Let’s kick off our season 2 participants! We’re excited to introduce you to Ashley. She’s a super mom of four, a pet owner, and a business owner, all under one vibrant roof. Even though it feels like Ashley has her life together, she still struggles with managing the constant influx of children’s items.
We dive deep into the dynamics of Ashley’s household, the impact of roles within the household, and importantly, the role of kids in the organizing process. This episode is all about balancing functionality and emotional attachment when it comes to organizing your home. We’ll be sharing some practical strategies for decluttering and repurposing items to help create a more supportive and dynamic environment.
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Transcript
Welcome to No Shame in the Home Game, the podcast that cares how your home feels, not looks. I am Laci, your, co learning host, and I'm here with Sarah, who knows what's going on. Hi, Sarah.
Sara:Hi, Lacey. It's so good to see you.
Lacey:good to see you too. I'm excited to get our participants out in the world today.
Sara:It is very exciting. I was, I had jitters, like good jitters this morning thinking about season two and just how powerful I think it's going to be for other people. And it just really excited me. So if anyone else isn't excited, that's okay. I might have enough excitement for everyone.
Lacey:I have a two. It's Okay.
Sara:Okay, okay.
Lacey:both have it, We're going to be meeting Ashley, who's the first of our three participants for season two. and then you'll hear us talk about this, but it really feels like Ashley has her stuff together. I don't
Sara:know Ashley is the person I would want to default to. if you were going on a family vacation where you teamed up with another family and you were sharing a house, I would, I mean we've already established I'm not a, I'm not a good leader. I don't like to be a leader. But I would feel a hundred percent confident just being like, yeah, Ashley, tell me what to do. I'll do whatever you tell me to do. cause you you are very much on top of things. with everything in life, we all have little pockets where we could use a little input or guidance. And I think part of having it all together is realizing where you do have a spot where you need some. And so she was very generous by being willing to share that with our audience.
Lacey:Yeah. And I think what's also interesting, especially in this first episode with Ashley, it was very clear she was coming in with one thing that she wanted to talk about. And then we took a turn and we really focused on something else. And I was really. love when that happens, because I think it really highlights the brain versus the feeling of this is what I think I need to fix. And then as we get talking, it's no, this is actually what I think I want to, what I want to work on. And it, it really highlights that aspect of, it's about the feelings, not about the thinking, not about the looks or what you should do type stuff.
Sara:Yeah. Those sort of outside expectations of just highlighting what you're saying. You think, Oh, so and so's room looks just like this. Therefore, my room should be just as structured or, I saw on some show or magazine, article, it should look like this. And so just like you said, taking out that thinking and then yes, with Ashley, we did. Once we talked a little bit and kept pulling those threads. Yeah, we got to the part of our house that really felt like, Not settled to her. And that was really interesting. That was fun too. Cause it was, they're all so different.
Lacey:So different. So different this season. So we're excited for you all to meet Ashley and let's jump right into our first conversation with her. Welcome, Ashley. Thank you for being a participant in our season two of no shame in the home game.
Ashley:thank you for having me. I'm excited.
Sara:Thank you Ashley, for being willing. always amazed and thankful that participants are willing to peek behind the curtain, but it's like opening the front door and really showing people the inner workings of your house. 'cause that's how we're gonna start to make change is by people being honest about what's working and what's not. Do you want to tell our audience just a little bit about who you are, where you live, and who all lives with you in your house?
Ashley:my gosh. That's a that's an intro. I, live in New Hampshire. I am an OT, and I work out of my home, which is, probably a pretty essential piece. and I have a company that is built around organizing and planning for things that are more particular to, the mental load, and collaborative communication among families. this is not a big leap for me. It's more of a, step down the sidewalk, to be here. But I live, in a single family home with my husband. We have four kids, 10, 3. We have a large 90 pound lab that warms the couch, a very small cat, an aquatic frog, and we have two outdoor rabbits. So we've got people and we've got pets and all of it. Yeah.
Sara:wait. Was there two outdoor cat rabbit? Oh my God.
Ashley:Rabbits.
Sara:four. So you have five animals.
Ashley:Yes. Yes. Yes. I do.
Sara:four, four kids, a husband and five animals and, you have your own company, which big shout out to Dovetail. I've been using your products and I love how crisp and clear, and very helpful for me. And then are you also doing OT work as well, or is that on pause?
Ashley:That I, I did OT work. I actually worked with people in their homes doing, accessibility consulting. So for people to age into their homes all the way up until COVID, which business wise. Not a stellar choice because that's when people started pulling their aging parents out of facilities and moving them home. However, it also coincided with me having a brand new baby and it being a pandemic. So I couldn't go in, so I don't do any of the consulting, currently.
Sara:I'm glad for you because you've got four kids, a husband and five animals and a business. so that's a little bit about your home. And then what about growing up when you, if I say home management, what's the first descriptors that come to mind?
Ashley:I grew up with very traditional, like my dad cut the grass. my parents did stuff together though. like my parents both loved to garden, when I was a kid. So there are some crossover areas, but like my mom was home for. I think four or five years with, my brother and I are 15 months apart. My mom was home. and then she eventually went to school at night, to get her master's. She's a nurse, to get her master's so that she could teach. And so my dad went from working and coming home and dinner was on the table to like, and coming home and making dinner. And, so that, that was a really fun, not necessarily most delicious time of my life. It was interesting cause I never really had any of those notions about you do this and you do this. And in my own home, it doesn't work that way either. my husband cooks, he, like loves to cook and bake and. He runs the vacuum and I clean the bathrooms, so there's a lot of swapping that goes on in my house. And then to to a certain degree, that's what I grew up with. My parents, got divorced when I was in middle school. And so then they both had their own, places that they had to take care of. And so guess that maybe that's why I don't see it so traditionally black and white,
Sara:And do you feel like when you started managing your own home, when you and your husband? we're living together, starting to have a family. Do you feel like it organically came about with your husband cooking and baking and vacuuming? Or was there more delegation
Ashley:we, so we started living together. In college, like right before we got married and then got married we're both benefiting from the, having parents and growing up when we did, my husband was raised by a single mom. And so there was no other person there to fill in the other role. So like he grew up. Doing all the things he didn't do laundry, which is probably to save clothing. but he, cooks and bakes and cleans and all of that stuff. There wasn't ever like a defined. person for each thing because everyone chipped in to do that. It was him and his older brother and his mom and so he also had no preconceived notions and I made it very clear that I had no intention of rocking an apron and a vacuum for the next ever.
Sara:When I remember when my husband and I got engaged and we were living together and I remember specifically looking at him in the eyes and I was like. Do not expect Betty homemaker. I was like, please if that's your expectation ain't gonna happen. I'm gonna be clear right up front Yeah, and he grew up with a single mom as well. So he was like, no, I didn't have any Expectations. I was like, that's good
Ashley:Yeah. It's nice. We never had a big, conversation or showdown or whatever. I do think, though, that, so that in the beginning was that way, right? everything was very balanced. We were both working full time out of the house, but where we ran into that was when I had a baby. And I was home more. and then things started to go into that, I'm home. I can do this. You're gone. that, that's where things went. And then it didn't, it did not take very long before I was like, no, this is not, I don't have any desire to do this. So like it involved the conversation around that. That happened. we had been together, I think for Oh, we had been together for 13 years and we had been married for seven, I think before my, my daughter was born. Even after all that time, there's a slow Grand Canyon erosion of roles. And I was like, I didn't sign up for it then. I do not sign up for it now. We need to come up with a schedule and a plan. So all of our stuff happens on the weekend when everybody's home. Because that's the time where they're like, I'm not doing the whole like, you're home, it's easier, I'm gone, it's easier for me to do this. When it comes to home management
Sara:And I love that you brought that up because you both know I love my work so much and I love getting into these like nitty gritties and there's never any resolution, right? There's never any oh, we've solved the problem. Like you said, it had worked for so long. This new variable came in and there was either this just there wasn't a conversation about it and or the mixture of those traditional roles coming up. And I find it. So interesting. And I haven't talked to everybody in the world, but it tends to be that the female recognizes the slipping and the male doesn't. And I think it's because the female ends up, there's more discomfort with what's happening in that. And so I always find that really interesting. Lacey, I'm curious. I don't know about you and Joe. when you first started living together, was there a clear conversation about. Who's washing, who's cooking, who's changing the sheets?
Lacey:So I, I don't know if it's just that I give off very strong, I'm not a homemaker energy. But we never really had to have that. Joe would joke that he would be a better stay at home mom than I would because he would do more of those things before we had kids. And I'll be honest, we're both just I'm using the term lazy, not in a judgment, but we will let as much slide as possible for as long as we can. that's our thing. And Before kids, it was just whatever, we'll figure it out. we would cook, we would clean as we, there really wasn't management. It was just like, as things came up, we did them. But I will say when we had kids, that was our big same point of mostly me being like, we need systems. This is I feel like everything's just falling on me and I cannot. this and, I was breastfeeding, so I felt like I was doing everything with the baby, that kind of stuff. So I really, to the kids changed everything.
Sara:my sister, she had kids before me, she's got four and she put it so clearly. She's just you got more to do, but you have the same number of hands and the same number of hours in the day. Cause I too, I felt like I was losing my mind. Like I'm not getting anything done. And it's Oh yeah, cause I have so many more expectations. of myself now that there's another human being and then yes multiply that by four kids and five animals
Lacey:think about that person that I was. I was like, man, I had nothing going on and I did not care about keeping a house clean. if I went back to being that person who I am now, like my house would be immaculate. I would eat the healthiest food in the world. Honestly, I would probably just go back to the exact same person I was because we're just meeting expectations here.
Ashley:Like for us, it definitely wasn't the first kid too for us that it happened because it was most closely related to the number of hours I worked outside of our house. So when I went to, after my first, I went back to work, but I worked per diem. So I worked on the weekend. I was home during the week and he was home on the weekend. And things were actually still really evenly split because if he was home, then he would do those things. And I remember going back to work and people saying, other people that had kids around that time saying, I, left clothes out for the, for him to, dress the baby and, I did this and, made breakfast and all of that. And I was like, I just walked out of my house. He also needed time to figure this stuff out too. Like he had never had a baby and I had never had a baby. And so I was like, I have five days a week that I'm figuring out how to do this. And you have your own system and you are your own person when it comes to the baby. And these are all the things that need to happen in our house. I took care of these, or you took care of those, therefore the balance would swing back and forth. And it wasn't until I worked from home, where I didn't have that barrier of not being here, as part of my employment, that, that was when the rubber hit the road. When I was like, conversations are a happening, my friend, because the speed of change really picked up and if things went from gray to like more black and white, just based on, perceived ease or whatever on everyone's part to and I was like, Oh no,
Lacey:no
Sara:Oh, that is so good So when you heard about this opportunity in the show and you signed up What was it in your head that you're like I need help with ABC like you can name them all and then we'll hone in on One, but let's hear about what tension points you have right now.
Ashley:I think for us, the big tension point is, so I live in New England. I live in a hundred and twelve year old house, with four kids and no mudroom. And anyone who has any sort of inclement weather in their life is like probably going, huh. Yep. For sure. Our kids are very, active, they are outside all the time, and we live a couple miles from the ocean, so we have a lot of things that can get messy really quickly, and the idea is setting up our home in the best way possible, and right now we have the like stages that we've gone through to get it. So it's just trying to figure out like when the kids come home from school, where does everything go? And when the kids are going to go to ballet or lacrosse or gymnastics or whatever, like how does that all work?, and then I think the other part is and I think it doesn't matter how many kids you have, like kids come with a lot of stuff. and so it's just, so much stuff. and I don't care, I don't care if you have like 1 or 12 or whatever, like a human being that is so small. Has so much square footage of your house. and it's good. Like it's all good. It's just coming up with ways to do stuff that makes sense for the volume of things that come home from school, I want to keep some of their artwork, but it's how do you like come up with some sort of system for that so that I'm not just like living in piles of paperwork
Lacey:I feel that so much to my soul right now, because literally last night I looked at my husband and I said, you're not allowed to put a piece of paper on this island. He was like, where does the art go? And I was like, you get to figure it out, but it's not going to be on this island.
Ashley:and important thing I've ever made. And it's the top of a cereal box that's been ripped off. And there's a star on it. And I'm like, I know this is important to you. I'm not discounting your feelings in any way. I just don't know how I can honor that for you while also not losing my mind because it's on top of 80 other pieces of the most important artwork ever.,
Sara:you're not alone. honor the kid's emotions while honoring your own and back to the kids come with a lot of stuff. I consulted with a couple. They just had an infant. just holding its head up infant and they knew they wanted to change something with their laundry room, which was right next to the door that came in from the garage and it wasn't. set up as a really, functional high traffic space. Okay, if you're going to optimize this, let's talk about things. And so me and the other gal that we're working on the project, we kept talking about strollers and snow boots and snow pants and all the things that come along and they were like, no, that's a no. And we're like, no, yes.
Ashley:It's happening.
Sara:they, because the baby was so little, it was still in the, it's all cute phase. And we were like, they can't hear us. So it was really, it was a really interesting time.
Ashley:I had this problem on the other end of the lifespan in the consulting work that I did where people were like, they're trying to figure out how to optimize the space and how to get rid of all this stuff. So that they could, open things up but there's so many memories that are attached to it for the people in there, so it's like the other end, right? now it's the parents who are like, I can't possibly get rid of that, but you have a walker, and you need to get through this space, so we can't keep this random bookshelf of Things how do we reorganize this in a way that makes sense for you on this end of it,
Sara:And where do you fall on that spectrum of hanging on to things versus letting things go?
Ashley:it comes to like stuff with the kids is around clothes, baby clothes. Cause I have some stuff that my grandmother made. Or things that all four kids have worn. So if it's something a, if it's something that has gone through four children, but also there's always like emotion and memory attached to that. And so that I've already decided is not the hill I'm going to die on.
undefined:Mhm. Mhm.
Sara:Then, so going back to the main issue, what I heard was the mudroom, the coming and the going, and that level of chaos. I don't want to say chaos, but it's a, it's the high turnover rate, Participant Alex, that was the same thing. It was the coming and the going and the dropping and the needing stuff. And she also lived in an older home.
Ashley:yeah, we have like a temporary solution at the back door right now, but the reason that doesn't work is because Everyone's coming in the front door so it's just, it's that it's that constant, I think this is the part that like drives me nuts about so many of the minimalist things. It's it's so much easier to just get rid of a bunch of stuff. However, There's four people that have stuff, that's, it's so hard to figure out what needs to come out when it needs to come out and what needs to go away that you're, that you need to be able to find, but not store and how to balance all of that.
Sara:of the principles I say to clients a lot is. It's the precious real estate, right? So like where you put things, like you just said, if you don't have a lot of space next to that transition area, you only need items that are being used every day for you. If it's once a week. Yeah. It needs to be someplace else. Once a month, once a season, definitely someplace else So tell me about, you said you tried to make a solution, which was it by the back door, but you come in the front.
Ashley:My husband built like cubbies at the back door, just temporary. but there's cubbies back there. and so each kid has their own space cause before it was like hangers and then shelving and stuff, but no one had their own defined space. Back there, which is, it has helped, I
Sara:But you come in the other door
Ashley:Come in the front door. we just, we didn't use our front door all that much. So we got used to this idea of the back door, but now the kids are back in school. they've been back in school, but that's just one of those things that I guess started the conversation of, can we change the entrance so it's easier? can we have a mudroom entrance? And not use the front door because we were always blocked before by thinking like, everyone walks in the front door of their house, but
Sara:No. So Okay, so what is, so right now, back door, not as trafficked, what is in the cubbies right now?
Ashley:Right now it's snow clothes, it is, lunch boxes, my daughter does band, so her flute is there. they have bins in there that have, the school work stuff, so that's the current, situation is, stuff that needs to come out of the backpack so that it doesn't end up spread all over the kitchen counters go into bins in there, and That's been good. So long as you keep on top of the bins. yeah. So that's all the stuff that's there. And then there's shoes underneath
Sara:And then shoes, and what's by the front door right now?
Ashley:Nothing. There's just a bench there. So everything gets pulled from the front door to the back door. So it's just this like I wish I had a little conveyor belt. I could just put stuff on. It wouldn't go direct, but, there's a closet, kitchen, all this stuff. But if I could just have everyone come home and put stuff on the conveyor belt and move it to the back door, it'd be great. Because the back door has all the space, but the front door has the function.
Sara:so when, are you the one shuttling all the stuff from the front door to the back door?
Ashley:Oh no, I make the kids do it. It's their stuff.
Sara:Okay. I've got a better picture of everything that's going on. What can we do between now and when you get your dream mudroom? What can I do for you now?
Ashley:think the, for me, it's that, it's that rotation piece. Is like rotating things around, not physically, not changing the layout of the house. although if you could do that over a podcast, you're hired. but it's just that idea of having some sort of, I guess a plan for rotating things through.
Sara:in the cubby area right now?
Ashley:yeah,
Sara:so it would be, what I'm thinking of, and tell me if this is getting warm, each child and then breaking down activities for each child and by season.
Ashley:Yeah. I think too. Like in that, and that stuff is great. It's, I will say that on top of the, that piece, like having a little bit of a system in place is fine. I think the toy rotation quite honestly is the biggest piece. yeah, like toy rotation in our playroom and stuff like that. So not to take a hard left on it, but that's the part that like, as far as Trying to make sure that things are in the space where, where it's going to make sense for the kids that are there, and what's being used at that time. I think that's the big, that's the big piece for
Sara:Okay, so the toy rotation in the playroom. So tell me about the playroom.
Ashley:it's on the first floor, but there's four ages of kids that go through there. we've had anything from remote control cars to, the baby mat and things like that. So just trying to make sure that there's age appropriate things and how to rotate those through for the kids in a way that everyone has something to play with and something to do and creative space
Sara:you feel like up until now it's been more of an afterthought or have you tried and it hasn't quite gotten to where you've wanted it?
Ashley:I think quite honestly, because there's such a spread and everyone, they're at an age where everyone moves through stages so quickly. It's just been like a, a big piece of keeping up with things as kids are growing out of and into them. I think that's a hard, that's a hard piece to manage.
Sara:do you feel like right now there's too much or is it just that it's not organized? Ideally.
Ashley:think that the, that right now it's having the anticipation of what is going to go through. So like my oldest does, she likes crafts that are really like intricate, like jewelry making but. That stuff can't be out all the time it's a constant game of making sure that there's things there that are accessible for everybody as they need to.
Lacey:I just want to give you a lot of empathy right now, because I have a two and a four year old. So like you're two youngest, essentially. And I have a hard time with just the two of them, ones using Duplo blocks, ones using small Legos. And we've got to figure out how to keep them separate. And how do we honor this space? So I just, to throw in two more kids, whew, just. to you for thinking about it, for trying, I just, yeah.
Ashley:And also to like I want them like if that's their space They have a responsibility to do their part in terms of cleaning up in there and they do a really good job but I notice as there's more things then it just becomes like the Mount Everest of trying to organize so every once in a while you got to go through and like bulldoze the place.
Sara:Just out of curiosity, is there a, are there any doors or is it an open?
Ashley:There's doors. It's a room. I live, yeah, I live in a, like a New England house. So there's a, we converted the closet to costume, hanging costume storage and art and craft cabinet kind of thing that's in there. I think the people that we bought the house from years and years ago used it as their front hall closet because we have no front hall closet.
Lacey:gotcha.
Ashley:the problem with the mudroom.
Sara:Is that like where the playing happens? Because I know a lot of families, the toys just always end up migrating out and around every other space in the house.
Ashley:Yeah, I think because it is, a, room, not an open space. I think, they do like things migrate around, but they will. Pull them back in. if they're playing a game or something, they'll come out and do it in the dining room or things like that, but, and not all of the toys that they have are in one room. So like they have toys in their room and they have toys. The games are in a different cabinet because otherwise I would have no games with all of the pieces and then no one would ever play anything. Because it's just like confetti of stuff and I'm like, oh my god, we lost all of the pepperoni for the pizza game like
Sara:So your board games are elsewhere.
Ashley:Board games are elsewhere. And it's, and puzzles. puzzles.
Sara:I'll have you send me some pictures so I can visualize better, but just roughly, you said you have a closet and then what other structures do you have for storage or even activities? Yes.
Ashley:There's a play kitchen, and it, and so that has storage in there. It has a there's a dress up costume bin in there. there is shelving, there's built in shelving and then there's a, a desk where like their art and stuff is.
Sara:Does it go floor to ceiling or is it higher? Oh, okay. So even the youngest could access the lower.
Ashley:Yeah. Yeah. So the first, it's floor to ceiling and the first, I think the first four shelves are toys and baskets. And then above that is pictures and artwork and things like that. It's really about the rotation of things. Through
Sara:So more Some ideas off the top of my head is I'm envisioning it in. By kid, but more like age, right? And then within each, no, let's say like by each kid, and then each kid having different categories. I don't know, does the 10 year old still do dress up?
Ashley:yeah, that's and that's the other thing too Is they all like everything there is no
Sara:so erase that
Ashley:the youngest will do Lego. So my three year old does like full on Lego so because there is this span Everything has to make sense. I'm telling you like two and a half years ago when I had a kid who was like putting everything in his mouth I was like we may not be able to use the playroom because I can't pull those things
Lacey:Yeah.
Ashley:but they play together and they play together really welL.
Sara:Okay, so then it's what I'm hearing is categories the creative like the crafting piece Lego to me would be its own category dress up so coming up in This doesn't necessarily have to be the right direction but coming up with categories And then maybe certain ones are just staple ones, like you said, everyone does dress up like that one's not going to change. So that one's that category is not going away, but it might be going through it and going, Oh, this is ripped. It can't be repaired, or this is stained, just culling through it once a year and then finding the items that are maybe in a miscellaneous category that those are the ones that are Not being used or played with. And then again, having designated times to go through them. Does that feel like I'm getting warmer or not quite hitting it yet?
Ashley:Yeah, I think that's the idea It's like not having things that don't Fit the bill for anybody anymore or they have lived their life. We have a lot of kids here and that's the thing. I want them to have like space and I want things to be functional. I want them to be able to take care of their own. I just don't, I don't want to spend my whole life being the like, person, like the parent who's we have to clean the house. You know what I mean? And pick up the toys and all that. So like that, the idea of going through and pulling out the pieces that aren't played with and aren't as functional and don't make sense in that space is the direction I think that makes the most sense. Because it's true. If there's too many things. It just it's just become that becomes a thing and it's like the thing that never gets dealt with.
Sara:and I think that this is so great that this is the kids area because teaching your kids this skill about not only Respecting your belongings, picking them up, putting them away, getting them off the floor and we need to clean. So respecting them, but also recognizing like, yeah, some things we don't keep forever or somebody else might play with this more. And we might be beyond that and learning how to let go of items. Cause I think that's actually a really good life skill is to recognize and learn. And it's hard. Lacey just had this when she moved and. There was a lot of confusion over what was going into storage and what was going away forever, right? Didn't your kids have some big emotions about letting go?
Lacey:Yes. Yeah. And one, I will say one time that I was very proud is, I was trying to sneakily get rid of stuff because out of sight, out of mind. And so we did a, We call it curb alert here. It's hey, we've got these toys, put it on the neighborhood Facebook page, come get it. And my hope was that it was all going to be gone by the time my kids got home from daycare. Or that
Ashley:yeah, that is
Lacey:yeah or that I was going to get it back in, which was cute that I would think that I would do that. and so when my son saw all this stuff on the sidewalk, he Was distraught and he but he asked my husband He's can I just bring this one back inside and it was a top like a pop up tunnel And I was like, you know what bud you picked one thing that you wanted great We'll bring it back in and that tunnel is in the Foyer of our house right now. So it's being used still such a process because we want to do the same thing again and go through our we just painted the toy room and our playroom and are getting the toys back in and my husband and I like we got to get rid of a bunch of these and I think you all are inspiring me to bring the kids into it and be like, okay We only have this much space what do you really want? and go from there.
Ashley:Yeah,
Sara:Yeah, and again, great to bring in the kids and teach them. And I think, I'm not one for extremes or absolutes. I think taking, making kids get rid of things when they're not ready can be. As equally scarring as never teaching them to get rid of anything, right? So finding that middle ground, and I'm not, I know you both know this and just saying this for people who are listening, who maybe have little ones and don't realize this is going to become a thing when like Ashley said at the beginning, you have a piece of cardboard with a bottle cap and it's the most precious thing in the world. And teaching kids. Yeah, you have a lot of strong emotions right now to this item. Yep. Let's respect and honor that. And let's revisit this in a month or three months and having that space because they will inevitably grow new attachments to things and things that were so important. And they would have, like you said, the hill to die on a month ago, they will have completely forgotten about the next week. So teaching the kids that again, very important. And then going through your items. I love that. I love picking any area of my house. I just did a medicine cabinet, and I love it going, Oh my gosh, I didn't realize how many medicine cups. I had like I had 50 medicine cups and going, I'm not mad at myself for having 50 medicine cups, but I'm glad that I'm looking at it going, I need 10 like in taking that time. So teaching your kids, we're going to go through the toy room and you get to pick. When you want to do it, I think the first one is probably going to be a little bit of a bigger one and then maintenance will be easier down the road I really enjoy doing something like that, once a year prompted by something. So, like, before the holidays or birthdays, like, when, a bunch of stuff is going to be coming in doing it before then. So you make space here. We do a lot of free curb stuff. And that's really popular in the summer months. So I actually love doing that before school starts because then I'm like, okay, I've emptied my house. Cause once school starts, I'm not going to want to do this right before Christmas. My house cycle, are you able, how are you able to get rid of things? Do you do curb stuff? Facebook, do you have a pretty good avenue for passing things on?
Ashley:yeah. I have friends that have older kids. And so for a long time, our porch was people's drop off thumbs up for them. Thumbs down for me because my kids would come home and there'd be stuff on my porch and I would be like, Oh my God, here we go. Some things like, really cool things, all of my kids have gone to the same preschool, so they've had the same preschool teacher for years and years, and they're in a classroom, so like, when this stuff comes home, like a, a pottery barn frame with fabric cover, little like garden shed looking thing comes. And I'm like, this is great. However, it takes up half of the playroom and that you actually have to physically put it together. I brought it to school and said, would you like this? And they were like, absolutely. And they had the space. And then I know that three, four and five year olds who are at the right age for this and who are going to be interested in this and who like it, they can do a lot of things with it is going to be there versus being in my house set up, then not played with, then tripped over, then, all of that piece. And then it's that takes up so much of the space. So I will say one of the things that I do that I've done that. I think actually helps the kids is that some of those pieces will go in there so they see them at school And then when they transition on to kindergarten from preschool, my last kid, is in his first year of preschool. there's one more year, but, every kid who has gone in is Hey, did you see the playhouse? and then, as they go, that, that thing has the memory in there versus, being this traumatic, ejection from my house. That, that one, and then thankfully for my repurposing purposes, my brother in law just had a baby.
Sara:Do they have a big front porch?
Lacey:ha.
Ashley:they've got, they got a big porch and, they don't live that far away. And so I'm like, someday when you come home and there's like stuff sitting there, I'm just saying I may or may not be the one who has backed up my car to your front porch.
Sara:And then, so those are two great avenues. Do you also have either a local, secondhand store or free Facebook page?
Ashley:We have both, one thing that I did that I learned from another mom is she, set up accounts at a kid's consignment shop for her kids. So she doesn't, it doesn't all go into one account and then she buys things from there. So the kids, when they bring stuff in. they get the money back for it. So they have an account. So when they go into the store, they can shop. So they are completely invested in this process of I'm done with this. I'm going to take us here. They're going to sell it and then I'm going to then have that money so that I can buy something new for myself. So like getting into that way of thinking about it versus everything goes in the garbage
Sara:Oh, that's beautiful. There's so many ways to approach it. There's that taking control over. Oh, I can use this and put it towards something else. There's also that avenue of passing it on to a preschool where other kids are going to get to enjoy it. if you're only playing with it once every six months, like this is going to be played with every day. So recognizing that's supporting your community. Yes, and there's also just being aware of, reuse, reduce, recycle. let's be aware of how much we're bringing in the house and do we really need more? Because I see this a lot. It's really hard. about letting go of 50 percent of your toys, but it's yeah, but the second 50 percent is just going to get played with a lot more. once it's out the door and out of sight, out of mind, like everything else just gets appreciated more. And that's what I say a lot to my own son is just, if we can't, Respect our belongings, then we have too many belongings to take care of. Because I want him to be really thoughtful of how much are you bringing in to maintain? And please don't mishear me. I'm not a minimalist. My house is any, isn't very far from a minimalist, but I'm just trying to implant those ideas. So again, this is all great for your kids to learn now. I'm super excited about that.
Lacey:Can I interject real quick? Just, this is my, other, PSA. If you have to throw something away, there's no shame in throwing it away. this is something, so while all of, everything you guys just talked about. Yeah, resources and taking these places that does take effort and some people like me only has so much effort to give and so I just throwing away as an option. It's not shameful I think if you're being mindful like we've already said, I just don't want anyone beating themselves up if they have to
Ashley:Yeah, for sure. And in that same vein, if you've got stuff that you are getting rid of because it is unsafe, because it is, broken beyond repair, doing as much as you can, and that's not it doesn't mean, you have taken apart all the plastic pieces in the game thing, and you have taken apart this, and you have taken, I'm, I don't think that everyone's house should be, like, a recycling center where you're, like stripping stuff down to, to make sure that you're doing your best. Cause that's just I still have four kids. Like I don't, I'm good on things that I need to get done in a week. If something has ended its lifespan or it is going to be unsafe for somebody else, chuck that thing and don't think twice. Or if you're
Sara:absolutely. and that's why I was asking about if you have places, because I always do try to find that path of least resistance for clients. Do you have a thrift store you drive by on the way to work? Is there a local organization that will come and pick it up at your house? I, cause yes, if that is the barrier to entry is too. then people won't do it. And Lacey said, sometimes throwing it away is the answer. And I also go by the 80 20 rule, which makes me human. Like I have a really good intention and my hope is I get that 80 percent of the time, but yeah, 20 percent of the time I'm just throwing it away because life has to keep happening and I'm. Not going to beat myself up. I'm just going to go, eh, I try my best 80 percent of the time. So these are all great things to touch on. With back to the toy room, I wrote down a couple of notes and I'm still formulating exactly how we're going to approach this, but a couple of key notes are. When you're thinking about the toy room, first of all is having those boundaries. Okay, we have this built in bookshelf. We have this trunk, we have this closet, right? So when things start to spill out of those spaces, then it's too much. So keeping that in mind, it's okay, nope, it's got to be within these boundaries. And then thinking of the categories, which I'm thinking that's going to be your homework is let's get those categories down of what you have in the toy room. And then when you're going through things, and this will be part of maybe a larger reset if it's possible, is when you're going through teaching your kids and for you, you look at one category altogether and you go, what is an absolute yes, and you put that to the side. Absolutely. No discussion. We're keeping this. What's an absolute no. Everyone's just Oh yeah, I don't like that one. I've never liked that one. It's uncomfortable, whatever. Put those over the side. And then you're left with the, I'm not sure is in the middle. And that's the stuff that kind of starts to accumulate, right? More and more. And that's where you get down into the nitty gritty of, okay, is this something we need to just put in a box and label it, check back in three months. And if nobody's asked about it, then you get to give it to the preschool or throw it away. Or, really thinking about that and then teaching your kids and then again, I'm seeing because of the evolving ages and the categories having, we're going to do this initial reset with intention and then thinking of a maintenance plan. So whatever we teach you doing it on a smaller scale. Before birthday presents come in, before the holiday, right? Like thinking, pairing that with something that makes sense and it will just become like second nature. just like you go to get your teeth cleaned once or twice a year, right? You're just like, okay, in six months I'm going to come back and get my teeth cleaned again. And then the kids will know too. The more we get rid of, the less we'll have to go through the next time. So how does all of that sound? Don't we feel like we're getting warmer?
Ashley:Yeah, I think so. Coming up with some sort of system
Sara:so for homework right now, one is I'm going to ask you to, send me some pictures so I have a better visual of the space and everything. And then if you could jot down, and you can pull your kids in to do this, but think about categories that are in there. So start to think about it. The toy room is one room in your house, but then within the toy room, like what are the categories that you're approaching? And then three is going to be, once I see the picture and know more of the categories. Then we can just then we can talk about your way in if it's going to be are you going to set aside a big Chunk of time to do this all at once or do you want to go through the categories like do 45 minutes? Go through one category come back another day and kind of figure out what sounds best to you sound And out of curiosity, I just thought of this. What is your system? Because your kids go through, I'm thinking the clothes turnover a lot. Do you have a system already in place for when you go through their closets? Do you do that by season?
Ashley:yeah, I do that by season so like in the fall and then in the spring I do It. So one will be consignment, one will be donation, and one will go to, now will go to my brother in law.
Sara:of the part of my work when I work with clients is figuring out what's already working well. So it sounds like you have a really refined system for the clothes. Can you
Ashley:Yep. been
Sara:So what feels and so I'm curious what feels different between the clothes and the toys
Ashley:it's because it's not me. Like I make the decisions about the clothes and what doesn't work and things like that. The toys and the things like that is very much directed by them because this is their experience of
Sara:okay, That felt like the missing piece. Okay. Yes. That's that was great because this whole time I'm like, wait, I know how much you juggle and how much you do. And I'm like, wait, what is it about? What's the mystery behind this room? And that's what it is. The kids making the decisions. I feel like I now I have clarity over the path. interested.
Ashley:Awesome.
Sara:Ashley. I appreciate
Ashley:Yeah.
Lacey:Thank you.
Ashley:Thank you guys. And I'll talk
Lacey:Yeah.
undefined:Mhm. Mhm.
Sara:That was our first of three participants. So episode one, participant one for season two, no shame in the home game, Ashley, very exciting. We will get more into her journey in episode two of Ashley, but first we're going to meet our other two participants. So don't forget about Ashley, but just put a little bookmark there on that chapter and we will, we'll follow up more with her.
Lacey:I like to think of it as like a cliffhanger. what's gonna happen? Build the suspense!
Sara:That does make sense because I know your brain works a little bit by now makes sense that you're like, it's a cliffhanger Whereas I'm seeing it more as okay, let's bring in these other characters. Okay, let's build let's compare and contrast however, you want to see it just Remember Ashley's journey and then we're gonna meet two other journeys And like we always said, we don't think everything's going to resonate with everybody, but you're going to find some aspect that you're going to relate to. And then that's what you can take away and apply in your own home. So even though you may not have four kids and all those dogs and chickens and cat,
Lacey:Yes.
Sara:you might have something from the solutions that we talk through that will be applicable to your home.
Lacey:Great. Agreed. Sarah, we like to talk about our like moment of gratitude at the end of every episode, and so. I'm gonna ask you to go first, cause I'm having a little bit of a flustered day, and maybe you going first will help me.
Sara:Anyone who's listening might have seen that we've done Joy and Bagels a couple times. And I've had more than a handful of people ask me for the bagel recipe. And rather than explaining it individually each time somebody asked me, I decided I'm just going to make a reel for Instagram. And what I was really happy about, like my moment of gratitude is that I did not get hung up on the production. I'm like leaning into just that moving, stumbling forward before I would have done multiple takes and edited and just done it over. Oh, this is from you. Lacey's rubbing off on me. This is what this is. and I just thought, I really am just trying to get how to do this recipe out into the world. It really doesn't matter this production value. honestly, like if only these five people or six people have asked me for it, watch it, they'll get what they need to out of it, But I was proud of myself. I was like, Oh, I think that's the quickest way I've ever made a real. And I've been doing this for years now. So I am thankful that I am embracing moving forward without focusing on perfection.
Lacey:I love hearing that I do. People, I saw that post, and I had this moment where I was like, take, I should take down notes, because I want to make your bagels too.
Sara:They're so easy. I didn't have enough time. Cause you only get 90 seconds, but I wanted to emphasize, I am not a baker. These are the easiest bagels. that you'll ever make. They are so forgiving.
Lacey:And They're high in That's the nice thing. Good.
Sara:And then I'll get, when I get out the frozen ones and I'm like, Oh, time to make a new batch. And then I'll make another double batch. So they freeze really well.
Lacey:like That is a good, I love forward momentum. That's that's just something that one of my favorite things. So I love that you were having that. I have a very silly one and we're just going to lean into it. I'm loving my bangs. I cut my own bangs, like what, three weeks ago now? And the past two days I have perfected them in a way that is really hitting my self confidence for the positive a lot. I feel, I've always wanted that Bridget Bardot, So back but messy and pretty and she's just French and that's how she looks and I don't know if that's what I actually Look but that's what I feel like so I'm feeling great about my bangs
Sara:Yay. It is fun. You look so much, to me, I perceive you as way more playful, which is funny cause you're already a hundred percent playful, but the bangs are even more like sassy town a little bit. I am here to mix it up. You just wait and see.
Lacey:sister in law yesterday was like your bangs are Bang it. She's those bangs are banging. I'm like, heck yeah, they're banging. I'm feeling it. I'm feeling good. Just, it's so funny how, because it's really, for a long time, my dear friend Emma, who was, did my hair and is a stylist, she was like, Laci, you're too lazy for bangs. But she is correct. I am too lazy for bangs. But, I have found lazy ways to handle the bangs. And the good thing about these, they're like, mid parted What's the word that I'm looking for? I don't know. They get to be messy. that's they can get in your eyes a little bit. They don't have to sit right. They're not like the side swoop that has to be perfect. they can be messy. And there's something about that I'm just really loving
Sara:There's sort of all natural meets, like I said in the beginning, playful. So yeah, there's no one way that they have to be. And so they, there's just some, there's play.
Lacey:There's magic in it.
Sara:I want to tell you, we should have a prompt on social media. What's something your hairdresser has told you. So my hairdresser, one day she totally called me out. So Lacey can see, I've always had one side that's longer than the other side. And I've had one side really short before, like very short, but this is always long. And one day she called this my will be blanket, the long side. She goes, I know we can never get rid of your will be blanket. And I was like, that is correct. I'm not even offended that you called it a will be blanket. I, cause she really wants me to go shorter all over, which I think she's right. I think it probably would look good, but this feels safe to me.
Lacey:Okay, feel good in? Curtain bangs. That's what they're called. Middle parted curtain bangs. There we go. That are a little wispy in the middle. That's what I, and I cut them myself, but yeah, I like your woobie blanket. I totally, I get it. I get it.
Sara:so I'm going to put that out there. If anybody wants to tag us on social media with, this is what my hairdresser told me, I would love to hear, I would love to hear some funny stories.
Lacey:I will say, again, dear friend Emma, she's messaged me and she was like, those banks look real good. You did a good job. So I feel validation that too. So we're on the same page about them now too.
Sara:Wait, that hashtag I said was too long. Hashtag hairdresser. What's a good one? Hairdresser talk. Hairdresser truths. Yes. Hairdresser truths. Hashtag. do like a story or a post or something. Threads, Instagram, TikTok. And then, yeah, do hashtag hairdresser truth and tell us what yours said to you. That was oddly on point.
Lacey:yeah, thank you, as always, Sarah, for your energy and delightfulness. Next week, our participants will meet Teresa, and get to learn a little bit more about her story. But until then, go out there, spread some joy.
Sara:Spread some joy. Thank you, Lacey, for making it happen. Thank you.
Lacey:Sarah