Why is it so clear from the outside when an ambulance is needed, yet when it is ourselves we often can't see it? Witness a car crash where the driver can't see straight? Call an ambulance. Find yourself in the same situation? You shrug and think, "I'll give it some time and rub dirt in it."
I'm guilty of this. I cut the top of my middle finger (not all the way off, but right through the nail and just barely missing the bone) and instead of calling for an ambulance and going straight to the ER, I insisted my husband drive me to our primary care doctor. It was a tough early marriage moment for us. I can still hear my husband saying, "You are NOT allowed to pass out," while stuck in traffic, as he listened to me scream and cry. We still ended up at the hospital anyway, making the primary care doctor an unnecessary detour.
- Was I afraid of seeming weak?
- Was I embarrassed of my misstep that led to this injury?
- Or was I so blinded by pain I couldn't think straight?
Perhaps a bit of all of them, if I'm honest. And a dash of Midwestern thinking: don't pay for something you can do yourself. When we are overstimulated and our nervous system is maxed out, we often don't think calmly and rationally. We resort to engrained behaviors and learned beliefs from our upbringing as the path of least resistance. Even if that isn't what is best for us in the long run.
The Everyday Moments
But here's the thing: it isn't always ER-level situations where we make unhealthy choices. It can be less intense but still difficult situations:
- Standing in line outdoors getting too warm and dehydrated but unable to say: "Hey, I need some water and to sit down."
- Carrying 10 bags of groceries, losing feeling in our fingers, but unable to say: "Hey, can you open the door for me?"
- Finding yourself on the bathroom floor dealing with the flu and unable to say: "Hey, can you hand me a towel so I can get my face off of the floor?"
Moving Forward
We can examine how we got here all day long (and oh boy, I do have some thoughts on this) and we can also focus on how we want to show up going forward.
- How do I ask for help?
- Who do I ask for help?
- When can I show up to help others?
We can intentionally examine our go-to responses in times of discomfort and ask in a time of calm if this is how we want to keep showing up. If this is how we would want our loved ones to choose, knowing they could be more comfortable if they asked for help.
Breaking the Cycle
Let's break this cycle of quiet suffering and ask for help when we need it—and definitely call an ambulance when required. Do you have thoughts you want to share on this, or are you ready to give and receive support? Join us in the Joyful Support Village, share your journey in a safe space, and know that we will hear you.