In this episode of ‘No Shame in the Home Game,’ hosts Laci and Sarah delve into part two of Ashley’s story, focusing on the tweaks made to her playroom to accommodate her four kids with different interests. By engaging the children in the decision-making and organization process, they aim to provide a fluid and empowering environment. The overarching goal is to teach children how to be responsible and take ownership of their spaces, thereby turning them into home CEOs one day. Lacey and Sara provide practical advice on categorizing items, involving kids in decluttering, and maintaining the balance between ownership and guideline. The episode emphasizes the importance of making the process of managing a home feel natural and engaging for children.
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Transcript
Welcome to No Shame in the Home Game, the podcast that cares how your home feels and that looks. I'm Laci here with our lovely co host, Sarah. Hi,
Sara:Hi Lacey. Oh my gosh. Any day I get to hang out with you. It just makes my day brighter. So thank you for brightening my day.
Lacey:Sarah and I essentially just had a love fest, so you guys are really gonna feel that, if I had to guess. Sorry, We'll talk.
Sara:Wait, wait, wait, wait. Love Fest. Love Fest sounds
Lacey:Oh,
Sara:we had a very bright back and forth about things that we're excited about, things that are going well and appreciating one another.
Lacey:No, because again, and this is so funny, Sarah and I have never met in person. I still, to this day, it makes me giggle that, one of the dearest people in my life lives far away and we've never met, but goodness gracious, she's the best. So this is what our conversation was. If you guys want to
Sara:we learned that Lacey is a hype gal. And I pretty much feel hyped up. Like being in your presence is just like a natural hypester?
Lacey:I didn't realize how much I was missing it in my life until, and this was going to be my, no, we're saving it because it's what I'm going to be grateful for. Okay.
Sara:Okay. Stay tuned. Cliffhanger.
Lacey:but today we're heading back to Ashley's story. So we're coming into part two in Ashley's story. This is a month or so after we first talked to Ashley. So she had some time to start to make those tweaks in the playroom.
Sara:Yes, in the first episode, we narrowed down what her pain point was. And then once we had clarity on that, and then it was coming up with structure and ideas and a little bit of back and forth so that, yeah, so that she can help her kids. And I really was enjoying that she was already on board with empowering her kids to have the power and the choice and the decision.
Lacey:and I really like the Ashley story is just, we're tinkering, it's very much in the details and we're tinkering with little things to make a big impact. I think a lot of times when we think it, we call this a home makeover podcast, it doesn't have to be extreme home makeover. That's not what we're doing. We're tinkering to get to a better place tomorrow and then the next day and the next
Sara:very much
Lacey:All right, let's jump right in and we'll hear what's going on with Ashley.
undefined:Mhm.
Sara:Thank you so much for joining us this morning and to remind the listeners Ashley, we were on playroom and the way I understood the pain point was you have four kids, four different ages, four different interests. Sometimes they overlap, but how do you keep going through the items playroom on a regular basis and making sure that the items in there are used regularly and that you're pulling out The that maybe to be there Does that sound accurate? Or how would you that?
Ashley:I think it's the overarching thing is like making sure that everything It's age appropriate and the big thing is I consider it their space and their thing So what I would go through and pull out is not necessarily what they would go through and pull out it's a constant conversation about what we're using and what we're not using I really leave it in their hands to dictate what they would like to have in there and what they don't want to have in there Within they would like to have every toy they've ever owned in that room There's
lacey_1_02-21-2024_094933:think that's great because. I say all the time, we're teaching our own children how to be home CEOs one day. And it does take a lot more effort and time to have that conversation rather than be the dictator who comes in when they're away and just trash bag gets rid of stuff, which every parent's done like at a certain point, you have to, but it's how are you without them noticing?
Sara:then how much are you involving them? In the long run, that's great because they're going to learn how to do that themselves. So I had you send me some pictures playroom so I could get an idea. And way I was thinking about approaching this, but This is to support you. you tell me if want to pivot was I was going to categories. So everything in the playroom coming up with defined categories. And then my thought was as a group teaching the kids, okay, today we're going to focus on this category, pulling all of that out. And then we'll come up with steps. Okay, now how do we go through this category to make sure everything in here needs to stay? Does that make sense or do you want to adjust that a little bit?
Ashley:Yeah I think that's a little bit of what we end up doing now I just just rearranged some of the stuff in there and it's one of those as we go through there's like an element It's an element It's like a blend of yes this is a broken toy It needs to go bye bye And Nobody fits in these shoes anymore Are we still wedded to the idea of these shoes it's nice when you have a whole pile of kids because then it's it becomes like its own voting system where it's yes no yes no And so they get to sort it out that way So yeah definitely categories and going through and just thinking about what we're using and what we're not using And I think too to speak to the trash bagging thing like that definitely does happen when it comes to garbage and things like that but I think too the idea of my kids will panic if you say I'm going to go through the playroom and throw out all the broken stuff So the idea of it being a conversation about what we're using and not using versus a like what stays and what's goes in the garbage takes the anticipation or anxiety of the process down 42 lowest of it so it's just that idea of like it being like a fluid thing and then having spaces other than garbage or whatever for it to go so that they can own part of the moving on of that toy So like they have a new baby cousin So it's is this better for him or are we going to use this here Yeah so that's that's part of the conversation the how the conversation goes when it comes to that like the category
Sara:So what I heard, and this is great because we're always building on what's working well. So it sounds like you're already doing a big portion of this. You said you're already going through items. You are involving kids in the conversation. It's about streamlining it and making it, like you said, a more fluid process.
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:yeah because it's like right now we're still in that phase of ends up being like the whole thing at once versus doing chunks at a time which for me is a lot and for them is even more And so it's maybe working on a category category leads into another category That's the other part too is you get in there and you're like all right let's do this And then they don't want to or you see all those pictures where people are like Oh I'm going to clean out my closet And then you pull everything apart And you're like and now I need a snack And now I just have a trash closet
lacey_1_02-21-2024_094933:love that you brought that up because. I talk about threads a lot on here. I love reading threads because people just do these like journal entries of what is not working right now so do what you just said. I'm gonna go through my entire closet or my cabinets or pick whatever.
Track 1:And then inevitably The majority of the people come back on and say, I've lost all my energy and momentum. Now my room is a disaster and now I to deal with this. So I'm just going to shove it all back in. So where I'm seeing again, looking at two ends of things, what I'm hearing is you're already doing it, but it's not optimized.
lacey_1_02-21-2024_094933:It's not as fluid as you want it to be. And you're more leading it. And there's some emotions with the kids. But then I'm also hearing that other end of Yeah. Sometimes I walk in and I feel like I'm doing everything and then it's too much. It's finding that sweet spot in between. We've got those brackets okay, we know what's over here, we know what's over here.
Track 1:We want to find some place. in the middle. You brought up a great point. Yeah. If you open up that closet and you go the whole thing, it's going be tough. And in the beginning, getting things into defined categories, it's going to take a bit more effort, but then in the long run, whatever schedule you come up with that works for your family, whether it's, we pick a category.
Sara:Every other weekend or we pick two categories the first Saturday of the month, whatever, but once they are a little bit more defined, if you come across something that doesn't belong, Oh, this is a Lego and we're going through crafts. Just put that over in the Lego area. it becomes just separating.
Track 1:If you think I always use the grocery store as an example, cause. Grocery stores need to be run very efficiently and fluidly to maximize people than the shopping experience. If they get returns, they don't just leave this big pile of returns. It's okay. This goes back health and beauty. This goes back to the cereal aisle.
lacey_1_02-21-2024_094933:then it's just recognizing that. And then they do go through the shelves to organize them or to pull off expired items. And then they focus. that, category and if anything's misplaced right? They start then organizing the sauce jars. They just go. Oh, that belongs over there. So as far as categories, let's start there. I'm going to, we're going back forth to get this because you want enough categories. That. You're not just talking about two categories, but you don't want so many categories that it's too much to manage It's overwhelming. So think again about the department store, fruits and vegetables in general But then you have lemons and apples.
Sara:Okay, so we're gonna go along that first category just looking off the pictures reading material I definitely saw books. Do you also have magazines, or is it pretty much just books?
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:No there's no magazines in no God that's leads to a mess The magazines are upstairs in the girl's closet in the bucket of magazines It lives there it comes out they look at things it goes in the bucket back in the closet There are no magazines
Sara:the playroom. Okay, so for reading material playroom, just books.
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:It's just books yeah and it's books that are more geared towards the younger two kids
Sara:So the older kids actually keep their books in their rooms or in a more common space.
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:Upstairs we have they each have bookshelves in their rooms and that's more of their thing
lacey_1_02-21-2024_094933:That's great that you already have a flow for the books. and and so you do decide to go through the reading category in the playroom, you actually know you only have to think about the younger kids. Remind me in the audience, the ages of the kids.
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:my older two just had birthdays so they are now 11 and 9 and then my younger two have birthdays coming up but they are currently 5
lacey_1_02-21-2024_094933:Next was, I saw a lot of art. I was thinking actually having art as category and crafts as a separate category, or do you feel like art and crafts should go together?
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:art and crafts are separate for me and just the way that I think about them so anything that they can do independently like stickers coloring Anything that is not paint it's not jewelry making it's not putty it's not Play Doh it's not something that's going to stain or spill or whatever that is available to them all the time So it's within reach of them The jewelry making The Play Doh the paints in the basement because paint is in the basement
Sara:because mama has four kids and she knows paint stays in the basement.
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:Paint stays in the basement it's just one of those things that I'm like you know what paint good on you but you're going downstairs And so any of those things that have the small pieces or they need tools for or anything like that Those are up high
Sara:That's great. And that's what I was noticing was I felt like the desk was stickers, paper, pencils, always out. And then I did notice in the closet crafts. Yeah. Cause to me crafts are more involved. There's a lot, like you said, a lot more pieces.
lacey_1_02-21-2024_094933:So for the art category, pens, markers, stickers, coloring, paper, what else would you put in the art category?
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:they have those scratch papers there's stencils there is those like the sticker books where like you can peel the sticker off and put back on those like the those big Melissa and Doug ones And there's no glitter in my house You don't need a glitter category because I Can't stand glitter
Track 1:Oh my goodness. So many people listening are gonna be like, yep, that's a good rule. No glitter in the house.
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:My kids go to other kids houses and they come back and they're like they have glitter And I'm like I love that them so much And you can go play there whenever you want I feel no pressure to bring glitter into my house because your friend has 82 colors of glitter You don't need it here because has all it. That's what makes it special. When you go over to your friend's house, that's where the glitter happens.
Sara:I feel like you've already done so much heavy lifting as far as thoughtfulness about this, so we're like halfway down the runway with this crafts. I like the way you defined that. Things with small parts, things that can stain and spill.
lacey_1_02-21-2024_094933:So you said jewelry, paint, what else would, what other crafts are done in your house that you have on a regular basis?
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:A lot of these cat the categories of having things up in the closet came about because of choking and small pieces and all that stuff And I don't have that anymore but it's just still seems to make sense yeah the ones that are up in there that don't come down without an adult are Plato like any sort of like silly putty or slime or anything like that because that gets done in the kitchen because we have a like an old table in there that I don't care I don't care if they paint the table so it's just a mat and like the floor there's no carpet in the kitchen So my deal with Plato is I am one of those people that grew up with the Play Doh doesn't mix it's a thing I'm waiting for this article to be written I'm waiting for this to come out But there are people that grew up with Play Doh that just smash it all together And then there's people that grew up with Play Doh and like when the colors start to mix together it's thank you No thank you I'm done This is no longer fun for me And as an OT Love Play Doh Love Play Doh Fine motor like coordination prehension all of these things but the cleanup and the and all of that of Play Doh so honest to God I buy the little tiny Play Doh containers My kids pull it apart it gets stuck in the things and I just leave it And it dries and I sweep it up and I put it in the garbage Because I cannot stand 18 containers of brown Play Doh So that's just but we do the small ones
lacey_1_02-21-2024_094933:I'm living these like memories in my body. The body a score that know existed inside of me. The thought of mixing Play Doh colors is such, I get such a strong visceral reaction to that. When my son would play with Play Doh, I had to walk away because I couldn't stand the idea of putting different colors together. I'm like, no, keep the colors separate. Laci, are you a color mixer? don't like rules.
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:My is to keep them separate for as long as possible But then at a certain point it's let's do But you're right I don't want to keep it if it's mixed together It has lost a level of value for I'm trying to think back to when I was a What I did because you're like So I was a lot younger than my siblings So I played with Play Doh by myself And I remember playing with Play Doh in the context of a kit Like I do you remember the barber shop where you like the hair would grow That's what my brain goes to And so that has nothing to do with the mixing of colors I am a middle person I know that you're like there's half and a half I'm a little bit in the middle there the brown Play Doh has a place for a little while but then it's got to go Yeah then it's got to go And it's also too like with little kids like they they're on to the next thing and you're like Oh I'm going to go clean up the Play Doh and then you go back and you're like Oh half the Play Doh's dried And it's just I'm just going to leave the other half and that's why I get the little ones not like the little party packed tubs But I remember watching commercials as a kid for Play Doh and being and they like push the thing and the ice cream comes down I'm like how do you separate that You can only do that once you make this thing And of course you're like four too So you can't make it look like the 35 year old who's doing the demo and the picture And I was like man never going to have the perfect Play Doh ice cream cone
lacey_1_02-21-2024_094933:I I realized this, Play Doh is the perfect gift for people who don't have kids, who have never had kids. They see Play in the store and this is the best gift to give a kid. Parents who see Play Doh in the store are like, nope, no thank you. Walk on by. Bye. It's such a great in concept and like with glitter, it's awesome at daycare and school and somebody else's house.
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:someone else's house like I always say you like my worst enemy I would mail them glitter that would be like happy birthday Here's 82 kinds of glitter I don't buy glitter but at Christmas about 50 percent of my decorations have And then you find glitter throughout the year and it's oh joy so I'm like but glitter does have place but glitter but that's good glitter right I think I'm also starting to realize there is you can't be agnostic to glitter I feel like you will have an opinion about I want to ask people about their relationship
lacey_1_02-21-2024_094933:I feel pole coming on. I love this. You be agnostic about glitter is the best sentence.
undefined:Mhm. Mhm.
lacey_1_02-21-2024_094933:Okay, so I'm going to take this road back to categories of items in your toy room. Crafts, I feel like we've got handle on. Next category, I was thinking of calling one active play, which I was thinking of the, the nerf, the play kitchen.
Sara:I saw some things in there. I thought they were like right upon toys, physically actively be using your whole body. Does that make sense as a category to you?
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:We have a chalkboard in there so all the riding wheeled objects they get parked over there
lacey_1_02-21-2024_094933:What else am I not seeing as far as, large active play? And I actually, I have dress up as a separate category because there is so much of that. But is there anything else that is like a movement toy item?
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:We have the big foam blocks that you can jump on and stuff like that those are tucked
Sara:So you do have big foam blocks that they jump into? Are they in the playroom?
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:they can no they can climb on them So there's ones that are it's like a wedge and a on a cylinder and they make a little they can make a course
Sara:what do you call, so what do you call those?
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:like almost in the gymnastics realm yeah and then we have big like the big PAW Patrol vehicles that's the only other like big piece of equipment pieces of equipment that take up floor space They have no parking garage No thing that swirls out of the floor
Sara:No, no magic. No magical storage.
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:Oh Ryder Ryder doesn't show up at my house
Sara:Okay. So active play. I was going to do a building category, blocks and Legos.
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:yeah they have like a one that's runs with a screwdriver and then they have the interconnecting blocks and the magnet tiles and there's a lot of there's a lot of building construction
Sara:Okay. And then dress up. I feel like it's its own category like I want to come play at your house, to be honest. There's so much dress up. I love it. So you've got costumes. Do you also have like hats and shoes?
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:Yeah did I send you is the is there a dresser in that picture that I sent you
Sara:No.
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:It's like a pine box That's the we use that as a dress up trunk forever And I'm fairly slash a hundred percent certain that when I was taking these pictures I was like what would be better We had this upstairs We have this dresser And then I brought the dresser downstairs so now there's a drawer for like hats and there's a drawer for like the smaller pieces because what was happening is they opened the box They dump everything in the box and they're like look mom the playroom's clean and I'm like why are there 18 different things from the kitchen section nestled on top and like why is there a giant paw patrol vehicle stuck in this thing like so it was becoming the black hole of playroom cleanliness and I have eliminated that much to the chagrin of my children but now they have drawers so
Sara:we all, I love that lens of, I can't even say kids and adults because honestly I know adults who pick up that way too. So it's just the different lens that we all hold. And then I did see some. games. Now you had mentioned you keep a lot of games not in the playroom because of little pieces, but there are some games in the closet, correct?
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:Yeah so games are usually in the living room We have like a built in cabinet and they're there Games and puzzles exist
Sara:And then I saw what I'm calling discovery projects, which are one time exploration kits that you don't do over and over like those science discovery. So everything we just talked about, do you feel as though there's something that I didn't touch on? Cause I can't see everything in the pictures.
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:I don't think so yeah no cause we have the kitchen stuff is that's all contained too So that's the only other angle of that room and they can Take care of that
Sara:So we have the categories and you have a pretty good handle on things. It's how do we integrate the kids into this process? So it's a little bit more seamless. can you think of, cause I'm not in your house, so I don't know your weekly routine and with four kids, you have a lot going on. Is there any sort of rhythm to your week with. Picking up or cleaning or chore time or is there anything we can anchor this Process to that's already happening naturally in your house.
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:sure Yeah Sunday morning is like sheets get changed rooms get picked up We like do a whole reset for the week Yes I love a good routine It's how I survive
lacey_1_02-21-2024_094933:Oh, this is full circle I do believe you called me and you twin flames at one point because we are very similar with how much We think about things and as you were saying that I was like you use the term reset. I love the term reset,
Track 1:Sunday morning, sheets, room pickup, reset for the week. How do you feel like that's on an automatic pilot? Everyone knows what they're doing.
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:And by it knows what they're doing I mean every Sunday we have the same discussion if you will about That was to be my question too yeah no it's I just I like when I talk about these things and people are like oh my god that's amazing your kids just thing and I'm like no I just mean we scheduled this disagreement
Sara:We scheduled this.
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:I call it resetting They call it my hands don't work between the hours of 9 and 11 on Sunday morning And then we all just re we circle back around lunchtime and carry on with the week But yeah it's it is that you said that Because a lot of people would hear that and think Oh my gosh I'm inadequate our participant Sarah last season was like when people say this is how I do things she assumes they do it that way 100 percent of the time And it's no that's not what it actually looks like so having a view into what it actually looks like is so and yeah and kudos to you for having that fight every because I every week and every week guys we're going to do this next week seven days mark your calendar and I'm just the hope is that will feel less like nails on a chalkboard if the inevitability of this process just continues and continues it's like brushing your teeth right I'm like okay we have you have to brush your teeth And then it became about I don't want to brush my teeth And now I just say just brush the ones you want to keep And they're like what do you mean And I'm like just brush the ones you you don't brush them they're you're setting yourself things And that's fine It's your choice But these like your adult teeth So just brush the ones you want to keep And then they're like I don't want to lose my teeth
Track 1:You just have to find the right motivation on your note about, this is back to participants, Sarah, about we're doing this again in seven days. She was, we were incorporating her kids dishwasher process because Sarah has some, chronic health conditions that make it really difficult for her and she was having her daughter, her older daughter, teenager at the time. And. She explained to them, this is how you do it. And they did it. And then the next day, okay, dishwasher time. And her daughter very loudly and indignantly was like, I just did that. Don't tell me I have to do it again. And she was like, Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't explain this correctly. We run the every day.
lacey_1_02-21-2024_094933:this is not a one and done thing. did you not know you use dishes every day? This is the other side of the coin.
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:Yeah on that note do have to share my daughter Iris is potty and are time around I'm like I'm making it as easy as myself as possible We're setting timers You're going to go cause she would just pee all the time I think that's just how she her in the mindset of stop and so every time the timer goes off she's Oh again Oh girl stop Stop Yes you are going to have to get up and go all every day of your life I'm sorry to keep bringing this to you Oh I have and my kids too it's I don't want to And I'm like if you don't pee then I have to take you to the hospital And then they give you a catheter And they're like what's a catheter And I'm like and then we just go down this rabbit hole and they're like I will go pee And I'm like much much more pleasant alternative They're like alternatives
lacey_1_02-21-2024_094933:That's, to this probably talking with participants there about how I feel as though being an adult versus being a kid is just understanding consequences. Like you said, if you don't brush your teeth, you lose your teeth. What teeth do you want? If you don't go to the bathroom, get a UTI, you have to get, or you catheter.
Sara:It's just kids think we're nags because we know what they want. The thing is, and I've said so many times, okay, it's Sunday night, there's a snowstorm. I do not want to go to the emergency room. don't do whatever you're about to do. That might end up us having to go get your arm in a cast. I was just like, no, like I can see the future. Don't jump off of that right now.
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:wait until they've shoveled
lacey_1_02-21-2024_094933:It's just, it's so I just feel like that's all are as parents is going. No, I see the future. I'm telling you, if you don't do a, then B is going to happen. So back to these kids that we love so much Sunday morning, nine to 11. Ideally, so when you're putting in a new plan in place, there's always, and this as an OT, there's always that initial, it takes a lot, but a lot more, but then the idea is that it's going to be easier down the road.
Sara:So getting to this new routine with the playroom. To encourage your kids to really be the process. It is going to be a little bit more in the beginning, but again, that thought is it becomes just part of that nine to 11 and you're just adding in 10, 10 minutes, five minutes. it can be whatever chunk feels doable and going off of our home CEO process, and that is having a group discussion about why this is important. Again, going back to the brushing the teeth. Yeah, you do it so you don't lose your teeth. And if you lose your teeth, then you can't eat yummy food. do you want everything to be a milkshake? So talking with your kids. Do you enjoy the playroom? the playroom is something special, but it needs time and energy to maintain it. And if do you like getting new things for Christmas and birthdays, okay, then things have to go out. So new things can come in and just talking about how this is just a process of life, like letting go of old. So new can come in. And like you said, you have a new little cousin, like how fun is that to share things that you're no longer using. And somebody else, and you talked in our first meeting about giving things to, the preschool oh my gosh, how cool, you know how much you loved this item and now somebody else can love it. So having that discussion about why we're doing the process. Instead of, I think sometimes as parents, we come down and it's we're those dictators and they're just like, they're just telling me to do it. So I'm just going to say, I don't want to do it because they're telling me it's just that immediate pushback. But if you have this talk and if you say, if we all participate and we're all on the same page and you understand why we're doing it, this can go really quickly. So you decide how much time do you want to put towards this? Because buckle up. It's happening. or mom comes in with the trash bag. And then that's the painful, like show them the different paths. This is the path of least resistance, actually. It's just going to take a new mindset. So how does that feel? Having a family discussion about the playroom is for you. And that means taking a little bit of ownership.
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:Yeah like I have found the most success when it comes to conversations around the playroom with Okay so here's the thing that you seem to be interested in doing right now right this is your activity of choice How can you set it up in here So that when you want to come and do this it's easier for my older kids And it's like how do you want to be able to do the things that you want to be able to do and not have to go in and move all this stuff aside can you clean up the desk area so that when you want to come in and do a coloring project that you're not putting the book on top of like piles of stuff and framing it in the way that let's think about what's going to happen down the road so that you right now can do a little bit so that then so that the next time you walk into the playroom and you want to do that because you know we do get into not rut but like you do like my kids get into sometimes they'll color that will be their activity that they do whenever they're in there Like I walked by and someone sitting at the desk and all that And it's you seem to be really into coloring right now How can we move this around on the desk space so that you're able to reach all the things you want to and have space to do this and like optimally function And that does seem to help individually speaking Cause there is a little bit of once it becomes like a group thing it's I want this and you want this and you want this and you want this and I'm like okay we all want a play space How about you not necessarily like state claim in real estate but if you're doing this where do you want to do this If you're interested in this where do you want to do this And trying to go with their interests To have them facilitate how they want that to go Cause they they will like they'll go in and dump all the blocks out And then they want to play with something I'm like you just have to pick up the blocks It might take them two days But if you don't pick up the blocks then you don't have the place to play with the thing And eventually they're like nah blocks But yeah just trying to go just trying to go off of what they're putting out there as their interest and not being wedded to like the here and now of it the playroom needs to be clean at 11 a m on Sunday is like not the hell that I'm ever going to die on because all it does is all it is conflict And I feel like too like that's when you get into that idea of I'm going to come in here and throw all these things out and all that And then it takes on a tone or like a connotation that doesn't fit with the overall goal like you can either have you can either have it clean on a timeline or you can have them have responsibility
Sara:and that's beautiful. And yes, I like that you made that distinguishing factor because when I was envisioning this process, I was never picturing this perfectly picked up playroom being reset. Like you said, it's about getting rid of those items that aren't being used so that the items are being turned over. And yeah, you don't want to fight. About what it looks like, but you want a flow for the room so that it is, there's a process. And so that nine to 11 time on Sunday morning, yeah, I was not envisioning this like pickup. I was envisioning, okay, let's pick one category and you pull out, let's say, and you wouldn't have to do this very often, but let's just say dress up. You don't even have to pull out all the dress up item. You could just pull out the hats. Just lay out. If you have 10 hats, you lay them all out. You stand there, you all look at them and you say, are any of these broken? Pull those out. Are there any hats in here that you don't like anymore that we could give to somebody? Pull those out. And if you've done that, you don't have to do that again for what, a year? But then the next week you just pull out the shoes. Oh, we've never found the right shoe to this left shoe. Okay. Is it about time we get rid of it and making it really bite size and just it being five minutes and they just get to, Oh, okay. This is going to be really small, really doable. And we're doing this. Oh, if I see a new pair of dress up shoes that I want for my birthday. Oh, we'll have space now because we got rid of the ones that don't fit anymore. Does that make sense as more of an approach?
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:yeah I definitely think that's like the way to go in terms of wanting to incorporate them into it giving them ownership of it but also like When that happens I think too like we forget that in order to give them ownership you have to give up ownership And like the ownership on the parent half or side of it is something that like we can't tell our kids that we want them to do more and still and not step back to give them the opportunity to do more I really can I just you making it a script that they follow step by step of a set of has blown my mind a little bit because then I'm like then they can apply that anytime too And so you're teaching them a process of how to over and over again So I just now I'm like Maybe I need to do this with my kids at night to ask okay is there anything that needs to be thrown away Is there anything put away Is there anything that you don't need In an area You know what I mean And and then they can start to internalize that step process to make it easier because they're not creating the pathway
Sara:yeah, to piggyback off of a couple of different thoughts, absolutely what you said, Lacey, because as we said with home CEO, it's this framework that you can then So the idea is, yeah, at some point your kids get to do this on their own and they can just, Oh, look at these books. Oh, I don't read this one anymore. And it becomes I was going to say it's easy brushing your teeth, but we've already established that's not always easy in your household. But yes, the idea is that it is so simple and so doable. It just becomes this like ingrained process. And I also like that you're touching on the greater
Track 1:mindset of this, where if you're going to give your kids ownership, you're also giving up ownership. And I a hundred percent agree with you. And I love that you brought that up. And I'd say yes. and as the person whose name is on the mortgage of the house, you also get to put up bumpers of, yeah, you have ownership over this playroom and the closet is full so we can not receive any more new. crafts, unless you decide which ones are no longer important, right? You give them ownership. you've got four kids, you already know this, you're giving them parameters that they have ownership within. And so the playroom is yours and I'm saying that we need to spend five minutes on Sunday to go through each category so that we can get rid of all those markers that are actually dried out and are just taking up space and you get frustrated when you go to find a marker and they're dried out. Let's take five minutes. Everybody get a piece of paper. Let's test the markers and let's toss the ones. but it's five, but it's five minutes and you're not telling them we're going through all the art supplies. You're saying, how frustrating is it when you can't find a marker that works? All right, let's get rid of these.
Sara:Oh my gosh, look at that. I just realized we only have three working markers. Looks like the next time markers are on sale, I'm going to pick some up because I just realized they're all dry. You know what I mean? So it's just getting them in that mindset. And this is something I find so crucial. I'm going to stand on a little pedestal and just say, we need to learn.
Track 1:Everyone, how to process items. We do not keep on, we do not hold on to everything forever, right? Some Tupperware is going to no longer serve your needs or the lid is cracked or it's thrown away. You need to process that, whether it's throwing it away, recycling it, donating it. But we need to get used to that.
lacey_1_02-21-2024_094933:Okay. If I'm going to buy new clothes, I need to get rid of some clothes. Because my closet is full and I work with a lot of people who never learned that. So teaching them as adults. And that's why I'm so hell bent on teaching children because when they have their own apartment or house, this is the processing.
Track 1:I just said this at home. CEO processing is boring. It just do five minutes of boring. So you don't have days and days of pain in your future. So yeah, I love, I feel like you, you're already there and I just feel like it's finding that, that point between giving them ownership, but still making sure things are happening.
Sara:Cause like you said, you have to explain to them every Sunday morning that we are changing sheets and we are resetting. So it's just giving them that prompt and helping them learn it. how does that feel? A five minute pick one part of a category, Let's go through this and it's just picking out. I always say three parts. Absolute. Yes. We're keeping it Absolute. No, we don't need to keep it and I'm not sure and the absolute knows You're the mom you can figure out where the nose go whether that's trash passing on recycling and then the I don't knows you can decide as a family how you approach the I'm not sure's
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:Yeah Yeah I think yeah definitely keeping it not low anxiety but not having it be such a thing or having such strong Opposing forces like we keep everything or we keep nothing or it's like it's not a little bit it's everything somewhere finding that space in
lacey_1_02-21-2024_094933:So when I was growing up, Valentine's day was little paper cards that you put in a shoe box. Now, Halloween, Valentine's, everything has become this lots of stuff, So he comes home with his. Valentine's stuff and it just sits there and I let it be fun for a day or two of Oh, it's fun to rifle through it and re see everything.
Sara:And once that's worn off and then, yeah, I just took the onus to dump it all out because I wanted it to be not on the counter anymore. I just dumped it all out. I put The category of, I put all the food items, treats. I put all the like pencils, erasers, and then I put all the papers, like the cards, and then I just broke it down. We looked at the cards. Do you want to keep any of these cards from your classmates? Nope. Okay. Go put them in the recycle. Okay. Here's all the pencils and erasers and I don't know, whatever little games.
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:Rings
Sara:Do you want any of these? I think you picked out one or two. Okay, great. And then I took the rest and I'm going to donate those. And then the food was left. And I knew he was going to keep most of the treats, but I just said, are there any streets that you don't want? Put those in a pile. So I took the bag, I broke it up into three and we went through each category one at a time. And honestly, he's so used to me doing it this way now that there's no hemming and hawing. It's just, do you want it or do you not want it? If you want it, that's fine. But then you have to pick it up and you have to go put it in the toy room where it belongs. I'm not doing that. I want him to feel the weight of the items. Okay. The gum that you're keeping, you physically need to pick that up and go put that in your gum bin. So I'm not processing it. I'm simply facilitating the processing.
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:And yeah like that and that's kids have to they need a small step to start I do have a question my son is the most ever met in and but I'll never forget a corner and I was like okay I got to throw this away And he was like but That's the corner of this piece of paper and you would have thought that I diamonds And so I as we're talking through this I'm like Isaac And I know it's a muscle getting him used to it But I don't know how to overcome this step of having him not think everything is the most important
lacey_1_02-21-2024_094933:can I give you offer a suggestion? Okay. might be helpful to people listening. Things have a lot of power in the moment. And the more you put up that we're this away, the more, like all raising the stakes. It just becomes, now more important to me.
Track 1:When things are allowed to sit out of sight, out of mind, that emotional attachment with a corner of a piece of paper usually diminishes. So what you can do is allow him to have a memento box. And you can decide, is it a shoe box? Is it the size of, like a bank box? You get to decide. And he keeps that someplace that's accessible. And if he says this corner of this paper means the world to me, that's great. Put it in your memento box. And when that memento gets full, the stuff on the bottom, you're going to sit down and the processing is boring, but this is part of life and it's going to help him later. And I am telling you when he is six months older, he's going to be like, I don't even know what that is. And there might be, he might remember one out of 20 of the items. Great. Get rid of the 19 and he can keep the one. I just don't think, and everyone's not the same. I don't think that all those items are going to keep the same. Wait, but I'd be curious, Ashley, because you have four kids, you must go through this.
lacey_1_02-21-2024_094933:Your kids must bring home every piece of artwork and say, this most important thing to me. How do you approach that, that sentimental journey?
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:Yeah I will say one of my boys is very like he's very much like that like everything is the most And he has a box upstairs and I'm like you put it in there and then every once in a while we'll go through it and I'll ask him about the things and he's Okay I don't I don't know what that is or in full transparency he remembers 99 percent of the stuff However because it has been there and it is the thing he will move on his own from it I think as far as having the opportunity to say this is mine and it's precious to me and being able to put it in that space means that When it comes time to going through things there is no it's not black and white And so he has a space where things can go in order to keep them I do have an astronomical amount of Paperwork and artwork and things like that come through I have for my oldest is about to finish elementary school and there is a company that you can send artwork to and get books made of it I know people that do it like by grade or that do it by all of that And I'm like that's it's so much stuff And there really are projects that she's done that really stand out And so taking all of those projects and sending them be put into a book so that all the projects still exist Some of the things I will keep like in their original form but that process is like going through with her saying what are some of these pieces that you remember And that for her cause art is really her her thing over like toys and stuff like that So having her be a part of that process but also not having it go forever because she'll have the pictures of it And it'll be a book which means that this much stuff will turn into a book and then that can go in her room and she can look at it whenever So it's just finding ways to meet them where they're at when it comes to whatever that thing is Cause everyone has their thing we have our own thing as adults too
Track 1:Another idea I just remembered, I helped my sister, she's got four kids as well, and each child has a bin,, so two of them are in college, one of them is graduating from high school this year, and it is that K through 12 experience. Because when they get a little bit older, then they're on their own a little bit more, but I think what she did as I was going through helping her organize it was, so imagine you have a box for each kid for the school year. And then at the end of the school year, you go through that box and then you pick out 10 items that reflect that year. So if you have a hundred drawings of a car when they're in first grade, okay, let's pick out the one car that represents these hundred, right? So then she had for each year, just a small handful of
lacey_1_02-21-2024_094933:this is the first paper you wrote so keeping it and then whittling it down. Same sort of process, different ways to go about it. But does that sound like a solution, Lacy, for Isaac to give him an area, give him the opportunity, but then as the adult, you're like, it has to fit within this
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:I also think he will like the process honestly like looking and talking about it I thought I was sensitive but he blows me out of the water I think he actually might like the process we talk We had a little like treasure box like an actual like pirate treasure box from a birthday party And so for a long time that was like the box that he used he was really young And it's just it's just it's nice Like they need their own space Yeah own
Track 1:I can also show you the side of the coin, which is that there were three kids in my family and my mom was the sentimental one, and I can't even explain to you the number of boxes of items, every band concert. Every single school play, so then we were asked to go through our boxes, even though we didn't save the stuff.
lacey_1_02-21-2024_094933:So I physically had to touch every item and I'm like, I don't recall this, or I'd look at something and I'm like, none of our names are on this. Like, why is this, it's from my elementary school, lunch menus from first grade. so I had touch so much. I had to process such an enormous volume that when it came to me saving things for my kid, I actually went the other way and I was like, I'm throwing up.
Track 1:Everything away. And then my husband's like, where's that hat that he wore when he phoned from the hospital? And I was like, I don't want to keep everything so I had to actually learn I had over corrected and I was like, Oh, there is a happy middle ground between keeping everything and throwing everything away.
Sara:The extremes and then finding that reasonable center that works for everyone.
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:Yeah There's a book called the gentle art of
Track 1:Yes, I've seen it. I've seen it. I love
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:Yeah And it's all about you as the adult It is your responsibility to go through and process your own stuff So that you don't pass that on to your children to do And it's I remember when I bought the book my husband was like Really was like, no, it's just, Cause when I was working with, when I was working with people at home and aging in place, like this would come up all the time because you're talking about people need to be able to get around in their house and be safe, but they have all this stuff. And it's okay, we have to go through this stuff order to create the space that you need.
Ashley:To be able to move in your house because right now it's not about memories. It's about mobility. And so how do we facilitate that conversation for the person who's holding those memories, the people that are like, just throw this stuff out and like, where's the middle
lacey_1_02-21-2024_094933:looping it Back to why this work is important, your kids how to do that process. So that you don't get to that aging in place You've never gotten rid of anything and now it becomes this emotional upheaval So wrap this all up because I feel like we've covered a lot of great ground.
Track 1:I Feel as though the departing Goals for you are to talk with your four kids talk as a family about the playroom importance of processing Talking about, we're going to make this a bite size, five minutes that we're going to integrate into our Sunday morning reset and it's why it's important and having them have a voice in the Does that sound like we're moving in the right direction? Sound doable? Okay.
dr--ashley-blackington_1_02-21-2024_094933:Yeah.
Track 1:Okay. I'm going to send you, I'm going to send you some notes that we talked about, as just something to reference. And then please let me know in between, like, how does it go? What's the conversation like? and remember, it's not about nailing it the first time. It's about trying something, seeing what parts of it work and what parts don't. And then we can adjust. Sound good? Thank you so much for your time, Ashley. I appreciate it. It's good to see you, Lacey.
Ashley:to see you guys too.
undefined:Mhm. Mhm.
Sara:Ashley, number two, we've, Got to hear a little bit more. Stay tuned for the third episode, we're going to do the number two episodes for Tyra and Teresa. So keep that in your mind. Speaking of cliffhangers I can't wait to hear Lacey left us with a cliffhanger of what she was going to be grateful for.
Lacey:You know, I love a personality test and one of the personality tests that I've done, it's called DISC and it's a communication assessment, for the workplace specifically. And I'm what's called an I, essentially, I am like good at being excited about things. that's one of my things we were at a work retreat. I was the only I, and I just kept saying, I'm just so excited to be here. And that was my job and it was great. So I have really realized that, I'm by myself a lot. I, I do get to chat with Sarah, but only so often. And I realized I am missing that hype woman aspect. when I worked with students, I was able to be like, you're doing it. You got this. when I was working with academic advisors, I could think about different ways to hype them, and so I put a call out on social media this morning, specifically on threads and tick tock. And I said, Hey, I have a unique ability to be genuinely excited about and I want to use those for other people. And when I tell you only five people responded, but such quality. moments in my day, I got to hype up a few people on threads, one of which like now we're going to be best friends because she named her dog Roy Kent. And I'm like, yes, please. another woman on TikTok was like, I need help hyping my trombone extender tool. Yeah, it's called Extend a Bone, which is the best name ever and could be something very different. Anyway, I watched her TikTok about it and now I am passionate about making, musical instruments more accessible for people because if your arms aren't long enough, you can't play all of the different positions of trombone. No! We have a fix for that., extend a bone. And I did, I loved it. And I went off for two minutes about how much I loved it. Another woman told me that I have an emerald aura, which then I Googled it and it made me cry because it was so kind about that I'm a loving and compassionate person. And I'm like, so yeah, I've just had just the most lovely morning being able to hype other people up and I Riding that high.
Sara:I am so happy for the world and for you. And two notes. One, I want you to have a t shirt that says, Hi, I'm Laci, and I'm just excited to be here. And two is, I want a bumper sticker that says, Extend a bone, not what you think.
Lacey:And let me tell you, I was so excited. I didn't even talk about the name in those two minutes. That's how excited about the concept I got.
Sara:I love
Lacey:And I, it's, I have a trouble, I've hard time saying this cause it feels like self aggrandizing or self important, but I do have a, an ability to be authentically excited about these things. And I realized that not everybody has that. So thinking about it as a gift that has been given to me that I can use to spread joy to then really bring so much joy back to me. Like I said, that woman who me my aura was emerald, I. Almost cried in the video and she's commented again and was like knowing I made you happy made me happy This is everything that I want. We are getting there. We're making it happen So even if it's just me hyping people one person at a time, I'm loving it and it's great
Sara:And that's like when you said it was only five people. I'm like, first of all, five is amazing. And second of all, yeah, that's the perfect number to give quality hype to in one
Lacey:so I think I might try to do this every day where I start my day with hyping
Sara:it's so joyful support movement because you give hype, you get hype,
Lacey:I'm high on joy. I'm high on hype. Yes. It's the same reason why I could talk for 30 minutes about how cool I think roads are.
Sara:When you were talking about the trombone thing, I was like, oh my gosh, this is such a Rhodes situation. So this is not my gratitude, but it's adjacent to your talking about being excited about things. I went to the zoo with my son and my niece, so 11 year olds. I was so excited. I was the hype person for every single animal we saw and I was genuinely excited and they were looking at me like my head was on backwards and I'm like, We have never seen this animal. this is so exciting. and there was a crocodile. It was ginormous. And it was so close. And I was like, Do you understand how big this cro Like, they weren't looking at the animals. They were mostly looking at me wide eyed. Like, why are you so excited? I'm like, this is very exciting.
Lacey:Oh, I would have loved that, Sarah.
Sara:I had so much fun that by the end of the day I was genuinely exhausted from being so excited.
Lacey:I love that so much. And I will say my children have inherited this ability from me. And it is so fun. Yesterday was the solar eclipse. We were in 100 percent of totality here. Some of Joe's family came up. And, At a certain point I saw my children get excited about it and it was just so fun to see. Isaac was like, mommy, do you see that? And then at one point, I love when my kids make jokes. At one point Isaac was like, it's not very nice for the moon to do that to the sun, isn't it? And it just, he knocked it out of the park with his timing. Like I just, this is why we do what we do,
Sara:I love that. that is so amazing. My moment of gratitude, I don't know if anyone can hear it. Laci swears she can't hear it. My moment of gratitude is we are getting our roof fixed. So it started out with not a good thing, which was our roof was leaking. But being Sarah's point of view, I'm like, we knew that we were going to need a new roof eventually. I'm really glad we caught it before it was huge deal. and I was able to get a great recommendation super easily. All just unfolded. Just really easily, honestly the hardest part was deciding what shingle color to get. but they're here now, they're putting on this new roof, my dog's a little overstimulated, and I had to build a little soundproof room for us. but it's all working out, and it's a beautiful day, we'll get this new roof done, so I'm just really thankful for the ease with which this unfolded.
Lacey:did you know things don't have to be hard? Did you know? This is something I'm still learning.
Sara:that's so funny. We have talked about that before, and I definitely hear it, but I actually have to keep learning that. So let's keep telling people things don't have to be hard. Because that was embedded in my DNA growing up, of, not my DNA, but The DNA of life, that everything has to be 20 steps harder. And yeah, when you find that easy road, you're like, am I cheating? is it okay that I'm in this fast lane and you guys are all like moving backwards apparently?
Lacey:Yeah,
Sara:I honestly I was just like, should I be doing more? Should I be, and I was just like, let's just let it be this, man.
Lacey:not to go back to the extended bone, but one of the things that I loved
Sara:Please do, no,
Lacey:is I and this is what I said of It doesn't have to be hard. I'm sure that there's someone out there who's feeling salty that this exists and that it's lazy or something like that. And it's like, no, no, no, no, no. It doesn't have to be hard if it makes their life easier. And they're still, I was about to say boning with pride, they're playing the trombone and I just, it doesn't have to be hard. Things can and are allowed to
Sara:I love that. I feel like that is, you know how a book has like a main title and then a subtitle? It's joyful support movement. Things can be easier.
Lacey:it's okay.
Sara:That's such a great way to end this episode. And to take forward into my day. Things can be easier. Let's remember that, folks. Like Mr. Rogers, that's like how we're gonna, Things can be easier.
Lacey:They're allowed to
Sara:Thank you, Lacey.