I’m gonna be real honest with you. This isn’t a good post.
I was trying to beat myself up to get a good written essay out for you all because I’ve set goals to send them every Sunday and Wednesday. Also, the last post of this you read was me declaring this to be my dream and ambitions. To not deliver for you, would break my heart and let you down right away.
The reality, though, is that this week is a bad week. As much as I would love to take one of the many drafts that I have and make it into a good, solid, valuable essay for you, that’s not totally honest.
I’m trying to show up authentically and be open about the messy middles, so to do that today you’re getting a “kind of” post. A post written mostly by voice to text and will be minorly edited because that’s what I have the energy for right now.
How you are today is just fine
My sweet husband has asked me previously, “what happens when you can’t show up when you can’t meet the expectations and deadlines that you are creating for yourself with this project.” He asked me this because he knows that I am harder on myself than anyone else. My expectations don’t allow for nuance or my stupid body not cooperating with me. So today, I’m trying something different instead of trying to gloss over this middle, I’m telling you about it in real time.
I’m telling you about how I want to so badly work and get things done, but I can’t. That there are no answers or defined problems for me yet and with no answers means no solutions.
And man, I love solutions.
I don’t want you to feel bad for me and this isn’t a ploy for attention (which is a little bit of a lie because if I’m telling you this, it’s a ploy for attention, whether I want it to be or not). Anyway, I’m telling you it because today whatever is disappointing you today, whether that’s yourself or something outside of you, Know you’re not alone.
You don’t need answers today.
You don’t need to show up perfectly today.
You’re here you’re doing your best and dammit that’s enough.
Final thought for the holiday
It’s almost kind of nice that you’re getting this the day before Thanksgiving. Often with holidays, we have these high expectations of how things are going to be. Whether that’s food being amazing and ready on time, or magical moments with our family and friends that will last as memories forever. I personally have a very complicated relationship with Thanksgiving, which is a story for another day. To be totally honest, this year, I’m probably gonna be spending it alone. Being sick in front of other people is hard and I just don’t think I have it in me to do it right now.
So for me and you, remember – If today or tomorrow doesn’t meet your expectations that’s OK.
You’re still pretty awesome.