready.

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To go for sale and it's been

a lot of physical labor.

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Which, as you all know, for

me, it's very challenging.

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So feeling real proud of that.

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, I'm also extremely tired, but that's okay.

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We are making it.

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We are showing up.

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And making stuff happen.

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Today, I'm talking to saran

Silva, who is an intuitive coach.

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She, and I talk a lot about spirituality,

but then also we do talk about infidelity

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and all these different topics.

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They don't feel like we've really talked

about here on the middle of, so I'm really

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excited to have you all listen and get

a little bit of a different perspective

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and story than you're used to hearing.

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I think it's pretty cool.

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So I do also make a

Vanderpump rules reference.

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So if that tells you.

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Where my mind is at as well.

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Anyway.

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Enjoy our conversation and thank you

for your patience in this time where

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my life is chaos and i'm showing

up where i can Let's jump right in

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Lacey: Welcome, Sarin.

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How are you today?

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Serin: I am good.

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Thanks Lacey.

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Thanks for having

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Lacey: Yeah, I know I just mentioned

to you before we hit record that

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I have been really thinking a

lot about spirituality lately.

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What a wonderful happenstance

to have you today.

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The world works how it's supposed

to, but why don't you go ahead and

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introduce yourself to our listeners?

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Serin: Great.

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Hi, my name is Rin Silva.

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I am a recovering advertising executive

turned intuitive coach and medium.

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So that covers off on the

spirituality component.

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I live in Boulder, Colorado,

and I'm native Californian.

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I have quite a few business accolades,

but these days I really am just

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focused on Connecting with women and

helping to empower them to be their

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greatest selves and their careers.

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Lacey: Awesome.

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This, again, this is just me being nosy.

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I want to know more about being a

medium and what that looks like for

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you before we jump into the rest of it.

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Cause I read that and I was

like, Ooh, tell me more.

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Serin: Yeah, it's really funny.

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You don't wake up one morning

and you're like, I'm a medium.

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I was really locked into

my career and my identity.

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I was living in San Francisco Bay

Area and I got a little voice one day

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when I was commuting, it said, how

much longer are you gonna do this for?

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And within four months, I'd moved my

whole family to Boulder, Colorado.

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I started doing, I didn't

know I was gonna do all this.

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But it was pulling me, spirituality was

pulling me in a way it never had before.

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I started doing Reiki energy work.

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I got really curious about it.

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I had met some friends and I was

like, oh, this is interesting.

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And started doing some energy work.

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And when I started doing the energy

work, I started getting, information

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about the people that I was working on.

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That sort of telling me

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like about who they were and how they

were feeling and if they were sick

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and if they were having heartbreak or

if so, and I was like, what is this?

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And it's gotta be in my imagination.

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And from there I evolved, got

curious, and went into an intuitive

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training program for a couple years.

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Intuition is different than mediumship.

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intuition is just that deep

knowing about something.

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And the mediumship is that deep

knowing and connection to people

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that are no longer with us.

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So they had us do reading exercises

in class and they said there's

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this little dog someone wanted to,

we're looking for things to read.

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So someone said, there's this little dog.

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I started reading the dog and

I realized the dog had died.

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And I started just pulling

information about the dog and the

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dog's owner like started tearing up.

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And then I just started to realize

that I could access information

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outside of the intuitive stuff and

start connecting to people at a

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different plane and a different level.

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so I worked to develop that.

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And, that is one thing that I do

now is I'll do readings for people

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who, have family members that have

departed or lovers or siblings or,

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I have one woman I read every year

on her daughter's birthday, her

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daughter died of cancer, an early age.

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So it's deeply meaningful

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Lacey: Yeah.

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Serin: work and I love being able

to connect people to people that

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they can't see and talk to anymore.

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But yeah, like I said, I was an

advertising executive and it all

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just flowed and I was like, okay.

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At first I thought it was pretty crazy.

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I was really judgmental of myself.

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I didn't embrace it.

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I was like, this is crazy and

people are gonna think I'm crazy.

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So there was a lot of being in the

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middle of navigating these two places.

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Lacey: and that's part of the reason

why I'm so interested of the concept

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of medium, because it is so directly

related to the middle of being the

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conduit of two different of being.

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but I very much relate, I'm really

leaning into intuition for myself lately

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and learning to trust my intuition.

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and for example, with the

middle, I just have this deep.

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Like confident, I don't know if confident,

like it's just, it's gonna, it's gonna

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happen for like, it's going to be big,

it's going to change someone's life.

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And I don't say that as a, self centered

or like overly confident person.

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It's just no.

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No, it's there.

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I just feel it.

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and it's taken me a little while to

even be able to say that out loud

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because of that judgment, because

of that feeling of am I crazy?

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I literally said to my therapist last

night, at what point am I delusional?

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And she's like, well, you're not

delusional in any other part of your life.

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Why is this one different?

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That blew my mind.

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So this is

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very much, very much on my

heart and thought right now

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of there's something there.

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The intuition is just speaking to

me and really, and if I'm wrong,

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I'm wrong, you know, yeah, it's

one of those things where, I'm very

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much in that middle of my journey.

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but I would love to hear for you,

what does the middle mean to you?

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I find that people tend to have a

visceral reaction when they start

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to hear and think about the concept.

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Serin: it's funny because I was coaching

someone yesterday and she was like, I

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just want this transition to be over,

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Lacey: I'll

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Serin: which is going from one

situation to another situation.

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And I was like, we really

can't control what that is.

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So to me, it's that liminal place

where you're, you haven't arrived

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yet and you have different options,

or I have different options to

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respond in a certain way, right?

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and so it can be harrowing, it

can be gut wrenching, it can be

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tearful, it can be joyful, it can

be all those things all together.

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And you're in a washing machine,

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right?

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,

Lacey: that's a great way of looking at it.

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Oh my gosh, because you

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Serin: so you're

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Lacey: confined, but it's just spinning.

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Oh my God.

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I, so I'm going to use this like I

just now my brain because it does.

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It just hits so much because

what you're describing is one of

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the places that I started when

I started the middle and talking

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about the middle was the frustration

of that place and that feeling.

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So to think of it as a washing

machine where you're contained and

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you're just cycling over and over.

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That's perfect.

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Oh, thank you.

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Serin: And I love to work with women.

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You are welcome.

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I love to work with women that when

they're at that stage, because, there

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is al I always say the only way out is

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through, right?

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It's not my saying, but I don't know who

said it, but it was someone, a Buddhist.

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But how do we live with that?

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We don't know when the

timing's gonna end or start.

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I've been through that many times.

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These, I've been through

many washing machines.

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Lacey: Many cycles.

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Serin: Many cycles.

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and I try to embrace it and be patient,

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Lacey: mean.

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That's why I started this in the

first place is because I'm not

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good at that and I want to figure

out how to be better about it.

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I like almost like

mildly torturing myself.

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Like the, if I just talk

about it more, I'll get there.

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but yeah, I would love to hear, I

usually like to ground these conversations

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in a middle moment of your life.

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So what would you like to talk through?

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Serin: Yeah.

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good question.

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So there've been, like I

said, there have been many,

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but there was one that

was particularly poignant.

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I married relatively young.

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I was 26 and I met this guy that

I was head over heels for and

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still am more on that later.

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And we had a child, she was one

at the time and it was really

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difficult for me to wrestle.

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With the identity of being this

successful advertising executive

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and then being mom to a young child,

and my husband was also trying to

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adjust to being a father and adjust.

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Our relationship dynamic was

different with the third.

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It just different, it wasn't just t

and i anymore, it was a slow person.

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and that's not unique to me necessarily,

but, I buried myself in my work

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and, Someone came along who gave

me the attention that I was seeking

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at that time, unhealthy attention.

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And, I hadn't set out, I had

plenty going on between a child

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and a marriage and a big job.

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But, it came in at a certain

time and, I regret following

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that urge to be with that person.

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But I wound up leaving my husband,

and moving into an apartment and I

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think there was part of my I teenage

angst or something that was getting

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worked out even though I was like 30

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Lacey: Yeah.

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Serin: I, because I settled

young and married young.

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'cause I married at 26, but I met

him earlier, like years before.

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I don't know.

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It was a really spin psychy to go

back to the washing machine kind of

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time because my identity wasn't defined.

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I was looking for attention.

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Maybe I was trying to run away

from my marriage and my child

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because I didn't know what to do.

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And that hadn't really been modeled for me

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at my home.

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My, my childhood was not super healthy.

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so I don't know why it happened,

but I became, I was in the middle

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essentially of Being in with this person.

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So I moved into the apartment and I

said to the person, I'm available now.

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And he said, I don't wanna be with you,

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Lacey: Uh!

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Serin: after we'd been dating for dating,

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you know, I use that term loosely,

uh, for a year and a half.

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So I was ready to pivot my life for

this person who'd given me attention.

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Lacey: Mm hmm.

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Serin: and I did and.

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He wasn't there.

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Lacey: I can do my heart is, like,

literally breaking right now.

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Serin: I thought I was in love

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with him, and we went from talking

every day, like three times a

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day to I called and he never

answered the phone number again.

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So there I was in my apartment

with my, toddler daughter

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Lacey: Yeah.

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Serin: and a husband who was like, You

suck, basically, which I understand.

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I'm not mad at him for that at all.

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but yeah, I had to rediscover

myself in that apartment.

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I was in Oakland, California, and, I

painted the walls like a Tiffany Blue and

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furnished it the way that I wanted to.

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And there was like a bohemian

time for about two years.

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a lot of crying.

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A lot of crying, a lot of self-expression,

a lot of writing, a lot of confusion,

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Lacey: and what a change to

go from, managing two people,

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to then nothing as well.

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I just keep thinking about just

that big change and how one of these

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people you will still be connected

with no matter what the rest of

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your life because of your daughter.

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But I also just think about my experience

because really that first year after a

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child, whether it's your first or I only

have two kids, but it is so hard because

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it's constant change and it's constant

influx of basically just survival.

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I, I loved that year, I loved infancy

with my children, but it's just

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so high emotion that I personally

cannot even wrap my mind around.

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And adding more on top of that, not,

and I don't mean that, and I realized

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as that came out, it sounded judgmental.

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I don't mean it judgmental in any way

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Serin: I don't feel that.

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Lacey: I, my brain can't even

comprehend that high level of emotion

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that you must've been going through.

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Serin: Yeah, I think I

really wanted attention.

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Lacey: Yeah.

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Serin: I was working really hard.

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I was making, I was the breadwinner

for the family and I was paying for

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the apartment in Oakland, and then

I was paying the mortgage on the

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house in the suburbs, and, Paying.

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I just remember like being exhausted.

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and yeah, how I made time

for a lover is interesting.

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but I think I really wanted the attention.

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Lacey: I don't know how I

made the time it's I think.

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We can't,

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I think a lot of times we don't think

about how our time is spent until like

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later, because people will be like,

I don't know how you do all this.

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And I'm like, I don't

know how I do this either.

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And so to me, it makes sense that

especially during that time, another

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thing got added and it's just what

you did, looking at it objectively.

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Yeah, I, that part doesn't confuse me

at all, I'm like, no, that makes sense.

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Serin: Yeah, and he really knew how

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to turn on the charm.

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Lacey: yeah,

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Serin: He really knew

how to pull people in.

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Lacey: looking back now, I hear

regret in your voice, but it also

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sounds like you have a healthy.

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View of what you had control

of during that time and that

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there was manipulation there.

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how long how long did it take

for you to be able to accept that

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and not beat yourself up with it

and start to get because I think,

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I have a really dumb example.

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So stick with me.

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I really love Bravo shows.

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And I've been watching Vanderpump rules.

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And there's this whole scandal right now.

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It's called scandal.

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about infidelity.

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And right now there's a lot of talk

because the other woman in this kind

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of has done an interview recently.

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Her name's Raquel or Rachel, whatever.

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And I empathize with her so much

because I can understand her

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perspective and how this man could

have really manipulated her into that.

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And I just, I imagine it takes a long

time to even admit that to yourself.

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Serin: Oh yeah.

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It took a really long time

for me to understand that he

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was the master manipulator.

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I'm not gonna say he was

a horrible human being.

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'cause I believe, I don't believe

everyone's all bad or all good, I

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believe we're somewhere in the middle.

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but he had manipulated, like many

women, he liked to do this thing

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where he would flip the person.

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So when I met him, he was like,

oh, there was this woman that was

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lesbian, but I flipped her, or

this, it was, and I flipped her

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and I, it, it's not like he met me.

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And that was the first thing

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he said, he built a relationship and then

over time these things would seep in.

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And I didn't see it at all.

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I was like, oh, somebody's really

being romantic and saying I'm beautiful

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and leaving me notes and blah, blah, blah.

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But, it took a really long time.

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Like he, so he didn't wanna

see me after I moved out and.

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I was in a lot of pain 'cause

I really thought I loved him.

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I would say it took me like

two, three years and then now

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So now I think I look at it as

that was a really good kick in

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the butt and learning for me,

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Lacey: Mm hmm.

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Serin: that was a really good learning.

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and my husband and I, the relationship

that we had before that I moved

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out, I don't think it

was a real relationship.

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Lacey: Interesting.

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Serin: I don't think it was

an authentic relationship.

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I don't think the two, I think

the two of us were just moving

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forward together because that's

what we had done and we had a baby

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Lacey: And that's what you

felt like you should do, and...

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Serin: yeah.

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And so I, what's funny is

we're like back together.

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We've been back together since

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and the relationship is,

I'm not trying to put a bow

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on it, but the relationship is a lot

more authentic and a lot healthier.

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And, we went through therapy.

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He was willing to do therapy.

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He's a wonderful human being,

but it's a much more authentic

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relationship, and it wasn't before.

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Lacey: Yeah.

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And I think why I'm so excited to ask

you about this is because I've been

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thinking about this a lot lately.

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I'm just talking to you at the right time.

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I think it's what I keep learning

is I keep thinking about this idea

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that you can take responsibility.

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For your actions, but still

acknowledge what made your choices.

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So to hear you as someone who went through

this experience can say very easily, I'm

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looking at your face, but listen, she's

just speaking very matter of factly of I

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did something that I'm not proud of that.

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I wouldn't do now.

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But someone helped me get there.

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That doesn't mean that what I've

done is any less what it is.

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And then to be able to then take

that knowledge and move forward and

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be with your partner in a really

authentic way like that's really cool.

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Like I just, I don't think, I

think it takes a level of nuance

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and understanding on both your

part and your husband's part of.

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Part of what I'm discovering with

the middle is that the middle

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is about the gray area of life

and being comfortable in there.

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And so it would be really easy

for people to listen to this

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and be like, well, she cheated.

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She's bad.

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It's wrong.

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He's dumb for wanting to be with

her and all these different things.

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But it's no, there's so

much gray area between that.

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And it's beautiful to me that you

both were able to navigate that and

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negotiate that to come back together.

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Serin: Yeah, and it was not easy

and I had to let myself out.

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At one point,

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I had to consciously say, I am

not gonna keep beating myself up.

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'cause I definitely did that for a long

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time.

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I was like, I've, I have to move on.

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if I continuously hold this thing

where I hate myself for the rest

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of my life, what's that gonna

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Lacey: Who does that

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Serin: what does that do?

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What does that do?

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And it took a while.

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So one day I consciously was like,

today it's, today is the end.

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Today is not the day that I'm gonna

keep feeling guilty about And I actually

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said to my husband, we were back

together, but it was still tenuous.

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And I just, he would,

drop comments about what

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happened when things got tense.

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And I'd be like, I understand

that you feel that way and you

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have a right to feel that way, but

I can't keep beating myself up.

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I can't, it, I've gotta let go of

that And I had to just call time

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on that.

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And if he had said, I can't,

we probably wouldn't be

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together.

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You know, and I, you know, and hearing

what you said too, you know, about the

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gray, it's like, when I think about it is

I think there was just a really deep love,

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there's a very deep love between he and I.

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Lacey: Mm hmm.

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Serin: and love isn't always

everything, but in this case, when

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I think about that elastic band

that allowed this to kind of stretch

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Lacey: Mm hmm.

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Serin: it was the love that I.

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Was the thing underneath of all of it.

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Lacey: I just imagine coming

back from that is hard.

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So what made you all start

to come back together?

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Because I think it would be very easy on

both parts to just write each other off.

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And so I'm just so curious about

the, almost the logistics of it.

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Serin: That's a good question.

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a couple things happened.

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The first thing happened was I

was hanging up new pictures in my

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apartment and I cut my hand on

a piece of glass, you know, the,

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it just, it cut across my pinky.

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I still have a scar there.

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And, it was bleeding like crazy and

I was calling people and I needed

400

someone to take me to the emergency

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room.

402

And I called him and I

was like, last resort.

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And he was like, okay, I'll take you.

404

So the guy drives like 45 minutes,

picks me up, takes me to the er,

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gets me bandaged up, barely talking

to me, but he didn't want me to

406

suffer.

407

And then a few months later, so our

daughter was going back and forth

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obviously.

409

And so one night I was making dinner and

I said, do you wanna come in for dinner?

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And he was like, okay.

411

And I was surprised.

412

So he sat down at the table.

413

And next thing you know,

we didn't have our clothes

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Lacey: Yeah.

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Serin: We were to get back together.

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I'll spare you

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Lacey: I don't need that many logistics.

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Serin: And so I was like, I don't know

what's happening, but I wanted him back.

419

I was alone for long enough and

I think what I think the biggest

420

favor that guy did was breaking up

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Lacey: Yeah.

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Serin: He was not good for me at all.

423

he did me a favor and he, and

that allowed me to press reset on

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my relationship with my husband.

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Lacey: Yeah.

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I'm curious too, when does your

job shift happen in this process?

427

Is it after everything?

428

Because you mentioned being a recovering

ad executive, because I'm curious

429

about how the different aspects of

our life and those big shifts, like

430

did they happen simultaneously or

different to, I'm just timeline wise.

431

Serin: Yeah, my job was pretty

consistent during that time.

432

Lacey: Good.

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Good.

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for you.

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Like that.

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Yeah.

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Thank you.

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when the intuitive voice came.

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And I'd never heard

441

anything

442

before.

443

I'd never heard a voice before.

444

And I was literally driving across

the Bay Bridge in California, Northern

445

California, and it literally popped

into my ear and I was like, what?

446

And then I went into my office and I,

my manager, this fantastic manager,

447

and I said, would it be possible for

me to do this job remotely and The

448

job that I had was, I was managing a

team, a cross matrix team of 30 plus

449

people and managing a $20 million piece of

business that was local to the Bay Area.

450

So the odds of her saying

yes to that were, you need

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to be on hand in the office.

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This was before Covid

453

and all that.

454

And so I expect her to be like, no.

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And she said, maybe create a plan for

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me and, present it and then

we'll take it to the c e.

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And next thing it was like,

yeah, we've checked and we have

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employees in the state of Colorado.

459

And so tax wise, it'll all work.

460

And next thing an a apart, not an

apartment, a house came up right

461

near a really great elementary

462

school here in Boulder.

463

My husband was like, yeah, let's restart.

464

let's leave.

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Lacey: Why Boulder?

466

I'm just curious.

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Serin: I wanted to live

in a university town,

468

so we looked at Boulder and

we looked at Austin and, Yeah.

469

that's what the, and Austin was

just, I was worried it was too hot.

470

So we came out, we came,

went out to both places.

471

My husband and I spent a weekend.

472

and what was funny to me as

it goes back to spirituality

473

is how everything snaps into

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place when it's supposed to.

475

And you're like, what?

476

Like you said, oh, I've been thinking

about spirituality, and then you come up.

477

That's intentional.

478

That's by

479

design.

480

Lacey: It's all right now.

481

I'm a little speechless because I

think I that really hit me that I

482

think you're very right of like when

things happen, even though I yeah.

483

Oh, I'm emotional.

484

I don't know.

485

Sorry.

486

Serin: That's okay.

487

Emotions are our

488

Lacey: They are, they're

pieces of information.

489

That's what I have.

490

I'm learning to tell myself piece of it.

491

And I think my spiritual journey

that I've been on, I'm, I come

492

from a Catholic family, so very

much rooted in that tradition and

493

whatnot, but I've never really

494

needed it, I believe in being a

good person and that as long as I'm

495

doing everything I can to be a good

person, I think I'm doing just fine.

496

But with that, I.

497

Okay.

498

still had those like leftover shoulds

from Christianity and Catholicism.

499

And it's only been till very recently

that I've started to really think

500

about how I can still have that

spirituality without the religion.

501

And so yeah, and like when I say

recently, like in the past week, I've

502

like, it's been intentionally on my mind.

503

So to hear us having this

conversation, it's just.

504

Really freaking cool.

505

And in the way things work time wise,

is there like a university town?

506

I have an assumption

about what that means.

507

I used to work in universities.

508

or that's where I spent most

of my career up to this point.

509

So I totally get it of what

being a part of a university,

510

even the town can look like.

511

but I don't want to make assumptions

about what, about why for you.

512

Serin: Yeah.

513

It's also, I like the

514

academic thing of it.

515

Young people wanna grow their

thinking and expand their horizons.

516

There's a lot of

opportunities for me to learn

517

here.

518

and in doing that I

also, I published a book,

519

I was able to present it and

talk about it here in town.

520

But it's just a place of thinkers,

who are challenging traditional

521

notions and expanding and growing.

522

And, I think as a people

we need to be doing that.

523

And I think right now, especially in

this liminal time, when the weather's

524

unpredictable and there's a lot of

challenges that people are having

525

emotionally and societally, that's the

time to challenge the traditional way of

526

thinking because we might need new tools.

527

And so that's one of the reasons why I

love what I do, is 'cause I can bring

528

in the existing kind of world and then

bring in the new world and it's okay,

529

what do we wanna chart going forward?

530

Lacey: Absolutely.

531

I love that.

532

It's a place of thinkers because I, as

you said that, I'm like, yes, that's

533

what I loved so much about working at a

university, is I love a place where people

534

can be like, wait, no, tell me more.

535

Like I just, I like

people who are thinkers.

536

So I totally get that.

537

anything else about your story

before we go into our final

538

question and wrapping up?

539

Serin: no.

540

I

541

would just say, we have

to love ourselves no

542

matter what.

543

Lacey: Yeah.

544

Serin: I know we hear that a lot, but

it's different when you have to walk it.

545

Lacey: Yeah.

546

I just, again, I know

he said this already.

547

I'm just really impressed because I can,

I beat myself up for the dumbest things.

548

So if some, something like

that in with that current

549

mindset would have crippled me.

550

So to hear you be able to talk about

it and share about it and show.

551

Self love and growth, but still acceptance

and of, your actions and that kind of

552

stuff, I think is something we need

to hear more of in the world because

553

a lot of times it's that black and

white thinking of, oh, you did that.

554

You're a bad person.

555

And then people rate you off

and that's not realistic.

556

Good people do bad things, it's

human, it's part of our nature.

557

Serin: A hundred percent.

558

Lacey: do you have a piece of advice?

559

I know you just gave one little piece

of wisdom, but do you have a kind of

560

a piece of advice that maybe either

you needed to hear then, or that has

561

guided your life up to this point?

562

I love a little like takeaway.

563

Serin: really listen with your heart.

564

Don't listen with your mind,

565

Lacey: Yeah.

566

Serin: and it's okay

what your heart wants.

567

It's okay.

568

It's okay.

569

You're gonna be okay.

570

and when you're not, okay,

fake it a little bit.

571

Because I had to do that.

572

Had days where I was like, I'd be driving.

573

I'd be so mad at myself.

574

I'd be like, fake it till you make it.

575

Fake it too.

576

Make it.

577

And I would try to put a smile on my face.

578

And I gotta tell you, I actually worked,

579

Lacey: that is a

580

scientific theory, called

facial feedback theory.

581

Yeah, my one of my.

582

I have a couple degrees, but one of

them is in communication and that was

583

always one of my favorite theories

is that if you smile, you trick your

584

brain into thinking that you're happy.

585

and so like by the act of

smiling, you're giving yourself

586

feedback about being happy.

587

so yeah, absolutely.

588

There is absolute evidence

about fake it till you make it.

589

Serin: Oh, good.

590

thank you

591

Lacey: Thank you.

592

how can people find you, work

with you, all that stuff?

593

Serin: yeah.

594

they can find me@rinsilva.com.

595

I'm offering a free, 15

minute clarity session.

596

If you have question, you're

stuck somewhere, you need help.

597

I'm gonna probably doing a

few more programs and whatnot.

598

and then my book is You

Empath U It's on Amazon.

599

That book is full of tips on

how to deal with difficult times

600

and practices that you can do.

601

'cause I really believe in using the

physical body, the intuition and the

602

mind, all three of them together.

603

yeah.

604

And this was really fun.

605

Thank you for having me on.

606

I

607

Lacey: Thank you.

608

I've really loved talking to you

and I can feel it like in my core

609

that we were supposed to talk today.

610

I just feel it in my intuition.

611

and it feels really good.

612

So thank you.