Welcome to No Shame in the Home Game, the podcast that cares

2

how your home feels, not looks.

3

I'm Laci, the podcaster

who's got a bold lip today.

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I know you can't see me,

but I have a very bold lip.

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So I'm feeling very, sassy

because when I have a bold lip,

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I'm sassy, warning you all.

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Along with Sarah, who complimented

my bold lip, my fellow co

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. Sara: I actually don't

know what pop out means.

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I hear the young and say it, but when I

saw your bold lip, I was like, pop out.

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I don't know.

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What does pop out mean?

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Lacey: Doesn't it pop off?

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Sara: when something's a pop out.

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I thought that was a phrase.

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Lacey: it is.

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I don't know.

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Sara: Actually can't,

this is not sexual nature.

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I actually can't stop looking

at your lips because no.

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It's just so nice.

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The coloring of the office and your hair

and your outfit contrasted with the lip.

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It's like a perfect, it's just, it's

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Lacey: I'm going to take

a squad shot right now.

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Sara: All right.

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So if anyone's curious what that

looks like, you can go to our social

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media and see the pop out lip stain.

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I also very quickly in mother mode was

like, do not get that on your clothes.

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Lip stain sounds like it is

not coming out of your clothes.

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Lacey: I put, it's a thing.

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Don't worry.

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we are wrapping up Theresa's story

today, which obviously is near and

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dear to Sarah's heart, because She

and Sarah have been friends for a

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while, but, I just, I feel like I

saw so much of myself in Teresa.

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And she's also just so delightful that

hearing her story and wrap up and how

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much she got out of this experience

has given me all of the home tingles.

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Sara: all tingles and

there has been so much.

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Off air that we could basically

have two more episodes by now,

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because she is building on it.

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She's taking what we've talked about.

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She's building on it.

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We've already had a couple of

hiccups, and we've talked about it.

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Okay, this is why this is important.

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How about if we add this part in?

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And I already said to her, I'm like,

Do you want to talk about this now

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or record this for bonus content?

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And in true Teresa form, she's like,

Well, my may is very full with and

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then she rattled off all these things.

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And I was like, No, let's just help.

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Yeah, that sounds very

much like Teresa's life.

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Let's just help you now.

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this is very much just the

wrapping of her story with us.

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But please know, Teresa is

taking and running with this.

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in so many different ways.

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it's beautiful.

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And I hope we can bring her

back and talk about it more

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Lacey: Yeah, I cannot wait.

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And I will say, as you were talking, I

was like, how cool is it that, she's your

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friend and you get that ongoing support?

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And then I was like, wait, anybody

who joins this joyful support

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village can ask these questions

and get this kind of support.

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if you do home CEO, join the village,

you're going to be able to have.

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That's support from Sarah, which I

know Tyra was like, Sarah's magic.

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I say Sarah's magic.

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I agree.

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Sara: this isn't just my work.

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This is my passion.

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I love figuring out solutions.

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I love figuring out

solutions that help people.

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So doing this inside the village.

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It will be so much fun for me.

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, please come ask questions.

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Let's problem solve together

because that's my jam, baby.

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Lacey: yeah.

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And then all in membership, you get

access to all of our courses and the

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village for 150 a year, which I feel like.

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It's a really good price

because Home CEO itself is 99.

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Look at us doing the hard

sell in the beginning.

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I do, we do mean it though.

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I was telling someone the other

day, I'm like, how cool is it that

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I'm trying to make joy my job?

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so we're passionate about this.

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And also Sarah can't help.

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she tries to help

herself when it comes to.

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One of my favorite things is when I'm

complaining about something and Sarah's

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like, can I give you a suggestion?

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She's very good about asking, but

I just love, like, she's I see it.

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I know how to, I have an idea.

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Let's try.

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Sara: It is that and that's part

of our human, my human design.

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I was gonna say the way we

met was through human design.

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Part of what I learned is that I

need to wait for the invitation.

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And I've realized sometimes

when people are talking about a

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frustration, that isn't always

the invitation for a solution.

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So I have to be very careful about

making sure there's an invitation there.

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but yeah, as soon as

there's an invitation.

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I'm an avalanche of ideas.

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Lacey: And I love everything about it.

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I also love how excited

you get when an idea works.

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When I told you about our communication

center, you were like, what?

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You were so excited.

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Sara: Cause it's it's

like being a proud mama.

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Like it went out into the world and it did

something and that 1 percent joy ripple.

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I mean, that's really exciting.

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Lacey: we're going to go ahead

and jump into Teresa's story.

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You'll see Sarah and I on the other

side where we'll do a moment of

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gratitude, but first let's celebrate

Teresa and her awesome progress.

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Mhm.

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Lacey: Hi and hello.

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We're back with our participant, Teresa.

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Hi, Teresa.

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Theresa: Lacey.

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Lacey: And this is our, third

and final episode with you.

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So we get to kind of see what worked,

what didn't, which you'll keep using

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in the future and that kind of stuff.

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So I'll kick it over to Sarah

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to get us started.

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,

sara_1_04-10-Sara: okay.

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When I get excited, I

say, okay, three times.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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There's so much, there's so much,

I don't even know where to start.

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So let's just start with what I can

hear, which Laci doesn't know about.

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So our first episode with Teresa,

we talked about everything she takes

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care of and everything in her house.

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And it has changed from

episode one to episode three.

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So Teresa.

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What else are you taking care of

in your house besides the humans?

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What animals are now in your house?

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Theresa: I know, it

feels like we start over.

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Okay, so I have a husband, a daughter,

three kitties, a golden retriever

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that's two, and a golden retriever that

today, his birthday is 17 weeks old.

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Lacey: Thank you.

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Theresa: And we just added baby chicks to

our household because, you know, why not?

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And they're awesome.

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They're not that hard.

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that's the chicks in the background.

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They haven't made it to their new

coop yet, but everyone in our family

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has, a job around the chickens and

everyone's been true to their job so far.

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So that's a big thumbs up.

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husband's taking care of

structures and I was very clear.

141

I was like, this will be too much for

me if I have to manage animals that

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will kill other animals like cats or

killing birds or dogs, killing birds.

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And I'm okay with adding another

chore to my daily routine.

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That's outside because

I go out there anyway.

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So I'll take care of feeding and

watering them, but not structures.

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And Shannon of course took the fun jobs.

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Research.

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On structures, and care,

and collecting eggs.

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And she's been completely true to that.

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And she has been helping me

with food, water, and safety.

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So I have been sleeping with

a little puppy and chicks in

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the sunroom for a couple weeks.

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So slumber party at my house.

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Lacey: That brings me so much joy.

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Theresa: So I'll just show

you, they've had, a temporary

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home, an intermediate home.

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So temporary first home was like a little,

Just a box from, like a storage box.

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And then we changed to an outdoor

baby pool with chicken wire.

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And then behind me, Richard

and Shannon built a coop.

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That's awesome that they did

research about and big win.

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Richard did not build

it like out of scraps.

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or going to the hardware store

and getting new material.

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He purchased a designed thing so that he

could still, take part in life and not be

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working every weekend on a new structure.

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I was proud of him for choosing that

and super excited that it's ready to

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go because life happens in two weeks.

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They need to go out and we have a

structure, so it's not chaotic and

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there's no one killing anybody else.

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sara_1_04-10-Sara: So I want to

highlight a couple of things.

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One, this is very much the Teresa I've

known during our entire friendship.

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Just that very much let's

go all in into this.

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which is just adorable.

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And I love that too, is I'm going to

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really highlight that.

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I feel as though you used a

lot of the home CEO tenants

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with this new chicken project.

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As a family, you decided and as a family,

you also delegated, you are responsible

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for this aspect, as a home, but I, what

I heard you say was you were very clear.

179

I'm can't do this all on

my own, but we can do this.

180

So to me, that's very much the home CEO,

recognizing the scope and then making

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sure all the pieces are coming together.

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I really feel like that's

actually a huge thing for you.

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I hope you're acknowledging

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Theresa: Yeah, I do.

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I really smile on it.

186

And there had been talk of chickens

at our house when we moved here,

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because, we live in the country.

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we have neighbors with

chickens and, so it would fit.

189

And I was the holdout.

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I was like, no, I don't

think I can handle it.

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And I'm not convinced that everyone

will be available to, to participate.

192

they had been interested and I

was like, I'm ready and here's,

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what I think will happen.

194

what do you think?

195

And everyone said yes.

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And we walked down and

picked out our chicks.

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And Shannon had already done all

the research and they had already

198

been visiting the chick place.

199

They were just waiting for me

to say yes, but no pressure.

200

Like I could have said no.

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or just let it go, like kids

are excited about something

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and you're like, that'll pass,

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Lacey: Yeah.

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sara_1_04-10-Sara: I'm very happy for

you and the process and the structure

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and everything that went into that.

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I will remind our listeners.

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We Started with you focusing on meals,

meal planning, meal prep, food, prep, and

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I feel like we've come a long way, baby.

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I feel like we've come a real long way.

210

So if you want to highlight, I've

got plenty of notes I can highlight,

211

but I want to just hear from your

point of view, where do you feel like

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you are now versus when we started?

213

Theresa: for sure, my

mindset is better, for sure.

214

There's no question.

215

I really see that.

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And I get, I have less

anxiety about the meal prep.

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I have more new tools in the process.

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I see successes here and there.

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I also see the same struggles.

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I see, the same struggles.

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still happening.

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It's not like it's all gone.

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I remember from last episode I

was so excited about a certain

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new tool like the salad drawer.

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And I was like, Oh, I'm worried now.

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Like all that excitement.

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And then I was like, you know what?

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This can happen to me and other people.

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I'm super excited about something.

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This is going to solve it.

231

And then what happens?

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What if I'm going to be inconsistent?

233

And I, Lacey, I remember you saying

It's okay not to be perfect, right?

234

And I kept hearing that because

Sarah, you know, I kept reporting, I

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haven't updated the salad drawer yet.

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I'm going to try and get to it.

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Meanwhile, there were all these

other successes happening.

238

So it was like, how about I shift away

from this myopic look at what has to

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happen in order for me to be successful

and see what's actually unfolding.

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So maybe I just start there with the

update, parallel play at dinners,

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which is a real tool that you and I

talked about is definitely happening.

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So whether I take one focus of the dinner.

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And I'm more fit for the each one of us.

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I'm getting much better at thinking

like that and even opening my

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mindset to , this is how I roll.

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This is consistent with me.

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. It's okay to make multiple things

for a family at dinner time.

248

It doesn't have to be, you get

what you get and you don't get

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upset every night, and on the

days that I'm working, it's fine.

250

I have really definitely let go much more.

251

I even don't prepare

a meal in the morning.

252

If I can, I will, but I don't

expect that of myself all the time.

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And Shannon and I just talk a lot more

about what the options are, and she

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has definitely been very supportive.

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a helpful contributor to my process

for sure, appropriately in the way

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that matches authentically for her.

257

so we keep playing with that and I

feel like there's a lot more wins

258

between Shannon and I around the

food she knows it's an issue, she

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knows that I've struggled with it.

260

She has homework for me around reading the

salt, fat, acid, heat book, like she would

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love it if I could embrace that, growing

in becoming a better cook, not just

262

solving an issue of having food available,

but, Hey mommy, don't you think that it

263

would be fun if you made really healthy,

yummy food and, got awesome at it.

264

As opposed to just, limping along.

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that's been good.

266

We actually sit and read

chapters of that book.

267

And, on quiet days, that's one of

the things we did over vacation.

268

It was like, we read that book and we

made food from there and talked about it.

269

And we're slowly going through it.

270

It's not oh, I gotta finish this

in three months or something.

271

It's like layers, lots of layers.

272

Which is truly authentic to me, for sure.

273

I don't.

274

change quickly a lot of the times,

even though I add a lot fast.

275

those are some things that have happened.

276

Oh, wait.

277

And another thing is that my

husband and my daughter, when I'm

278

working, they do a lot more problem

solving about what's for dinner.

279

And, they have more places that

they go to get food without

280

being so elaborate in the budget.

281

I know that in the beginning I was

super excited about how I could

282

pick up something from six different

restaurants around my workplace.

283

I don't do that anymore.

284

It's just too expensive and, and people

weren't enjoying it as much as I was.

285

So I use it for me.

286

And even then I'm like, I get, I

give myself lots of permission to go

287

and get whatever I want for dinner.

288

But most of the time I just choose to

eat my leftovers and I don't go and spend

289

money on something around the corner.

290

And I take a lot of examples from,

like Sweet Greens is this salad place

291

that we can go to and those are things

I have in the drawer or in the house.

292

even if my salad drawer is adding a

little here and there, I have some

293

new ideas and yeah, we're doing well.

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We're doing a lot better with it.

295

A lot better in different

corners of the process.

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Lacey: Can I just give you the biggest

kudos ever as a mom with younger children

297

to hear you talk about that you are co

creating this system with your daughter,

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that she gets to be a part of it in a

way that feels good for her, that you're

299

showing her that this is a problem

area for you, but you're working on it

300

and she can be part of that process.

301

Ooh, I might cry.

302

I just think there is so much magic

in that parenting and in that system.

303

There is so much magic in that and I am so

impressed I just, you're setting her up

304

for such success in future life right now.

305

And, way to go.

306

That's so cool.

307

Theresa: And even if my salad

drawer, which I'm just going to

308

focus on for a bit, cause I think

it's so typical for either me and

309

maybe other people like to fixate on

310

one tool.

311

Yeah.

312

It's that's.

313

That's what will make me successful.

314

This cool Pinterest thing

that I manifested or made

315

happen in my house, too.

316

I still aim for it.

317

There's still a spot for

it in my refrigerator.

318

I still have those little containers.

319

We still try to work on them.

320

Lacey, I'm hearing you.

321

that's not what we set out to do.

322

I didn't set out to create a project with

my daughter and that's what's happening.

323

And then Sarah, I also texted you a

picture of something that's happening

324

between Shannon and I that's adding

a new curious layer for me is that

325

she's trying to explore different

diet and different exercise.

326

options.

327

first episode, I had a pretty intense

schedule that I was reporting, right?

328

up super early in the

morning with figure skating.

329

figure skating season is over, but

also we as a family have chosen

330

not to return to figure skating.

331

So Shannon was on the synchronized skate

team, and she really wanted to do that.

332

That's over and we decided that

we wouldn't invest in that any

333

longer, which was a big loss for her

334

and But she was actually part of the

decision making and so now she's moving

335

on to What will I do next for my exercise?

336

And she has some ideas and I You know,

I'm just so excited to see her doing

337

this and we had to talk about you don't

have to be rigid about it, okay, that's a

338

great plan and I'm totally going to help

you, but I can't sign on for all of this.

339

I'll do my best.

340

Lacey: Get it girl.

341

It's like a full like plan

with some images that she drew.

342

I love that.

343

Theresa: So today is I'm

forgetting what today is.

344

I know the exercise is

meditation on Sunday.

345

The exercise was hiking, which we did.

346

And I started her on that.

347

I love to run, but I can't really do it.

348

I have a foot issue, but we've started,

she's been working on some stuff.

349

Anyway, this is like going in a

tangent of other stuff, but I'm like

350

supporting her and she's supporting me.

351

And we're just in the food

things, total parallel play.

352

Like I have great examples from the week.

353

Sunday was liquided, liquid diet,

and I'm this is Sunday, the day

354

we're supposed to be exploring.

355

I'm like, I'm gonna make some

salmon and play with that

356

salt, fat, acid, heat business.

357

If you want to put it in the

blender, you're welcome to.

358

And she was like, nah, it's okay.

359

I think I'll just eat it regular.

360

I'm like, yeah, we had fun.

361

We had smoothies for breakfast and

lunch, and we're having a dinner.

362

That's okay with you?

363

Great.

364

we'll move on.

365

And then the next day was

vegetarian, and then no sugar.

366

And I told her, I'm like, how did

you do with the no sugar date?

367

We actually are pretty good about

not having sugar in the house.

368

But she was like, Oh, I made strawberries

and chocolate for dessert at home.

369

I'm like, okay, how was that?

370

She was like, this is really good.

371

I'm like, that's great.

372

I had a candy bar next to my food bag at

work all day, and I don't know why it was

373

there, but I said no, because today is

sugar free day, and she's good job, mom!

374

we, there was no shaming about

food, which, that is my rule.

375

Do not shame me about food,

because I won't have it.

376

Mhm.

377

Mhm.

378

sara_1_04-10-Sara: This is, to me, this

is an all around when it's not about

379

creating this hard and fast solution.

380

The salad drawer was an

amazing inspiration, but it's

381

not that was the solution.

382

You, what you're discovering is, I

always talk about this balance between

383

structure and flow, You, you had

384

a lot of flow.

385

You wanted everything to be like.

386

Oh, let's just see what happens.

387

And that was actually creating tension.

388

And now you've created this structure

that has all this flexibility in it.

389

And you're loosening around that

mindset of it has to be a certain

390

way into this growth mindset

of this voyage of discovery.

391

And what I love is including Shannon.

392

You're not showing her,

this is what you do, right?

393

It's not rigid.

394

It is, how do you problem solve?

395

How do you come up with

something that feels good to you?

396

You're showing her how to create

a solution, not what the solution

397

is, which is really the whole core

premise of all the work that I do.

398

I'm never telling somebody, What to do.

399

It's more about discovering

what works for you.

400

And everything has a rhythm, right?

401

Shannon's going to try out

these different eating styles.

402

You're discovering this book right now.

403

The salad drawer had a hot week or

two, and it's quiet now, but everything

404

has a rhythm and now you've got

all of these things to go back to.

405

I always talk about the scaffolding.

406

You're not.

407

Abandoning the salad drawer.

408

It's still there.

409

It's just not your main focus.

410

And that's fine.

411

Cause you've got chickens and two

dogs and three cats, and you've got

412

plenty of other things going on.

413

But again, bringing Shannon in,

you're really showing her how to

414

adapt to situations and solutions.

415

And I just, I think that's amazing.

416

And I feel like you

really got to the core of.

417

What this can be.

418

. I love how you said this is how I roll.

419

Like I just, I can hear

you so much more relaxed.

420

The beginning, that first episode

was a lot of tension around being

421

perfect at being exact, at being right.

422

It being, I'm failing, and it's just

like now it's just that exploration.

423

It's more playful, is what I'm hearing.

424

Really?

425

Does it feel a little playful?

426

Theresa: Yeah, and I think one of the

tenants of I say, maybe success or

427

contributions that Sarah, you have

made is the concept of parallel play.

428

that's one of the real big take

home messages for me is that,

429

whether We've identified, and I

still have my list of the favorites.

430

Remember that homework assignment?

431

Who likes what?

432

and I have the worksheet about

what the food outline could be.

433

You know how I could document it more to

really create the scaffolding as a map.

434

That's I really think about.

435

And when you think about, you maybe write

about, and when you write about, you maybe

436

solidify the brain patterns around it.

437

I just intuitively now intuitively

work at power parallel play.

438

And I can parallel with, okay, Shannon

wants a different focus every day.

439

And that can actually be my parallel play.

440

center point even.

441

It's okay, how do I parallel

play around no sugar today?

442

For all of us.

443

And I know what my husband prefers.

444

I know what I prefer.

445

I know what Shannon is aiming

for and I can pivot around that.

446

In fact, it actually gives me really

great structure because on my own, I don't

447

like to decide things for other people.

448

And that's been part of the issue.

449

, I don't know how to make an all meat

every day experience for my husband.

450

And I also don't know how to please

myself around the more vegetable

451

I'm this mindset of parallel play.

452

Yeah.

453

It's more playful.

454

It's parallel playful.

455

So I'm really excited about that.

456

I just want to also say that I remember

mentioning also early on that my

457

sister in law Helped me with chicken.

458

Do you guys remember me

saying that during kovat?

459

I was like, oh Look, she's making chicken

pot pie Like how do you cook your chicken

460

and we had a whole dialogue about that

and I've never forgotten how to cook

461

chicken and the experience that she

and I or the conversation that we had.

462

And now I won't forget parallel

play, in my kitchen because of

463

us, and other things though.

464

There are other things, other wins that

have come from the last three months.

465

So yeah, it is more playful.

466

It's more lighthearted.

467

I roll with it, more like I still get

what's for lunch, mom, what's for dinner.

468

Oh my gosh, I'm so hungry.

469

Or I make the food like,

Oh, I'm not hungry now.

470

I'm like, Oh, we're just playing,

but I have something to play

471

with, I'm lighter about it.

472

I'm really lighter.

473

And I just think it's okay.

474

I made this and I can use it tomorrow.

475

I made this.

476

still don't make dinner by three 30, but

there's always something in the house.

477

sara_1_04-10-Sara: And I'm glad that

you brought that up about the family's

478

communication around being hungry because

that was one of our, when we talk between

479

appointments or between episodes, we

do back and forth over Marco Polo.

480

And I did start to hear a common

thread of the family coming

481

to you when they were hungry.

482

And I wanted to propose the

idea of a communication center.

483

And it's not hard and fast, it's

not rigid, but I'm wondering if

484

there is an opportunity on the

days that you're home making meals.

485

Could there be a dry erase

board in the kitchen?

486

for lunch today I'm making

tomato soup and grilled cheese.

487

So if you're not sure where you want

to start, you can say, Oh, green beans

488

at approximately, again, not hard

and fast, but if you know you have

489

an appointment until one, just be

like, Oh, it'll be ready at one 30.

490

And on the days that you know,

dinner is going to be salmon

491

and rice and green beans.

492

You could put on their dinner, salmon,

rice and green beans ready at six 30.

493

And that way, if somebody wants to

help get it going faster, you can

494

say, Oh, you want to start the rice

then we'd be done 15 minutes earlier.

495

That way I always just think about

having a young child and learning how

496

to forecast for them so they're not

reacting and they're not surprised.

497

And really, I got, through that,

I learned how to really, outline a

498

lot of things that were going on.

499

And I'm just wondering if that

would be helpful for your family.

500

Does that seem like an opportunity or no?

501

Theresa: Yeah, because it's

already in my head, right?

502

So if I shared it.

503

that's just another data point for

the success of the family, I think.

504

and I thought about that the other

day, because we do have a dry erase

505

board in the kitchen that's blank.

506

It doesn't have anything on it.

507

And it's often been a place that we

can write things for groceries, but

508

I've pivoted to, I just put it in.

509

The grocery app, and I've encouraged

everyone to have the app on

510

their phone and add to the cart

because I could do that, right?

511

Lacey, isn't that like a tool?

512

Lacey: That's what we do.

513

we have a list that we can shout to

Alexa about, and then I transport

514

that into the, to the list for pickup.

515

So yes, but then when it is time to do

the pickup, my husband or I are like,

516

Hey, I'm going to place this order,

put whatever you want in, and then.

517

Yeah.

518

So I wholeheartedly agree

and endorse that method.

519

Theresa: And I think

520

less has been showing up on the whiteboard

because it's going right in the cart.

521

And that's a really new thing.

522

And I don't have to tell anybody when

I'm going to go pick it up because three

523

days a week, I could pick it up, right?

524

It's right around the corner from work.

525

sara_1_04-10-Sara: again,

that's that communication.

526

They can look on that app and see, Oh,

527

somebody already added this item.

528

Oh, Okay.

529

Mom is going to pick it

up sometime this week.

530

Cause it's already in the car.

531

And just an idea for the whiteboard.

532

And again, going back to that premise

of just try it, see what works.

533

If it doesn't work, try something else.

534

But because every day is

different in your house.

535

Between your work schedule,

Shannon's activities, sometimes

536

Richard's working at home.

537

Sometimes I know he's traveling,

and sometimes I know Shannon still

538

has activities like Girl Scouts.

539

So every day is truly different.

540

So in the morning, I feel

like AM is an anchor for you.

541

You get up, you have your warm beverage,

you're making breakfast, and then

542

just getting into the habit of every

morning writing down lunch, on your own.

543

and then just writing, mom, home, 9 p.

544

m.

545

dinner, you to hear some ideas

or you can figure it out.

546

if you know that there's ground

hamburger in the fridge, you could

547

write ideas, ground hamburger or soup.

548

And then that way they can

go, Oh, those are options.

549

Or, Oh, I'm not feeling that tonight.

550

And then again, on the days that you

are home, you can write down like Girl

551

Scouts 530 to 630 dinner will be a seven.

552

And this is what it is.

553

And that way everyone's on the same

page and it reduces, again, going

554

back to that home CEO premise, it

reduces you having all this information

555

in your head and giving them an

insight into what you already know.

556

So it reduces that friction point

and it's going to take some time

557

for them to get used to that.

558

But if it helps you, it's a tool.

559

I actually, I use a dry erase board and

I didn't realize how much the family

560

was, it started during the pandemic.

561

I used to go out.

562

We have two acres and I used to

563

go out on the property all the

time and my son got really upset

564

because he couldn't find me.

565

So I started writing like moms

at the woodshed moms, whatever.

566

And then I just started using it

for every day, what's going on.

567

And I always thought it was more

for me, so I didn't forget stuff.

568

And then people would like comment

on, it wasn't on the board.

569

And I'm like, Oh, we're all using, okay.

570

We are all using the board now.

571

I better lean into the, what

were you going to say, Teresa?

572

Theresa: maybe just that I had

thought about that yesterday, like

573

I thought about writing it on the

whiteboard and then I didn't have time

574

to put my hands to the whiteboard.

575

so I texted it to them.

576

we have a group chat for the three

of us on the days that Richard's

577

picking Shannon up from theater

or, when he has to be the person.

578

I don't get a lot of response from that.

579

I don't know if it's working or not,

but for me, that's a really good

580

time because I can talk it in there.

581

And I have so much that I think

of when I leave the house.

582

To communicate that detail

is really challenging for me.

583

To communicate it when I'm home

is also a little bit of anxiety.

584

I notice that what if it

doesn't happen at seven?

585

like I never really quite make my mark

and what I say I'm gonna make always is in

586

that playful state of I know I'm gonna be

making salmon but then what version of it

587

or I know I'm gonna take the ground beef

and I'm making those like playful Those

588

parallel dishes kind of thing for today

and tomorrow and for the various palates,

589

but I think I'm more moreover Yes, I

want to try that because whatever Pattern

590

we create people will get used to it.

591

It's like you teach people how

to treat you So it needs to be

592

communicated because there's a gap

And something will stick, ultimately,

593

because they'll get used to it.

594

And so will I.

595

Just like we're

596

super used to what lunches are.

597

I'm a rock star with lunches.

598

I have no problem making lunches.

599

And the salad drawer is a tool for

me at lunch, even if there's not

600

the vegetables always in there.

601

There's the egg salad, there's the

tuna, that has taken a new spot in the

602

refrigerator and I make more of it.

603

if I could do lunches, like I do, I

probably could do the other stuff.

604

sara_1_04-10-Sara: And again, it's

just coming back to trying something

605

like you perfectly articulated it.

606

filling in that gap, right?

607

And if there is some sort of gap that

could use some kind of structure and

608

I heard you say, Oh, I don't really

know what I'm going to make for dinner.

609

And it's okay, that's fine.

610

But if you know that Shannon's going

to be at Girl Scouts and you're

611

not going to get home until later.

612

at least let everybody know

dinner's gonna be on the later side.

613

that you do know.

614

And nobody's wondering,

Oh, I'm hungry at 5.

615

30.

616

Oh, dinner's not till 7.

617

Okay, I better eat something

out of the salad drawer.

618

at least that part of the gap is

filled in, even if you don't know

619

exactly what you're gonna make.

620

Theresa: How did you know

that is the pain point still?

621

It's and I should just correct, it's

not that I don't know what's for dinner.

622

I don't know exactly what's for dinner.

623

like I know what I'm, I know which, which

focal point I have, but you're right.

624

It's more about just communicating

that's when I'm going to be done.

625

With the effort of making dinner, it's

going to be at such and such a time.

626

But there is this pain point around from,

and you guys probably all, we all feel

627

this like from three 30 to six, when

everyone gets home, if there's not food

628

ready, it's stressful and uncomfortable.

629

Whether I know what it is or not, people

are, at my house, people are hungry,

630

sara_1_04-10-Sara: a couple of things.

631

One is the whole thing about not

knowing exactly what's for dinner

632

was in episode one, you wanted to be

able to create and you thrived off

633

of that, Oh, this all came together.

634

And that's that free spirit,

Teresa, that I know very dearly.

635

So I was trying to, I'm

not trying to change you.

636

I was trying to give you this allowance

to still have that creativity.

637

And still communicate to the

family so that they're not.

638

Left in the dark, but again, that

whole thing about being hungry, from

639

3 30 until dinner, I'm still curious

and maybe the whiteboard is an

640

opportunity if you're hungry before

dinner, there are apples, giving them

641

things to snack on before dinner.

642

I just know in my household, I'm

not interested in anyone telling me

643

they're hungry, not because I'm not

nice and caring and loving and kind,

644

but because everyone's got two hands

and eyes in my house and When my son

645

says I'm hungry, I'm like, okay, fruit,

vegetable, or protein figure it out.

646

Like fruit, we've always got,

apples and clementines, vegetables.

647

We've always got, carrots

and cucumbers, protein.

648

He can always grab some nuts.

649

So when he says that to me, , I just

redirect fruit, vegetable, or protein.

650

What do you want to have?

651

is there an opportunity to

give your family a bridge snack

652

between getting home at 3.

653

30 and having dinner?

654

What would that look like?

655

Theresa: Yes, and this is, for me

watching you do your magic is really fun.

656

oh yeah, communicate what the options

are before the question comes, because

657

I already know what the options are.

658

When someone says they're hungry,

I now know what my scaffold is.

659

I know what my dinner options,

660

I just want to say, did you notice this?

661

Cause I did in the beginning.

662

I wanted to like, have all sorts of

options for what dinner was and then land

663

on something and be super impressed with

my like nimbleness, Around not knowing

664

anything and then figuring out something.

665

Now, I'm like, I might not know exactly

from the little collection, but I know

666

it clusters around such and such, right?

667

So I have that map or that scaffolding,

and I have that creativity, that I

668

don't have to know exactly what it is.

669

I still get to be intuitive and

creative and playful and whimsical

670

with it, but it's within a collection.

671

And now you're saying, okay, what

about that time that whether you know

672

it or not is the pain point between

I already know what the options are.

673

I haven't communicated them to

you before you asked, but you

674

asked me and it's a trigger.

675

Like why do I have to solve this?

676

Now I have to, I'm hungry too.

677

Now I have to, in my hungry mode,

tell you what the options are.

678

Why don't I just put it down in the place

you can see, close my mouth, and point?

679

those are the options

right there, remember?

680

We put them up there.

681

Or, there are options.

682

there's not.

683

me being whimsical and you wondering

what the heck magic I'm going to pull

684

out and then have it be a disaster.

685

, the ultimate answer is yes.

686

But I am going to try the whiteboard.

687

I'm going to try a communication

688

tool around here are your options

and here's what I'm creating today.

689

And this is the time I'm aiming for it

when it's not obvious, especially Like

690

today, I'm home all day, and I'm gonna

have a great time with dinner tonight, And

691

I am not a good, communicator about the

692

schedule either.

693

Like, nobody knows the

schedule except for me.

694

Really, they learn about it on the fly.

695

sara_1_04-10-Sara: There's

so many ways to go.

696

Okay.

697

Perfect.

698

Perfect.

699

put a pin in that in the plant and you

knowing everything that's like a whole

700

that's a whole nother series arc of three

episodes, but The snacks in the very

701

beginning when we were trying to come

up with some meal ideas I asked you to

702

invite your family to write down their

favorite Vegetables, proteins, meals,

703

sides, things for the salad drawer.

704

And they were very open to

vocalizing what they liked.

705

So I'm seeing another opportunity

to put a list on the fridge and say,

706

Hey, everybody, what's something

you want to eat when you're

707

hungry and dinner's not ready yet?

708

Carrots and hummus, apples and

peanut butter, a handful of peanuts.

709

Get some information from them

and then that becomes part of

710

your scaffolding and your staples.

711

Like I know from my house I always

have hummus and carrots available.

712

Because that feels okay, it's going to

satiate me a little bit, but it's not

713

going to replace dinner or a cheese stick.

714

And I use the phrase with you and

it feels a little strong, but when

715

I, we were doing these Marco Polos

and I actually got to hear your

716

family come in and say, I'm hungry.

717

When is food?

718

What is food?

719

I actually got to hear it.

720

and I asked you, why are you the

gatekeeper between them and food?

721

That's fine.

722

If that's how your house is structured,

but I heard it as a pain point.

723

So again, giving them the tools to have

that intermediate snack before dinner,

724

but communicating with them what they

like and then having that snack list.

725

So when they say they're hungry,

you just point to the snack list

726

and then you're not going into your

brain going, Oh, what do I have?

727

What's available?

728

And just knowing, okay, I'm always

going to have pretzels available.

729

I'm always going to have carrots

in the salad drawer, right?

730

Does that sound that would

work for your family?

731

Theresa: Yeah, it does.

732

I can really see that.

733

That's a next.

734

Yes.

735

Yes.

736

And thank you, that's really helpful

for me to see the communication piece,

737

the letting go of the discomfort part,

because I do notice, and it was really

738

wise of you to ask me, like why am

I the gatekeeper, or just to explore

739

that, and I took time with it, I didn't

just have an answer automatically,

740

I'm like, yeah, why is that?

741

Can I get curious about

that and see why that is?

742

I do know that one of the things I

smile on about my gatekeeping of sorts

743

is that nurturer in me where, and I'm

proud of this, I am a person in my,

744

I see myself as someone who doesn't

have a lot of issues around food and I

745

very easily make a lot of choices that

reflect some wisdom and some energy.

746

healthy relationship to food.

747

So whether it's a controlling thing or

an inspirational thing, I like being

748

the mama who has some good things to

provide them around food, whether it's

749

mindset or options or actual meal.

750

And I think I've focused a lot on

the meal, but what if I was better

751

at communicating the options?

752

Because I don't want to

be controlling about it.

753

I want to help people in my house make

good choices that they feel good about

754

for their blood sugar and for their body.

755

and it's okay if they struggle

around that over time.

756

Like I'm not judgmental about doing that.

757

I'm always doing that right every day.

758

So communicating those options sounds

like another next level for me.

759

How do I help communicate

what the options are?

760

And how do I make it fun?

761

And how do I make it successful?

762

Like actually always consistently

having those things that they have

763

said are helpful to them because they

have been communicated to me and I

764

haven't been keeping them consistent.

765

Maybe there can be some kind of a

poster that we make where it's the

766

go to In between snacks that are

healthy and satisfying and they get

767

you through until, and just make it

more loving as opposed to a pain point.

768

I think that's something I want to

embrace is, look, we do smoothies.

769

Shannon can make them.

770

She makes them really well.

771

She puts protein powder in them.

772

She has a whole thing about them.

773

I don't always have the

ingredients for her to make that.

774

so what are the options without

it being the salad drawEr,

775

Mhm.

776

Mhm.

777

sara_1_04-10-Sara: again, I would

ask your family, what's a satiating

778

snack To hold you over get their

input but going back to the smoothies

779

if shannon's already interested

in smoothies That's a relatively

780

easily thing to always have on hand.

781

I call them the no brainers.

782

You can always have frozen

fruit in the freezer.

783

If you have bananas that are

about to go bad, chop them up

784

and put them in a plastic bag.

785

Anything can be dumped in frozen

blueberries, strawberries, bananas.

786

you can even do vegetables that can go

into a smoothie and then always having on

787

whatever the liquid issue wants to use.

788

Almond milk, cow's milk, whatever

she wants the liquid to be, then

789

always having the protein powder,

because that's shelf stable.

790

And then, like a peanut

butter or an almond butter.

791

So she could write up

a recipe of smoothies.

792

And when you have your grocery

list, making sure that some of those

793

staples are always on that list.

794

If she runs out of one of her smoothie

staples, Making sure she puts it on the

795

list so that a smoothie is always an

option and a smoothie is a great option.

796

She could make one smoothie

and divide it into three cups

797

for all three of you, right?

798

And that's pretty satiating

and holds you over.

799

and I just want to go back and

highlight especially for the listener

800

this whole thing that I'm talking

about with the gatekeeping And

801

keeping that in mind with the pain

802

point.

803

Okay.

804

If somebody chooses to be the gatekeeper

in their house of food, because that

805

is nutritionally very important or

even allergy related, there are very

806

important reasons to be the gatekeeper

of certain things in a house.

807

And I respect that.

808

The reason I brought it up was because.

809

I could clearly hear the pain point.

810

So I would only ever highlight

that issue if it is a pain point

811

for you or anybody listening.

812

And

813

I really heard

814

you say it isn't important to me

as the nurturer for the family.

815

You love doing breakfast and lunches.

816

And I hear that you love

making food for your family.

817

You love providing a meal

that they all love and enjoy.

818

But you said a sentence which was

when they come to me and they're

819

hungry and I'm also hungry.

820

then I'm mad because I'm having to

think of solutions when I'm also hungry.

821

So that's the pain point.

822

It's not no gatekeeper, all gatekeeper.

823

It's let's have a solution for this

scenario where I'm always going to make

824

sure these healthy options are available.

825

going back to structure and flexibility.

826

It's not about totally letting

go or totally being all in.

827

It's about having that

scaffolding and those options.

828

And I hope that's clear to you.

829

And I hope it's clear to the

listener that is part of being home.

830

CEO is seeing that global picture,

knowing the vision, knowing what

831

your family needs and wants, and then

giving autonomy where it can be given.

832

but allowing for all of that to happen.

833

So knowing Shannon wants to

make the smoothies and having

834

those ingredients available for

her, does that all make sense?

835

, Theresa: yes, it definitely makes sense.

836

I want to listen to you say all that

again because it resonated and it's wise.

837

it's.

838

Sarah, you're really good at this.

839

Lacey: Isn't she?

840

Theresa: Yes.

841

Like I didn't even think about

that pain point in the same way

842

that you just unraveled it really.

843

and the solution, which is really

authentic to us and others.

844

It's not just unique to me, but, yes.

845

Lacey: I wanted to ask you

Teresa, what is like your

846

biggest takeaway from doing this?

847

What are you, I have a feeling, I

know, but I'm going to, I want to

848

know, what are you like rah ing and you

would recommend maybe a listener try.

849

Theresa: my first reaction is, when

there's a pain point that looks like

850

it's a deep wound, more than just a pain

point with lots of tries around it, it's

851

possible to take another stab at it.

852

With a different kind of helper.

853

So I don't know if Sarah you remember

this But I know it's pretty clear

854

in my mind that this food prep

issue is not just like a willy

855

nilly What could Sarah help me with?

856

It's like this has been a struggle for

Years in my heart and in my household I've

857

tried a lot of ways to deal with it And

I think that I guess like it's possible

858

to try Again, in a new way, around a

long standing pain in the household.

859

So I guess that's the first thing.

860

And then the tangible things that I have

to take away from it are parallel play,

861

communication, new tools, not getting

too, fixated on a solution, but the fact

862

that the matter of really working on

solutions, I think that's, if someone

863

says time's up, I could be good with that.

864

that those are some pretty good highlights

for me about how it worked in the

865

last three months in a successful way.

866

And also, it's really nice

to have, call a friend.

867

Sarah, thank you for

868

being my friend.

869

And using your bright light to

870

help a

871

friend.

872

sara_1_04-10-Sara: well, and I

thank you for being open to this.

873

I've said it before in a previous episode,

this only works if somebody's open and

874

willing to share those pain points, open

and willing to see solutions and trying

875

things and knowing you may try something

and it doesn't work, but you keep

876

trying and you're very much not alone.

877

A lot of people have that embedded pain.

878

We've tried everything, nothing's worked.

879

And there's this giving up feeling,

but you were open to sharing this.

880

And I've heard a big

transformation in you.

881

And,, I'm appreciative that you

were willing to go along on the

882

ride and see where this ended up.

883

So you did the work.

884

I just gave ideas.

885

you did the work.

886

So kudos to you, mama, for wanting

things to go smoother and it

887

goes back to our whole point.

888

Principle with home CEO is it's so easy

to overlook and say, it's just food.

889

It's just meals, but this 1 percent

change in the ease of food of

890

your family is going to radiate

into your day and their days.

891

And that's the importance of this.

892

Theresa: I think it's a little more than

1 percent on this topic in my household.

893

big smile about it, a joy, a big joy.

894

Thank you, Sarah.

895

Thank you, Lacey, for

896

helping me with this and

897

making it fun.

898

Mhm.

899

Sara: Oh, I almost don't want

to say goodbye to Teresa.

900

I know I'm not, but I've had so

much fun having the scheduled time

901

with her and editing and getting to

hear her voice on a regular basis.

902

oh, I'm excited for how much progress.

903

she made how much, not even progress,

but how much opportunity she saw.

904

Like she saw the possibility, which is the

first step is just seeing what's possible.

905

And she jumped two feet in the deep

end, which is very much Teresa style.

906

And I hope, again, our hope is that

somebody listening caught one thing

907

that's going to be helpful to them.

908

It doesn't have to be the exact

same situation, different food

909

preferences, but one piece that

you can take home and resonate.

910

Lacey: Absolutely.

911

I took something away as we learned

last time about how to incorporate

912

the salad, not the salad drawer,

but the salad aspect into our home.

913

And yeah, I just, I love her energy

and the amount of work that she

914

put in is wonderful and fantastic.

915

And I'm so thankful that

she shared it with us.

916

Sara: Yes.

917

Thank you, Teresa.

918

Lacey: you.

919

Yeah, I'm going to cheat because

mine's really easy right now.

920

I am very grateful for my parents.

921

Sara: You cannot cheat.

922

Yes, you could.

923

I guess if you say exactly

what your neighbor says.

924

But then it's not really your gratitude.

925

You're just copying.

926

You cannot cheat at gratitude.

927

Lacey: I feel like I am constantly

talking about how lovely and wonderful

928

my parents are when it comes to helping

and supporting me, And what I've really

929

enjoyed is that lately they are just

like, we're going to do this for you.

930

And it's something I

would have never done.

931

And so it doesn't feel intrusive.

932

Cause they're like, we want to do this.

933

Is this good?

934

And I'm like, yeah, So not only are

they literally outside right now, power

935

washing my front porch and back porch.

936

We're going to go to Costco later.

937

but not only that, they connected that

my brother had a, riding lawnmower

938

that, was no longer working for them.

939

So they got a new one.

940

And, my parents then said, Hey, you

guys have a much bigger lawn now.

941

Would you like a riding lawnmower?

942

And.

943

Joe, we love Joe, but Joe, like

where I'm like jumping on something

944

immediately to make my life

easier, Joe takes a little while.

945

So if they didn't come to us with this,

we probably would have not gotten a

946

riding on mower for three to five years.

947

So not only did my parents bring it to

me, they actually replaced the battery.

948

The spark plugs did a oil change

for us and then brought it to us.

949

For Joe to be able to use

a riding lawnmower, on our

950

yard and it's just amazing.

951

I cannot express how wonderful

they are and how wonderful my

952

brother is for giving this to us.

953

I'm feeling the family love

and support today for sure.

954

Sara: Thank you, Bob and Carolyn.

955

What does your brother have to mow his

956

Lacey: He got a new mower.

957

Sara: Oh,

958

Lacey: So actually when this

first got introduced to us, my dad

959

said to Joe, Oh, Rob has a mower.

960

It caught on fire, but

it should be fine now.

961

To which I was like, What?

962

But apparently it was the battery and

they replaced the battery, so it shouldn't

963

worry about catching on fire anymore.

964

Sara: Stay tuned to find out if

Lacey's lawnmower catches on fire

965

Lacey: Who knows?

966

Who knows?

967

I will say, if there's anybody I trust in

a moment of crisis like that, it's Joe.

968

He usually is, does the

right thing, very quickly.

969

I'm not too worried.

970

Sara: husband and my husband

have a lot of similarities.

971

yeah, the one time when we were newly

married, a vacuum cleaner caught on fire.

972

And like a true dum dum, I run

upstairs to tell my husband

973

the vacuum cleaner's on fire.

974

I leave the thing that's on fire.

975

And I say, Oh, the vacuum

cleaner is on fire.

976

What do I do?

977

And he goes, put it outside

very calmly, actually.

978

And I go, but it's snowing outside.

979

And he goes, even better.

980

Lacey: It's so funny because my instant

reaction is put a blanket on it.

981

Maybe I can get it to go out.

982

Going outside didn't even occur to me.

983

Sara: Oh my gosh.

984

so glad you got a writing lawnmower.

985

And I gotta tell ya, it's pretty fun.

986

Lacey: I probably won't do it because

that's not a wise use of my energy,

987

but it makes Joe's time mowing the

lawn, like it cuts it in half, which

988

for us, it's actually really hard for

him to be able to mow the lawn because

989

he only has a certain amount of time.

990

And then weekends, I usually need a lot of

support from him with, He takes the kids,

991

and I do my best, but they're getting

better now that they're getting older.

992

They're a lot less, much.

993

best way possible.

994

they're just, they're three and

five, and when they were like

995

two and four, whew, it was a lot.

996

Sara: I shouldn't drink liquids when I'm

talking with Laci because I almost just

997

splurt coffee all over my equipment.

998

A bit much.

999

Lacey: so yeah, so it makes,

it really does make a big

difference for us, for sure.

Sara: and let's be honest, Bob and

Carolyn are probably going to show up

and be like, can I mow your yard for you?

Lacey: when we moved in,

they didn't mow our lawn.

My dad was like, I called somebody

and they're coming to mow, because

we didn't have time because we

were moving and all this stuff.

So yeah, they, again, Bob

and Carolyn are the bomb

Sara: I'm one step closer to moving

to Ohio from that story alone.

it's only outweighed by

my dislike of moving.

Okay.

My gratitude.

I mentioned on one of the last

podcasts about how I'm really

focusing on balancing the three

buckets of work, home, and personal.

And yesterday I could feel the imbalance.

And so I called my neighbor.

Let's be honest.

I texted her.

I didn't call.

I texted her and I just said,

Hey, do you want to have a cup

of tea before the kids get home?

And we sat on her porch and her dog who

I have this like side relationship with.

I love her dog so much.

I just pet her dog for an hour and we just

sat on the porch and I drank a cup of tea.

So my gratitude is that

I took time for myself.

I could have very easily, I

could have very easily put.

10 more chores in that hour, and I

just went, Nope, I'm doing this for me.

And I'm really glad I did

because I ended up actually

losing my shit later that night.

And I would've lost it a lot earlier

had I not took that hour to myself.

I had this complete

Jekyll and Hyde moment.

Where I was just like, oh, I'm tired

and hungry and the day is over for me.

I need to stop talking immediately

and put food in my mouth.

Lacey: Well, kudos for you

for recognizing that as well.

Sara: Thank you.

Lacey: I love that you did that, Sarah.

I love that you took time for yourself

because I know how much you give me, and

I don't live in the same state as you, so,

Sara: Oh, well, I want

to normalize, two things.

Part of the movement.

One is normalizing Not judging

your own home, which means also

not judging other people's homes.

Let's remove that vocabularity

of I'm so embarrassed.

I'm so ashamed.

I'm so whatever.

Let's just, it is what it is.

And then I also just want to normalize

there's no guilt and shame in sitting

down for an hour and having a cup of tea.

I want to normalize, I'm doing this.

It actually came from one of your posts.

You had a post about active rest.

Do you remember that?

Lacey: Rest is an action.

my therapist taught me that, and

I have to keep reminding myself.

Sara: So I actually did it on Sunday.

I did that intentionally.

And I, the whole time I had to

be like, I'm not being lazy.

This is something I need to do, right?

And so I want to normalize that.

That rest is an action.

that is just as important

as all the other things.

And there's no judgment

because it's important.

So let's all do it and let's stop judging

ourselves and let's stop judging others

and let's make the world a happier place.

The

Lacey: Amen.

Also, if we normalize it for other

people, it makes people like me,

who are sick, not beat themselves so

much when they have to do it, too.

So, win win for everyone.

Sara: Win, win, win.

Join us on the win train.

Lacey: I can't believe that

next week we have our final

participant podcast with Tyra.

Sara: It's been a fun train

Lacey: Season two has been a blast.

A

Sara: And reminder to

listeners, we are casting for.

Season three.

So if you enjoy the work, if you enjoy

the process, and if you're willing

to help be part of this movement

and put your story out there, you've

heard we're pretty nice people.

We're not scary or mean.

I actually, I take that back.

When I got really tired and

hungry, I was pretty mean, but

that was the end of the day.

I'm usually pretty good.

Before two o'clock.

Lacey: well, I just think

we're lovely personally and in

Sara: do too.

Lacey: But that's a good reminder.

I will get the, sign up for season

three on the website and you can

head to JoyfulSupportMovement.

com and sign up to potentially be

a participant in season three, and

you can get the magic of Sarah.

Sara: And Lacey.

Lacey: Yes, but, Sarah,

Sara: I couldn't, we saw, we can't, Sarah

Head doesn't have the magic by herself.

We saw that when I tried

to do Home CEO by myself.

And you were like, eh,

it feels a little flat.

And I'm like, yeah.

And then we did it together and

I was like, there's the magic.

It's the two of us together.

Me by myself, I'm very stern.

And.

Yeah, no, it's the two of us together.

Lacey: overthink a little bit, yes, I,

I do lighten you up a little bit, which,

Sara: I like how you said

a little bit, like you were

trying to like cushion the blow.

No, I overthink a lot.

It's okay.

Lacey: all right, until

next week, thanks, Sarah.

Sara: Thank you, Lacey.