I turn 34 this week.
After consulting Google, I confirmed that I am not to middle age yet. Apparently, that generally starts around after 35, closer to 40. So this will be about being in my mid-thirties, but not middle age.
It seemed fitting to reflect on aging and the middle. Maybe I have some more wisdom now.
As usual, I have some thoughts. We can see whether they’re wise or not.
Aging doesn’t bother me
I always remember wanting to be older.
This isn’t anything new or unique to me, but at some point my desire to be older lessened. But it never seemed to get replaced with a fear or dislike of aging.
My working theory – I am the youngest of 5 kids. I’ve always been the baby. Yes, in age, but I also have done most things years after my siblings (my niece closest in age to my kids is a solid 7 years older). So if you’re always the youngest, you never really feel like you age.
There are some ways I love how I’m aging. I’ve started getting grey hairs around my face and I love them. They are like little glitter pieces and make me smile when I see them. The idea of gracefully going grey and not dying my hair really appeals to me, but we will see if that is the case as I continue to age.
This may seem to be a bit of a departure from my normal relationship with the future. I am a future-oriented person, so you’d think I’d want to control my aging. Ultimately, though, I think my future orientation helps me be excited for whatever may come. That any challenge that comes with aging I will be able to embrace and tackle.
Passage of Time
Now, just because I don’t mind aging doesn’t mean that the passage of time doesn’t get to me. As the good millennial I am, I am a fool for nostalgia. Yes, millenials are in their mid-thirties now.
Seeing how the early 2000s trends are coming back is mind-bending. I saw a video about how the front bump is making a resurgence, and I just giggled. I do have a firm stance against low waisted jeans, and am glad this time around I have the confidence and wisdom to say no.
Of course, looking at my children is a massive marker of time, but the bigger place I feel it is in my nieces and nephews. Because I don’t see them every day, it can still blow my mind that they’re all so old now! My brain still sees some of them as perpetually 8/9 years old, when most of them are teenagers now.
Thank You 33
I learned so many lessons in my 33rd year. It has been a difficult one, but it has been one of growth. It is also a time that I know I will look back on with some fondness. You ushered me from early thirties to mid-thirties.
My children are pure magic presently (I’m crying writing this because of how true this is). The amount of wonder and joy they currently bring into the world is beyond my imagination. Most nights at dinner, I look at my husband because of something one of them did or said and think – this. This is a moment I want to hold on to and why I wanted children.
At 33, the highs are high, and the lows are low. And I am just wise enough to appreciate both.
Looking Forward to this Year
To be transparent, the year is not what I imagined it’d be. It was supposed to start off with my European vacation that would meet my goal of finally going to France. My husband and I were possibly looking to grow our family again. Because of my illness, neither are possible for the foreseeable future.
I am trying to not let that skew my view of my 34th year. There still is so much potential for it.
I truly believe 34 is the year that I settle into the person I was always meant to be. The more that I work on The Mddl to build this brand and space, the more at home I feel with myself. For so long, I pushed down the side of me that was creative and more emotional.
I truly confined myself to a box that I didn’t realize. I don’t feel a need for a big life, but I am not going to actively work against it like I was before. My earning potential, success, and ability to love are uncapped, and I am just now realizing it.
Thank you for being a part of my journey/realization. Every word you read, episode you listen to, interaction on social media, has helped me get to this place. I will be forever grateful for it.
Let’s see what the mid-thirties are about.