Living In The Wait… In The Middle with Melissa Vande Kieft

Lacey: 00:00:05

Welcome to sharing the middle of we're recovering perfectionist overachievers, and anyone in the middle of a struggle come together to learn, to embrace the messy middles of life. I'm Lacey, your friend in the middle and guide whose claim to fame this week is allowing myself to rest when I need to. I'm feeling real proud of that. I know I talked about that in the mini episode last week, but. Go me. I'm really excited for today's. Episode, because you'll find that Melissa and I have so much in common. When it comes to just the fact that we are thinking about. The middle or for her living in the weight. It's very similar. And so it's just so exciting to talk to somebody else who gets it and. Is, as invested as you are. She's also so lovely and I'm really proud of our conversation. You are going to be hearing more from me and Melissa in the coming weeks. I decided that since we do have so much to talk about when it comes to waiting in the middle, we're going to do some topical episodes. In place of like traditional mini episodes where we kind of pick a topic and talk about how it relates to the middle or the weight and that kind of stuff. Without further ado, let's jump right in. Well, welcome Melissa. I just first want to say that you and I have rescheduled multiple

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:01:21

Okay.

Lacey: 00:01:22

And they have always been giving me so much grace when I need it. And I really appreciate that because life is chaos right now. And, it made me give myself grace and I cannot stress that enough, how wonderful that is.

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:01:39

good. Well, you know what? I knew that it would happen when it's supposed to, right. We would get the timing figured out and you know what now is when the message needs to get out. And so it's, I think it'll be even more powerful, I think. Right. Like now that it's here and we're ready, so

Lacey: 00:01:52

absolutely. Well, why don't you introduce yourself to our listeners and, kind of how we got connected, cause I love. That we have a very similar focus and, are coming at it from different angles. And I'm just, yeah, I'm really excited to talk to you today.

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:02:07

I'm excited to talk to someone else who loves talking about this topic. Right. Cause most people, maybe you're like, Oh, can we talk about something else? Well, my name is Melissa. And so really why I'm here today is I'll share a little bit about. Why I got started on this journey is because of a season of waiting that I navigated. And, I'll share a little bit more about it, but I just became really curious about that time in our lives. and when we want something, it doesn't happen on our timeline or it doesn't even happen period, you know, and just. What do we do with that? You know, that's really where things kind of got started for me, but I, you know, the bio resume, if you want to have that, I'm an author. So I wrote a book. I also do speaking. I'm also marketing consultant. Those are the things, my day job that keeps me pretty busy. but more than that, anything like I just, I love having conversations with people. I like to call heart level conversations. because really that's where we get to know people truly. And just helping people feel safe, right? When we have those conversations, because I know I've had so many people in my life that allowed me to do that, and I'm just grateful for that. I love having those conversations. I love to ask questions, too. It's a little bit about me. I love thank you notes. love being in the outdoors as well in college sports. and so those are some of the things that keep me busy from that perspective. but just really excited to, To have this conversation, this topic waiting the middle in between, right? We can all kind of call it something. but it's just, that's really what my passion is. And I feel like I'm called to share and discuss more with people, and learn myself, right, continually learning about this journey and how we navigate it. So that's kind of the bio one on one, I guess I'll say.

Lacey: 00:03:38

I have a really good question. Let's talk about. Thank you. Notes for a 2nd, you said you love. Thank you. Notes. What is it that you love about? Thank you.

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:03:46

Oh my gosh, both. I love writing them, because I love the thought process of you know, like tying them back into when you met someone, right? So I'll spoiler alert, I'm gonna send you a thank you note.

Lacey: 00:03:59

now. Edge of my seat.

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:04:01

so I just love writing them because it's so fun when you, you make a connection with someone and when you write them a little note and you can kind of, you know, maybe it was something that was shared during your conversation. and then I love too, because I know on the receiving end, I know that the person appreciates it because I know how much I appreciate it. because I know it takes time for someone to. thoughtfully, write a note, take the time to send it and mail it. and so I just think it's a, a practice that is very beneficial. I kind of grew up that way. So I just kind of transitioned to continually doing it. and plus like stationery is fun. So when you find new Paper or something like it's just this cool feeling of Oh, I've got this new paper. And, maybe some of it comes from I love to journal. So I've always loved like writing, with more with my hand than like typing. so that could be some of it too. So I, they're just

Lacey: 00:04:50

I just ask because I think thank you notes are such an interesting, little microcosm of how, people and expectations. So like the idea that you have to like, there's this idea that you have to write a thank you note for this, and this, you have to write it in a certain amount of time. And I personally. Don't like those. Thank you. No, it's like those frustrate me so bad because I want to receive a thank you note when it feels really genuine. and not because. You gave me a wedding gift

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:05:24

Oh,

Lacey: 00:05:25

and, you know, that kind of thing, now, granted, don't get me wrong. One of my aunts, well, great aunt actually told me I wrote her one of the best thing, you know, she's ever gotten. And I was like, that is the compliment of my life that I will continue to tell people. But I just, I find it a really interesting thing as, because I'm a person who loves gratitude and I love talking to people and I'm very effusive with my words, but I get a little tense around. Thank you notes because I hate the expectation surrounding them. what you just said, I'm like, yes, in that sounds amazing. You know what I mean? But there's just this thing about, then there's also like the. There's just also sometimes this weird, well, they sent me a thank you note for this and then I'm like, now I feel like I have to thank them. And it's just, Yeah.

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:06:08

Yeah, I'll put sometimes in cards, like I'll put no thank you note, like I put that in stuff before. So exactly what you're saying. So people know Hey, I don't expect you to send any thank you note. You know, I never used to do that, but I saw someone else do it. Maybe it was in reference to me to something they gave me and I was like, Oh, now I don't have to wonder.

Lacey: 00:06:29

Because it's just so much better when it's genuine and when it's oh, I wanted to sit down and write you this. Now There are some things to for my baby shower for my son, we didn't have me like open up all the gifts in front of everybody. Cause I find that very awkward to be like, here's a thing that I told you I wanted. And then you. bought it for me and then brought it to me. I just, the concept of it, but because we didn't do like the whole thing of it all, I sat down and those thank you notes felt more genuine to me because I had that like moment with that thing and then I could actually sit down and tell them. What that meant and that kind of thing. So we still displayed them for everybody. Cause I know everybody likes looking at them, but I hate like for owning my wedding showers. I was always just this is, from the registry,

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:07:19

right?

Lacey: 00:07:20

really excited about it. We all knew I wanted it.

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:07:23

is an interesting piece of that though, of that expectation, and then how that can maybe adjust, like, how genuine something is.

Lacey: 00:07:30

Yeah, absolutely. well, I know that you think a lot about the middle. But I would love for, you know, our listeners to hear about, what you first thought of, slash how we came to find each other as two people who are interested in that similar concept.

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:07:48

Yeah, definitely. I'll start with the shorter answer one. And so really, yeah, we connected on like social media. So I love, I mean, I've met so many great people through social media, heard so many other people's amazing stories. And someone else I followed online, Amanda. She had done a podcast with you and followed her. So then I saw, learn more about you and your messaging and all that. And so one of my life mottos is don't ask, don't get. And so I never had met you. You didn't know who I was, but I'm like, you know, I'm just going to ask, I'll introduce myself, see if she needs anybody on her podcast. and. And then we were like, sure, let's talk. So I mailed you my book and then we just kind of had a conversation that way. And so I think it's been really cool when, you know, I know social media can have many negative side effects to it. but I think when you genuinely, you know, are connected with people and ask and have a common, you know, something in common, I think that those conversations can be really beneficial. So that was kind of how we met. And I got that conversation started, but my story of the middle, really began because of a time of waiting to have a family. So that was really what, if you want to pinpoint the thing, what were we waiting for? but it was to have a family, but really the story behind really living in the weight and how that all got started was my husband and I, we were outside doing yard work. we have seven full grown trees on our property, so we have tons of yard work that we have to do. And it was in the fall and so it was just outside picking up sticks, doing some yard work. And I just remember. You know, people driving by probably thought nothing of what we were doing, right? But on the inside, there was a lot going on in my head and my heart. And so this whole time I was picking up these sticks, like I was just pleading and begging with God. And I was really trying to get him to help me understand why. Really, I was living a life that wasn't going according to my plan. Right. I wanted to be a mom and it was not happening. And at that point in our journey, we were two and a half years in to that process. waiting is waiting, whether it is a month. Or 10 years waiting is just, it's hard, right? It was my weight. That length of time was a long time for me to navigate. And what kind of shifted was this whole time I'm doing this, right? Like I'm having this internal dialogue with my head and my heart about what's going on and this just why things aren't happening and you know, why he'd be, why he would withhold this from me, that sort of thing. And all of a sudden, like my, these questions I had really turned, like this pleading and begging turned to questions of hope. really is what I noticed. And I asked him, I said, how do I continue living? While waiting for my heart's desire and he told me he said I want you to live in the wait And I remember that moment like I just got goosebumps because I know exactly where it was not in my yard I remember just when that happened. I was like This is something bigger than myself. I didn't know what it meant. I had no idea what would happen. I didn't have a five year plan, which, you know, typically I map everything out. because I'm just a planner, a scheduler. I love having things to look forward to. but I knew in that moment Something was going to happen like a seed was planted, with this idea of living in the wait. And you know, with that journey, it continued on, you know, there's really 2 sides to that story. I guess this new idea was born, right? This new idea of living in the weight. And I remember feeling like. When that had happened, it just felt so kind of ironic that I didn't have my desire yet, which was to be a mom, to be pregnant, but like this new thing had birthed in me, right? I had this new life that was growing, this idea of living in the weight. And started a blog. I had no idea how to do any of that. Figured it out, right? I think when you have something that you feel so passionate about, you figure it out because

Lacey: 00:11:46

Yeah.

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:11:47

want to, right? I just felt so pulled and called to be like, I need to share this message. so started a blog, started just kind of, you know, I've always had a journal, so writing felt very natural. You know, it felt really weird sharing, my deepest, darkest secrets with, the internet. Felt a little bit different. Writing all these blog posts that were so personal, felt a little oh, okay, this is interesting. but I mean, it was amazing. I mean, amazing to see the response, like, when I started sharing our story a little bit more, and just kind of what we were navigating and everything like that. and so it is, it's really. it's so humbling, I think, when you do share your story because it gives other people permission to share theirs. And I just could not believe the outpouring of people who were like, Oh yeah, we navigated infertility as well. We navigated that, you know, cause at the time that was what our weight was. I've had many more since then and we can talk about those later, but that was really the one that started it all. And so that side of things got started where I started having a blog and I knew from the day. This idea of living in the way it got started. I knew a book would be in the future. I just didn't know when, what that would look like. but that happened, got published in November of 2021. And it's just been really cool to see, and share that message a little bit more with people. you know, living in the wait is really, if you would go to my website, it's really, I'd say, it's turned into a resource, really, with my book and the speaking that I do, just talking about waiting and, like, how can we navigate it? Because that was really, I guess, some of my questions, because the whole time this was going on, these two and a half years, it was just this cycle. I was angry and bitter and... just disappointed and frustrated. And those are all natural things to feel. but that was like all I was feeling, right? that was my life. And I knew there had to be a better way to navigate the weight. I just, I knew there had to be, you know, and that's really when things switched when I was like, okay, What we do instead, or what we can do alongside, I should say, is really we can live in the wait, right? That is our other option that we can do when we're well, what else can I do? Well, we can live in the wait. And I talk more about that in the book too, but, that really is kind of where that all got started. and we continued on our journey to, try and have a family, but I knew for myself, things felt different after that. We still didn't have our desire yet. I mean, I was still walking in the middle, for sure, but things just felt different because I didn't have, I would say this, I didn't have hope because I knew I was going to get my outcome. Okay. Cause I think often in the middle, and I know that for myself, so I'm preaching here too, but I think often like our hope is well, I'm going to get what I want. So then that's what my hope is. I didn't know that. I had no idea what was going to happen, but I feel like I had this new purpose or calling, that kind of just shifted things for me about how you walk through that time. you know, of course, I wanted that outcome, right? I mean, I don't want to dismiss that at all for anybody, but it just. I think everything was put in that outcome for me that I couldn't see anything else that was happening in the in between time.

Lacey: 00:14:56

Yeah, well, I think, first of all, I think the listeners right away probably are like, Oh, I know why Lacey's really excited to talk to you. And spoiler alert, we're actually going to have more conversations about, you know, the way in the middle, because we have such a similar, Feeling of like discontent with it, but trying to figure it out that I think, one, I'm just glad somebody else was like, this sucks. I'm not figure it out. And I'm going to help you all to,

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:15:24

Exactly,

Lacey: 00:15:25

uh, but I do think it's really interesting to, to think about, this idea that sometimes when you're waiting, or when you're in the middle. There's the known outcome and not known outcome. sometimes. I use my pregnancy as an example of I knew I had very difficult pregnancies. I had gestational diabetes. I threw up all the time. It's just, it was not a good time of life for me, but I knew I was going to not be pregnant at some point. And but then I, now I'm in my, chronic, I have a lot of chronic health issues and that kind of stuff. And I don't know what the outcome is. And it's so interesting how each has its own. Challenges, right? So like it's a little bit easier for me now in my chronic health to look around and be like, well, I don't have an answer, but I can figure out how to live my life right now. Right? Whereas when I was pregnant, it was almost like a little bit more anger of I just got to get through this. I just, you know, so I just, I think it's, I had never really thought about that before, how the outcome, whether you know it or don't know, it can really change. your relationship with the metal or the weight.

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:16:35

yeah, that's so true. And I think it's because you know, it's going to end, right? And so I think what you were saying is it's almost well, I've got my expiration date and I'm just going to like kind of rush through or like you said, kind of gloss through it or just kind of get through it kind of thing. Where, yeah, if you don't know, I think you do approach it a little bit differently because. Yeah, you have no,

Lacey: 00:17:00

because you have what you want, you know what you want, you don't know if you're going to get

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:17:04

yeah, exactly. And, you know, I think there's some of that too with the unknown and known Like, how you prepare for it, too, I think, right? I think it's easy when you know you're gonna wait, I think you can prepare differently and mentally. for example, this is a silly example, I'd say, but, like, when you go for Thanksgiving, the Black Friday, right? You know, if you're, and I don't do this, but, I, I worked at a retail store and I actually was working the day after Thanksgiving. And so it was hilarious to watch all the people come to the store. But mentally I knew Hey, if you're going to go shopping, you mentally know, it's going to be slow. It's going to take a long time. And I think mentally, then you prepare yourself differently, right? Like you can have a better experience because you were mentally prepared in a way. Because you knew you were going to wait in life. Otherwise it is hard because we sometimes we don't know, you know, like we have, like for myself, infertility, having a hard time getting pregnant, a lot on my radar. So there in the sense of preparation, there wasn't any because I was like, well, this is really unexpected. And so sometimes that, that preparation for us mentally goes out the window because we didn't know it was coming, right?

Lacey: 00:18:17

Yeah. Well, and I was reading your book this morning and there was a quote, that you mentioned about infertility and that you had done everything right. You had been doing everything right for so long with no outcome. And I just, I felt that in my soul, with where I'm at now of But I did everything I was supposed to. Why am I still sick? You know, I mean, that kind of thing. And I think that really speaks to that idea of control and not knowing and all these different things. And then, you know, before we started recording, you and I were talking about this idea of I feel like I've always been taught. We'll just work harder, and you'll get what you want. But a lot of times, working harder is not the answer. And I think as a fellow type a person, I'm actually kind of in the recovering type a person. I trained myself to be a type a person and I'm actually learning that by nature. I'm actually a little bit more. Relaxed and then I thought I was, Which has just been a weird experience, but, when you, I also love that you were an event planner, or I don't know if you still do event planning, but I'm just like, oh, event planners are the most, yes. There's every detail you've got to know everything and, you know, there's going to be something unexpected, but you're going to think about as much as possible. So there's not, you know, and so that relationship with control and waiting and. Oh, cause I just think it's so messy.

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:19:43

Oh, yeah, definitely. And I think, you know, we often maybe don't understand it until we're in it. Right. Like I've been living my whole life that way, where I've always tried to be in control and I've had situations in my life where I had waited or that kind of thing. But like you said, I think most of the time I figured out somehow a solution came to be that it was just like, okay. You know, but then this was really like, I mean, whether I call it a mountain that I really experienced for the first time. It was like, I didn't have, I didn't have anything to climb it. I didn't have the right mindset. I didn't have the right equipment. I didn't have the right people alongside me. None of that. Right. And I mean, that totally just Kind of puts up, I mean, just kind of crashes everything down because you don't know what to do. Right? Like you have no idea. and then, yeah, when you're kind of told, there's an answer to everything or you can just figure it all out, push harder, push through that. And then that doesn't work and you're still waiting. It's well, what do I do? Right. And I think that's where it's hard because it comes down to, to like that outcome, right? Like us as a world, we're so outcome focused. So a lot of times it's just well, I just want to get from point A to point B. And I am totally like that. that is me. I realized that doesn't happen that way. And so it's well, then now we, what are those tools and things we could do? Because that's the reality of it. continue to be the reality of all of our lives.

Lacey: 00:21:08

Whether we like it or not.

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:21:10

Yeah, I didn't write that truth, right? I don't share that to like, scare people into what their future is, because I think people when they first kind of are brought into this topic of waiting and they kind of sit with it and they're like, Oh yeah, like I actually do know and can relate to it. I, you know, I think we're, we find ourselves on different spectrums of the wheel of waiting, right? Like, where either you're like, currently in the weight, you're through a weight, you're past a weight, or I think you just aren't in a weight. Right now, per se, that maybe you're finding. And so I think you, you navigate it a different, a little bit differently each way to where that message hits you differently. I think where you're at or where you've been, kind of through whatever that weight was, right, that you were kind of going through or currently in or past it, I should say.

Lacey: 00:22:00

I know that I shouldn't ask this, but I do want to ask what the outcome of your, because it sounds like there was an outcome to your infertility journey. And so some of those things are like, I want to know.

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:22:12

Yeah. Yeah. It was so three years after we started this whole journey, we were able to get pregnant and had a healthy baby. I mean, that's a whole nother conversation of waiting. wait, right. waiting to get pregnant and then you're still waiting to have the child. and so we did to get pregnant, had our daughter, three years after that journey. And probably what's the coolest part of this whole story though, is that, you know, I shared with you in the beginning, you know, I was picking up sticks in my yard when all of this really came to life. And when our daughter was one, which she's four now, so this was quite a few years ago, but, We'd always go outside, you know, and she'd wander around our yard and, she'd kids pick up stuff, right? I mean, they pick up everything

Lacey: 00:22:53

everything

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:22:54

you know, and she'd find some rocks and bugs and leaves. but guess what? Her favorite thing was to pick up.

Lacey: 00:23:00

Oh, sticks. It had to be sticks.

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:23:02

Yup. It was sticks. And so I can't show you here, but I have so many pictures of her picking up sticks. not even when she was just one, but since then, like when we've taken family pictures, it's funny cause she's always had a stick.

Lacey: 00:23:15

My son's a stick kid, too. I didn't know, I thought he would grow up, he's the same age, he's four. But I'm just like, Oh, if there's a stick, he has picked it. up. there is never a stick he has not wanted to pick up. And that's why when you're like, what do you think? I'm like, Oh, sticks. My daughter isn't as much, she just does it, I have a four to two year old, she, the two year old, she does it just because he does it, but there just was a period of time where we would go outside and he just would pick up sticks and then you couldn't do anything with the sticks, he had to have, his collection of sticks by the front door, and

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:23:47

you keep everything. Yeah, so we kept her first stick too because it was kind of like this, you know, it's a souvenir kind of thing.

Lacey: 00:23:56

yeah.

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:23:56

it's just kind of been, I think, a reminder for us just about like living in the wait and like the importance of when you are waiting, what can we do during that time to, to navigate it differently to still have it be a time where we experience that contentment, peace, joy, and you might still be experiencing that anger, frustration. You know, I think those two can really live together. But it's really been that reminder, for our family. And I remember, I think she was maybe about two and I don't remember what we were doing. And she was like, mom, waiting is really hard. And I was like, yes, it is so much. And so I, yeah, exactly. And so I think it's kind of interesting because I do think, that message of waiting is something that needs to be taught even to our children, because I think we can teach them how to wait well, and that. Waiting is a part of life and that we will have to learn to live with it. I think I don't know. I just think it's going to be such a beneficial thing for our kids growing up, because then they're going to come into life, you know, getting older when more things can happen and they're going to understand Hey, okay. this is a part of life. I can be frustrated with it and upset. And I can also live in this. I can make the most of it. It will still matter in my life. I think that will make a big difference, just for kids. So I think it's important to have that conversation because that's all we tell our kids, right? For people who are listening. Parent, you're constantly saying I need you to wait. We need to wait patiently. Like we have to wait for this. Right. So it is a topic that we talk about all the time with our kids. And it's I mean, we're parenting ourselves here a little bit too. Right. Oh yeah,

Lacey: 00:25:36

I'm always parenting myself. Yes.

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:25:38

exactly.

Lacey: 00:25:40

I mean, just when it comes to, parenting, the biggest thing that I've learned is you really do have to embody what you want them to do. And so it's been a lot of Oh, I actually have to do this thing. And I know I'm supposed to do.

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:25:54

Right with you. Right. And Oh man, I've learned

Lacey: 00:25:57

Yeah, it's one of those things too, where, we're seeing it more. So like my, we told my son, we don't want to use the word stupid. It's not a kind word and we like to be kind. and it's so funny cause he is now the police of that word. And anytime someone says it, he's Hey, we don't say stupid. And it's you know what, buddy? Thank you.

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:26:17

And my daughter will say that too sometimes when I'm asking her to get ready or something. She's mom, you need to wait. You need to wait patiently. She'll tell me that and I just love it. Like internally, I'm like, yes, thank you for saying that. cause now you're clearly understanding it, right? And you are recognizing it. Yeah, I know.

Lacey: 00:26:37

mine's usually begrudging. I love that you're like, I love it! And I'm more like, ugh, you little turd, you're right. Ugh!

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:26:44

Maybe it's because she tells me to wait and I love that topic, but I'm like, yes, you can tell me that.

Lacey: 00:26:49

Well, I do like to give people, a piece of advice. At the end, I love like a takeaway or whatnot, whether it's something that you needed to hear or that you've always lived by, what advice would you give?

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:27:02

Yeah, I think what I would say to someone is this, I would say that, simply stated, whatever it is that you're waiting for, it matters. I, in one, phrase that I've heard that I kind of adjusted, but, basically know that like your weight, Oh, I forgot now I know what it is and now I can't remember on the spot, but it's the worst weight is yours. David Kessler actually said it, that the worst loss is yours. And so I like to adjust it to the worst weight is yours. and I think why it's important to say that is because oftentimes I think we can diminish, belittle, minimize maybe what we're experiencing or feeling compared to another person, right? I think it happens very often. and I just being I hate 1 of my biggest pet peeves is, getting belittled, getting belittled or having someone kind of, push down what you're actually feeling you're experiencing. I just. I hate being invalidated. And so I think that can often happen when you're going through a season of waiting because you've heard it before, right? Well, someone else has it worse, right? And I think we are, oftentimes that is said to ourselves to help us maybe feel better about our situation. But the truth is that whatever you're going through, whatever you're waiting, it still hurts, right? Like it, however long it is, it still hurts and So I just, I, you want, I guess I give those listeners today like that validation of what you're going through, like your weight matters and that it's okay that you feel, you know, you know, you have a heart, your heart is broken over it or disappointment or whatever, over what you're going through for whatever length of time, because it matters and it's yours. And so that's hopefully what those listening can kind of walk away knowing is that your weight matters because the worst weight is always yours.

Lacey: 00:28:46

Yeah. Oh, I love that. I, someone used the analogy and I wish I could remember where of, in the pain Olympics, there's no gold medal. we all have our own events and trials and whatnot, but no one's going to get a gold medal for theirs being the worst or the best, you know what I mean? We just are doing it. and so I've always, I think That's really important too, especially when you know, we're allowed to talk about our experiences, but we're also allowed to put our experience in context of Hey, I know this, and this about my life. I got it. And I know other people have it worse, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it. doesn't feel different to me. And then, I had a realization recently of true gratitude. Isn't about what you don't have. It's about what you do have. So about, it's not thinking about somebody who has it worse thinking about what you have in good. And I think, These are the little what's the word I'm looking for the little touch points of moving away from toxic positivity and into actually being able to be positive and optimistic in the world in a realistic. And sustainable way.

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:30:03

Yeah, definitely. And it starts with, I think, validation, right? I think a lot of it

Lacey: 00:30:09

agree.

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:30:09

with giving yourself validation, right? and that's where I think that statement can be powerful of you taking that power back of yeah, this is really painful. This is really hard, right? and giving yourself permission to have that outside of anybody else having to validate it. And then that can come next. but yeah, often we just, we are invalidated that we just yeah. Like you said, it's almost well, I guess it's really not that bad. It's well, no, you can, it can be okay to say it is bad. So yeah.

Lacey: 00:30:38

More than one thing can be true at

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:30:39

Yes. Right. Exactly. Yeah. I totally believe that too. Yeah.

Lacey: 00:30:42

Well, where can people find you? and all that

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:30:46

so you can go to my website if you'd like to visit there. It's living in the weight and weight is w a i t. com. So living in the weight. com. you can find me on social media as well. So that's the hashtag or the handle is living in the weight, all one word. So you can find me, there as well. yeah. and for those. Get my book on Amazon. I've got that linked on my website. Otherwise, they can always sign up to get the first two chapters of my book for free if they're like, Hey, I kind of want to just dig into it a little bit more before you buy the book. That's also an option as well. I'd love to just have them dip their toes in to the message if they're kind of curious about it also.

Lacey: 00:31:22

Yeah, and we'll have all those in the show notes and, Melissa and I are going to have more conversations because it's nice to talk to somebody else who is thinking about the things that you're thinking about. And we've got a couple ideas for maybe some topic based episodes that we can do in the future. So stay tuned for that. Thank you. so much for joining me today.

melissa---living-in-the-wait_1_09-13-2023_103921: 00:31:45

you. I can't wait to just continue this conversation and just hope that people when they listen to this just maybe can, you know, it'll happen in their own time. Right? If anything we say connects with someone, it might not be today. It might be 2 years from now. Right? And so what I love to know is just Hey, we're going to have this conversation. We're going to maybe bring up things that maybe you've never thought of. Maybe ask different questions and be curious, but it's definitely about just sharing. Thank you. You know, our perspective on things and if something hits you and connects like and changes your perspective, right? And brings a positive experience of, waiting for you. that's a win. I think a win or just a positive, to know, to share your story, I guess, like that's just humbling to know that can help someone in their journey. So I'm excited to have more of those conversations to see what that does for your listeners.

Lacey: 00:32:38

me too.