In our latest podcast episode of ‘No Shame in the Home Game’, we dive deep into the struggles and triumphs of meal planning with our participant, Teresa. Hosts Sarah and Lacey embark on a reflective and insightful discussion on the gap between knowing and doing, especially when it comes to daily routines in busy households. Teresa shares her challenges with finding a realistic solution for preparing meals amidst a hectic schedule as a working mom. The conversation explores the value of having a flexible meal planning framework, leveraging support systems, and embracing moments of joy and spontaneity in the kitchen. The episode also delves into strategies for overcoming fears of culinary failure and the importance of mindset shifts towards food preparation. Through Teresa’s story, listeners are invited to find their own balance between structure and freedom in home management.
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Transcript
Welcome to No Shame in the Home Game. The podcast that cares how your home feels, not looks. I am Lacey, your co host who, is trying. She is. And I'm going to throw it to Sarah, our co host who I know is also trying, but in my mind, she's always knowing. Hi,
Sara:Oh, hi, Lacey. Oh my goodness. So I just heard this today and it was perfect. It's this person said the gap between knowing and doing. So boy, do I know a lot of stuff in my head, but that gap between knowing and doing some days it's big. So
Lacey:It is, I feel that to my bones well.
Sara:we can only do so much in a day and as busy working mommas, We think we're capable of doing way more than we usually are. So this is a moment to give yourself permission to accept that you're a human being because that's what I'm trying to do right now.
Lacey:I actually think that's a great intro to our episode with Teresa, because I think this knowing and doing is really her, one of her big pain points in, in her journey with
Sara:That is such a good point. I did not intentionally do that, but you're right. It does overlay so well because she does. She knows. She knows a lot of these solutions or answers and it's just providing that space for reflection to get really clear on that pain point, to get really clear on what's a realistic solution versus ideally what we'd want to do if we had 40 hours in a day versus 24 hours in a day. So you're right. That is, that's very much Teresa's. Wanting to do so much more than as humans were capable of.
Lacey:Sometimes we quote unquote know what to do, but we only know what to do it, how to do it in a certain way. So I think that's the other thing that, we have to be gentle with ourselves. I feel Teresa so much because I just see so much of myself in her and how she talks about things. But, Just because you know one way to do it doesn't necessarily mean it's the only way to do it.
Sara:and then also let's get really real on that level too, which is as busy working moms, which Teresa also is. The amount of decisions, like we can know a lot, but then we're flooded with how much we know and how many decisions we have to make and how many stressors are going on in our life that sometimes that's where I come in and I just little helping hand, a little bit of guidance. And then that's all you need is just that reframe and that deep breath.
Lacey:I think people are going to see themselves very heavily in Teresa's story just like I have. So just so everybody knows, I'm not actually in the content of the, this episode, the interview part with Teresa, because life, I don't even remember exactly what was happening, but I was like, Sarah, can you do this one yourself? Confidently said yes, I was very proud of her. So, you're not gonna hear my voice, but it's not because no one's letting me speak.
Sara:I just immediately thought of dirty dancing. No one puts baby in the corner. No one, no one put Lacey in the corner. Yeah. When she asked me if I could do it. Laci has given me so much confidence in my abilities. I was like, yeah, I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. So that was me. That was me like in my first solo flight without Laci co piloting. I can do it, but I don't want to do it without you, Laci.
Lacey:I, I understand. It's a, it's a every once in a while thing, but, Sarah and I will be back at the end of the episode as usual to do our moment of gratitude, so you will hear my voice again
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Welcome, Teresa. I'm so glad that we were able to connect this morning. Thank you for joining. No shame in the home game. How are you doing this morning?
Track 1:I'm good! I'm so glad I made it, that we're making this happen.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Yes. Yes. I want to let the audience know that Teresa and I have known each other. I was trying to remember this morning. Is it 12 years? Maybe roughly after 10 years. Maybe it doesn't matter.
Track 1:was Right. After seven, I think.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Yeah so Teresa and I have known each other for a while and If you hear us slip into very casual conversation, it's because we've gone past all the formalities a long time ago So I'll start to remember that for the audience and Lacey is not here with us this morning because Life happens and we have to pivot and adapt. And so she has some life happening right now, but she will be with us on the second episode with Teresa. Teresa, if you wouldn't mind sharing a little bit about yourself, where you are in the world, who all lives with you, not only humans, but animals, because they require just as much of attention. and just a brief overview. Of whatever you feel comfortable sharing.
Track 1:Sure. I live in Maryland, and about an hour and a half from Washington, D. C. Wash Maryland is an interesting state because we're really close to a lot of urban things. But our physical home is in the woods. So we live in the woods, me and my husband and our daughter, who is 12, marking the time that we met each other. and then we have three kitties. And one golden retriever with a lot of hair. We have a lot of hair that floats around our house. Am I missing anything that would be good to mention right now at this moment?
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:No, I think that's, I think that's pretty good. And so I can understand, and the audience can understand, the amount of traffic patterns going on in your house. Hubby works outside of the home five days a week,
Track 1:Actually, he works at home a lot, these days. He has the option to work from home, When need be. And so he joins a lot of team meetings and stuff from home. so he's in the home a fair bit, but often he's off doing things too. So it's a little unpredictable for his flow about when he's here and when he's not here. And then I work outside of the home. I'm a massage therapist. And so I go down to the DC area and in part of an, more of an urban setting there. I come and go pretty regularly, and then Shannon goes to school. So she comes and goes to school, and then I ought to mention that she's a figure skater. So we also leave very early in the mornings, a few days a week to get to the rink. So today was one of those days. So we leave the house at about 530. That's pretty regular also.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Geez. Yeah, kudos, kudos to you for being willing to get up at 530. Wait, you have to be there at 530? Or you have to leave at
Track 1:we have to leave at 530 on weekdays, and we have to leave at 430 on weekends.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:all I am just going to put that off to the side cause I can't even mentally wrap my head around that. So I never realized how long your commute is. You're driving an hour and a half each way to work on top of your work
Track 1:no, actually, I drive, I drive about 50 minutes, but I always allow for an hour. the spa that I work for is, is north of D. C., but we're just really close to that kind of urban energy, basically, in that we're an hour and a half from the actual Washington, D. C., spots, but yeah, my work is about 50 minutes away.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:So when you do a work day, I'm just thinking you have to automatically add two hours. So are you working like how many hours are you usually at the spa? Eight,
Track 1:I've been actually working into the 10 hour day. I'm gone for, I'm working for 10 hours, I take breaks during that time. But, I'm away from the house for about 12 hours.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:And how many days a week?
Track 1:Three. Definite days, sometimes it's four.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:And the early morning rink days. And,
Track 1:I mention that also because work and ice skating are really close to the grocery store. And I make it part of the routine to add a lot of grocery store joy and chaos into a lot of this driving.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:near, that's a good, that's a good, near the grocery store. Yes, and that's a little highlight, so we already know what Teresa's pain point is. sometimes with contestants, it takes some uncovering to find what's the source of the discomfort, which is part of the journey with you. you came to me and said, I know what my discomfort is, please help me. And I was so honored that you trust me with this. So thank you. But before we get to your pain point, can you tell me a little bit, so we understand your background, what was home management like in your house growing up, and we already know it's about food. So if you want to highlight on Who did the food preparation? How much were you involved in learning about food preparation growing up? an overview of that.
Track 1:So my mom did food prep exclusively. I remember my dad making Sunday morning breakfast. And she always did the shopping, as well. I have many fond memories of going to the grocery store with my mom as a child. And are, were, I have three sisters, so there were four girls in our family. And. Doing food prep together was like a dance of a lot of different energy that I will say. So holidays was fun in a way. It was always expected for holidays. Weekdays, my mom was in charge and she made the food and I could have cared less. I was like, I got more important stuff to do than be in that room. And I stayed away from it. as much as possible.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:So you didn't, so you saw her doing it, but you weren't necessarily paying attention to how am I going to do this when I'm out on my own type of
Track 1:if I was paying attention, I was being a contrarian and I wanted to do it better and different. So there was that.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:It's so interesting because I have known you for so long. I don't see you as a contrarian. So when I hear these little tidbits about your personality from your family of origin, I'm always like I don't know that side of
Track 1:I will also tell you that I used to try and get out of the dishes a lot. I tried to get out of the kitchen work as often as possible because I felt I had other more important things to do or other things I was much more interested in. And I paid attention to what my mom was doing a bit, but I was very sure I didn't want to do what she was doing in that room.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:So when you left the house and you were out on your own, what did that look like? Figuring out how to navigate your own food journey. Cause there's always that moment where you're like, Oh man, nobody's making dinner for me. I have to figure this out for myself.
Track 1:So I love to buy food. I love to buy food already made and it brings me a lot of joy that someone else did it and it's a little bit of my mom almost like I feel like I'm being nurtured when someone else made it. I love picking up simple things. I know before I was married, I Bought just pre made stuff from the grocery store. It didn't have to be like an elaborate, like being made for me, but if it was already done, I felt like I was being, it was luxurious in a way. And I loved going to the grocery store to find things in the beautiful packaging. And if it looked pretty, I was going to buy it. that was, labels mattered to me. A lot more than making it myself, actually. If it looked nice in the package, that was probably going to be a great thing at my house, which I, so I didn't value making it myself. I valued picking it up and having it look lovely already delivered to me, basically.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:So I'm curious, ideal. If there were no obstacles, would your ideal solution be just having meals just delivered to your house every day? and then, okay, so if that's the ideal, she's shaking her head vehemently. Yes. So if that's the ideal and I'm the same, I say, I love. Whatever food I didn't make because yeah, I'm right there with you. And then so the next step being those kits that they send where it's like all the ingredients and the recipe is right there. How much joy or not joy?
Track 1:joy. I've tried it a little bit. I hate the packaging. And that's only been that's my only experience is that, it came with too many package too much packaging. And I just couldn't feel good about that. So I didn't like that. and I. This may be jumping a little bit, but I will tell you that I have tried. So one of the things I love about the spa work and the mention of it's in a more urban area is right around the spa is the grocery store that has pickup and I have finally learned to use that. And then across the street, there's lots of across the streets cause it's in one of those planned, shopping, outdoor. sidewalky experiences. There are about six restaurants and I have my favorites and I love picking up food for the family there. I have come to find out that's too expensive for the budget, so I've dialed it back, but I was on cloud nine that twice a week I was buying things and bringing it home and Unfortunately, no one shared my joy of this as much as me. the salad from Sweet Greens wasn't, wasn't quite the right meal. The pizza that I got wasn't quite the right pizza. a few other things felt a little too expensive that weren't that tasty either. I haven't nailed it. Although I've got one Greek restaurant that I'm, that I can bring things home from. And there's a win on that one right now.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Oh, what do you get from the greek restaurant? I love greek food.
Track 1:Gyros and Spana, the Spanish pie,
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Yes Oh,
Track 1:pie. Sorry, spinach pie.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Yes and When we're talking so just so we can clearly define for the audience. We already know that food Meal prep, meal planning, executing, everything around food is the pain point for you. And are we primarily talking dinner or is it also breakfast, lunch?
Track 1:it's primarily dinner. Lunches are a little bit more regular and a little bit more regular. I always eat leftovers. My husband is very happy with certain cycles of sandwiches and other kind of things you can put in a lunchbox. My daughter is hit or miss, but I do ask her to make the choices for that and then We just go from there. That doesn't feel as painful, the lunch, although, yeah, that one doesn't feel as painful. The dinner feels more painful.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Okay, and breakfast is smooth sailing.
Track 1:is not something that we do well with as a family. we don't eat breakfast so much, and if we do, it's also pretty routine. it's eggs. It's an egg breakfast, and we have oatmeal, and then some cereals, and yeah, but that one doesn't have to have as much variety, basically.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:So going back, so let's focus on dinner now that we know what we don't have to worry about. Dinner, 10 hour days plus two hours of driving. You're not making dinner when you get home, are you? Okay.
Track 1:I'm not,
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:How's that? how does that look?
Track 1:so also I get home late, like nine o'clock. So dinner had to already have happened, and some days, like today, I don't have to start until, so this is not a ten hour day, it's an eight hour day, plus the drive, so I try to make the dinner before I leave, because I don't have to leave until, ten thirty.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Oh, make dinner before you leave on your eight hour days, but not your 10 hour days.
Track 1:Oh, no, I try even on those 10 hour days that there's a try for that or sometimes It's like the pizza like tonight actually the pizza is getting left and they have to make the pizza. I did buy the
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:And are you doing, a different dinner every night or do you ever lean on leftovers?
Track 1:I love leftovers, but they're usually my lunch So and my family does not like leftovers so I do not lean on leftovers for same day But I will lean on making spaghetti and meatballs, say on Monday and then on Friday I'm making a smashed meatballs into the sauce, putting it over like manicotti or something like that and then throwing that in the oven or getting it ready to be put into the oven. So it doesn't take sometimes those don't take too much time.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Okay. So you're open to piggybacking on a previous meal to get you through.
Track 1:definitely do piggyback and I like that idea because I noticed. That the big recipe I was trying to make on Sunday that I kept procrastinating on was not available for me to piggyback on. I made like a stew. I'm like, now what do you do with stew the next day if no one's going to eat it any other time of this week? Or it's not good to heat up. So I I really do rely on that and sometimes I also make a double batch of something and I throw it in the freezer and then it's easy for me to make, do that meal again in two weeks when it's been forgotten about.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Perfect. I love this. okay. Okay. This is where I get really excited because what I see when I'm asking all these questions is I see a riddle that definitely has a solution. And what we have to do is keep getting more and more pieces of information that either block out a path or open up another path. And so asking all these questions are really important, making a double batch and freezing it, you're already used to that. And that is such an awesome tool knowing that you eat your leftovers the next day. that's great to know that you have time to sometimes prepare before the day. this is all helpful and I want to iterate for people listening. Food is so easy. To dismiss, to downplay, but we all need it. We all need food in our bellies. There's so much emotion around food. Either enjoying it or not enjoying it, just feeling, like you are eating a meal that is satiating you there really is just so much. So it is important. I know some people might be some people I've worked with, especially just. Oh, it's just food, but it's just but you can't eat oatmeal three times a day, seven days a week, and not start to have some feelings about it. and as we've seen, your family has preferences, you have preferences, which I know is part of, who wants what, so we're going to, we're going to figure this out. The next question I have, so batch freezing piggybacking leftovers. Okay. My next question was, how do you, and how does your family feel? If you had, this is just an example, it's not going to be the solution, but what if every seven days of the week, every day was a theme, like soup on Mondays. tacos on Tuesday, Friday is pizza. And if every week you repeated that, would that feel good or not good?
Track 1:It's like I knew you were going to ask me this. No, I'm kidding. But I have started doing some of that. So on Wednesday, not Tuesday, we have tacos. Everybody likes those these days. And Yes, they're, they don't complain about that. I take no complaining and sometimes they even say yay. They don't know that it's Wednesday tacos. Except I have been saying it's Wednesday, so we're gonna have tacos and we're gonna have a family night kind of thing. there, there is this theme that the joyful meal becomes the Meal that I can rally some family time around where it's can we do it a little different tonight? can we play a game like mommy's home tonight? So let's do something mommy wants to do And it starts out with and I have a meal that you all are going to so yes The routine does not seem to bother them. It can't be a same meal two nights in a row no leftovers, but a schedule for the week would probably be welcomed. I will tell you that I don't, I am not a fan. I'm not very good with routine over and over again. I am one of those people that's let's just be spontaneous, let's make whatever, but that doesn't roll so well in my household. And then I don't find so much joy out of, nobody really ate. The sushi rolls that we played with for two hours and had fun with. That's not enough, then we have to try something again. So anyway, yes, I guess the answer to the question is Yes, it would be helpful to have a routine, but the mommy is a little resistant to the routine. I got Wednesdays and tacos, and I have a couple things that I throw in there that I like and I don't mind them grumbling if maybe they'll take charge and do the food because there's a lot of days of food. And I already told you that breakfast is a bit of a non topic. Lunches are set. They're not happening invisibly. I'm doing them. I do those breakfast, those lunches, and I do them in the early morning hours. So I get Shannon to help me, but I enjoy making lunch for my husband. We've been doing it for a long time. I love seeing him take a lunchbox off. I like the routine of Making a warm drink for us, making those sandwiches. I have started to food prep them even, like making egg salad, making tuna in a batch. So I have enough for the week. Getting deli meat at pivotal times in the week. And yeah, I'm over the food thing after about three meals of dinner and all those lunches. So
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Okay. Okay. And I want to highlight something here and I'm hearing everything and I'm taking it in and finding the perfect solution is about what works best for you. The family taking in all those elements and also a bit of. I don't want to say compromise cause it has a negative connotation, but there also is a little bit of shifting expectations. So when you say you don't like to have those repeat meals every week, I hear that like contrarian young Teresa, don't tell me that I have to have tacos every Wednesday. But then when you just said tuna salad, egg salad, batching, getting the deli meat, what I heard in that was very much a pattern. And repetition that sounds like it's not a lot of work because you are repeating things so I can, if you can see how that's a path of less resistance and maybe repetition every week, but with variety, does that make sense? Yes. For dinner. Okay.
Track 1:And I'm noticing that I want to get to that level of function and ease that I do with lunches. The win for me is to get that way with dinner.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Yes. But do you see that might entail having some repetition?
Track 1:It will require some bending. Yes. Some changing. Yes.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Okay. But we're not going to squash that, that, that free spirit, Teresa, like that. We're not squashing that. We're going to make room for that within the repetition. So I think of everything I do with home management as scaffolding, right? Nobody wants to, build, do anything without some sort of support. But you don't have to stick to it. It's a framework that is there if you need it.
Track 1:So I'm laughing because I have not articulated this. This is really fun about working with you on this. So one of my joys in letting go of the repetition, okay. Yes, let me just first say yes, the scaffolding sounds really supportive and really wise and I am ready to get to work on that and then you'll probably appreciate this about me. I'm ready to attract it in. I'm ready to attract the dinner, be in flow. My greatest joy is not knowing a plan and then nailing it at the last minute and be like, I manifested that. I did that, with my intention to read the scene of the story in the moment and be like, that was fun. That little, I didn't know how it was going to work out. And look, it came together beautifully because I just listened to the energy.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Okay, what I'm hearing there, I am laughing so hard. I feel like you're playing the equivalent of high stakes gambling. if you picture Las Vegas, two in the morning. Somebody's got 100, 000 on the line going, I don't know if I'm gonna get this back or lose it all. It's like you're doing the equivalent of that with dinner. You're like, I don't know. It's either gonna work out and feel amazing or it's gonna hit the fan and feel horrible. do you see the precipice?
Track 1:I do. And I'm laughing because I'm seriously thinking of my sisters who are like, what are you nuts? why would you do that with family dinner? I'm like, Because it's how I roll. It's who I am.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Okay. Okay. And let's, I really, this is so important. This way. I love my work. That's who you are and you love that part. And I also know how much discomfort it's causing you because I've been talking
Track 1:Yeah. No, it's so true. I
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:I want you to be somebody else. I want you to have this rigid structure. I'm not saying that you've brought to me because we are friends and we talk all the time. You brought to me this discomfort that I know is draining your emotional energy, your physical energy. And as you pointed out yourself, it's A lot of money sometimes when you're picking up a lot of carry out food. So what we want to do is find the balance between freewheeling Teresa and completely drained, frustrated, exhausted. I don't care about food. Get out of my face, Teresa. We want to find that's our goal is to find that moment of enough structure. So you don't get exhausted, but enough freedom. So that you can get that 100, 000 Las Vegas on the line feel when it happens.
Track 1:mean, even I hope this is not too off topic, but even with the lunch routine, some of that intuitive energy joy is what am I going to pick the tuna? the egg salad or the deli meat today. Which one have I manifested? I did this and that, like it's, there's still joy in like in those pics, right? So I have to see that like having a wide open, there is nothing planned for dinner and I'm rolling home. this happened last night for sure. Girl Scout meeting and I'm the Girl Scout leader rushing through traffic after my day's work. And then. I don't know what the heck I'm going to make for dinner, and there's really not a lot to choose from that I'm aware of. I'm like, oh, I'll pick something up. I'm like, there's no time to pick anything up. So I'm like, what are you going to make? I'm like, Grilled cheese, and I said grilled cheese and my husband was like oh, okay I'll have whatever you guys are having if it's mac and cheese. I'm like ooh, that's better idea I'm going for the mac and cheese. It was six o'clock. It was six o'clock I'm getting home, and I'm making I had no idea what I was making and that fact that I did the win on that I'm like no I that was a win. I loved those days
undefined:Mhm. Mhm.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Okay, perfect. Okay. Think about if people listen to me enough, they know I am the analogy queen because I see things and images in my head. So stick with me. You drive to Washington, D. C. 50, 50 minutes.
Track 1:yes
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Do you have a route planned? The first time you did it, did you look at a map and plan out a route? Or did you get in your car and go, I know it's roughly east of here. I'll just start driving. Which one? No, honestly, which one did you do?
Track 1:So funny to me, but okay. No I obsessively like Did the GPS on how many minutes and what route to take. Yeah, I know. I did the math thing,
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:do you do the same drive since you started working there? Have you done the exact same drive every time?
Track 1:except the one day that I got on the wrong highway
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Okay.
Track 1:instead of DC, but yeah, I do every day take the same route.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Okay. if you had an extra 20 minutes and there was a beautiful side road, could you get off and go I'm going to drive by the horses today, or I'm going to take the long way to get on the highway because there's a beautiful water over here. You have that choice, right? But you also have the path of least resistance, which is the road you've taken every day, but you're not confined. Your path to work is the path of least resistance, and you always have the option to take some alternate routes, but you don't have to think about it on the days that you don't want to think about
Track 1:that's right. And there's a lot of, I actually am very attached to my drive. I like the, I like what it gives me in terms of the time to do certain other things. And the fact that I have that. Yes, I did not think of that before, but fact that I could enjoy, say, like cooking with Shannon, now, I will say that my daughter is very good in the kitchen. So giving her a pain point about, oh, there's nothing to eat. Why don't you create something is, often a success for her and an opportunity. What if I could know what we're making and we got to play with say, making dessert, because there, she literally was talking me through that recipe on Sunday. come on, mom, you can do it. Come on. I'm like, oh, I'm not going to, it's not going to come out right. Read the recipe to me. What am I doing next? Oh my gosh. That's not, that was not great mothering, to be honest. Cause she was mothering me through creating a new recipe. And I'm like, where's my taco night? that's what I was looking at for.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Okay, and this is great. you're a massage therapist, you know, muscles have the amazing ability to do so much, but if they get in a, like a stuck pattern. They are not doing what they're capable of, and it's actually uncomfortable to even attempt some range of motion, right? So when you get to that point, it's just not working.
Track 1:Yeah.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:so really think about what you're saying. You enjoy doing the lunch. You get to have a hot drink. You get to decide what to pick. it's, and your drive, you that time. You don't have to think too much, So let's think about trying on a few things. to allow you those feelings of ease, but still have some choices. And what's great is nothing is permanent. We're not tattooing your face. We're just going to try. we're just going to try some things on and then you take what feels good. As our friend, Aaron always says, you take what feels good and you leave the rest
Track 1:Exactly.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:and that's all we're doing is trying things on. So I love that your daughter is she, he, she enjoys, she's not only good at it, but she enjoys doing things in the kitchen. And. And your husband, does he enjoy any part of food, grilling, baking, picking up? None of the above. Okay, that's fine. So let's use our resources wisely. Okay.
Track 1:actually, wait. He does like going grocery shopping every couple of months to get stock up things that make he and Shannon happy. They do enjoy going to Target. I shouldn't say no about that. Yeah, there is a and sometimes that can lead to, Oh, I had no idea that you wanted such and such in the house. So every few months he will do like a stock up. It becomes like a family thing and I'm not really there getting anything. I'm just watching and being like, what else could you use?
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:so what I love about that is Knowing to me, I see this great little pocket solution of Richard does going out every now and then and doing these stock ups with Shannon and it sounds like it's like a their thing. Shannon does have some strength and desire in the kitchen and on top of that, you've got some days where you're not coming home until 9 PM. see this really cool. Space for them to be able to buy what they need on those for those nights have this recipe. You can prep a couple things and Shannon can execute
Track 1:Dad. Yeah. Okay.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:she. She's going to learn these skills for when she's on her own.
Track 1:Yes, that is, that has been my goal for the last six months is that it'll become a thing for them if I do less or even, do it in a supportive way, what can I help you do for Tuesday and Thursday? When we're not, when we know mommy's not going to be home and you're not going out and about, or you're going to be getting the food too. Cause you know, there's a lot of Oh, mommy's not home. We'll just, stop at Chick fil A or McDonald's or something like that. Okay.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:okay. Richard and Shannon night. Okay. And then, so put a little side note on that. We're going to look at, we're going to, you'll get some assigned, you'll get some homework so that we can do this. And part of that is going to be, and you don't have to write this down. I'll let you know, really finding out from them. It's a fast finding mission. What meals do they like that you don't? Oh,
Track 1:Oh, very many. Okay, yes.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Perfect! And then from that, we're gonna figure out, okay, what kind of prep steps can be done to help those so Shanna's not spending an hour in the kitchen, but rather, she's putting it together for 15 minutes and letting it bake or something. so we're gonna, we're gonna unravel that. That is so beautiful. And then, when, you already said Wednesdays you like to do tacos, right?
Track 1:Yes, because Wednesday I keep as I don't work that day. I just really stay away from saying yes to any work on that day.
undefined:Mhm. Mhm.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Knowing your free spirit and that you want to explore, what if Sunday was a recipe exploration day and that's when you try new things?
Track 1:Yeah, that does sound really good. It's also the pain point. Because I get afraid, we've talked about this, I get afraid that the recipe is not going to work, I'm going to have wasted my time, or I didn't do well in the kitchen on a new thing. So yes, this is a good place to have some homework.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Okay. I want to explore that a little bit. Yes. You talked about The quote unquote failing, which I, have a lot of feelings around the word failing. I grew up thinking I was failing at everything. I've had to really embrace what failure is and looks like imperfection. And when I work, when I walk into clients homes and they say, I've tried everything and nothing works. I say, you haven't tried everything, but what you have done is eliminated a lot of things that didn't work, which is great because you've just narrowed down the possible solutions. So it's not failure. It's more. It's more pieces of information. So let's take the stew, for example. What did you like about what drew you to the stew recipe
Track 1:Two things. One of my co workers made some version of the stew and it looked and smelled lovely. it included meat and I was using the Instant Pot. I thought, oh, I can check a box on making some protein meat in a tool and it could become easy because I know that the Instant Pot can make things. happen nicely, easily. I do use that occasionally. So those are the things that drew me to it. It was like, oh, I could have something on my map. Basically, I could have something in my, what would my scaffold that you're talking about where I could plug this in and it would work well and it would serve my needs to like have vegetables and meat and no cheese. I'm looking for recipes without cheese that my family will eat because there's too much of that in the mix. there's too many easy things with cheese in it. So I don't know. It was like, that was, and I knew I could add more vegetables to it 'cause I always know what I like to do to make the meal pleasant. For me, it's add arugula, add spinach, add something with more colors. A little bit of what they're eating and a lot of those other colors and I'm so happy. So it's, it seemed like it could be modifiable for all of us if I could get a win on something that didn't take a lot of time but, was a nice meal different than the other stuff.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:and what about it felt like a win and what about it felt like not a win
Track 1:What about it felt like a win? It was really nice to cook with Shannon in the kitchen. That was nice. I did really enjoy that and, that we were making a meal together. She wasn't making that recipe with me, but she made side things for the dinner. So I just, I really did love that. And then. It felt like a win because I do think that it came out as tender beef, which can be hard for me to arrive at. so it could be repeated. It felt like it didn't go so smoothly because I kept resisting it so much. I had bought this brisket that I had in the freezer for way too long. I'm like, that has got to be used. And the price tag on it was. Because it was so much, I was really uncomfortable with how much money I had spent and what if it had, what if it didn't come out tenderly? what if the meat wasn't tender and couldn't be eaten? Big waste. And that was feeling scary. for me, in my, levels of discomfort around the kitchen, that was feeling scary to me. ugh, another wasted food attempt and resource. So I felt like it was that day or I was throwing it away because I had taken it out of the freezer Probably three times and I don't even know if that's safe like thaw it freeze it again. I'm like, oh I didn't do it I've tried this recipe now probably been two months that piece of meat was in the freezer It's been Three weeks that I've thought about it, I'm wasting my energy thinking about this recipe and that felt like, why couldn't it just be easy like a, like amazing intuitive dinner, like a massage, that was all my great, intuitive energy just coming together. It wasn't like that. It was like, this is work. I'm re it's a lot of resistance in me to get here to pressing whatever that button is on the instant pot that says, finally, it's just gonna pressure cook.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:and how did it taste
Track 1:Okay. I didn't love it to be honest. Really, I didn't love it. Look at your
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:and your family?
Track 1:I don't know if they were
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:that's okay.
Track 1:nice, because on Sundays when I try new things, I think that they know that, this is not my best moment. Shannon was like, It's good, Mommy! It's good! She's saying it's good. I'm going to visualize it's the truth. and they ate it. they would not eat it if it wasn't good. They would actually not eat it. So I guess it was good. Enough. For a try.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:there's so much fertile ground here and I'm really excited. I've written down so many notes. First of all, do you have a crock pot?
Track 1:No. No crockpot. Just an instant pot.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Okay. I'll have to do, I am not as familiar with an instant pot. My neighbor is, but what I love about crock pots is you throw it together in the morning. It just cooks all day. The meat is usually very tender
Track 1:know. I wish I could wrap my head around it, but we have this, fire hazard concern. And I know that, my mom
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:okay,
Track 1:cook things, but if, because I'm also forgetful. we don't love it when Teresa leaves something going and forgets to turn it off.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:but you know what? That's fine because I know that Instapot can do what the crockpot does in a shorter amount of time. So that's fine. And that's valid. And I will adapt to that. I'm also seeing an opportunity. Do you feel like your kitchen skills could, how do you feel comfortable with your kitchen skills with knowing about seasoning and different cooking techniques, do you feel like there's room for growth there or. Are you not interested in growing there? I don't know. You tell me.
Track 1:there's definitely room to grow. I have this wonderful book called Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat. Do you know that
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Oh, yes. I don't have it, but I know the author. Yes.
Track 1:so I have learned, I've learned that fat and salt are a good thing to use from just that book. I, no, there is room for me to grow and I do feel inspired by other people and I, oh, I also wanted to, you can make note of this, I love working with other people. On my enhancing my skills. So for example, my sister in law, both of my sister in laws, and this is not to exclude my own sisters too, but Richard's sisters are very good cooks. And during the pandemic, I reached out to one of them and asked how she made her chicken. And she taught me it was a real, I will never forget it. I love, I call them volume expanders. It's my errand thing. It's like, how do I expand the joy in my experience? I bring people in. I love my chicken from Christine. I love it. I know how to make chicken now. No,
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:often do you do
Track 1:never. Now, I don't. No, I'm kidding. I have not been making chicken lately. I cannot tell you why. I should rekindle it. But, Yeah, that's, we got so tired of chicken, but it's reminding me I should put it on the cycle again because I'm complaining about having too much of other things like cheese or something.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:So the other thoughts I have, because we're not going to solve it all today. This has been a fact finding mission. I'm going to give you some assignments. We're going to come back and, discover what we discovered. maybe I'll give you a couple of things to try, but. A couple of other notes I had written down. One is the idea of parallel play. I loved learning that idea about kids when they get together. They're not always doing the same thing, but they're doing it together. And you have mentioned, and I know that you prefer a lot more colors and vegetables, less cheese, and the rest of your family would prefer maybe more meat, more cheese, different seasoning, right? So finding some recipes that allow for parallel play where you get to vegetable it up and spice it up and they get to meat it up and cheese it up. Tacos are the perfect example. I put mine on a bed of lettuce and I do tons of beans. My husband will do his on a tortilla with more meat. It's the perfect starting place to go in different directions. So some meals like the stew, it's set, right? It's there versus finding meals like the chicken. Your family could take that chicken and do something with it and you could take the chicken and do something else with it, but you're all having chicken. And. And then, and I know this one deeply because my husband is a red meat eater. he would eat it seven days a week, three times a day if he could. and my son is a vegetarian, so I very much am familiar with parallel play. That's why I suggested it. The other thing I see you as such a confident intrepid explorer. I've always known you as somebody who just is like, Yeah, let's do this. Let's do that. you sent me a picture. You're watching my kid once. And it's Shannon and Jack in the back with the hood down on the convertible. And you're like, we just took a drive with the top down. And it was just like, it was just so Teresa. So there's such an openness to your mindset. But then when I hear you use words like failure, I'm like, Oh, that's so not the Teresa. I like I'm familiar with. So there's an opportunity. I maybe it's just an ingrained mindset, but there's an opportunity to shift your mindset around food exploration. How does. How does that feel when I say that?
Track 1:When you say mindset, I know we're already on the right path, so whatever shifting is necessary is the truth. That's what I just see it as. yes, that would make sense. As soon as we say mindset, food, exploring, I'm like, why am I so uncomfortable with this? But that is my truth is that I am uncomfortable about it. And so it's the place to, it's why I'm asking for help.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Perfect, perfect. No, and I love this and I love this and I've and I can really relate to this I think everyone can especially the moms in the family where all of a sudden you feel like you're expected to feed everyone and likes are always changing and Prices of things are always changing in the store and your time is always changing. So it, it's a real, it affects everyone. And mindset is going to be one of the things that we're going to work on. Some of your homework is going to be collecting information. What are some absolute wins in your book and your family's book and looking at that, and then going back to the scaffolding example is having staples. Like tacos and what I advise, I have, I have a program, a free program people can get on my website. The 10 steps to meal planning freedom. And 1 of them is having 3 no brainers. So no brainers from and no brainers are it's always on hand. And you don't have to think about it. So for me, that is, and I'm just thinking off the top of my head, it doesn't necessarily fulfill everyone's buckets, but for my son, mac and cheese, I always have a back box of mac and cheese. I always have butter. I always have milk. And then for the vegetable, we always have carrots. So I can always, so right there, no brainer meal for my son. worst comes to worst. Bowl of cereal for dinner. if I'm being honest, but some other no brainer meals. cause I just always have certain things on hand. Like some nights we do cheese quesadillas again with carrots, you can always have frozen meatballs, dry pasta and jarred sauce and frozen peas on hand, and then you've got spaghetti and meatballs with peas, so having. No brainers for that night that you described, you came home from a girl scouts had been a long day, You need those staples in the house for the no brainers for when life goes sideways or you had something planned and it didn't work out and just relieving some of that mental pressure for yourself. So we're going to come up with some staples. We're going to find out some more likes. And we're gonna think about mindset. I see a real plan here. I can feel a little bit of nervousness from you. What do you, what are you feeling?
Track 1:I'm looking forward to just going forward with it. all of it sounds really doable and, and I know there are places to grow and expand, like after I have more of this, like map, it's like, how about the map to my kitchen?
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:that's perfect. And we're gonna, we're gonna do some information discovery. I think as far as getting this ball rolling, I have such a
Track 1:we're, rolling it.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:We are rolling it. and I am really excited.
Track 1:so grateful for you, Sarah. This is really helpful to me.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Oh, I love this. Thank you,
Track 1:and I also want to say that because I've been a listener of No Shame in the Home Game, I also think back to other suggestions you've made. I'm sorry I forget the guest's name, but she was living out, like doing a lot with her kids out In the, from the car. And you're like, use the car. I'm like, I need to equip my car with, I am at least getting things in the house as staples, like much better because I can stop by the grocery store at the rink days. And, like the pickup from Harris Teeter, three days a week, I have an opportunity to press the button that says, pick it up at three, So I want to make my car like, who is it? Is it Alex or? Yeah,
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:Yes,
Track 1:anyway, so I have some goals around like past episodes.
sara_3_01-23-2024_090703:It's beautiful and it's all about trying things on. Seeing what works and meeting this is why I work my work. I do is individual. It's meeting you where you are. It's not a one size fits all right. You can take attributes of what works for Alex, but probably not all of what Alex is doing. So it's like finding those. Those little nuggets in creating your plan that works for you and there is a plan and we are going to find it and that's why we're here and I'm so excited.
Track 1:Yay. Thank you.
undefined:Mhm.
Sara:Well, I hope you all enjoyed meeting Teresa. That was episode one. We will continue on with her journey in episode two, after we finished meeting Tyra, it may not be exactly what you're going through, but there might be something that resonates that helps you either feel comfortable, more comfortable in your situation. Give yourself a little bit of permission to relax, or maybe you'll hear some solutions that also work for you and your household
Lacey:We will get back to Teresa in her second episode and you'll see how her journey continues to evolve and her life continues to evolve. There are new challenges and things that pop up because that's life.
Sara:right? I mean, that is so often when you read or hear solutions. It's my thought is always, yep, that's perfect in a vacuum, but what about when we're talking about real life? And yes, that's what I love about working with clients is I like reassuring them. No, no. Like this is life. We have to keep finding that solution that works with what's happening. Cause it's never static. We can't freeze frame everything, figure it out and then push play and resume. Yeah, we have to keep pivoting and adjusting. And yeah, Teresa is. The perfect example.
Lacey:Sarah as our listeners know, we like to end with a moment of gratitude.
Sara:I've, I've got mine. I've actually got a lot, but I'm going to pick one for the sake of time. I love an automatic car wash. It brings me, it's The amount of joy it brings me versus the amount of work to make it happen. It's so disproportionate in a beautiful way that I can't even like just thinking about it makes me happy. So I went and got my car washed today and I just to have it automatic, you don't have to do anything. It just happens. And then you're in there and it's kind of dark and cozy. And then you emerge and it's just clean. I love those 60 seconds. And I can't even tell you usually I sing a happy car wash song. I didn't today. I just savored it, but that was my moment of joy. It was just, I got to get my car washed. And I really, and Lacey's trying not to laugh at me. She really wants to make fun of me, which is fine, which is fine.
Lacey:no, I. don't. I'm actually over here. This is how I feel when an automation works. I see the same feeling in you that like, when I can get technology to do something for me, this is the joy that I
Sara:But now I understand that you truly do understand that. Car wash joy that I have.
Lacey:I really, really can. 100%. feel it in my bones. I also am giggling at myself because washing my car isn't even on my radar. So I'm like, oh, I should do that
Sara:Well, to be clear, to, to be clear, it's a Christmas gift I receive. It's a three month pass and I use it during the snowy. Months because we put so much salt on our roads and then you get that thing where you bump up against your car and then you get white dust all over your clothes. So it really is more of a winter month thing. Yeah. So this is not like a, this is not like a, I go once a day thing.
Lacey:means you get to savor it more. It's
Sara:yes, it is special. Did that trigger anything, moments of joy or gratitude for you?
Lacey:It didn't, I, but I did think of one while we were talking. So last week I had to have a medical procedure that I went under anesthesia and the last time I had this particular procedure, I woke up and I was so angry, like I don't often feel like anger in my body, but I remember waking up from the procedure and just feeling anger in my body. So I went into this. At this time, like a little nervous is this going to mess with my emotions and all that stuff? And they take me back. And as they're putting me to sleep, the song from the Barbie movie Dua Lipa dance the night away song came on and that's what I went under too. And when I tell you, I can't tell you exactly what happened, but I, apparently I was a spice girl. In my anesthesia state I was Sleepy Spice. I made that joke, apparently, while I was coming out of it and as I was coming out of it, I was the happiest, giddiest, most joyful version of myself. And I'm like shooting jokes out left and right. I'm like, just the most charming version of version of myself. The doctor comes back to tell me how it went. And as I was getting put out, he was saying he hadn't seen the Barbie movie. So like literally as he's walking away, I'm yelling, watch the Barbie movie. A very unexpected but delightful experience that I still just giggle about to myself. I, I kind of want to do like the Adventures of Sleepy Spice now.
Sara:Okay. Okay. Okay. I have so many things going on in my head. Okay. First of all, Adventures of Sleepy Spice, a hundred percent in. Maybe that ties into your romance novel writings. I don't know. Second thing is what I love about this is so participant Sarah from season one, she taught me the phrase, you can't take out the bad, but you can add in the good and that to me, it's like. Yeah, you had to get this procedure done. Nobody wants to spend their day doing that right but you got to add in that joy And that's like the perfect situation of what I was talking about here with Joyful Support Movement. It's just yeah, let's just, we got to keep doing life. We're not going to take away that medical procedure, but let's add in a little sleepy spice and just make it joyful. I want like the adventures of sleepy spice.
Lacey:Yeah. She never makes it on stage, but she has great intentions. But yeah, I just, I, I do. I think about, I know this sounds silly, but like I have in the days since thought about how joyful I was in that moment and how I'm like that's the Lacey I want to be out in the world. She is giving and not afraid to make a joke. She's just happy. My just off anesthesia Sleepy Spice Lacey is now the Lacey that I am always striving to be.
Sara:That's a really long bumper sticker, but that would be hilarious.
Lacey:And I, the other thing is, it's also so funny because I have had a recent I just really out of nowhere, I've loving Dua Lipa. Like I've never particularly was into her before, but recently, like I watched her and Seth Meyers get duped. Do their day drinking and for some reason that has made her so endeared to me and I didn't request this song. It just came on and so this is where I'm just like the universe is giving for me and I am thanking it loudly.
Sara:That is awesome.
Lacey:I told it to Joe and he was like, did you request that? I was like, I did not. I did not. It's just beautiful accidents and I'm going to take every one of
Sara:I love that. Oh, that makes my heart so happy. I love that.
Lacey (2):Next week our listeners are going to get to meet Tyra, our third participant, you'll get to hear more of Therese's story in a couple of weeks.
Sara:Thank you, Lacey.