Welcome to No Shame in the Home Game, the podcast that cares

2

how your home feels, not looks.

3

I am Lacey, your co host who is always

just along for the ride, realistically,

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but we were here Sara, the co host that I

feel like actually knows what's going on.

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Hi, Sara.

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Sara: Hi Lacey.

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It's so good to

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see

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Lacey: too.

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We were, before we started, we

were talking about how, I like

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to fly by the seat of my pants.

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and I have brought Sara.

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Into that energy.

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Sara: I really like the contrast

and that, yin yang, yin yang.

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Some people pronounce it differently.

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Anyways, I like that because sometimes I

overthink things to the point of freezing.

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And I think sometimes you run into a

burning building a little too fast.

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Lacey: Absolutely

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Sara: not in a critical way, so I

think between the two of us, there

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is this, I always talk about the

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tortoise and the hare, like there

is a beautiful balance between

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the two, and I've learned to

embrace the flying tortoise.

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my wallpaper, which I got to show

off to my friend this morning.

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my wallpaper is a perfect example

of no, just dive right in people.

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and she too was like, I know

sometimes I can't commit to things

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because I think about them too much.

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And I'm like, yeah, I can totally relate.

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So the laziness of things is

beautiful and I've embraced

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Lacey: Thank you.

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I really appreciate that.

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It's been a really funny and like my

perfectionism journey, that a lot of

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times perfectionists don't start things

because they want it to be perfect.

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I'm like, that is not a

problem I've ever had.

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Sara: I can relate to that.

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I do this thing.

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It's actually.

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Antithetical might be the right word.

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I'm not sure.

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I'll actually do something where I

will research something to death and I

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will put in so much time that I've over

calculated everything and then I'll get

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fatigued and then I'll jump and make a

decision without using any of the research

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I just did because I get so impatient.

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But I, it's my process though.

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I Yeah, sometimes I do jump in, I guess,

but I have to go through this cursory,

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like, 20 hours of research first.

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Lacey: I actually think this is an

interesting way to start our wrap

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up season two, because I think this

season behind the scenes, Sara and

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I had Such a great flow of getting

things done this season and on a

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meta level has felt so good to us,

not to speak for you, Sara, but this

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is something you're talking about.

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just hitting our stride, feeling

like we know what we're doing.

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So I want to make sure we start off

the conversation with like season

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two has felt amazing to make.

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Sara: It has, and I keep

just enjoying that feeling.

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It hasn't dissipated.

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There wasn't just a moment

of Oh, that's really good.

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Like every time I go to edit an episode,

every time I go to listen or do or

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think about it, I get that same like

satisfactory, like, that is really good.

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And I completely agree.

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And I know I've tooted my own

horn to you and I'm getting

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better at tooting my own horn.

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I'm really not great at it.

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But when I listened to the

podcast, like on my podcast player.

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Completely as a listener, not as

an editor, not as a, the host.

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When I listen, I'm like, wow,

this is really good advice.

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Lacey: Yeah, Sara, there is a reason

why when we started talking about this

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before we ever came up with No Shame

in the Home Game or anything like that,

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that I was like, Sara, this is bigger.

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We need to do something.

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And it's to hear you talk, about

everything and bringing it down to one.

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I just, you're magic.

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I am so glad that you have gotten

just a little bit of that out of this.

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Sara: I have, and a funny side note.

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So along with the wallpaper was me

completely gutting my office and

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emptying every drawer and every closet

and everything, and I've just totally

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thrown it all up into my hallway.

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And I had this moment of

frustration of Oh, all this stuff.

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And, Oh, I got to process all this.

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And, Oh, but I also want

to do that other project.

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And I actually had this moment of

almost like split identity where I

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was like, I need Sara from no shame

in the home game to step in here.

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I was being Sara, me, as a householder.

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And I was like, okay, what would

Sara from No Shame say to me?

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I would say to myself, focus

on one project at a time.

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It'll all happen.

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You can't do too many things.

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And I was like, oh,

that feels really good.

88

So I'll have to say, I still

have lessons to learn too.

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Like I'm still doing all these

steps myself, which I appreciate.

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Lacey: we all, I personally think

everyone needs some Sara in their life.

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So I get it.

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Even Sara needs Sara.

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Sara: Even Sara

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needs Sara.

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Yes, that's so true.

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That is so true.

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I want to ask you what from season

two, can you put your finger on

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a moment or a saying, is there

anything that you think of, or is

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it just in totality as a package?

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Lacey: I think so season two, is a

little bit different for me because

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I don't have a relationship with

anybody in any of our participants.

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Whereas last season.

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Alex is one of my dearest friends.

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I was one of the participants, and so

this season, a big takeaway for me is

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the ability to have that connection with

somebody and see your story in theirs.

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So I think about, Two,

two things come to mind.

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One with Teresa, when she was talking

about doing things and I just had this

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moment where I'm like, Oh my gosh, I see

myself in Teresa and I need to tell Teresa

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what I need to hear, which is there's no

right way to do this, that kind of stuff.

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And then to hear her say back

to me, I needed to hear that.

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I think about that regularly.

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I just think that, and that moment

of similarity and, really one of the

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biggest things that I just continue to

learn is that every time someone tells

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their story, someone else gets seen,

even if it's not their exact story,

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even if their situation's just a little

bit different, someone else feels seen.

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And that has made it infinitely easier

for me to share my own story in that,

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this will help someone somewhere.

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I don't know who it is.

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A hundred people could see it and

think it's dumb, but if one person

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sees it and thinks it's great, cool.

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And feel seen and validated.

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So I think about that.

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And then I think with Tyra, I had

another moment like that with her,

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just acknowledging how far she's

come and seeing the progress and

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that she deserves to be celebrated.

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those two moments really stand out to me.

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Sara: thank you for sharing.

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I love hearing that.

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And what you're talking about with

Teresa is actually the origin story

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of this work that I do again for the

listener who maybe hadn't heard me

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say it yet, I was in people's homes.

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The people who hired me were

generally busy working moms.

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And I kept hearing.

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These stories of shame, of

regret, of why can't I do ABC?

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Why is so and so doing this?

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And it was that, wait, we're all

feeling shame someplace or discomfort,

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but we're not talking about it.

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And that was the whole reason,

again, pulling open that curtain,

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opening up that front door.

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Let's all just admit.

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That there are some parts of this that we

don't like, that are really hard, we were

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never taught how to do, and that's exactly

why I wanted, Ooh, I just got goosebumps!

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Lacey: Yay.

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Sara: Because we all feel this,

and like you said, by being,

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by recognizing yourself in

someone else, we are connecting.

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Oh, I feel that too.

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Oh, I feel seen and heard.

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And Yes, so I agree with you, if a hundred

people hear it and one person gets to walk

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away with a little nugget of, solace, then

it's worth it because this stuff is hard.

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Lacey: So hard.

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It's so hard.

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And it's so personal.

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I think that is something else

that I've really come away with

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is like the themes are universal,

but the experience is so personal.

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And, I think about those,

Like kind of one size fits all

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solutions that are out there.

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And I'm like, Oh, that's

why this doesn't work

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it's cause it hasn't taken

a more universal approach.

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for example.

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I'm going to be doing, book

reviews, not really reviews.

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I like to think of more of those

book reports for, different

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like self help and like resource

type things that are out there.

163

And I read one that's coming out soon

and it's called Modern Friendship.

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And she does a great job of the nuts

and bolts of being a friend today.

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But my one critique that really

got into me is that it is very

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much from her perspective.

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As a straight white woman who's middle

class with no kids and that, and so if

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that is how you identify yourself, Oh my

gosh, this is a great resource for you.

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Now, if you're not that, will you

be able to pull something out of it?

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Yes.

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But as you read it, as a mom and a

sick lady, I'm like, I can't do that.

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That's not realistic for me.

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I can't do that.

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and so I think that Acknowledging that

these systems in our homes and how our

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homes run and how we run our lives is so

personal to our experience and our needs.

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And that just always needs

to be at the forefront.

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And I think because it's so personal

and because the solution for so

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long has been, this is the solution,

not this could be the solution has

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really created that space for shame.

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Sara: yes, yeah.

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I'm trying to figure out how to say this.

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I've said this in different

articles I've written about,

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I understand how we got here.

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When you put the, when you look at the

pieces and you look backwards, it makes

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sense that we're at this point, but it's

also gotten so uncomfortable that we get

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To change the tide and we get to change

how it's done and it's going to be very

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uncomfortable, but the hope is the next

generation doesn't have this same type

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of discomfort and I've never thought

myself as somebody stirring the pot.

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I've always thought I'm only somebody

who gets goes along to get along.

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But I really feel like this is,

revolution is a strong word.

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It makes me think of the military.

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What's like a, what's

like an easier word than

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Lacey: Uh, a movement, if you will.

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Sara: Oh my gosh.

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Gosh, it's a movement.

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Damn it.

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It was right there.

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This is a

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movement and I'm so happy

and proud to be a part of it.

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And it's very much outside

of my character, but it has,

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again, the discomfort in me.

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The discomfort and all the clients I

worked with and I do, I feel like I am up

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here with like a little sign on a little

tiny hill going, Hey everyone, guess what?

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We're all feeling really uncomfortable.

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Let's join this movement together and

change shit because it really sucks.

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Lacey: Well, and I think too, what

you just said about, making it better

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for the next generation, I think

that's something that we tackled with

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Ashley's story of her figuring out

how to take her organizational skills

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and her methods, but empowering her

children to have the same outcome, but

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not necessarily the exact same way.

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Sara: Absolutely.

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And even with Teresa and there's been

so many messages cause Teresa and I IRL.

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It sounds really weird coming out of my

mouth because it's not like in real life

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We're friends and so I get an abundance

of messages from Teresa highlighting

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how much this has impacted her life

as a mom as Raising her daughter and

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teaching her and they're learning about

the food recipes together Learning about

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all these things together and just like

you said, yeah, hopefully when Shannon's

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running her own house It's gonna be so

much easier for her to put these You

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Building blocks together and not go

through, it's like we're carrying forward

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this story from the previous generation

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unknowingly, that's how I see it and

we, we get to make a conscious change.

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If it's uncomfortable.

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For some people, it's not.

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That's fine too.

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, I'm not trying to say everyone

has to do it this way, but yeah,

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it's oh, it doesn't feel good.

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Okay, it's going to take some energy

and input, but we can change the way

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we think about this and do things.

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And go forward.

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And again, I always say thank you to

our participants and I'll say it again.

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I'm so thankful that they were

willing to share their discomfort

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with the world because that's a brave

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thing to do.

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Lacey: Yeah.

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Sara: I always, I go back to Jenny Lawson,

the author, known as the blog S and when

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I read her book, furiously happy, and she

talked about her mental health journey

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and She was willing to really share some

uncomfortable things that happened to her.

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And in doing so, she's helped so many

people, including me, but she had to be

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brave enough to share that discomfort.

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And just like you said in the

beginning, that's where the magic is.

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Lacey: Magic.

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Yep.

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I also want to share two takeaways

that have tangible takeaways that

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have transformed my household.

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Sara: I'm so excited.

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I'm on the edge of my

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seat.

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Lacey: The salad drawer idea of Teresa's.

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I have taken it and I've worked

with it a little bit over time,

250

but it helped me and Joe realize

like we both love a big old salad.

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And so what we have made that

one of our, low effort dinners.

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We get a bag salad.

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That's nice and fancy.

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We cook some chicken breast.

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The kids get a deconstructed version of

the salad and then we have a big salad

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and it was an easy, easy, easy dinner.

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And I'm on my own journey right

now of trying to be as thoughtful

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with my food as possible.

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So it came to me at the right time

and it just has been So magical.

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and this is where I say I

didn't do a salad drawer, right?

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That's not what I ended up making, but

it gave me the idea to start tweaking.

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Cause for a period of time, I was

like making a chopped salad at lunch

263

every day and it ended up just being

a little too much work, but it has

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really enabled us to get to this

place where I'm like, Oh, great.

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This is one of our no brainer

meals that we can always have

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when be one of our planned meals.

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Thank you for getting me

there, both Sara and Teresa.

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And the other one is, Tyra's really

changed my thought process on how

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I declutter in that I can do it.

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Just a little bit at a

time when I do things.

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and so we have a box upstairs that , as

I'm folding kids clothes, if I know that

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piece of clothing is too small, I just set

it to the side and it gets put in the box.

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And I've recruited my husband into this.

274

And so it has really made that

processing become more micro, which

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has a macro impact on our house.

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Sara: I'm actually writing

down notes because I love some

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of the stuff you're saying.

278

Micro input for macro

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change.

280

And I love what you said about the

low effort dinner and that's that

281

variation of good, better, best.

282

But I actually like, low effort better

because that reflects on how much

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effort, how much do I have left to give?

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I know you don't like spoons.

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You like to think of

it as how much is in my

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account.

287

It's like, how much effort is left

in your account by dinnertime?

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Uh, not a lot.

289

I need a low effort meal.

290

And I'm going to say salad drawer

has actually influenced me as

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well.

292

I forgot how much I love,

I just kind of forgot.

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God, and so I make up this base

and I shred up purple cabbage.

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I love purple cabbage and I shred

it up real small and then I shred

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up some carrots for color And then

I chopped up some different types

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of lettuces So I always have that

base ready to go and it only lasts a

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few days But like I'll do a big batch.

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So I've actually been eating

a lot more salads, too

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Lacey: I think another part of it that,

and I'm not sure why this changed my

300

thought process of it, of salad can be

easy and it also doesn't have to be.

301

Like the healthiest salad in the world.

302

Like it's still a good meal.

303

if I enjoy it.

304

So yeah.

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Do we have a bag Caesar salad with

the full fat dressing and as much

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cheese as possible and croutons?

307

Heck yeah, we do.

308

But we made it and we enjoyed it.

309

And guess who didn't

go out and get a meal?

310

I just, I think that mentality too, of

it doesn't have to be the perfect salad.

311

It just has to be.

312

a salad that I enjoy eating.

313

Sara: Yeah, you find your

314

entry point and then you can

do variations from there.

315

Absolutely.

316

And that's, that is beautiful.

317

And I love that.

318

And I like what you said to

you about the micro input.

319

I too was listening to Tyra's episode.

320

And I too was prompted because again, in

my office, I decided to empty everything.

321

And I too felt overwhelmed.

322

Again, sometimes I need,

Host Sara to help home Sara.

323

And I too was like, Oh

no, just look at an item.

324

Do I want to use this?

325

Yes or no?

326

And then I did.

327

I had to break it down for myself

and remind myself like, Oh, just have

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a pile of all these donation items.

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so I also have been processing

and remembering too.

330

Cause I love that Tyra is in

a different place in her life

331

with her kids being grown.

332

And it's remembering that stuff piles up.

333

And you can process it as you go, or you

can process it later on down the road,

334

but at some point it gets to be processed.

335

And that's a choice.

336

And nobody can tell you which one's the

right one for you, but you get to decide.

337

do you want to do a little bit

of processing every day, or

338

Lacey: I know

339

Sara: wait until it's all piled

340

up?

341

Lacey: poor mother is trying to process

all of her children's stuff in her house.

342

Every once I get a message,

do you want any of this stuff?

343

And the answer's no, I don't.

344

And I don't want to go through it

because if I go through it, then I'm

345

going to have imaginary ties to it.

346

That if I haven't remembered it, I

haven't lived at home in over 15 years.

347

, I'm not going to use it.

348

I'm not going to keep it.

349

I do have a memory box that

has traveled with me from our

350

houses and that kind of stuff.

351

And so I've just decided if I

think it's important enough to

352

put in there, then that's it.

353

That's enough.

354

Sara: I'm going to put a

call out to the universe.

355

I would love for one of our experts

in between seasons to be somebody

356

who works with emotional attachment

357

to items.

358

Lacey: Interesting.

359

Sara: by the decision making process

we all go through consciously

360

or unconsciously about keeping

things and why some people can

361

get rid of things very easily.

362

Why some people hang on to and

what's that thing I've heard about.

363

There's a phrase for this.

364

I think I read about it in

Marie Kondo's book where.

365

Like your mom's doing.

366

Like instead of just getting rid

of it, she's do you want this?

367

Like it's easier to hand it

off to somebody you know.

368

, what is that?

369

We all do it.

370

I do it.

371

. And especially when a family member

passes away too, and there's so much.

372

I want to talk to somebody who that is

what they work with and I've actually

373

read articles There is something some

people their brain is wired in such

374

a way We're getting rid of an item that

has emotion is actually like physically

375

uncomfortable to them because to them

That memory is actually in the item.

376

There's something to do with the

wiring I've read two articles about

377

it and was very fascinated So it's a

different process for those people.

378

and you see it a lot with the hoarding

mentality, but there is actually

379

something going on in their brain.

380

, I'm just,

381

Lacey: I will say part of the reason

why my mom is doing it is because

382

she lost her mom last year and they

went through a whole bunch of stuff

383

and she has openly said, I don't

want you guys to have to do that.

384

And I'm like, first of all,

Carolyn, you're not allowed to die.

385

Please stop.

386

But, but I get it cause they, they also

have a big house that they've kept because

387

they have grandchildren and people that

come to stay with them, they have a pool.

388

It's, it's a homestead

for us at this point.

389

And it is completely full with our stuff

that she's been asking us to go through.

390

So it isn't her responsibility.

391

So a lot of this stuff,

it's my responsibility.

392

once again, I've put that on Carolyn.

393

Sorry, mom.

394

I love you.

395

Sara: We all have to, we all get to do it.

396

We all get to decide how we do it.

397

Lacey: for

398

sure.

399

And I will say it's made me think forward

of how do I want to save my children's

400

stuff in a way that feels good to me?

401

Cause I don't have a good

answer yet, but I have been

402

thinking about it.

403

Mhm.

404

Sara: Thinking back to highlights from

season two, what I appreciated about

405

Tyra is that I evolve how I do this

work, the more I do it because the more

406

I learn and every client is different.

407

And with Tyra, I really enjoyed that she

was willing to go through the emotional

408

part because that was the unlocking.

409

And Tyra actually left me a message

like last week about this big

410

aha moment she had that unlocked

even another layer for her.

411

Yeah.

412

But she was stuck, like nothing was going

to happen until she faced this emotional

413

block and now it's just clicking.

414

And I always knew there was an emotional

piece with everyone when we do the work.

415

But she really crystallized that for me,

that, and it's not always, with Ashley,

416

it was very much just perfunctory, the,

the steps, it was not an emotional block,

417

she knew exactly what she wanted to be

418

done, and so that's great too, and

that's always a part of it, and even

419

for Teresa, she came in with that heavy

420

weight, could you feel it with Teresa

and Tyra, that first meeting, And I don't

421

know if the listeners can sense it as

much because it's just audio, but when

422

we're doing video and we can see the

person, the way they talk is heavy and the

423

sentences are a little bit more clipped.

424

And when they, when there's a relaxation,

there's just, the body is relaxed.

425

The conversation flows a little bit

differently, but yeah, there's this cloak

426

of like, I'm still trying to pretend

like nothing's wrong, like everything's

427

okay because I don't really want to

admit how much it's uncomfortable.

428

Lacey: my, my moment that I am

thinking of with Teresa in episode two,

429

where I'm like, hey, can I chime in?

430

I, that was one of the first time,

cause you've mentioned that before, Oh,

431

you've changed the way you've changed.

432

That's the first time I was like,

Oh, her entire being just changed

433

when she was talking about these

expectations that she has for herself.

434

There's something there.

435

And that was the first time I was able to

really see it in action, and call it out.

436

So I'm learning things too.

437

Sara: We're all learning!

438

Lacey: so I'm a

communication person, right?

439

Communication's my thing.

440

I talk to people, I'm usually

very intensely paying attention.

441

So I would have thought that would

have been something that I noticed.

442

but now it has become something that I'm

clued in a bit more on and to say Hey.

443

you changed when you did that.

444

What can you, do you know

what's going on there?

445

Sara: Well, and I think that's,

really important about when I ask

446

people about their origin story.

447

I'm not trying to be a

secret psycho stalker.

448

I don't want to know all of your like

deepest, darkest secrets, but I think

449

it helps when Teresa's origin story,

there was very much this different

450

mentality of her parents generation

of how the mom was, quote unquote,

451

supposed to be in the kitchen.

452

And even

453

Tyra.

454

she was very clear about her mom

saying, clean as you go, clean as you

455

go, oh, you're not very clean, are you?

456

There was very much some

stuff from that origin story.

457

And that's what's embedded in our

emotional DNA that we get to examine.

458

I think I always tell the story about my

friend who was really hard on herself for

459

not having freshly prepared homemade meals

every night on the table for her family,

460

because that's what she grew up with.

461

But she works two days out of the home.

462

She has three kids.

463

Her husband often travels

for a week at a time.

464

And her kids are going to all these

different activities and I'm like,

465

but that doesn't, that's not the same.

466

you can't compare those two, but

she had this expectation because

467

that's what she saw growing up.

468

I was like, yeah, but you're,

again, going back to that,

469

everyone's situation's different.

470

you don't have the, do that on Sunday

when you're not working or traveling.

471

don't think about doing that on

the day you worked 10 hours out

472

of the house and you've got to get

to these two different activities.

473

Come on.

474

Those are serial nights.

475

let's be honest.

476

We all have serial nights.

477

Lacey: Yeah.

478

Are you doing this for the outcome

or are you doing it because you

479

feel like you need to do the task?

480

Sara: that is so key.

481

Yeah.

482

Are you doing it because, yeah,

how it looks and how it feels, man.

483

cause it looks like you're performing

the way your parents did or because

484

it feels like this is what works

for you and your sanity and how much

485

effort you have left in your account.

486

Yeah.

487

Yeah.

488

Lacey: Yes.

489

Sara: I feel I really

feel like I'm growing too.

490

not, again, two different Saras.

491

Who's Sara?

492

I feel like I'm getting

better with every client I

493

Lacey: Well, let's just say kudos to

Sara for each of the participants.

494

She did a solo episode and I

am so proud of you because.

495

I don't think you would have felt like

you would be able to do that last year.

496

I you

497

Sara: thank you Yes.

498

Technology kudos.

499

I accept those wholeheartedly.

500

Lacey is our tech department.

501

She is everything IT.

502

That is not me.

503

And yeah.

504

And then also growing as home, Sara, like

relaxing on, I still carry that shame and

505

those expectations and all those things.

506

And I still feel like.

507

I'm growing, which I appreciate as well.

508

And I love Lacey.

509

When you tell me things that you've

learned, there was a moment where

510

you said something about home CEO

and what, how it has helped you.

511

And I was like, really?

512

And you're like, yes.

513

And I'm like, Oh, this

really helps people.

514

Like I was truly shocked, but I mean,

glad, that's why we're doing it.

515

But then to actually get that

connection and that feedback.

516

Feedback.

517

I was like, Oh, wow.

518

It really helped her household.

519

Lacey: I, yes, all the time, literally

you have, we work on a project and I,

520

I've really been rethinking my meal

prep because we just redid the 10 steps

521

to, meal planning and I, it has been

making me noodle our, how we do things.

522

And so literally I told Joe the

other night, I'm like, we're going

523

to write down our non negotiable.

524

Like easy meals and we're gonna,

we're gonna start having a system.

525

And I even have been building

something in Notion to even do that.

526

And I showed it to Joe the other night

and he's like, why aren't we using this?

527

I'm like, yeah, I know.

528

Right.

529

I have a lot of tweaks to

make, but thank you for you to

530

say that is a big deal to me.

531

Sara: okay.

532

Okay.

533

I'm all a flutter people.

534

If you could see me, I'm

535

Lacey: You are.

536

Sara: I love, don't get me wrong.

537

One is not higher than the other.

538

They're two different

categories of appreciation.

539

I love that Lacey is utilizing it

and it's making her life easier.

540

But to know that Joe said that I'm

going to be in the clouds all day long.

541

That Joe, practical, no holds barred Joe,

I say what's exactly on my mind, Joe.

542

Lacey: Yeah.

543

Sara: that packs a punch,

544

people.

545

Lacey: It does.

546

Why are we

547

Sara: that?

548

Oh, and I will tell you again with

Teresa and the food stuff, we still

549

going back and forth and some of the

frustrations, and I don't know if

550

it was in episode three or not, but

I mentioned a communication center.

551

Because I said, like, why is this,

does your family even know what

552

time dinner is or how they can help?

553

And she's been sending me pictures.

554

She's been using the communication center.

555

Healthy snacks and she'll list them.

556

Dinner is gonna be this at this time.

557

And like she started using it

too to say, if her husband's

558

working out of the office.

559

Or out of town and if her daughter

has some activity, so now everyone's

560

on the same page and there's

not that mist of confusion.

561

I'm hungry.

562

When are we eating?

563

Where is everyone?

564

and she's this has really been helpful.

565

And I'm so excited that again, I'm like,

Oh my gosh, yes, this is helping people.

566

Lacey: Yeah, she's giving up

that gatekeeper, role and giving

567

other people keys to get in so

she doesn't have to be there.

568

Sara: Again, home CEO.

569

We don't have to do it all.

570

We got, we get to like share, hold all

of this information and the process

571

with everyone else in the house.

572

Lacey: Agreed.

573

This stuff is magic.

574

Sara: We've been putting out a lot of joy.

575

Lacey is giving out very

specific compliments to people

576

on threads and Instagram.

577

And it's beautiful.

578

And she's been sharing so

much joy and getting joy.

579

And I've been getting joy.

580

And yeah, this season two has

brought me so much joy and

581

there's so much magic and joy.

582

And I feel like I just want to have a

bag of it and I can just sprinkle it.

583

I'm like, come on everyone,

feel the joy, feel the magic.

584

Lacey: so joy ripples is something

that you already had before we

585

started the joyful support movement.

586

And it really is the goal

of everything that we do.

587

The idea is that if your life

can be a little bit easier,

588

you can have more room for joy.

589

And then you go out into the world

with that joy and give it to somebody

590

else and they give it to somebody else.

591

And I just.

592

I, in the past three weeks have

seen our joy ripples be rippling.

593

It makes me so happy.

594

It makes me so happy.

595

Literally one of the people I

hyped on threads was like, he

596

like summarized the joyful support

movement and the joy ripple.

597

And I think I tagged you in the post.

598

I was like, Oh, this is exactly what

my business partner and I are doing.

599

It's called the joyful support movement.

600

And that's why we're doing it.

601

Sara: I I love that.

602

I'm so happy.

603

And I have to give credit, the

Joy Ripple, Teresa and I mentioned

604

our friend and coach, Erin.

605

It started with her.

606

When I was working with her,

trying to figure out the work I

607

was doing, why I was doing it.

608

She actually, transformational coach.

609

And she was the center

of the Joy Ripple for me.

610

She's like, I want every woman to be

doing exactly what they want to be doing

611

in life and feel empowered and confident.

612

So that then they can turn

around and help somebody else.

613

And I was like, yeah, I love that.

614

So she's the center of my Joy Ripple.

615

And then I came off of her.

616

And then I've been spreading,

and then spreading it to you.

617

And then, if we can all just

ripple out 1 percent of joy.

618

Yeah, I've always been like overly,

not, Oh, I'm not going to criticize.

619

I was going to say overly

optimistic, but that's not right.

620

I've always had this nugget

inside of me of that.

621

if we're all just a little

bit kinder, I gave a high

622

school speech at my graduation.

623

And do you know the starfish story?

624

So for listeners, you don't

know the starfish parable.

625

There was this old man and this little

kid on this beach and there were all

626

these starfish that had washed up and

the tide was going out and the little

627

child was picking up the starfish and

throwing it back into the water and

628

then you take another step and throw

another one in the water and the old

629

man came up and said, I don't know why

you're doing that, you can't possibly

630

save them all and the child picked one

up and threw it in the water and said,

631

I don't know why you're doing that.

632

But I saved that one.

633

that was my whole graduation

speech was just that optimistic,

634

let's just do what we can.

635

We don't, it's not

about a hundred percent.

636

It's just do what you can and

put it out there in the world.

637

And I'm so excited that we're doing that.

638

Lacey: I had this moment yesterday,

because I was making Jill do my,

639

hype and compliment videos with me.

640

And I just had this moment where I was

like, he probably thinks I'm so silly

641

that this is this is me doing work today.

642

Like this, I have made this part

of my work, To Get this out in

643

the world because it's meeting

the goals of our organization,

644

like all these different things.

645

and then I had this moment where I was

like, Oh my gosh, I get to do this.

646

Oh, I made this my job.

647

She's not making that much money yet,

but Hey, it's my job and I like it.

648

Sara: I had the same thing.

649

My husband was asking me what I was doing

today, and I was like, I'm going on a walk

650

with my friend, and then I'm recording

with Lacey, and yeah, I had that thing

651

in my head, like, where you put things in

652

buckets, and I was like, it's in

the work bucket, but it's really in

653

the, like, this is filling my cup

bucket, and I was like, that's so

654

weird, they're in the same bucket.

655

Lacey: absolutely.

656

Absolutely.

657

Sara: It's beautiful.

658

I do want to give a personal

shout out to one of our listeners.

659

Mr.

660

Jim, he's my friend.

661

He has been listening to

our podcast, even though.

662

It's not, he's not our typical

demographic, but he is such a supporter

663

and such a friend, and he's been

listening, and he actually knows Teresa.

664

So that's been like a fun little, we

all used to live in the same town.

665

I almost said city.

666

It's Such a town.

667

It's such a small town.

668

and so he's been listening

while he walks in the morning.

669

And I just want to say, thank

you, Jim, for being a supporter.

670

Oh, and he actually has a live

concert on YouTube tonight and

671

I'm going to be watching him.

672

Yes.

673

I'm

674

very

675

Lacey: a gym.

676

Sara: some, he's a lifelong

musician and photographer

677

And I think it's bringing him joy, even

though he's not our target audience,

678

Lacey: I mean, we are delightful though.

679

So

680

Sara: that, that is true.

681

I'm not gonna argue with that.

682

Lacey: no argument.

683

No, that's just a fact.

684

We're allowed to say, objective

facts and that's one of them.

685

Thank you.

686

Sara: Oh my gosh, everyone, if you

come hang out with us in Joyful

687

Support Movement, it's a lot of this.

688

You're gonna get a lot of this.

689

You get to share not only the things

that are going on in your life that

690

are not pleasant, you get to just

get delightful comments like this

691

Lacey: You can also vote on whether

a hot dog is a sandwich or not.

692

Sara: Gross.

693

I don't know who said yes to

694

Lacey: It was me and me and my mom.

695

Sara: Are you

696

serious on that?

697

How is it a

698

Lacey: How is it not?

699

It's bread surrounding, meat specifically.

700

And there,

701

Sara: Is a hamburger a

702

sandwich?

703

It's its own thing.

704

Lacey: it's a subset.

705

So not all hamburger, wait, no,

not all sandwiches are hamburgers,

706

but all hamburgers are sandwiches.

707

Sara: Okay, so I love sayings like that,

so now I don't feel as angry, and now

708

I'm gonna have to ponder my stance.

709

Lacey: what I want you to do is go Google,

it's called the sandwich alignment chart.

710

Okay.

711

so the two accesses are, like composition.

712

So how it's made and then

the other one's ingredients.

713

And like each box is a little bit

of each of the, like each of those.

714

And I am almost completely chaotic.

715

I just can't get to the point

where I say a Pop Tart is a

716

sandwich, but I almost get there.

717

taco, choco, taco, whatever that is.

718

Is that a sandwich?

719

Sara: I don't know.

720

So when I get really mad in my

house, I talk really quietly

721

and calmly because I'm so mad.

722

I want to, when you said I can't

get on board with a Pop Tart being

723

a sandwich, the thought of a Pop

Tart being a sandwich made me want

724

to burn everything to the ground.

725

That shouldn't be a sentence that exists.

726

Lacey: it really all depends on your

criteria and that's why I love these

727

kinds of conversations because you

get to see other people's criteria.

728

Some people, the

ingredients are important.

729

A sandwich is made up of meat,

cheeses, vegetables, lettuce,

730

between two slices of bread.

731

But then you, and then you can

start going and be like, so an ice

732

cream sandwich is not a sandwich.

733

Cause it's not those ingredients.

734

and then you can go the other way

where it's is a taco a sandwich because

735

it's those ingredients between two

pieces of, not between the, I will

736

say someone said they're like level

is the bun part or the same, if that's

737

connected, it is no longer a sandwich.

738

Sara: I was just thinking about

739

pita pockets,

740

Lacey: I would still call that a sandwich.

741

in

742

spirit, is a sandwich that

743

. Sara: I was going to say I'm comfortable

with using the phrase sandwich adjacent.

744

So I'm, I love these conversations too

because they're so inconsequential.

745

It doesn't matter, but I

love debating something that

746

doesn't matter because it's fun

747

and it's,

748

hopefully not going to hurt

749

Lacey: you get to see

people's thought processes.

750

it's the same thing of,

is our instructions rules.

751

That's butted heads on our instructions.

752

Sara: to talk really quietly and calmly

so I don't break anything in my office.

753

That is more, okay, that actually is

more reflective of how I enjoy rules.

754

They make me feel comforted.

755

Lacey: I do too.

756

I do too.

757

Sara: No, you do not like to be

758

Lacey: Well, I don't like to be

told what to do, but I like rules.

759

See those are two different things to me.

760

So rules are something

that we all have to follow.

761

It gives order and structure.

762

Telling me what to do is

me having to do something.

763

Those are two different things in my mind.

764

Sara: Okay, so the manual says.

765

In order for this structure to stand, you

have to put these screws in this location.

766

But you're saying that's not a rule?

767

That's just like a suggestion?

768

Lacey: If I don't do it, I'm

not going to get in trouble.

769

Sara: oh, okay.

770

This is the crux.

771

The consequence.

772

Oh, so to me the consequence

is, if you don't put the screws

773

there, the structure won't

774

Lacey: You don't know that.

775

How do you know that.

776

Sara: Hold it up to take a drink of water.

777

Lacey: Oh, you remember in the beginning

where we talked about our two approaches

778

to things, I think we're seeing

that come together in another place.

779

Sara: It's so funny, I usually feel

like Lacey is like contemporary, but in

780

this moment of discussing rules, I feel

very maternal, and I feel like you're

781

being a child who's like being sassy.

782

I feel like I'm dealing with Iris

783

right now, you're like, it doesn't

784

Lacey: I yes.

785

She's the kid that I'm

like, don't lay there.

786

And so then she'll lay right next

to where I told her not to lay.

787

She's I'm not laying there.

788

And I'm like, geez, you, that was not

the spirit of what I asked you to do.

789

So yes,

790

Sara: That's not the

spirit of what I asked you

791

to

792

Lacey: she's going to be a little

lawyer, but truly some, something

793

could still function if you put

in the screw in a different way.

794

So again, that's where I say, not a rule.

795

It is.

796

the way those people designed

it to be made for sure, but

797

that doesn't make it a rule.

798

Sara: Okay.

799

Okay.

800

I'm warming up.

801

I'm, I am, I'm adapting a growth mindset

and I am loosening, I'm not saying I

802

agree, but I am saying I'm willing to

view this differently and try it on.

803

Lacey: think as I'm saying

this, there is an element of

804

rules impact more than just you.

805

Rules impact other people.

806

And so if you don't follow the rules,

it's going to impact somebody else.

807

this is for me particularly, whereas.

808

Instructions.

809

If I don't follow the

instructions, that's on me, man.

810

Yeah, I did that.

811

That's a choice I made.

812

Now, will somebody get hurt

if a chair falls apart?

813

Yes.

814

But again, it wasn't that I specifically

did something that caused them harm or,

815

Sara: Okay.

816

Okay.

817

Yeah.

818

I'm

819

warming up.

820

I'm warming up to seeing

things differently.

821

Lacey: Instructions are best practices.

822

They're not rules.

823

Sara: I can actually get

824

behind that.

825

Mhm.

826

Mhm.

827

Sara: Okay.

828

I am in agreement.

829

Lacey: Did I just change your mind?

830

Sara: You did.

831

And this goes back to how much I've

learned from you about communication.

832

And how words can take

on different meanings in

833

different contexts to different people.

834

I was actually just talking to Sara.

835

We were discussing pops of joy

and different questions to ask.

836

And I was even saying to her with

some people, maybe you don't use the

837

word joy with them because maybe

that word means something different.

838

We talked about how gratitude is the

cousin of joy, and I said, Oh yeah,

839

I've learned so much from Lacey about

how important communication is and what

840

you're saying and how you're saying it.

841

And so it comes back to that.

842

Lacey: communication is at

the foundation of everything.

843

Sara: it is.

844

And I am, I am understanding

that in so many

845

ways.

846

Lacey: we do need to do

what we're grateful for.

847

Speaking of.

848

Gratitude is the cousin of joy.

849

Sara: Would you like to start?

850

Or do you want me to start?

851

Lacey: I have too much in my mind.

852

Isn't that beautiful?

853

Sara: You can never have too

854

Lacey: But that I cannot pick just one.

855

That's how grateful I

am feeling right now.

856

Sara: But how meta is

857

that?

858

That is your joy.

859

Your thankful, your moment of

gratitude is I have so much to be

860

thankful for, I can't pick just

861

one.

862

That is

863

beautiful.

864

Lacey: I'm thankful.

865

Yesterday was Joe and I's

anniversary and we got to spend

866

a little extra time together.

867

I'm thankful for our eight

years of marriage and , our

868

kids that came out of it.

869

I'm thankful for the advice

people gave us on our wedding day.

870

I recorded a video about that

and I, it's a video I cried in.

871

So that's fun.

872

I'm thankful my parents,

this is a fun one.

873

So my brother had a lawnmower that

caught on fire and My parents ended

874

up taking it and fixing it and

they brought it to us yesterday.

875

So now we have a riding lawnmower

that we didn't have before.

876

So thankful for that.

877

We did literally nothing for it again.

878

Cannot sing Bob and

Carolyn's praises enough.

879

Sara: I'm actually tempted to move to

Ohio just to be closer to Bob and Carolyn.

880

That is how strongly I feel about

881

Lacey: Yeah.

882

I'm thankful for, my son had his

kindergarten evaluation yesterday

883

and he was so excited about

starting school and it went well.

884

I just, I, there is so much I'm

thankful for right now and grateful for.

885

I didn't even get into all of my joy,

compliments and hyping either the amount

886

of joy and gratitude I have for that.

887

Whew.

888

Sara: Those are fun.

889

People listening, if you want a

five minute like happiness bump, go

890

check out Lacey Shares on Threads.

891

I loved reading how happy people were

getting that you were just doing it.

892

And it is just, it's so joyful.

893

It's just pure, clean joy.

894

Unadulterated joy.

895

I am thankful.

896

I took a walk with my

friend this morning and.

897

Because I really like

structure and organization.

898

I've thought about my life

in three compartments.

899

I have my work compartment.

900

I have my home compartment, which

is really me being a wife and a mom.

901

And then I have my personal

department, which is me as an

902

individual, not as a wife or a mom.

903

And I've realized that in my week,

and I can do this now that my child is

904

older and more independent, but I've

realized I need all three of those.

905

To be balanced.

906

So I've been making a very

intentional choice every week to

907

do something that's just for me.

908

It has nothing to do with managing

my home, nothing to do with work.

909

so taking a walk with my friend has been

one of those choices and, Oh, it's just,

910

it's like that pressure release valve.

911

It just feels so good to do

something that's just for me.

912

So that is, My gratitude.

913

And then actually, like I said, doing

this recording with you, it's the

914

work bucket, but it's also for me.

915

So it's double dipping.

916

Oh, I

917

Lacey: Heck yeah.

918

That's I like to think of that as

being strategic with your time.

919

You're getting more out of your time.

920

Look at you.

921

Productivity.

922

Sara: thankful.

923

And as soon as we get our sponsorships

rolling and We will, because We will,

924

then we'll be getting paid just to have

awesome conversations, which is the dream.

925

Lacey: Ah, yes.

926

Sara: it's

927

the dream.

928

And so let's do a call out to the

universe sponsors who want to sponsor joy.

929

And if you don't want to sponsor joy,

930

Lacey: What are you doing?

931

Sara: What are you doing?

932

Lacey: Sounds like a bad move.

933

PR move to me.

934

Sara: it's like when politicians

name a bill, something that seems

935

like you would, if you voted no

against that bill, you're somehow

936

like the worst person in the world.

937

How could you not want to sponsor joy?

938

what's, come on.

939

What is your mission statement

if you don't want to sponsor joy?

940

Lacey: feel like maybe

insurance companies.

941

Actually, no, if they sponsor

joy, less accidents will happen

942

probably, and they will less payout.

943

yep.

944

Yep.

945

Sara: I'm trying to think

946

of companies that wouldn't

want to sponsor Joy.

947

We could be

948

Lacey: I know.

949

would a funeral home want to sponsor joy?

950

Sara: The funeral I want to have, yes.

951

Crying, wearing black, no.

952

I want to party.

953

Is there a party funeral home?

954

Lacey: I don't know, but there should be.

955

if people have listened to the sharing

the middle episodes with my cousin, Al,

956

we talk in it about how we've had so

much death in our life that I have very

957

clear, instructions that I've given since

it's 18 years old, I'm like, okay, rule

958

number one, you don't have to wear black.

959

What I want you to do is

wear what you feel good in.

960

That could be your wedding dress.

961

That could be your prom gown.

962

That could be your pajamas.

963

I don't care.

964

I want you to feel good.

965

Second of all, there

has to be upbeat music.

966

No sad music.

967

Nope.

968

Nope.

969

No sad music here, you know?

970

and, you have to tell your favorite

stories of me because I want you

971

all to feel good, but I still need

to be the center of attention.

972

Okay.

973

Sara: Wait, can

974

I do mine?

975

Have you seen those videos where

people are in those inflatable

976

dinosaur things at like funny places?

977

Okay.

978

If it's comfortable and possible,

I want everyone to wearing

979

some kind of dinosaur get up.

980

I want a DJ playing all my

favorite music, the upbeat

981

dance type of music.

982

Yeah, I want, so I want a room

full of dancing dinosaurs.

983

And then yes, I want people

to tell their favorite stories

984

about me that made them laugh.

985

, But then break it up with some

986

dancing and then come back.

987

so I'm like just picturing like this room

of dinosaurs, like just having a rave.

988

Lacey: And I just want to

say crying is still okay.

989

feel your

990

feelings.

991

I'm, this is not me saying, don't be

sad that I'm gone or whatever that is.

992

Feel your feelings.

993

But just do it while you're dancing

to Backstreet Boys, cause that should

994

be one of the songs being played.

995

So

996

Sara: way

997

Do you want a funeral with the

Backstreet Boys and lip syncing?

998

Then you want the Joyful

Support Funeral Home.

999

Lacey: you want a funeral?

Sara: Damn, it was right

there the whole time.

I can't, this is why you're

the communications expert.

Like when I, this is a bookend at

the very beginning when I was like,

I don't want to say revolution.

What do I say?

And you're like, movement?

It was right there.

It was so

Lacey: Our Funeral Home

will be coming soon.

Sara: That seems like a great

Lacey: I do too.

I love it.

I love everything about it.

Thank you, Sara.

Sara: Thank you, Lacey.