Welcome to No Shame in the Home Game.

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The podcast that cares how

your home feels, not looks.

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I'm Lacey, your, presence

to be felt today.

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Sarah and I were just talking

about something my husband said.

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that I am a presence that is felt.

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And that's basically my, job today.

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So I'm going to toss it over to Sarah,

who is our actual knowledgeable person.

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Hi, Sarah.

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Sara: Hi, Lacey!

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just laughing so hard because, again, that

yin and yang, that, tortoise and hare.

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Yes, you are.

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You know, when you're in the room, whereas

I am very much the, if I could just melt

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into the wall and just observe, like

I'm very much a fly on the wall more.

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but I love that.

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I love that dichotomy

between us and it's fun.

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Yes.

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Lacey: And I love that neither

one of us tries to make the

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other one be the other way.

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think that's beautiful.

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Sara: Yes.

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Lacey: Now, today we're talking

about something that I'm going

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to have to get real good at soon.

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And that is managing children's

memorabilia and stuff as they

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age, bring stuff home from school.

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We are adding another person

to this household and we

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did not set it up that way.

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So we've got some choices to

make and yeah, kids memorabilia.

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Sara: Side story to kick this all off.

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I have a friend and

she's the oldest of five.

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as the oldest, she had this full

scrapbook of her first year of her life.

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And then the second child had

one, but it wasn't as thorough.

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And then the third one had a book

that was purchased that then.

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Nothing was in it.

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And then the fourth and the

fifth didn't even get a book.

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that is a reflection of

time, energy, and resources.

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you only have so much time

in the day and energy.

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it's not that it's not important,

but you adapt to each kid and

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what's going on in your life.

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It's also really important if you have

a partner in this situation to first

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of all, just reconcile expectations

of memorabilia with your partner.

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I had a really heart stopping moment

where our son, I can't remember how

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old he was, at some point my husband

was being all sentimental about,

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that little tiny cap when they're

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newbies.

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Like that little cap.

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I don't know.

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What's that cap called?

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It's just like their

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first

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Yeah, their first beanie hat and he was

talking about it and how important that

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was to him and I was like, oh crap.

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I'm pretty sure I don't have that anymore.

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That's what I felt at the moment.

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I did actually end up finding it.

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I did actually end up keeping it

because it was important to him.

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So whatever we say and discuss on here,

You still have, you still get that whole

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situation of discussing with your partner

to see if they're on the same page as

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you, which I'm not a marriage counselor.

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Lacey: Oof.

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Sara: are Joe's memorabilia feelings?

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Lacey: Joe is very torn because he

wants less stuff, but then when it comes

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down to actually not having the stuff,

he's but should we get rid of this?

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He's a little bit more

emotional about things than I

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think he likes to think he is.

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I will say one thing and this

was his idea and I appreciate it.

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Kids art.

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He's like, if there's a

handprint, we keep it.

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If there's something super

special about it, we keep it.

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Other than that, it can go,

which has been a good thing.

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Now, the problem that I think we're

going to run into in my household is

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Isaac is the most sentimental human

I think I've ever met in my life.

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he got mad at Joe for throwing

away their shampoo bottle because

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it was their shampoo bottle.

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For several months and

then he was upset about it.

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So that's something we're working on

But yeah, he does not like letting

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anything go So that actually is more

of my bigger concern Personally,

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Sara: Wow.

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That.

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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I wasn't even going into

how the kid felt about it.

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I was strictly focusing

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on the adults.

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Lacey: I didn't know That he

would be so attached to so many

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random objects, but who is he?

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Sara: we are so just so we can

be clear with our audience.

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We are not talking about

shampoo bottles as memorabilia.

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We are talking about items

that are personal to the

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kid's journey through life.

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So that little beanie hat that

comes from the hospital, if you're

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going to keep hair and teeth.

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Lacey: That's not for me.

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I've already put a Nix on that one.

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Sara: funny story about that.

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My sister was living at my parents

house for a stint because they were

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in between cities and jobs and houses.

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and then they bought a

house and they moved out.

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And then one day I was staying

at my parents house and I opened

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this drawer on the nightstand.

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And as I opened it, a bunch of

teeth came rattling with it.

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And I'm staring at this.

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And I was like, there's no way

these are from like my childhood.

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So I called my sister and she's Oh yeah,

cause some of the kids lost some teeth

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and I just threw them in that drawer.

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So random, but also as your kids start

doing preschool and kindergarten and

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doing sports, it's like the trophies

and the participation badges and

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every single piece that they color

and the Thanksgiving themed art.

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There starts to be a lot of decisions

and it becomes, it comes down to.

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What you have to work with then.

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So first of all, what's your

storage space situation,

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right?

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if you live in like a New York city

apartment, that's 600 square feet.

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that decision's kind of made for you.

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But again, if you have more space, talking

with your partner and getting on that same

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page of what do we want to keep, what do

we not want to keep, and then putting.

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Some kind of parameter or boundary

how much space do we want to dedicate

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and what's the purpose of it?

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are you gonna go back and look at

these items or is the desire that

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you're gonna pass them on to your kid?

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Lacey?

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What do you think is the

purpose of keeping it?

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Lacey: where I struggle a bit because,

so for example, my mom has this big

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house full of our stuff, mostly mine.

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Cause I just pieced out.

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And since I was the last one, I was

like, yeah, I'll just leave stuff.

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It's fine.

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she's been trying to go through

all this stuff and she sent

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me this, a giant pile of mine.

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She's we need you to go through this.

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And I was like, just throw it away.

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I'm not going to do anything with it.

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I haven't thought about it in that long.

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now I do have a box that traveled

with me from like apartment

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department and, college.

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That was like my personal stuff.

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So I I guess in my mind, I

took all that stuff with me.

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I am not a reminiscer of looking

at things and going through things.

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So like Joe's family, they

will open up like a photo album

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and be like, look at this.

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And it's very sweet.

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I will never do that.

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Now, we do have certain traditions

where at a high school graduation,

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you get a video with all of your,

like with pictures of you growing up

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So I, I struggle with that because

I am realizing I'm not all that

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sentimental because I don't think

I'll do anything with those things.

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And the only reason why I hold onto

things is that I feel like I should.

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Or that I will regret it someday,

which I'm learning more and more.

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Living to not regret something is not

a great excuse because then you're

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starting from a place of negativity.

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So I'm, I think I might be to an

extreme of like, I don't know.

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I don't know what I would do with it.

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I don't know if I would look at it.

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Sara: and we have such an we are in

such a different Position than our

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parents were and in a moment, I would

love to know what Carolyn did as far as

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keeping memorabilia for all of the team.

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Children in your household, but we're

in a unique position where there

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is so much digital footprint now.

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back in the day, right?

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If you didn't keep that tangible

product, there was no alternative.

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But now, even if you don't keep

everything, it's like, somebody is

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going to have pictures of that event.

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Somebody is going to have a copy of that.

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What did Carolyn do growing up with

all of your artwork and papers and?

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school photos and all that.

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Lacey: I don't remember artwork.

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I, unless there was

something, in 5th grade.

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It was 5th or 6th grade.

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I did a chalk pastel painting or art

piece of a tiger and it got put up

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in the house because it was so good.

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I remember that.

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It was mine.

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It wasn't a giant point of

pride of my life or anything.

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but I do know she had.

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A box that she collected stuff over

like the course of our, school years.

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Cause I remember when I graduated,

she had a lot of those things.

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now, so when it comes to sports,

we're, when I say we, I don't mean

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me, the rest of my family are big

sports people and did a lot of sports

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And when my parents built their house.

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They, in the basement, specifically

put a, Hall of Fame type display

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where we put all of those trophies

And those are still there to this day.

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And it is funny because It's a very clear

view of who was most athletically gifted.

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let's just say Lacey has three cubes,

whereas other people have nine.

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and it's fine.

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I'm okay with it.

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At a certain point, we start putting

my academic achievements in there.

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And so that, that was a

place where things could go.

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Sara: and that actually brings up a great

first point about memorabilia is if you're

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going to take the effort and space to keep

an item, it's about respecting the item.

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So your parents built this case

to have all the trophies in right.

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Versus if you have a Box in the basement

that they're all thrown in, like

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really just evaluate with yourself.

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Kind of what's the point of them

being in a box in the basement

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by the water heater, right?

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Or, the kids art that you can frame and

put on the wall and you're enjoying it.

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I helped a client who she had a bunch of

memorabilia from her life in a closet.

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And it was getting not

destroyed, but ruined because

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stuff was stacked on top of it.

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It was pushed all the way in the back.

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You couldn't really see it.

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we had a discussion about like, how

important are these items to you?

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And so we really came up with a way for

them to be a protected and be enjoyed.

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So again, thinking about, are you

keeping it for keeping its sake?

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Are you keeping it to be enjoyed?

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So that's another good talking point

with your partner or with yourself.

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The one that I always come

to, and I think this is where

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you and I are very similar is.

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And this is going to get

a little existential.

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The past, the present,

and the future, right?

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If we hold on to too much of the

past, we're not going to have any

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room for the future to grow into the

people your kids are becoming, right?

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And then if you're so focused

on the future, if you get rid of

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everything, then, you're not tethered

to the past and you may even not be

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enjoying this moment because you're

trying to throw it away so fast.

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So for me, I always try to think about

keeping that balance, like having

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some memories, but not all of them.

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And that comes honestly, a knee

jerk reaction from my mom, who.

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Literally kept the school menu.

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we found pamphlets to school plays

that we weren't even in the amount of

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banker boxes of pieces of everything.

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And again, it was so much that it was

almost preventing life from happening.

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the weight of it was so much to manage.

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Although, side note, I did see an

art project of mine from first grade,

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which I don't know why I didn't go to

a therapist much earlier in my life.

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I am not joking you when I tell you

it was, a shamrock that had a face.

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And there was blood dripping,

and it was a murderous shamrock.

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It was supposed to be, St.

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Patrick's Day themed, but it was like this

little poem in my first grade handwriting

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about this villainous murderous shamrock,

and I'm looking at it and I'm like, Mom,

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how is this not concerning to anyone?

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Lacey: I love that the

shamrock was villainous.

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Like you, you didn't

even need a leprechaun.

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No.

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the actual shamrock itself.

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Sara: Don't worry, he had a top hat.

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But he also had blood dripping and

I believe he was holding a knife.

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it was creepy beyond creepy, but so

finding that balance point, right?

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Of how much do we want to hang on to?

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How much is that adding

to our present day?

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I think that's what it is.

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How much is hanging on to the past

enriching our current moments?

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Lacey: That's so interesting.

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Cause I'm a very future oriented person.

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So I do think it's interesting

to think about that.

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Cause I do see, that I am

like, what will future me want?

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You know what I mean?

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what will we need in the future?

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I don't necessarily feel

emotionally attached to it.

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Sara: there really is like so many,

Different lenses to look at it

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through, right?

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the practicality of it, the emotional

of it, I mentioned my mom, you

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talked about your parents, the

history, what was shown for us.

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there's so many different ways to

look at it, but going back to the

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practical steps for anyone listening,

who's okay, just tell me what to do.

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there's a couple of different methods.

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The method I find the easiest, So you can

either do it in the moment or delayed.

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And I like to do delayed.

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So for instance, son goes into first

grade, all first grade, I throw all

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of the artwork into a drawer and

then once maybe mid year or wait

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till the end of the year, I just go

through everything in the drawer.

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And you're like, Oh, I have 20

drawings of the exact same tree.

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Oh, okay.

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I have, 20 examples of what does

handwriting look like in the first grade.

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And then you can cherry

pick of the whole drawer.

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Okay, what are three pieces

to reflect first grade, right?

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So that way you're

getting a cross section.

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Lacey: and you're giving yourself

that gift of future you, right?

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you are future you.

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Maybe you're not ten years

down the road, but you are.

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So that's why I like the idea

of it being in the future, make

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the choices, and then go on.

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I like this a lot, Sarah.

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Sara: the only thing is to know yourself

because it's really easy to just put

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it all in a drawer and then never go

through the drawer and start another

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drawer.

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Lacey: true.

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Sara: So know thyself.

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if that's honestly not an option

for yourself, then be honest

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and go through that stuff daily.

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And if a new piece of artwork comes in,

decide, do I want to keep the one on

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the fridge and replace it with this?

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like which one's going to go in

the recycling, do it daily if you

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don't think that you're going to

take the time to do like a big lift.

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I know a lot of people really enjoy

the companies where you can send

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off a whole box and then they scan

it and create like a little book

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for you.

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So that's definitely another option.

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With Isaac, where he actually wants to

hold on to things and I mentioned this

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in the episode with Ashley, I think it's

helpful to give kids a certain size box

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we talked about, like a treasure chest,

and if that she and Pooh model means a

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lot to him, like he can put it in his

treasure chest and then he gets to learn

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as that treasure chest gets full, like

this new item he wants to put in, it's

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okay, we'll go through the treasure chest.

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Is there something in here that doesn't

have an emotional tether anymore?

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I wouldn't use those words

with a five year old,

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Lacey: I use a lot of He knows

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what alliteration is.

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We've had a lot of conversations

about alliteration, so he might.

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I don't know.

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He's very smart.

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Sara: But I am definitely of the

mind of not to push kids either way.

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Don't push them to hold onto things

and don't push them to get rid

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of things before they're ready.

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Because I think that has a whiplash

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Lacey: Well, I like, too, that you

are making them part of the process.

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I like that a lot.

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Sara: Making part of the process.

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And like we discussed with Ashley,

it's very much about teaching them

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that one day they will be doing all

these choices for themselves and.

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Going back to the practical

points that you can take away from

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this, it's defining a space that

makes sense for your household.

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Is it a drawer?

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Is it a plastic tote?

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Is it a banker's box?

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Is it a treasure chest?

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I have this memorabilia

box from high school.

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I guess it's, I guess it was really Once

I became like more of my own agency.

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So like middle school through high

school, and it's this, it's about the

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science of a banker's box, but it's

decorative and I would put things in

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there and just like I said, as I got

full, I would dump the whole thing out.

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Like in a lot of it, I'd be

like, Oh yeah, I remember this.

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I remember this.

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And sometimes I pick up and

I'd be like, I don't know this.

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I don't remember.

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and then I could throw that away, which

I'm actually do to do that because.

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I took some items recently back

from my parents home and I am, my,

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my safe boundary is, ballooned out.

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I need to reduce it.

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So I will actually be doing

this myself very soon.

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And then like we always, like

I've said many times before,

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it's that low hanging fruit.

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Lacey: Yeah.

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Sara: actually really surprised at

your lack of sentimentI can't say the

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Lacey: Sentimentalism.

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Sara: Yes.

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Is there anything you've hung on to, from

your wedding day or from when the kids

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Lacey: yes, you can tell

this is how sentimental I am.

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I have a box that I put wedding crap

on because it was like leftovers

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from stuff that keeps things.

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That was in our basement, in our

old house that got moved here.

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I think I'm a little bit more strategic.

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So like our wedding favor, and this

isn't my idea, all of my family really

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did this, was a Christmas ornament.

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So every year when we put our

Christmas tree up, we hang the

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Christmas ornament from our wedding.

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it's a, you'll like this there.

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It's a test tube.

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So Joe, right?

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Test tube, science, and then, a sprig

of purple lavender on the inside.

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So that's me.

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Sara: Oh, that's really thoughtful.

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I love

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Lacey: And so, got like 30 of those

because, you always make way too many.

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So I do have that stuff.

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I, Now, I will say there are some things

from my kids to the hat, their bracelets

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and my bracelets from the hospital.

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I'm like, I don't know

what to do with this.

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So I have a box that I just threw them in.

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Sara: Okay.

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Yes, each kid has a

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box or all thrown in a box

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Lacey: in a box together.

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A bunch of sonograms, too, which

I need to go through and because I

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felt guilty throwing them away, but

because I had gestational diabetes,

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I got sonograms like every week at a

certain point because they're afraid

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the baby's going to get too giant.

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That's a whole other conversation.

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So I do have those.

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There are a few pieces

of clothing of theirs.

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I can think of it right now.

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I, a onesie that my dear

friend Katie got, for Isaac.

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It's when she lived in New York.

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So it says Brooklyn and it's

got like headphones on it.

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And it just was so cute.

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But it also was just such a

way for someone who was far

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away to feel close to us.

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And so that This next baby will wear cause

I know we have it, So I think something

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like that I will definitely keep.

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obviously handprints and footprints.

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Cause Joe told me I had to, yeah.

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Sara: I will say, I think the thing

I'm most sentimental about was

381

books because we read Books every

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Lacey: We have yet to

go through our books.

383

I have a feeling there will be

some sentimentality with that one.

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Sara: that one, we had so many books that

I was not equally attached to all of them.

385

And over the years I've been

able to cut down and cut down.

386

But what I do love is I've

incorporated the key five or 10

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that we have into our bookshelf.

388

So I have a mix of.

389

Different age levels.

390

And what's fun is when, a little

brother or sister comes over of a

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friend or, like my niece was in town.

392

It was actually nice to have those

books to pull off the shelf and share.

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Those I have incorporated

and I love seeing them.

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Lacey: I will say that is something

that, Joe's mom got him a copy of

395

a book that he really loved as a

child as a gift because it got like

396

out of print and we have it now.

397

And he really loved that.

398

Now, we don't have the actual copies,

but my mom did buy a copy for us

399

of some of the books that we read a

lot as kids, like Spooky Old Tree.

400

That was a big one with

the Bernstein Bears.

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It's Bernstein, not Berenstein,

even though I could go down that.

402

Um,

403

Sara: wait, I have to.

404

One time on Jeopardy, I was so mad.

405

Somebody was awarded points and

then they came back after the

406

commercial break and took away

points because they said that name.

407

They said they, they said the name wrong.

408

And I was yeah, but you

know what they meant like,

409

Lacey: have you heard of the

Mandela effect and all that stuff?

410

I could go into a big old I recently had

one of those I swear Dick Cheney died.

411

I swear.

412

I remember think pieces about it.

413

I remember people.

414

And when it came out he recently

endorsed Kamala Harris, I'm like, wait.

415

Is this a joke?

416

'cause he died a couple

years ago, so it's fine.

417

I've been thinking

418

about this a lot.

419

Sara: opposite problem.

420

I, the answer to the

Jeopardy clue last night.

421

I knew the answer was Madeline Albright,

but part of the clue, cause they

422

always put two pieces of information.

423

One piece was, and she

424

And I was like, it can't

be Madeline Albright.

425

She didn't die.

426

It was Madeline

427

Albright.

428

And apparently she did pass away.

429

Lacey: And Dick Cheney's still alive.

430

Who knew?

431

I had to Google it.

432

I was like, Joe,

433

Sara: I will.

434

I love how this podcast, you just

never know when a love turns coming up.

435

I love it.

436

So back to Dick Cheney.

437

Wait, how did we get to Dick Cheney?

438

Lacey: embarrassing Bears

Mandala Effect, important books.

439

so yeah, I, which it's funny

'cause I don't remember reading

440

the books, but I know we did

because the book stayed around.

441

So I think it's almost like I have.

442

I don't want to say implanted memories,

that's not what I meant, but I have this

443

little seed of remembering something, I do

agree that would be a good thing for us.

444

I will say also, for my baby shower

with Isaac, we did a storybook theme,

445

and everybody, instead of doing

cards, we asked them to bring a book.

446

And to write Oh, to baby

Tomlinson from this person.

447

And that has been very fun for us

years later now to be like, Oh,

448

grace bought you this book, buddy.

449

You remember great.

450

that kind of thing.

451

And I'm going to cry.

452

Give me a second.

453

There's one that my grandma did and

it was just like, dear baby Tomlinson,

454

be gentle with your mom and dad.

455

They don't know this stuff

yet, but you're so loved.

456

having that now super special.

457

Yeah, I will say another thing that

and this is all Carolyn that she did

458

is she made my grandma write down

all of her recipes and we all got a

459

recipe book in her handwritten stuff.

460

and so that was another

really special way.

461

So I think as I'm saying this

out loud, what it comes down to

462

is what are the things that you

value in your day to day life?

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And how can you honor that

with your memorabilia?

464

So for us, the books and the messages

from the people we love, cooking

465

was always something that my grandma

did to take care of all of us.

466

And that was special to her.

467

So having her recipes feels so

good now that we don't have her.

468

and so I think that's a big lesson

for me of instead of worrying

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about, will I miss this later on?

470

Think, is this something

I want to remember?

471

Sara: And that's a great point.

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I would say.

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for me, like I mentioned, having the

books on the bookshelf, to me, if I

474

had to pick one thing that would be it.

475

And it's still functional to me.

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And I enjoy aesthetically

seeing the art on the cover.

477

And I actually have a book from my own

childhood that's incorporated in there.

478

There's a little bit of value reflection,

I think, that can be done with this

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process with you and your partner,

of where can it be incorporated?

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, Like, , if you're really into art, frame

that artwork, invest in some really

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nice matting and glass frames and get

that up on the wall, really think about

482

how that wants to show up in your life.

483

If you do going back to practical

steps, if you do want to keep a cross

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section of, paperwork, artwork, I

learned this from a client of mine.

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There's these, they're hanging file

folder boxes, but they're decorative.

486

Have you seen

487

these?

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They're almost fabric.

489

and it's not big like a banker's box.

490

They're more slim, but yeah,

you put hanging files in them.

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I have two, again, learned

this from my client.

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So one is going to be K through six and

one will be seven through 12 or whatever.

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You can break it however you want.

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And then there's a hanging

file for each year.

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So then, like I said, throw everything

in the drawer, go through it and then

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pick some and just put it in that one.

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So that way, you know, everything

is going to end up in just these two

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boxes or it's just a defined space.

499

Lacey: about home management for

everyone, and one of the principles

500

that we talk about is that if you can

do a little planning ahead of time, it

501

saves you a lot of headache later on.

502

And as you were talking about that,

I'm like, oh yeah, you put the

503

structure in place so that you didn't

have to think about it later on.

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Sara: and I did have to do

a little bit of catch up.

505

Because I learned that, because

I was just throwing everything

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in a plastic tub, which was fine.

507

But when I saw these cloth file

folders, I was like, Oh, those

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are aesthetically pleasing to me.

509

I want these again, it's what

are you going to keep and how

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are you going to value it?

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I don't know.

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I then realized, Oh, I want to put this

inside of a container that makes me happy.

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yeah, do it however works for you.

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That's just a suggestion of

a way to keep that stuff.

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And then, yeah, when you're getting

older and you ask your kids, do

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you want to take this with you?

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And they say, no, thanks.

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You only have a limited amount to throw

519

away.

520

Lacey: We are to the end of our

time, Sarah, but I really, I

521

want us to do quick gratitude.

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Sara: Yes,

523

Lacey: of gratitude.

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So I'm going to say, I am feeling

grateful for antidepressants and

525

psychiatrists and being able to

work with them to get what I need.

526

It's amazing.

527

Sara: I, big shout out to mental health

528

care and yes, all of those things.

529

my shout out is to Macy's, not a sponsor,

but I wouldn't mind if they were.

530

Excellent customer service.

531

They reminded me that I

had a warranty on my bed.

532

I had an inspector come out who, by the

way, complimented me on how clean my

533

mattress was, which I got to tell you.

534

my husband understood

how happy that made me.

535

This is all this guy does

is look at mattresses.

536

And I was

537

Lacey: he knows.

538

he

539

knows.

540

Sara: and he knew right away that the

mattress had failed, he could see it.

541

And, customer service was amazing.

542

We picked out a new mattress.

543

It's coming next week it couldn't have

been, it couldn't have been easier.

544

So shout out to Macy's and seamless.

545

Customer service, very appreciated.

546

It made my day wonderful.

547

Lacey: That's a great way to end.

548

Oh

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Sara: I do want to do a final plug.

550

If anyone has questions about kids

memorabilia, because there's a lot of

551

different scenarios, please go to the

Q and a form on no shame in the home

552

game and let us know your questions

and let's problem solve, because we

553

just scratched the surface really,

554

Lacey: yeah.

555

Alright.

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Well, thank you, Sarah.

557

Sara: thank you, Lacey.