Sharing My Story through Conversation

Yeah, this is exciting

2

Joe: Why?

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Lacey: because this is my first time

successfully recording in person.

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Joe: You do this all the time.

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Lacey: I know, but I have

never recorded with this setup.

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It's a new setup for me.

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Welcome to Sharing the Middle, and I'm

not going to say my normal opening because

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I'm still working on a new opening to

match what is this new Sharing the Middle.

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And I have asked my dear husband,

Joe, and fan favorite, you know

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you're a fan favorite, right?

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Joe: A fan favorite.

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Yes.

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Lacey: You're also, it's two,

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Joe: Oh.

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Lacey: Anyway, fan

favorite, my husband, Joe.

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Hi, Joe.

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Joe: Hello.

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Lacey: How are you today, Joe?

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Joe: I am here.

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Lacey: He is, we just put our

children to bed, fingers crossed.

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They stay in bed.

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we're

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really taking a

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Joe: We put them in bed, we didn't put

them to bed because they're still awake.

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Lacey: Yeah, we're really

taking a gamble on this one,

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Joe: It's risky.

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Lacey: I haven't told Joe much of anything

about this with the exception that I want

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to tell him and so he can ask me questions

and be like an audience conduit, if you

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will, about my, not, it's not really a big

change in direction, but it is a little,

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we're going to steer in a direction.

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So sharing the middle is still going

to have guests that we do interviews

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on where they talk about their middle

moments, but I've been trying to figure

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out

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how to share my story better.

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Don't tap the microphone.

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Joe: did not.

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Lacey: Yes, you did.

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I

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Joe: saw you.

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They don't know that, only you know it.

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You

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Lacey: They know it now.

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Joe: I

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should have just denied it.

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Lacey: But probably gaslighting

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Joe: gaslighting your wife in

the middle of her podcast isn't

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necessarily the best move to

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Lacey: the best move make.

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Anyway, I've been wanting to figure

out how to share my own story and for

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a while that was in my writing, but

writing hasn't really felt good lately.

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And I also have been struggling with,

previously I did many episodes that

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were just for me and that was a place

where I shared what was going on,

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but it just didn't feel quite right.

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with the joyful support movement.

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the wonderful Sarah, my co host on

No Shame in the Home Game, and I.

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joyful support has three steps.

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One of those steps is sharing your

story, putting your story out there.

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And she, being the genius that she

is, was like, yeah, that's sharing

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the middle is sharing your story.

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And it got me thinking about, how

can I share my story better and

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in a way that feels good for me.

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And I think it was more

engaging for a listener.

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And I thought back to some of my

favorite episodes from last season,

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and they were the one with my mom and

my sisters, the one with, Becky and

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Lydia, where we talk about Barbie.

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And it helped me realize that I

learn a lot about my own story in

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conversation with other people,

and that other people hear.

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themselves in some of those stories.

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So for example, the thing that I heard

the most when I, when people talked

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about the system, my mom and sisters

episode was that they heard their

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own relationship with their sisters.

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If they had sisters and

had a close relationship.

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And so it got me thinking, maybe I

want to give more insights to that.

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Is there a child?

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Joe: No, but did you not

hear the sound change?

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Lacey: No.

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Joe: There is a child I haven't

seen to confirm yet But I heard the

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volume of the white noise change.

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So did you hear that door?

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Yeah.

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To be fair, she may be going

to the bathroom, which,

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again, she is allowed to do.

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Lacey: She is our sneaky kid.

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Joe: Yeah.

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Lacey: is very much our sneaky kid.

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Joe: She's so quiet.

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Lacey: She is.

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So, in a way, that's what I want to do.

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I want to talk to people in

my life to share my story.

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in conversation with the people

who had these experiences with me.

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Joe and I could talk about

our experience parenting.

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Oh, there's a child.

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Joe: Hi, sweet girl.

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You need to get back in bed.

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Lacey: supposed to be in your bed, Missy.

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Joe: Yes.

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Okay.

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Lacey: All right,

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I've already reached out to some folks

about different things, and I'm not

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just going to be like, tell me about

me, because that feels weird, but

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they're going to have some themes.

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for example, I want to talk to

my mom and sisters about sports.

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and

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their relationship with sports

as women as a way to, underline

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my lack of interest in sports.

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Joe: That's not true.

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Lacey: What do you mean that's not true?

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Joe: You have an interest in sports.

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Lacey: What sports do I have an

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Joe: have an interest in?

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You have an interest in sport.

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What?

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You're into football now.

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Lacey: I am not into

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Joe: That's not true.

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Lacey: Just because.

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Joe: it enough.

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Lacey: The Travis Kelsey of it all.

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I wish it didn't exist.

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I want to be very clear about that.

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is not a desire.

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We didn't even watch the Super Bowl.

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Joe: So?

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Lacey: Anyway, I also wanted to talk to my

lifelong friend, Emma, about longevity in

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friendships and like lifelong friendships,

but also about girlhood because I

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spent a lot of my girlhood with Emma.

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I want to talk to, this is what I'm really

excited about, I asked my two oldest

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nieces, if they would talk to me, and then

I'm going to ask my aunts to do like an

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aunts and nieces, but have perspective for

me as the aunt and then me as the niece.

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So you can see it's not necessarily

just me talking about myself.

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It is a little bit, but it's not

fully that, it's taking these

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different aspects of my own life

and talking about the people that

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I experience those things with.

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It's

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Joe: Right.

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It's you talking about yourself

and other people talking about you.

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Lacey: My hope being that by having

multiple perspectives, it's a fuller

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story and a more relatable story.

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So what do you think Joe?

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Joe: It sounds more engaging.

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Lacey: Yeah, I agree.

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Joe: Not to say that some of your episodes

weren't, but some of them weren't.

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Lacey: but some of them weren't.

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Joe: not everyone has podcast,

podcast level charisma.

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Lacey: you say it in the

most monotone voice you can,

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Joe: I clearly have podcast charisma.

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If I could say the word

podcast, I would have

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Lacey: it's oozing, oozing out of

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Joe: is.

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We're going to need a towel.

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Lacey: We are currently set up in

my, bed book nook that my parents

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wonderfully put together for me with

the most beautiful wallpaper behind me.

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And this is the first time

Joe's even really sat here,

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and he is so uncomfortable.

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Joe: That's not true.

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I've sat here before.

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You Also, I would like to point out

that I was post surgery when you

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decided that the bed nook HAD to happen.

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Hold

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Lacey: that was not a knock on

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Joe: had an emergency appendectomy and

had no options to help with any of this

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because I was on full restrictions.

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I wasn't allowed to lift

anything over 8 pounds.

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Lacey: Gallon of milk

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Joe: milk is what

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he said.

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That's good.

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Lacey: that was not me pointing

at you, and dear listener.

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I hope that's not what you took away.

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We were having Isaac's first

birthday party, and I wanted to

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get a bunch of house projects done.

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And then Joe got out of commission,

so I recruited my parents

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Joe: not by choice.

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Lacey: Yeah.

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we got a lot done though.

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It was nice.

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Bob and Carolyn can come

in and transform a space,

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Joe: But not an Ikea assemblage.

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It is the true relationship test.

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If you are trying to decide if the person

that you're with is the person for you,

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then buy some Ikea stuff, put it together,

TOGETHER, and see if you last through it.

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If you last through it, you're

probably doing pretty good.

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If you don't, it was never meant to be.

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Cause, Ikea.

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Lacey: Joe and I have

our own version of it.

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Joe: Yeah.

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would love

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Lacey: to hear your

perspective of it, Joe.

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Hear the story from your perspective.

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Joe: I feel like I've

already told this story,

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Lacey: Have you?

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Okay.

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Joe: It

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wasn't, well, kind of was this

bed, but also not this bed.

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Lacey: It's not this bed, no.

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Joe: no.

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It's this

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bed.

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This

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Lacey: bed is different.

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This bed

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Joe: The mattress is the same.

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Lacey: It is the same mattress.

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It's also the same

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Joe: the same

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Lacey: Which the slats were the problem.

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yes,

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Joe: slats were the problem.

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We picked a bed that didn't come with a

that didn't have room for a box spring.

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It was slats that you

put a mattress on top of.

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And of course we decided to do this while

moving in at what time did we start?

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11pm?

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Lacey: thing, the first step

here is that we could not get

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the box spring up the stairs

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Joe: yeah.

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Yeah.

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The box spring was for a

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Lacey: So we, had to go to the

drawing board and go get a bed

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that could have no box spring.

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And I think it was after two nights

of sleeping on no box spring, you

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and I were like, this is not good.

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There's a child again.

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Joe: That's all right.

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Lacey: Okay.

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and we did, we had a long day of moving

and then went to Ikea, found a bed that

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we both liked, got the slats, got it home.

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Got everything upstairs.

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It was probably like 10pm at that point.

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Joe: By

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the time we started building,

it was around 10 or 11.

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Lacey: And then ended up So

here's the thing about Lacey.

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I view instructions more as like a

starting point and guideline, right?

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I mean, I, you see how

things get together, right?

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It's like, I see things go in this hole

and whatnot, but, that didn't work.

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That mindset didn't work.

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We ended up having to unassemble

pretty much everything.

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And then start from the beginning, because

we installed one thing backwards in

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the beginning, if I remember correctly.

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Joe: Yeah, and it messed

everything else up.

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Lacey: But, we're still married.

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we weren't even married then.

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That was

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Joe: Two crazy kids

buying a house together.

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Building a bed till 1am.

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Lacey: And we still

elected to get married.

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Joe: I don't think we even

put sheets on it that night.

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I

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Lacey: We may not

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Joe: got the mattress on and then

just like flop down and passed out.

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Lacey: Did I cry?

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I don't think I cried.

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Joe: don't know.

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You did when you realized you did when

you realized what we had done wrong.

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Lacey: And I knew it was my fault, yeah.

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Yeah.

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Joe: you, you did at that point.

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Yeah.

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It was, but it was super late.

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Lacey: and we didn't have a choice.

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We need to get done.

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Joe: Yeah.

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Yeah, the problem was though, with it

being backwards, you couldn't put the

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two bed frames next to each other.

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And so we couldn't just slap

the mattress on and be like, all

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right, we'll fix it in the morning.

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Cause it, it made the

whole thing like lopsided.

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So it just, it didn't work.

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and to be fair, I, there was concern

about breaking the way the wood would have

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been like layered on top of each other.

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So we, we had to fix it

before we could lay in it.

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I do remember briefly having.

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Discussion about just leaving

the mattress on the floor and

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being like fuck it Fuck it.

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Let's do it live

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Lacey: or whatever

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Joe: it just go to bed

and finish in the morning

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Lacey: But we didn't.

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We persevered.

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We

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Joe: We did and we finished around 1 a.

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m.

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And then sweaty hot and gross just flopped

on top of that mattress and went to bed

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Lacey: there was a child

that just called out, Dad.

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Joe: It's okay

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Lacey: Okay.

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Joe: The issue is that she

can hear me talking, so she

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Lacey: we shut the door all

the way or is that dangerous?

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Joe: cause then she can get

up and do whatever she wants.

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At least this way I can

hear her move around.

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Lacey: hear her move around.

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She's the sneaky

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Joe: Yeah.

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This house, uh, that moved

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Lacey: this house, that we've

moved into does not have a

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basement

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Joe: a basement, and so I'm glad.

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I got

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Lacey: Popping up again.

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Joe: Poppin up again.

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Iris, you need go back to your

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Lacey: Yeah, she's not

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Joe: Yeah, she's not tired at all.

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Lacey: her back.

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Come

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Joe: Alright, I'm gonna go put her back.

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Mhm.

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Mhm.

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Lacey: sincerely bet that there

are other people out there who can

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relate with their own Ikea story.

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Joe: Yes.

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Lacey: And I would like to hear them.

312

Honestly, no.

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I would like to hear if Ikea stopped you

from being in a relationship with someone.

314

Actually, yes,

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Joe: Actually, yes.

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I would like to

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Lacey: I would really love to hear

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Joe: that.

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Lacey: That would be

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Joe: That's the tea I'm here for.

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Lacey: Joe

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loves tea.

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Joe is gossipy.

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Joe: That's not true.

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Lacey: you love some gossip.

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Joe: I, I,

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Lacey: hot goss.

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Joe: I enjoy gossip, but I am not gossipy.

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There's a difference.

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Lacey: there are times where

I can tell you're like, tell

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me what happened over there.

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Who said what?

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Joe: I want to know, but I'm not gossipy.

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I don't re share it.

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Lacey: Yeah.

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Joe: So I feel like there's a difference.

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Lacey: You're right.

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we won't get into gossip and how

not all gossip is bad and dah, dah.

339

That kind of stuff.

340

bro, do you have any questions for me

about my, journey with sharing the middle

341

and sharing my story through conversation?

342

Joe: no.

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Lacey: Okay.

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Real,

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Joe: was not told I had to prepare

346

Lacey: I didn't tell you what it

was 'cause I thought you might.

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Have questions, or thoughts, or

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Joe: You didn't ask for thoughts,

you asked for questions.

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Lacey: have thoughts?

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Joe: I have lots of thoughts,

but this isn't necessarily

351

the forum for most of them.

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Lacey: them.

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Do you have thoughts

about what I brought up?

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This is,

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Joe: I feel like I already said it.

356

I think this is the.

357

Updated format sounds more engaging than

what some of the episodes have been.

358

not all of them, because there

were some really good episodes, and

359

not just the ones you pointed out.

360

But, I do think that this, to me, sounds

more engaging, it's more personal.

361

Lacey: any ideas come up for you of

people and conversations I can have?

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Joe: Did any ideas come up for me

about conversations you can have?

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You mean you, you want me to

start an, Like an offshoot

364

podcast where I talk about you?

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Lacey: No!

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no,

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I Okay, first of all, you suck.

368

Second of all, I'm just saying, is there

anyone that you're like, Hey, I would love

369

for you to talk to this person about this.

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I think that would be interesting.

371

Joe: I want the tea, so I want to

know, I want to know about stuff.

372

So yes, that, if you could do that,

373

, I don't know who would

want to listen to it.

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Lacey: it.

375

my dear friend, Zach, who I did

his podcast a couple years ago,

376

I want

377

to have him on because I think I am

the best version of myself with Zach.

378

And

379

I want to talk about why that

is and how that is and explore.

380

part of it, and I don't want to spoil

it, but Zach thinks I'm interesting,

381

and because Zach thinks I'm interesting,

it makes me more interesting.

382

Joe: that makes sense.

383

Lacey: will say, it is a very, self

indulgent conversation, though,

384

and this this is the dance that I'm

trying to figure out and do, because.

385

I don't know.

386

It feels weird talking about myself, but I

know that through sharing my experiences,

387

other people's experiences get validated,

get, felt, seen, and heard, and it makes

388

it easier for them to share theirs.

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and ultimately, sharing our

stories is a way to unburden

390

us from some of the heaviness.

391

It's a way to find connection

and that kind of stuff.

392

I need to keep reminding myself that

393

I will say, so one of the things

that I've done, is I've invested

394

in, some portable equipment so I

can do these interviews in person.

395

I probably need to get at least

one or two more microphones.

396

But,

397

Joe: yeah.

398

Or just have people, Do the, we

are the world, where you're just

399

like five people to a microphone.

400

Lacey: I think four people on a

podcast is max is what I've learned,

401

Joe: okay.

402

Too chaotic.

403

Lacey: chaotic with more, but I do love.

404

The image in my head of like my

mom and my friend Alex sharing a

405

microphone like with headphones

on and singing into it together.

406

That was a joyful image

that I just had in my head.

407

Joe: And they both are holding like a

408

Lacey: Oh,

409

Joe: like a few fingers to

an ear so that they can.

410

Yeah.

411

Lacey: Yeah.

412

Yeah.

413

Joe: Which

414

Lacey: in reality, it would be

my mom standing there and Alex

415

singing, probably the loudest.

416

And my mom just being all,

417

Joe: Yes,

418

Lacey: Absolutely.

419

anyway, My old microphone was causing some

issues, so it was a necessary upgrade,

420

but it was one that I did, thoughtfully,

so that I can do more of these in

421

person, because there is some magic in

person, especially with people you know.

422

Did have kind of another thing

I wanted to ask you about.

423

Not the, not about the format

stuff, but Sharing the Middle has

424

been around for over a year now.

425

And I feel like I have learned a

lot and changed a lot over the year.

426

Joe: I would hope so.

427

that leads

428

Lacey: to my question

429

Joe: better than regressing.

430

Lacey: of, have you noticed

anything different in my

431

relationship with the middle?

432

Joe: yeah,

433

obviously.

434

You're changing the format, for one.

435

Lacey: what I

436

Joe: obviously you've been through it,

you've taken the time to think about.

437

what you wanted to get from it, and how

it made you feel, and your interaction

438

with it, other people's interaction with

it, and you've been slowly making changes,

439

and trying to get it to where you want it.

440

I think even the new format that

you come up with is gonna end

441

up being changed eventually.

442

Lacey: Oh, absolutely.

443

Absolutely.

444

And that's something that I, would

have had a really hard time with in

445

the past because I would have been

like, but I said, I'm going to do

446

this and I'm going to do it this way.

447

And so I just need to keep pushing

until this is the thing that works.

448

I can't give up, which is not

helpful to me or listeners or anyone.

449

So I think even you just saying that.

450

And explaining that it's a process.

451

Kudos to me, because I don't think I

would have done that three years ago.

452

Joe: Why not?

453

Lacey: I don't know.

454

Because I was so achievement based,

check mark, accomplished, did that.

455

Joe: Yes, but you still made sure it was

456

purposeful.

457

Lacey: Yeah.

458

I will say, I do have a

tendency to take a hard turn.

459

Joe: You don't say.

460

Lacey: And I think this not

being a hard turn is a positive.

461

It's an evolution instead

of just a straight, let's

462

just do something different.

463

Joe: I think that means that your

original idea wasn't that far off then.

464

Lacey: Oh no, it wasn't.

465

And honestly, so I worked with

the lovely ladies from Mom Tage

466

to help me come up with format.

467

And it's really interesting

how some of the changes

468

that I am making are things that we

talked about as possibilities, but I

469

hadn't quite understood what that meant.

470

and.

471

Now I can fully embody it because I

don't think I would have been able to

472

describe this to somebody previously.

473

Joe: I think that's fair.

474

Lacey: Yeah.

475

All right.

476

thank you for joining me, Broseph.

477

you have any, wise words?

478

Just straight up compliments

to gas your wife up?

479

anything like that you

want to leave us all with?

480

Joe: I'm sure I probably have

wise words, but Again, I wasn't

481

told to prepare anything.

482

Lacey: I did not ask you to prepare.

483

I'm a little disappointed that

there weren't wife gassing up

484

things that could just flow out.

485

But it's fine.

486

Joe: your bangs are fantastic.

487

Lacey: cut bangs today.

488

Yeah.

489

And they look great.

490

I did a good job.

491

Thanks, Joe.

492

Joe: I can think about

is Ricky Martin now.