Spoiler Alert: Yes, Self-Care is Important.
I almost hate talking and writing about Self-Care because of how it has been turned into a gimmick. It has become a quick note of something that you should do to survive a difficult phase, or something an employer tells its employees to do without giving them the actual tools/ability to do it.
There is also a chance someone is trying to sell you something. Which, totally guilty of here, but I’m not trying to sell you a bath bomb, so feels a little different. (I am trying to sell you Support From the Mddl to be clear, but only if you want it and if you believe it would be helpful.)
I didn’t truly understand the importance of self-care until recently. You see what happens when you don’t take care of yourself? You get worn down, right? When you don’t have the reserve to take the wearing down, you cannot afford not to do what you need.
My hope for you is that you won’t get to that point of no reserves left and can be proactive. Alright, so what the heck am I even talking about?
What is Self-Care?
So if I am telling you self-care isn’t those gimmicky things, then what is it?
The reality is, self-care is anything that you do to intentionally take care of yourself. We have become so separated from ourselves and what we require that we no longer recognize what we need to do to take care of ourselves. We prioritize so many other things over our well-being.
To be clear, I’m not telling you that you need to eat a specific diet, do a certain amount of working out, or live in a certain way. I don’t know you, I don’t know what you need.
I am telling you to look at yourself and figure out what the heck is going on in there. Are you tired? Maybe that means you have to sleep? Are you hungry? Perhaps that means you have to eat? Are you starting to have a shorter fuse? Do you have to take a break?
You are a being, with actual needs. You are allowed to take care of them. Will power to overcome some of these things all the time, is self-sabotage, not impressive. I sometimes think “self-control” or “will” have become judgmental terms that are detrimental to our self-care. As usual… the right amount is in the middle.
What does Self-Care Look Like?
It really depends on your priorities and what you require.
My friend Alex was telling us last week that she feels better when she can go out into nature and walk. I think this is wonderful. This would almost certainly would knock me out. For his birthday last year, I suggested my husband take a night in a hotel by himself because I loved it the time I did it. He was not into it, being in our house was more rejuvenating for him.
So, basically, I can’t tell you what your self-care is. That’s work you have to do on your own. I do have this handy little guide for you to potentially come up with something. Listen to your body and your mind without judgement, you probably will be able to come up what you need rather quickly.
Man, I am really self-promoting in this one, aren’t I? Trying not to feel icky about it.
What’s Stopping You?
In my opinion, the barriers to you taking care of yourself, are more important than your self-care strategies. In Support From The Mddl, I have a whole worksheet dedicated to identifying your self-care barriers.
Figuring out what is getting in your way, may be a bit more enlightening than just making yourself a list of what you should do. These barriers may be in or out of our control. These barriers may be things that we don’t like about ourselves or our situation. These barriers may be upsetting. That is a basket of something I really encourage you to explore with a qualified professional (which, I want to be clear, is NOT me).
I will give myself up as an example, I often would not allow myself to take a break because I should be able to do something for a certain amount of time. So, this “should” was my barrier to an act of self-care. I used it over and over again, and it did not serve me. I had to figure out why I kept using should to beat myself up and deprive myself (spoiler alert – there was no good reason, just internalized stuff from other people). Furthermore, I now view rest as something morally neutral that my body needs (more so now than ever).
So, self-care is essential. Hopefully, it is clear that you are the one who needs to determine it.