welcome friends to sharing the middle, where we share the messy middles of life. I'm Lacey, your friend in the middle and guide who's claimed a theme this week is, oh, so many different things. I'm really proud of myself this week. you know what. This is what we're going to talk about in this episode. Definitely what I'm the most proud of and you're going to hear. Lots and lots about it as we go through. we share our stories to one understand who we are and our lives and selves. And we also do it to be able to allow others to see. Their selves in our stories. I doing this, we can start to, Normalize a lot of things that are always very normal. And feel seen and be seen and really understand each other so much better. The past few weeks, you all have heard me share my story. Through conversations with several people in my life. And. I thought I'd take a moment today to really reflect on that with you all. And these episodes. I talked about things I've never talked about before. Either with family members or, My friend. Emma, these are either conversations I've never had or conversations that I would have never thought. I could share out in the world. And I am wicked proud of myself. And I was able to do that. That level of sharing has catapulted so much of my own personal growth. That I desperately want other people to have this experience. We'll start with the, some of the different things that I've learned. And then I am, I'm going to challenge you to maybe start having some of these conversations in your life. That's the episode today. It's just me talking. If you're sick of me talking, I don't blame you. I'm sick of me talking. But, as sharing the middle continues to go on and we are going to go back to alternating formats of hearing from me and these conversations with people in my life and interview episodes. So I'm ramping up, Let's starting to schedule those with. People out in the world to share their stories about their messy middles and get some advice from their middles. If you want to be on sharing the middle. There's a form on the sharing, the middle website that you can go to. And fill it out and maybe we can chat and learn more about your messy middLe. We'll jump into some of the different things that. I have learned and how. They have all come together to essentially. Be in the most mentally and emotionally healthy place that I think I've ever been in my life. I didn't know. A lot. About. How I did things. And that sounds so silly to say, and it sounds really frustrating to say that I didn't know how I worked internally. But because they didn't know these things. I wasn't able to recognize them to fix them. I'm actually gonna pause right there and say I've also learned that there are things that don't need to be fixed. And that's the big thing that I'm learning is I had. Quote, unquote, fixed a lot of things about myself. That didn't need to be fixed and were ultimately hurting me. Not helping me. One of those is. I am a big. Emotion person. I have high highs. I have low lows. They are all. Happening. They're big. and I realized that I had always. Really. I put myself down because I had those. One of the things that I've learned is that I have these labels that I use to beat myself up with. One of those labels is dramatic than I'm being dramatic. That I am being too much with my emotions for other people. And so I've spent a lot of time and energy. Without even realizing it, really pushing those emotions down as much as possible. You hear me talk about that? With my, with I think in all the different episodes, but especially with my sister, Becky, when you talk about being a chaos friend, That pushing down and pushing down. Can only last so long and then it's going to explode. I'm starting to. Not only recognize that I'm having the big emotions. And that the big emotions are okay, but I'm letting them happen. As my dear therapist has taught me. I don't have to fix my emotions. I'll have to fix them. Did you know that. I'm still, I know it. For example, my anxiety I've always had a lot of anxiety. My. Fixing of emotions. It's part of my anxiety. And. I learned that I don't necessarily have to. Get rid of my anxiety. I'm allowed to just let it happen. Feel that anxious feeling. I'm allowed to question it right. But the goal isn't necessarily to just get rid of it. It's to treat it as a piece of information. And then I get to take that piece of information. And either use it or don't. The amount of peace. That has given me. It's almost again, frustratingly dumb. And simple. Woo. It's important. Speaking of my anxiety. It is in so many different places of my life that I never recognized. Because remember I'm not I'm trying to not have feelings. So when you're trying to not have feelings, you ignore them. And. By ignoring those feelings. I. Was never even recognizing moments that I had anxiety. And again, I know that sounds really silly that I didn't know I was having anxiety, but looking back now, I'm like, oh, I probably was really anxious there. Wasn't I. That feeling still happened. My body still had the anxious response, even though my mind was not letting it happen. Talking about this now. Is he again, huge for me, we are allowed to share about hard things. I, it appeared at a time where I probably did lean into what is called toxic positivity. And. I have always naturally been a very positive person. That is something that has happened naturally for me. I didn't realize that it wasn't natural for everyone until I started meeting other people and realizing, oh, like it takes more effort for them to be able to look at things positively. But looking at things positively. Does not mean. Ignoring the bad. Saying the bad things out loud haven't hurt me. I've said a lot of bad things out loud. Not like bad words. And not even the specifics of the bad things, but just the bad things existed. I'm okay. Nothing bad has happened. Now is there someone out there who's like mad at me or feelings are hurt because I've said the bad things out loud, maybe. But that's also not. that's not my business at this point. Saying the bad things out loud was okay. Is okay. And I'm okay. I don't know if it's the, American Irish Catholic, growing up. That you just don't talk about bad things. The bad things happen. It's part of life. We're allowed to talk about them, because if you talk about them, you're giving them less power. The energy to like conceal same thing with the emotions, The energy to conceal them. Is more than just acknowledging that it's there. Another thing. That I learned and was a big topic of my therapy this week. Is that. We all have pain. I E I'm sharing my pain with all of you so that you can see an and maybe see your own pain in a different way, and that you're not alone. We all have pain, but the suffering is optional. and when my therapist said that, and as I think back to what I've been learning over these past few months with these conversations, Is a lot of my suffering has been really self-imposed. And that doesn't mean the pain's not there. It is still there. For sure. The bad things happened. The pain happened. But the suffering doesn't have to happen. So that's where we start to dance. The line of you can say bad, and you can say that the bad things happened. But you don't want to live in them. When, Sarah, my dear. co-founder of the joyful support movement. And I talked about the different steps of joyful support, which sharing the middle is one of the steps it's sharing your story. We are really thoughtful in saying that. You need to craft and share your story, but you can't live in it forever. And this is why, because if you just stay trapped in your story forever. You're going to have that suffering. I hope I don't cry. The biggest way that I can give you an example from me and my growth in this way. I don't grieve the previous version of myself anymore. I think even on this podcast, you heard me. Probably just a year ago or a little over a year ago. Writing, like a eulogy to my past self that I was grieving that past self. I know I've even said out loud sometimes. Then I wish. Certain people or whatnot, new me. Before I got sick. But now I don't. grief. We know is messy and will always happen. But I don't look on that old version of myself. and see sadness that I'm not that person anymore. I'm just not that person. and as you heard me talk a little bit with Emma. I have gotten a lot out of my chronic illness. It has forced me. To face a lot of these parts of myself. That I had always thought were bad. And they're not. They're just parts of me. And so now when I think about that girl, Don't get me wrong. She was cool. She was fun. She was outgoing. she was all of these things. But she was doing things. To say that she was doing the right thing. She was doing things to become a better version of herself, but that version that she had in her mind, Was not necessarily a version that would make her feel better. But that would be more acceptable and make other people happier. There is nothing wrong with any of that. But I look at myself now. And I would never. Be able to be where I am at mentally and emotionally. If I was still that girl. And. To see that level of acceptance. And growth within myself. This week. And I see this week because. Literally it's when I had my therapy and. Have talked to him. As with other people. But to be able to say out loud, no, I'm okay with where I'm at. I'm happy with who I am. I'm happy with the growth that I've had. And I don't. Miss the person that I was is. It is groundbreaking for me. It is groundbreaking in so many ways. It is uplifting. I'm I can be. I don't have to constantly be fighting myself to be this other version. That I think other people think I should be. I get to decide. I get to recognize what my body. What my mind, what my soul, every part of me needs. And how it needs it. and accomplish that. Not some made up standard or goal. That is profound for me. And that means accepting things that maybe I don't necessarily like. learning to appreciate them. I don't know. I also don't want to say this as like I got chronic illness and it's the best thing that ever happened to me. Cause no, I would not say that. It is my reality. It is something that was a catalyst for me being the person, talking to you and your ear today. I would not say it's the best thing that ever happened to me. But I can see the value. I can see the worth. I can see the plot point in my story. And how that plot point has driven growth. And ultimately a level of happiness in my life that I may not have been able to get by before. I can appreciate it for what it is, and still not like it. Because, if my chronic illness gets, Cured. Quote, unquote y'all. I will run the world at some point. So I, as I've told Sarah multiple times, I'm not interested in becoming a cult leader. But that's how that would happen. The other thing that I really gained from these conversations with the. People that I love is I've really gotten a 360 view of. My challenges from other people. and in a lot of ways, It has put it into a much more digestible context. And maybe it's cause I'm always the hardest person on myself. But do you hear in these conversations with other people? How they seen me. It's not going to change how I view myself and it's not going to make me care. How other people see me. But it is going to take the thing that looks like a mountain. And put it into context to make it look like the mole hill that it really is. The last thing that I want to talk about as like a thing or something I learned from these conversations. Is. level of. I guess self-confidence. I've always been a very confident person. In certain areas. You've heard me talk about that. That I'm very great at compartmentalizing. and that kind of stuff as a strategy to, to overcome my anxiety. But. To hear from other people directly to me. The gifts that I have given them. Is something I will treasure. Forever. And does give me the confidence to be on this episode right now and talking directly to you because I gotta be honest for awhile. I'd never wanted to do another one of these types of episodes again, because I'm like, who's going to care. And maybe you don't, but at the end of the day, If one of you care. If one of you get something out of this. And the gifts that I have have helped you. That. Is truly amazing. Because I have learned so much from this process. I one want to continue doing it. So I have a whole laundry list of. people that I want to talk to and, episodes that I want to talk. or to have a topic that I talk about them with, my poor family who were all going on vacation together, get ready because I'm bringing the podcast equipment. I. I want other people to have this experience. You don't have to. Put it on a podcast for other people to listen to. But. I think you. Should have these conversations with the people in your world. To really, hopefully get some of these things for yourself. The benefits have been astronomical for me. And I truly want other people to be able to have these conversations, to have these takeaways. And as my sweet friend, Emma keeps sending me. We now have a little scrapbook of, audio scrapbook of our lives together that we didn't have before. And that is such a gift. I also think about. Some day when I'm not around. the people who love me will have this audio scrapbook of my life to be able to learn more about me, to find comfort in something. In, in the Bradley women die young episode. That is one thing that I. Realized is that. I have like tangible things from some of those people that I lost. But if I had something like this, Especially if it was a conversation between us. That would be so special. and. I would love it. I know this is such a friend of a friend thing, but I know one of my friends. has a friend who interviewed his grandfather to be able to get those stories from him. And so listener, I am challenging you to start having conversations, to be able to tell your story. Start talking to the people in your world with intention. To learn more one about them, but about yourself and how your relationship has impacted each other. I know it sounds corny and it sounds. I don't know, it probably sounds like a lot. But this is where again, I'm saying you don't have to. You don't have to record the conversation. You don't have to make it a big, thing. Like I have. But you can have these conversations. I would have never had that conversation with Al. About our family that I. If it wasn't for this. I would've never dove in so deep with Becky about our commonalities and differences when it came to getting to the place that we both are with chronic illness. I would have never had that conversation with Emma to one, reconnect with her a whole lot more girlfriend took me to Costco. The other week, I actually have to reach out to her. See if she'll take me again anyway. It's hard for me to go to Costco. It's a lot of picking big things up and with my fatigue, who knows. What that would do to me. So she and I went with her son a few weeks ago and it was delightful and wonderful, and I would love to do it again. And we need more cottage cheese anyway. I would have not had those conversations. I would have not had the connection. Again, me connecting with Emma actually connected me with other friends. from high school, high page and Leah. The. Em, and Lauren and Andy, both of you have reached out. So there's just a lot of places where. These conversations have given me a gift. And I want this gift to be available for everybody else. I'm challenging you to do it. But I'm going to give you a resource to be able to do it. I've made a little workbook. It's just five pages. To take you through the process of thinking about who you would want to talk to, what you would want to talk to them about. Prepping for the conversation and thinking through what it would look like. I gave you some tips for doing it and then a little like reflection afterwards. I want to remove as many barriers for you. So that, you have less of an excuse to not do it because I know you because I know me. And if it's too hard, I won't do it. So at that point, you are your biggest barrier. And then like maybe like logistics and, You can do a phone call. You can do a zoom, Google hangout, whatever you want to do. You don't have to record it. You could record it. You could videotape it. You. You could just take a picture during it as a way to remember it. I am challenging you to do it. Try one, maybe it will get addicted like me that you'll do another and do another. Because again. I am. I am in the best place I've ever been. Mentally and emotionally does that mean I'll be here forever. No. Remember, I've got those high highs and those low lows, we will get to both of those things. Again. But I'm allowed to have those. And I accept those. And I would have never done that. If I had not started having these conversations and then also had a lovely therapist that I work with, I do. This is something that I have also worried about. I put a little note at the end. This could bring up a lot of bad and negative feelings for you. if that is the case for you. Please be working with a professional to be able to find. coping techniques and that kind of stuff. I. I want this to be a healthy. Exercise for you. The other thing that, I want to be mindful of is. If you think of somebody. And you don't think you would feel safe having that conversation? Don't have it. This is meant to open up your eyes and. And make your world feel bigger. Not too. Invite toxic people back in. Not too. I put shades on it and make it work. Make your life worse. Aye. I'm really hoping that. You dear listener and conversation happened there. Conversationalist. I don't know. Middler. And I am certainly not cool enough to have a, podcast following name. But. I guess it would be middler. My dear middler. This is for you. It's not for anybody else. It's not for me. I would love for you to do it because the benefit that I got, but it's for you. Do it for you? Do it to have that conversation with a loved one before they go. Do it. With, that friend you haven't talked to in a long time to make the connection. Do it with your partner who. you have so many conversations every day about the running of your day-to-day life, but not. About, your marriage or your partnership or whatever that looks like for you. You all have heard Joe and I talk about ours on here and it has helped us. In ways. And a lot of words. I don't want that to sound negative. I'm just giggling because. Joel was one of those people that would never do this. I like to think of these conversations as like those midnight magical conversations that you have with someone. Maybe even drinking, maybe you haven't. Maybe you're like on a trip. And so you're all together. But, you have a magical conversation with somebody. Where you just feel close to them and it is exciting and life-giving. That's what I want these conversations to be for you. And I want you to go find them instead of waiting for them to happen. So I'm going to have a link to that. It's like a PDF workbook in the show notes, and then it'll also be. you have to give me your email first. Sorry, friends. I do have to require you to give me your email first. It's one of those freebie things and. I promise it's worth it. I think. And also our drove was four emails. I think our lovely every week are may or may not be the one writing them. And then I also write things to make myself smile in them. So maybe you can try to. Figure out what theirs are on your end. I'm such a good sales woman. Anyway. I'm not a sales one. I just want the world to be. Happy. and there to be a more joy and for us too. Figure it out together. and if you do this, I put this in there. Please tell me. I want to hear about these conversations. I love a conversation, whether I'm part of it or not. I hope that they give you. The same amazing. Realizations and growth and all of that they have given me. Okay. I feel like I've rambled enough. Dear middling middler listener. I am thankful for you. And I am thankful for this space. And I am thankful for the gifts that this podcast has given me. And if it gives one of you. Any bit of positive direction as well. It has been more than worth my time. Now go out there. And spread some joy.