welcome friends to sharing the middle, where we

2

share the messy middles of life.

3

I'm Lacey, your friend in the middle

and guide who's claimed a theme this

4

week is, oh, so many different things.

5

I'm really proud of myself this week.

6

you know what.

7

This is what we're going to

talk about in this episode.

8

Definitely what I'm the most

proud of and you're going to hear.

9

Lots and lots about it as we go through.

10

we share our stories to one understand

who we are and our lives and selves.

11

And we also do it to be

able to allow others to see.

12

Their selves in our stories.

13

I doing this, we can start to, Normalize a

lot of things that are always very normal.

14

And feel seen and be seen and really

understand each other so much better.

15

The past few weeks, you all

have heard me share my story.

16

Through conversations with

several people in my life.

17

And.

18

I thought I'd take a moment today to

really reflect on that with you all.

19

And these episodes.

20

I talked about things I've

never talked about before.

21

Either with family members or, My friend.

22

Emma, these are either conversations

I've never had or conversations

23

that I would have never thought.

24

I could share out in the world.

25

And I am wicked proud of myself.

26

And I was able to do that.

27

That level of sharing has catapulted

so much of my own personal growth.

28

That I desperately want other

people to have this experience.

29

We'll start with the, some of the

different things that I've learned.

30

And then I am, I'm going to challenge

you to maybe start having some of

31

these conversations in your life.

32

That's the episode today.

33

It's just me talking.

34

If you're sick of me

talking, I don't blame you.

35

I'm sick of me talking.

36

But, as sharing the middle continues

to go on and we are going to go back

37

to alternating formats of hearing from

me and these conversations with people

38

in my life and interview episodes.

39

So I'm ramping up, Let's

starting to schedule those with.

40

People out in the world to share their

stories about their messy middles and

41

get some advice from their middles.

42

If you want to be on sharing the middle.

43

There's a form on the sharing, the

middle website that you can go to.

44

And fill it out and maybe we can chat

and learn more about your messy middLe.

45

We'll jump into some of

the different things that.

46

I have learned and how.

47

They have all come

together to essentially.

48

Be in the most mentally and

emotionally healthy place that I

49

think I've ever been in my life.

50

I didn't know.

51

A lot.

52

About.

53

How I did things.

54

And that sounds so silly to say, and it

sounds really frustrating to say that

55

I didn't know how I worked internally.

56

But because they didn't know these things.

57

I wasn't able to recognize

them to fix them.

58

I'm actually gonna pause right there

and say , I've also learned that there

59

are things that don't need to be fixed.

60

And that's the big thing

that I'm learning is I had.

61

Quote, unquote, fixed a

lot of things about myself.

62

That didn't need to be fixed

and were ultimately hurting me.

63

Not helping me.

64

One of those is.

65

I am a big.

66

Emotion person.

67

I have high highs.

68

I have low lows.

69

They are all.

70

Happening.

71

They're big.

72

and I realized that I had always.

73

Really.

74

I put myself down because I had those.

75

One of the things that I've learned

is that I have these labels that

76

I use to beat myself up with.

77

One of those labels is dramatic

than I'm being dramatic.

78

That I am being too much with

my emotions for other people.

79

And so I've spent a

lot of time and energy.

80

Without even realizing it, really pushing

those emotions down as much as possible.

81

You hear me talk about that?

82

With my, with I think in all the

different episodes, but especially

83

with my sister, Becky, when you

talk about being a chaos friend,

84

That pushing down and pushing down.

85

Can only last so long and

then it's going to explode.

86

, I'm starting to.

87

Not only recognize that I'm

having the big emotions.

88

And that the big emotions are

okay, but I'm letting them happen.

89

As my dear therapist has taught me.

90

I don't have to fix my emotions.

91

I'll have to fix them.

92

Did you know that.

93

I'm still, I know it.

94

For example, my anxiety I've

always had a lot of anxiety.

95

My.

96

Fixing of emotions.

97

It's part of my anxiety.

98

And.

99

I learned that I don't

necessarily have to.

100

Get rid of my anxiety.

101

I'm allowed to just let it happen.

102

Feel that anxious feeling.

103

I'm allowed to question it right.

104

But the goal isn't necessarily

to just get rid of it.

105

It's to treat it as a

piece of information.

106

And then I get to take

that piece of information.

107

And either use it or don't.

108

The amount of peace.

109

That has given me.

110

It's almost again, frustratingly dumb.

111

And simple.

112

Woo.

113

It's important.

114

Speaking of my anxiety.

115

It is in so many different places

of my life that I never recognized.

116

Because remember I'm not I'm

trying to not have feelings.

117

So when you're trying to not

have feelings, you ignore them.

118

And.

119

By ignoring those feelings.

120

I.

121

Was never even recognizing

moments that I had anxiety.

122

And again, I know that sounds really

silly that I didn't know I was having

123

anxiety, but looking back now, I'm like,

oh, I probably was really anxious there.

124

Wasn't I.

125

That feeling still happened.

126

My body still had the anxious

response, even though my mind

127

was not letting it happen.

128

Talking about this now.

129

Is he again, huge for me, we are

allowed to share about hard things.

130

I, it appeared at a time where

I probably did lean into what

131

is called toxic positivity.

132

And.

133

I have always naturally

been a very positive person.

134

That is something that has

happened naturally for me.

135

I didn't realize that it wasn't natural

for everyone until I started meeting

136

other people and realizing, oh, like

it takes more effort for them to be

137

able to look at things positively.

138

But looking at things positively.

139

Does not mean.

140

Ignoring the bad.

141

Saying the bad things

out loud haven't hurt me.

142

I've said a lot of bad things out loud.

143

Not like bad words.

144

And not even the specifics of the bad

things, but just the bad things existed.

145

I'm okay.

146

Nothing bad has happened.

147

Now is there someone out there who's like

mad at me or feelings are hurt because

148

I've said the bad things out loud, maybe.

149

But that's also not.

150

that's not my business at this point.

151

Saying the bad things out loud was okay.

152

Is okay.

153

And I'm okay.

154

I don't know if it's the, American

Irish Catholic, growing up.

155

That you just don't talk about bad things.

156

The bad things happen.

157

It's part of life.

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We're allowed to talk about them,

because if you talk about them,

159

you're giving them less power.

160

The energy to like conceal same thing with

the emotions, The energy to conceal them.

161

Is more than just

acknowledging that it's there.

162

Another thing.

163

That I learned and was a big

topic of my therapy this week.

164

Is that.

165

We all have pain.

166

I E I'm sharing my pain with all of

you so that you can see an and maybe

167

see your own pain in a different

way, and that you're not alone.

168

We all have pain, but the

suffering is optional.

169

and when my therapist said that, and

as I think back to what I've been

170

learning over these past few months

with these conversations, Is a lot of my

171

suffering has been really self-imposed.

172

And that doesn't mean

the pain's not there.

173

It is still there.

174

For sure.

175

The bad things happened.

176

The pain happened.

177

But the suffering doesn't have to happen.

178

So that's where we start to dance.

179

The line of you can say bad, and you

can say that the bad things happened.

180

But you don't want to live in them.

181

When, Sarah, my dear.

182

co-founder of the joyful support movement.

183

And I talked about the different

steps of joyful support, which

184

sharing the middle is one of the

steps it's sharing your story.

185

We are really thoughtful in saying that.

186

You need to craft and share your story,

but you can't live in it forever.

187

And this is why, because if you just

stay trapped in your story forever.

188

You're going to have that suffering.

189

I hope I don't cry.

190

The biggest way that I can give you an

example from me and my growth in this way.

191

I don't grieve the previous

version of myself anymore.

192

I think even on this

podcast, you heard me.

193

Probably just a year ago or

a little over a year ago.

194

Writing, like a eulogy to my past self

that I was grieving that past self.

195

I know I've even said out loud sometimes.

196

Then I wish.

197

Certain people or whatnot, new me.

198

Before I got sick.

199

But now I don't.

200

grief.

201

We know is messy and will always happen.

202

But I don't look on that

old version of myself.

203

and see sadness that I'm

not that person anymore.

204

I'm just not that person.

205

and as you heard me talk

a little bit with Emma.

206

I have gotten a lot out

of my chronic illness.

207

It has forced me.

208

To face a lot of these parts of myself.

209

That I had always thought were bad.

210

And they're not.

211

They're just parts of me.

212

And so now when I think about

that girl, Don't get me wrong.

213

She was cool.

214

She was fun.

215

She was outgoing.

216

she was all of these things.

217

But she was doing things.

218

To say that she was doing the right thing.

219

She was doing things to become a better

version of herself, but that version that

220

she had in her mind, Was not necessarily

a version that would make her feel better.

221

But that would be more acceptable

and make other people happier.

222

There is nothing wrong with any of that.

223

But I look at myself now.

224

And I would never.

225

Be able to be where I am at

mentally and emotionally.

226

If I was still that girl.

227

And.

228

To see that level of acceptance.

229

And growth within myself.

230

This week.

231

And I see this week because.

232

Literally it's when I had my therapy and.

233

Have talked to him.

234

As with other people.

235

But to be able to say out loud,

no, I'm okay with where I'm at.

236

I'm happy with who I am.

237

I'm happy with the growth that I've had.

238

And I don't.

239

Miss the person that I was is.

240

It is groundbreaking for me.

241

It is groundbreaking in so many ways.

242

It is uplifting.

243

I'm I can be.

244

I don't have to constantly be fighting

myself to be this other version.

245

That I think other

people think I should be.

246

I get to decide.

247

I get to recognize what my body.

248

What my mind, what my soul,

every part of me needs.

249

And how it needs it.

250

and accomplish that.

251

Not some made up standard or goal.

252

That is profound for me.

253

And that means accepting things

that maybe I don't necessarily like.

254

learning to appreciate them.

255

I don't know.

256

I also don't want to say this as like

I got chronic illness and it's the

257

best thing that ever happened to me.

258

Cause no, I would not say that.

259

It is my reality.

260

It is something that was a

catalyst for me being the person,

261

talking to you and your ear today.

262

I would not say it's the best

thing that ever happened to me.

263

But I can see the value.

264

I can see the worth.

265

I can see the plot point in my story.

266

And how that plot point has driven growth.

267

And ultimately a level of happiness

in my life that I may not have

268

been able to get by before.

269

I can appreciate it for what

it is, and still not like it.

270

Because, if my chronic

illness gets, Cured.

271

Quote, unquote y'all.

272

I will run the world at some point.

273

So I, as I've told Sarah multiple

times, I'm not interested

274

in becoming a cult leader.

275

But that's how that would happen.

276

The other thing that I really gained

from these conversations with the.

277

People that I love is I've

really gotten a 360 view of.

278

My challenges from other people.

279

and in a lot of ways, It has put it

into a much more digestible context.

280

And maybe it's cause I'm always

the hardest person on myself.

281

But do you hear in these

conversations with other people?

282

How they seen me.

283

It's not going to change how I view

myself and it's not going to make me care.

284

How other people see me.

285

But it is going to take the

thing that looks like a mountain.

286

And put it into context to make it look

like the mole hill that it really is.

287

The last thing that I want to talk

about as like a thing or something

288

I learned from these conversations.

289

Is.

290

level of.

291

I guess self-confidence.

292

I've always been a very confident person.

293

In certain areas.

294

You've heard me talk about that.

295

That I'm very great at compartmentalizing.

296

and that kind of stuff as a

strategy to, to overcome my anxiety.

297

But.

298

To hear from other people directly to me.

299

The gifts that I have given them.

300

Is something I will treasure.

301

Forever.

302

And does give me the confidence to

be on this episode right now and

303

talking directly to you because

I gotta be honest for awhile.

304

I'd never wanted to do another one

of these types of episodes again,

305

because I'm like, who's going to care.

306

And maybe you don't, but

at the end of the day,

307

If one of you care.

308

If one of you get something out of this.

309

And the gifts that I have have helped you.

310

That.

311

Is truly amazing.

312

Because I have learned so

much from this process.

313

I one want to continue doing it.

314

So I have a whole laundry list of.

315

people that I want to talk to

and, episodes that I want to talk.

316

or to have a topic that I talk about them

with, my poor family who were all going

317

on vacation together, get ready because

I'm bringing the podcast equipment.

318

I.

319

I want other people to

have this experience.

320

You don't have to.

321

Put it on a podcast for

other people to listen to.

322

But.

323

I think you.

324

Should have these conversations

with the people in your world.

325

To really, hopefully get some

of these things for yourself.

326

The benefits have been

astronomical for me.

327

And I truly want other people to be

able to have these conversations,

328

to have these takeaways.

329

And as my sweet friend,

Emma keeps sending me.

330

We now have a little scrapbook

of, audio scrapbook of our lives

331

together that we didn't have before.

332

And that is such a gift.

333

I also think about.

334

Some day when I'm not around.

335

the people who love me will have

this audio scrapbook of my life

336

to be able to learn more about

me, to find comfort in something.

337

In, in the Bradley

women die young episode.

338

That is one thing that I.

339

Realized is that.

340

I have like tangible things from

some of those people that I lost.

341

But if I had something like

this, Especially if it was

342

a conversation between us.

343

That would be so special.

344

and.

345

I would love it.

346

I know this is such a friend of a friend

thing, but I know one of my friends.

347

has a friend who interviewed

his grandfather to be able to

348

get those stories from him.

349

And so listener, I am challenging

you to start having conversations,

350

to be able to tell your story.

351

Start talking to the people

in your world with intention.

352

To learn more one about them,

but about yourself and how your

353

relationship has impacted each other.

354

I know it sounds corny and it sounds.

355

I don't know, it probably

sounds like a lot.

356

But this is where again, I'm

saying you don't have to.

357

You don't have to record the conversation.

358

You don't have to make it a big, thing.

359

Like I have.

360

But you can have these conversations.

361

I would have never had

that conversation with Al.

362

About our family that I.

363

If it wasn't for this.

364

I would've never dove in so deep

with Becky about our commonalities

365

and differences when it came

to getting to the place that we

366

both are with chronic illness.

367

I would have never had that

conversation with Emma to one,

368

reconnect with her a whole lot

more girlfriend took me to Costco.

369

The other week, I actually

have to reach out to her.

370

See if she'll take me again anyway.

371

It's hard for me to go to Costco.

372

It's a lot of picking big things

up and with my fatigue, who knows.

373

What that would do to me.

374

So she and I went with her son a few weeks

ago and it was delightful and wonderful,

375

and I would love to do it again.

376

And we need more cottage cheese anyway.

377

I would have not had those conversations.

378

I would have not had the connection.

379

Again, me connecting with Emma actually

connected me with other friends.

380

from high school, high page and Leah.

381

The.

382

Em, and Lauren and Andy,

both of you have reached out.

383

So there's just a lot of places where.

384

These conversations have given me a gift.

385

And I want this gift to be

available for everybody else.

386

I'm challenging you to do it.

387

But I'm going to give you a

resource to be able to do it.

388

I've made a little workbook.

389

It's just five pages.

390

To take you through the process

of thinking about who you would

391

want to talk to, what you would

want to talk to them about.

392

Prepping for the conversation and

thinking through what it would look like.

393

I gave you some tips for doing it and

then a little like reflection afterwards.

394

I want to remove as many barriers for you.

395

So that, you have less of an

excuse to not do it because

396

I know you because I know me.

397

And if it's too hard, I won't do it.

398

So at that point, you

are your biggest barrier.

399

And then like maybe like logistics

and, You can do a phone call.

400

You can do a zoom, Google

hangout, whatever you want to do.

401

You don't have to record it.

402

You could record it.

403

You could videotape it.

404

You.

405

You could just take a picture

during it as a way to remember it.

406

I am challenging you to do it.

407

Try one, maybe it will get addicted like

me that you'll do another and do another.

408

Because again.

409

I am.

410

I am in the best place I've ever been.

411

Mentally and emotionally does

that mean I'll be here forever.

412

No.

413

Remember, I've got those high

highs and those low lows, we

414

will get to both of those things.

415

Again.

416

But I'm allowed to have those.

417

And I accept those.

418

And I would have never done that.

419

If I had not started having these

conversations and then also had a

420

lovely therapist that I work with, I do.

421

This is something that I

have also worried about.

422

I put a little note at the end.

423

This could bring up a lot of bad

and negative feelings for you.

424

if that is the case for you.

425

Please be working with a

professional to be able to find.

426

coping techniques and that kind of stuff.

427

I.

428

I want this to be a healthy.

429

Exercise for you.

430

The other thing that, I

want to be mindful of is.

431

If you think of somebody.

432

And you don't think you would feel

safe having that conversation?

433

Don't have it.

434

This is meant to open up your eyes and.

435

And make your world feel bigger.

436

Not too.

437

Invite toxic people back in.

438

Not too.

439

I put shades on it and make it work.

440

Make your life worse.

441

Aye.

442

I'm really hoping that.

443

You dear listener and

conversation happened there.

444

Conversationalist.

445

I don't know.

446

Middler.

447

And I am certainly not cool enough

to have a, podcast following name.

448

But.

449

I guess it would be middler.

450

My dear middler.

451

This is for you.

452

It's not for anybody else.

453

It's not for me.

454

I would love for you to do it because

the benefit that I got, but it's for you.

455

Do it for you?

456

Do it to have that conversation

with a loved one before they go.

457

Do it.

458

With, that friend you haven't talked to

in a long time to make the connection.

459

Do it with your partner who.

460

you have so many conversations

every day about the running of

461

your day-to-day life, but not.

462

About, your marriage or your partnership

or whatever that looks like for you.

463

You all have heard Joe and I talk about

ours on here and it has helped us.

464

In ways.

465

And a lot of words.

466

I don't want that to sound negative.

467

I'm just giggling because.

468

Joel was one of those people

that would never do this.

469

I like to think of these conversations

as like those midnight magical

470

conversations that you have with someone.

471

Maybe even drinking, maybe you haven't.

472

Maybe you're like on a trip.

473

And so you're all together.

474

But, you have a magical

conversation with somebody.

475

Where you just feel close to them

and it is exciting and life-giving.

476

That's what I want these

conversations to be for you.

477

And I want you to go find them

instead of waiting for them to happen.

478

So I'm going to have a link to that.

479

It's like a PDF workbook in the

show notes, and then it'll also be.

480

you have to give me your email first.

481

Sorry, friends.

482

I do have to require you to

give me your email first.

483

It's one of those freebie things and.

484

I promise it's worth it.

485

I think.

486

And also our drove was four emails.

487

I think our lovely every week are may

or may not be the one writing them.

488

And then I also write things

to make myself smile in them.

489

So maybe you can try to.

490

Figure out what theirs are on your end.

491

I'm such a good sales woman.

492

Anyway.

493

I'm not a sales one.

494

I just want the world to be.

495

Happy.

496

and there to be a more joy and for us too.

497

Figure it out together.

498

and if you do this, I put this in there.

499

Please tell me.

500

I want to hear about these conversations.

501

I love a conversation,

whether I'm part of it or not.

502

I hope that they give you.

503

The same amazing.

504

Realizations and growth and

all of that they have given me.

505

Okay.

506

I feel like I've rambled enough.

507

Dear middling middler listener.

508

I am thankful for you.

509

And I am thankful for this space.

510

And I am thankful for the gifts

that this podcast has given me.

511

And if it gives one of you.

512

Any bit of positive direction as well.

513

It has been more than worth my time.

514

Now go out there.

515

And spread some joy.