In this episode, we’re thrilled to introduce you to Tirra as she embarks on a new phase of her life. Her focus is on decluttering her home to create an environment that matches her current lifestyle and brings her joy. We get to hear Tirra sharing her struggles and victories with retiring from homeschooling, her hopes for her home, and the emotional attachments she has with her belongings. We dig into how to approach home organization with empathy, emphasizing the need to recognize the emotional aspects of decluttering and the effect of creating a living space that promotes personal wellness. Throughout the episode, we highlight the transformational potential of reassessing one’s living space, inspiring listeners to start their journey towards a more joyful and fulfilling home life.
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Transcript
Welcome to No Shame in the Home Game, the podcast that not looks. I'm Lacey and I'm the more awake one of the two of us, which I feel like is not usual, here with my co host, Sarah. Hi, Sarah.
Sara:Hi, Laci! Yes, this is real time live updates of me and Laci's relationship. She is getting to see the natural Sarah. no shame, this is me rolled out of bed. I haven't done anything. I haven't even washed my face yet. I am honestly, this feels like TMI, I'm wearing my pajamas. I am.
Lacey:Yeah.
Sara:I got home. It was a very long travel day yesterday. Flight got delayed, got home very late. And I was like, I gotta just embrace this. No shame. And I was like, okay, no shame. I'm in my slippers. I'm in my pajamas.
Lacey:yes, that's what we like to all. I like sleepy Sarah, so that's just I am so excited for everyone to meet Tyra, because, Sarah and I have fallen in so
Sara:This is going to sound so ridiculous. So I was traveling yesterday. We had this really long layover in an airport. And something in me was like, I wonder if Tyra's here. We've never met in real life, but I was like, Oh, maybe the magic of the universe will put Tyra on my long layover. And I kept looking for her secretly hoping that she would just like appear in the crowd and I would be like, Oh my gosh, Tyra in real life!
Lacey:Cause she would be sunshine to make it better. I
Sara:I, and I, you know what's so funny? I was smiling just imagining if she was there. I was just, I was like, oh my gosh, it would feel so good to get a real hug from Tyra. Okay, I'm borderline, stalking, I think. Maybe? I'm just wishing for her. I'm not showing up on her doorstep. I'm just wishing for her to appear in the path of my life.
Lacey:And I get it she is a delight, and I really love that her story is very different than anyone we've done so far. A lot of our, they have kids currently and for Tyra, retired from being a moving her life told my mom I was like mom I want and your yourself
Sara:Oh, it was so powerful. I'm actually tearing up just thinking about it because The way we were able to help her is the reason I do this work to see the shame and the heaviness that she was carrying. She did amazing, beautiful work. And for her to walk around with shame, it's the opposite. She should be celebrating her accomplishments. And so to guide her to a different. Mindset and to be able to frame her home differently. that's what we want for everybody. Just 1 percent happier, just one, 1%. And I think Tyra maybe got more than 1 percent happier. I really think she did.
Lacey:I Think let's take a look or listen. Whatever. We're gonna listen to part none of Tirra's story we think you're going to love her as much as we do.
undefined:Mhm.
Lacey:Welcome to No Shame in the Home Game. I'm Laci. We are here with, one of our participants for season two and we're really excited to get started, but I'm going to toss it over to Sarah because she's our lady in charge.
Sara:Ooh, lady in charge. I've never had that title before. I'm going to try that one on today. So yes, very excited. Season two, we have our third participant for this season. Miss Tyra, who I met through Becky Mollenkamp. that's our mutual connection. So this is actually our first time meeting and I am just, as always, so thankful that guests are willing to come on. share where they are, share their journey and be willing to be vulnerable in that space to help others. So thank you first and foremost. And then Tyra, if you'd like to share just a little bit about who you are, where you are, and then about your house, just, who lives in your house. Just a brief overview. I don't need to know like what color the paint is, but just, is it an apartment? Is it a townhouse? whatever you can share so I can get a feeling So and the homeschooling how many how many people did you homeschool? How many years did you homeschool? that's You I have so many questions, first of all, but we're not going to get to all my questions. I am like, you just opened up this whole plethora of, oh, that's interesting, but I'm going to try to keep it on topic of No Shame in the Home Game. Tell me about the homeschooling. Did you do it in the house that you're in right now? how many, years was that? lot of, so that's a lot of history. And what I love about this is when I come to work with people, there's often some sort of transition, either moving into a new house, getting ready to move out of a house. And so what I'm hearing is you've got this transition point of, You did, you were homeschooling for a long time and now you've got these new endeavors. And so the history, you're still surrounded by the history of what you were doing for so long. And you were saying you're just living with your husband now. So your boys are out of the house. Okay. Yes. And, Oh, absolutely. Oh, no. Absolutely. And so your husband, is he still working as well or is he home more? I'm just trying to figure out traffic patterns of the house. Yeah. The pandemic provided a lot of clarity to my work about how a home functions and the energy of people coming in and going back and the flows. So good to know about that. And with your work, are you doing it all from the home? Are you traveling out and coming back as well? Okay. Just briefly because sometimes it helps me understand where people are coming from in your home of origin where you grew up did you have a stay at home mom and did homeschooling as well? Or like what? What was that like growing up? Is it similar? Is it different? so what I heard is your mom was naturally the picker upper. You didn't naturally do that, but when called upon, you know how to do it and it, now, as an adult, what I'm hearing you say is you like when things are picked up, when guests come and you really go at it, but I, what I hear you saying is it's a little exhausting day to day when you're basically taking on the role of your mom saying okay, everybody, come on, let's rally, let's pick up. And, but it's exhausting when it's every day and the visions maybe don't line up. Okay. and I wanna get really clear on that value. Value in that nobody is appreciating your hard work and or value that they're not also doing it. Is there a distinction or is it both? Okay, and so now we're at a point where you said one son is pretty much the older son is pretty much not living at the house and the younger son just comes home every now and then. So luckily not as many. People to try to accommodate now thinking about your house and the different spaces Can you tell me like is there a kitchen dining room family? Can you give me a rundown of all the? the spaces in the house is it a one car or two car garage and is there a car in there? and I, and for the listener and for you, I never asked these questions cause I'm doing some Zillow estimate in my head. I, it really is to get to where you want to go. All of this information just helps. Yeah. And so anyone listening who's boy, she's nosy. It really helps me picture load because I always talk about how items have weight. Not just physical weight, but emotional weight. Like every time you're passing that garage and doesn't have a car in it. you've done it so much, but you don't realize how much it's actually in your head. And so it's just important for me to visualize like, Oh, are we really just talking about a couple of closets? It's no, you're telling me there's no car in the garage. And is there a basement or an attic that you're dealing with? Okay. When you work at home, Are you in an office space? Where are you working out of? I've said this for a long time now and I still feel this way. I feel like the perfect home setup is this mirrored where there's a common communal kitchen living room, but then we have like our separate Like, kind of like what you're saying. if the husband wants to have his style over here, like you don't have to see it, have, let him have his own bedroom, bathroom, everything like laundry room. yeah, I would love to be able to just be like, yeah, let's meet up for meals in this communal space. And then let's be able to go back to how we want to keep.
undefined:Mhm. Mhm.
Sara:So I love that you've already claimed this office and do you feel like you're keeping your office exactly how you want it to make you feel good? Have you gotten to that point? this is the part where I always like to validate people because I feel like we don't get enough validation in our lives, which is you've got this home you've lived in since, what was it? 2005 so we're coming up on, yeah, we're coming up on. I can't do 20 years math, 20 years. You raised two sons who are moved out, right? You and your husband are both still working. You still have, you're doing your own business, which Lacey and I are both entrepreneurs. that is seven days a week. You never stopped thinking about it. You also have this part time job with a nonprofit. So let's just first validate how much you have going on. And that's really, honestly, when I go to work with clients, the first step is always just let's honor how we got here, why we're here. And it not feeling good, I always say is like a red flag. And it's okay. Red flag, it needs attention, but we don't have to keep feeling that red flag. Once we're like, okay, I've noted it, now let's make a plan and do something. Because that, like I said, that emotional weight, it can keep dragging us down. until we either solve it or come to peace with it, which I think I feel like you've already come to peace with a lot of things. It sounds like you've already moved through a lot and I'd love that you claimed this room for yourself. How does all of that feel to just honor like, Oh, I do have a lot going on in my life. Oh, I I tried homeschooling my son for that pandemic year. And I waved the white flag and I told his teacher, I can't do this. I'm never going to, I'm not in my style. So for you to say that you homeschooled your boy, like I, I can't do that. And so the amount of energy and attention that took mama needs a break. you've done so much. And this is why I started doing this work, because I was in so many people's homes. And I heard women share with me this shame, this sense of failure. And everyone had it, but with something slightly different. and I was like this confidant, but yet I'm going, Hey, everyone's feeling this way. And if we just talk about it, maybe it won't feel so shameful. Because it's a lot of work and Oh, take your time. You're so welcome. this is why I love this because I needed to hear that when I became a wife and a mom and I was like, Oh my gosh, nobody is giving me breathing space. There's never a time to catch your breath. There's always something to do. And it's just oh my gosh, I also don't feel like I was trained to do this stuff, but yet we're expected to live up to this, I always call it the magazine standard, which is just a catch all of. There's this weird expectation that somehow we're always ready for a magazine shoot to happen in our homes. And it's no homes are for living and functioning and you lived and functioned in your house. And now you're at a point where you're at a different stage and you have time to catch your breath and look around and go, this isn't working for me. Great. That's where we are. that's why we're here. And I'm So thankful that you're trusting me and somebody else listening is resonating with this. I Bet more than one person. I know I am I know Lacey is I know more people are gonna resonate with us So what we come to is I have a very good feel of where you are I want to get a little bit clear on where you want to go and I'm gonna tell you right now We're not gonna achieve all of the where you want to go but You We're going to talk about where you want to go and then we're going to find a path to, to start to get to maybe one of the mini goals that will come to where you want to go in the end. So when you visualize, what do you want the house to be, to feel, to look, what's the dream? yeah. I hear you say breathing room. All of that I hear you say. I want some breathing room. this is beautiful and this is great. And I just jotted down some directions. I'm going to review what that looks like. The first thing is all these items you want to get rid of. That's so great. It sounds like you already have the fire to do it. Sometimes when I meet with clients, the first step is just getting Comfortable letting go. But I hear you saying you're ready to let go. Is that right? Okay, great. One is you and I will figure out together way to get away, selling, you and I will figure that out. The second would be for you and your husband have a about if you, okay. So at least the schooling items, does he have feelings about getting
Tiira:No, not at all.
Sara:And it's one of those things sometimes where if we can work around the edges and our to notice they get the and the momentum once you start, but sometimes we have to go for really like low fruit items. So I would say if you know where you can start purging, that's not going to ruffle any feathers. I would say just keep on keeping on And then. I love the idea. Like I said, the fuel when I work with clients, there's always exciting part in and then Oh, you're a and then stuff gets tough and that's when the energy And I hear, a beautiful vision and I also a lot of weight, emotional weight. There's a lot of action So as much as you can, I would ask at inspiration whether it's journaling, clear on where you're going and your coach, you know, all this get really clear. What's the lighting What is Is there a don't know. is there new artwork on the walls? Are you inspire yourself because what happens is we're in our homes. It doesn't feel good. It's weighing us down. And that's what causes us action, we have to know can smell this way. It but I need to know where I'm going that I feel inspired. To pick up these boxes that I don't want to make the appointment to donate them because You're gonna have steps outside of your normal every day and you're still working You got your own business. You're working part time. Your husband's to do your day to day stuff You're gonna be adding in new So if you are passionate About what you're doing vision. It'll really help with those steps. Cause it's going to right? At first it's going to feel like a difference and then it's going to feel like it's not going anywhere, but And and you know that too, you said you used to do right?
Tiira:Uhhuh.
Sara:Isn't there always that oh yeah, I'm going to do this new routine. And they're like all excited. And then about four, six weeks in they're tired. They haven't give up, but you know, two or three more Yes.
Tiira:Very good analogy. Wow. That's good. That's helpful.
Sara:Oh, I'm the analogy queen. That's I see, I actually see image it's tough for me. I see images in my head and then I have to find the words. So I'm always like, are you seeing what I'm describing in my head? I'm glad that one resonated. So we're going to figure out an easy way to get rid of And then I would ask like I said, with with the items you haven't touched. no If you pick something up and you start to you don't need because it of items know you Yeah.
Tiira:That is correct?
Sara:will, or you will are, I, that day will come, but let's put those items off to the, let's just, you can just earmark those items. I would say, and whatever is Maybe it's putting a box, a cardboard box Every time you walk in a room and your eye goes, don't need that, throw it in the box, throw it in the box. When that box gets full, mark it and a lot of people want to sell their stuff, but the amount of energy you never get your money back. I shouldn't hardly. Unless it's a big ticket item, you hardly I really give away. So if that box is full, close the lid, take up a Sharpie and say, donate books and paper goods, just briefly label, because if you donate, or a Salvation but if you can get some cardboard boxes. make sure you tape the bottom them down. pick it up, it's going to be heavy. And every time you pick up a box and you feel that weight, you go, I'm getting some more breathing space,
Tiira:Ooh,
Sara:right? some people want to go deep end, dive all the way in and just go, but I find that people tend to faster. So I always encourage put a box in the room, right? Just That to me, the step, the more
Tiira:Okay. I
Sara:Um, and I what you're kitchen The living That step is farther down the lifted out of the house. Keep that in And that's going to be once you get down And that, that, okay, these are the items are the items that support the Then that's the, that doesn't belong there, but first we have to lighten the load. How does that sound? I see you smiling. I see you nodding your head. I'm hoping this feels doable.
Tiira:yes, yes, it all feels doable. And one of the things that you said that I hadn't figured out, cause I have the boxes and, but I was leaving them by the front door. So to put the box and put a box in each room is how I'm actually going to get this done. So that is
Sara:I keep, this is for anyone listening who that resonated with. I actually bag my closet and my son's closet. And the second I go, I'm never wearing that again. It doesn't fit the second. I think that I put it in the bag. It's done. I never have to remember. I never have to have that thought again. And when that bag is full, I just tie it up and And then once that box move it to the front It's going out of the house. You put it in the front of the garage. You put it where move it out. Sometimes we have the tendency leave it to later. But once that box is full, get it one step
Tiira:good with that. I actually have a car work and let down the back seats and I keep them flat just for
Sara:you drive by a place like a goodwill or a salvation Oh my gosh,
Tiira:Minutes from my house.
Sara:this is it. As soon as that box is full, put it in the car. Whenever you run an errand and you go by, say lovey, somebody else can use this. I don't need it. It's not adding to So I feel like we got to steps. Do you have any questions about those steps about lightening your load, getting
Tiira:No questions. I didn't mention that part cause I got so into the boxes. The vision. I do stay focused a lot on what I see now and then it just feels or even just thinking, I've tried this in the past and it doesn't seem like it's worked, but I'm going to definitely have the vision and remind myself of how much I'm going to have more breathing room. So that was very helpful also. but no, I think I'm ready.
Sara:I'm so excited. That's the thing. I love that you are a coach and you've done the exercise know you've worked with clients who said, I've tried everything. It's not going to work. And it's just, no, we just gotta keep trying different and I know you're tired, but that's why I do the work I do because I'm here to say there is a you will because after all that time. you've already got mama's
Tiira:I already got mama's
Sara:you just got to do in a couple more spaces. You're going to, I'm giving you permission. I'm giving you momentum. Oh, Tyra. I am like, I'm having a moment because I love the work that I do. And I love And I can see that it's opened inside of
Tiira:It really has. Thank you.
Sara:I, my, my day is good. I don't need, I don't need to do anything else today.
Tiira:That makes me feel good to hear.
Sara:Oh, we had a moment. Oh my God. This is
Tiira:I really appreciate you because I went on vacation and then I came back home and I was just like, so to come in the day after coming in from vacation and talking to you and getting this kind of hope feels amazing.
Lacey:Does it Sarah just make you want to take over the world?
Tiira:Yes.
Sara:Well, and speaking of the world, that's why Lacey and I are doing this podcast because of the ripple, because if you feel 5 percent better in your you're going to go out into the world with 5 percent more of your best self. And then every, I truly believe and Lacey does too. at first I said I wanted like a 10% change, and I think Oh, 1%. So if
Lacey:said 1%
Sara:1% and that 1% and that like this is how we make change is with all with us. And you. and I will be in touch
Tiira:Okay.
Sara:And then the next time we to talk about what's what challenges how are
Tiira:Okay.
Sara:And then we're
Tiira:Okay. That sounds perfect. Thank you.
undefined:Mhm. Mhm.
sara_1_04-03-2024_100510:Oh, everyone. I hope you enjoyed meeting Tyra as much as we did so much more amazing goodness to come. And again, I like to try to remind people often. Is to really honor that Tyra opened up her home to us. And as you hear, she got really vulnerable. and I did ask her permission before we started putting these episodes out in the world. I said, Hey, it got pretty emotional. Are you okay with. With me publishing that because I said, I can actually edit that out. And she said, Nope, I want to, she goes, that's what really happened. And I want to share it with others. And again, just the amazing power of Tyra that she just thought, yep, let's put that out there and help other people. So again, thank you to Tyra and all of our participants for showing what's really happening behind the front door in your home so that we can help other people.
Track 1:we will get back to Tyra's few weeks. starting episode two for And that's where we get the nitty gritty of how it's going or not going or that stuff. Um,
sara_1_04-03-2024_100510:it is, there's no shame.
Track 1:not I think that Now, Sleepy Sarah, of gratitude?
sara_1_04-03-2024_100510:You're gonna see Sleepy Sarah wake right up. I am so excited. So we were in a different town and there's this movie theater. It's a chain. It's called the Alamo. There's a few of them. Not where I, oh, you know about
Track 1:I've heard of it and then I went to one in New York. There's not here where I am, but I've, I am aware of them and
sara_1_04-03-2024_100510:okay. There's not one right where I live. So I had to go to a different state to go to one. And. So exciting. I am such a sci fi nerd. I'm a bird nerd. I'm a sci fi nerd. I'm a systems streamlining nerd. We got to see Dune 2 in the theater and then layer it on top of this amazing movie theater where you get these comfy chairs, you get these tables, you get to order this delicious food that comes right to you. The whole experience. Was amazing. And not only that, I got to see it with family who appreciated Dune as much as I do. Cause you know, some people could take or leave it,
Track 1:of those people.
sara_1_04-03-2024_100510:and I am not going to tell you to feel otherwise, cause I know how that's going to go,
Track 1:Yeah.
sara_1_04-03-2024_100510:I was so in it. I was so in it. I think the movie, I don't know what the runtime was. We were in the theater for over three hours with the pre and the post. The time flew by in a flash. I was so embedded. And as soon as it was over, I was like, I'm seeing that again, because it's just, there's so much goodness. I'm like, Oh, so yeah. And there was this one scene, I don't want to spoil it for anyone, but there was this one scene that I wasn't expecting. And I actually threw my arms up in the theater. It was like, yes, I wasn't embarrassed at all. And then, oh boy. Bonus gratitude, this Alamo theater, everything in their decor has to do with movies. It's really cool. The second you walk in, you feel like you're just, okay, I'm ready for a movie. When we were leaving, there was a nine foot tall replica of the predator. So I got my niece to take a picture of me and I'm hanging onto his arm. And I'm like, Smiling and I like kicked my foot up. So I look like I'm in love with the predator. And I was like, this is amazing. So I've got a lot of gratitude around the movie theater. And now I'm going to start a petition so that we can get one near me.
Track 1:I know that they're, yeah, I've heard of them. And like I said, and she lived in New York, we there in like, I get it. Yeah, get it.
sara_1_04-03-2024_100510:The way movies should be. Like totally. So that's my, I went long. That is mine. Lacey, what is your moment of gratitude?
Track 1:Yes. Bye for now. I've been over here like going around and around of and I am just going to pick my daughter's three or she will be I think on the day this it'll be her birthday, but lately is just killing me. With her little voice saying the funniest and I just love it so last night So we read books mommy daddy and by read books. I found out the library the Libby app specifically or hoopla I recommend both if Have read along And reading out loud is actually a very challenging reading speaking out loud. You these read along and I hold the iPad and we talk about it. So it's still interactive and last night for Isaac And I got up to do something. I came back and she was in my spot and she was like, I took your spot, mommy. And it was just, she's got just this high little voice and I was like, what are you doing? So I just am really. Loving. Now, is she potty training more places than I would like? Yes. sassafras? Yes. But man, I all day and she does, she'll just lay down and talk another thing, and then I'll stop about my kids, but, so I have implemented, actually, because of this, in some ways, at the dinner every day, I like us all to sit down together And at the dinner table, we do a high and is your high of your day? have a low of your day? Cause it's both. We need to know about both. And Iris doesn't totally get it, but she sits down and when it's time, she's my high is, and it's usually her And then my low is, and then it's usually one of the other kids in her class that she frenemies relationship with. And it's just so funny. and one a different day we were sitting down to lunch and she was like, hi and lo. And I'm like, no, we do that at dinner at the end of the day. But I was so glad that you are here and you're ready
sara_1_04-03-2024_100510:Oh, I love that. I love when kids start showing their unique personality and you get to see that Oh, okay. This is their personality. It's so fun.
Track 1:so fun. And I am so excited she is a, she loves to do a callback already to a previous thing that we all found funny. Yeah. So one of the things, for some reason, at some point, Joe came into a bathroom and was like, excuse me, are you pooping? And he like did And so now every once in a while, Iris like, excuse me, are you pooping out of nowhere? And if the first time I didn't know about it, so I'm like, are you pooping I was like, get up, go to the bathroom. And then Joe was like, Oh, I think I but now she'll like, do it as a callback as an inside joke. And I'm like, this is the greatest thing that's ever happened. I love this.
sara_1_04-03-2024_100510:That is a, that's varsity for a not even three year old to do a comedic callback.
Track 1:Yeah. I look what my house is going to look like they grow because
sara_1_04-03-2024_100510:that is so great. Oh, I love that for you and your household. That's amazing.
Track 1:Yeah. Cause 90 percent of our jokes right now are fart jokes Joe, but all of the age of And I think my favorite part is that Iris, anytime someone's who farted? She always is I did it. And she uses it like And I just, it's solid. She's so on it. And I cannot how this evolves going
sara_1_04-03-2024_100510:There's a little sliver of me that goes, Ooh, is that mean she's going to be the class clown and you're going to be getting a lot of phone calls from the teacher. Stay tuned. That'll be worth it. you'll go, what was the joke? And the teacher will tell you and you'll go worth
Track 1:Yeah. Solid. No, I get it.
sara_1_04-03-2024_100510:Yeah, I approve.
Track 1:We'll talk about, we'll talk about appropriateness and timing, but the joke itself, clean and
sara_1_04-03-2024_100510:Oh my gosh. I love this. Oh my gosh. I've had a week without Lacey and it's so good to have, it's so good to have you back late, or, you didn't go anywhere. It's so good to be, it's
Track 1:And I was trying so hard to make sure I didn't, I like, I wanted Sarah to have time off and space. And so I did, I to not, I don't want to say bother you, but I didn't want you had to
sara_1_04-03-2024_100510:Yeah. And what's funny is I didn't really look at this experience as a relaxing trip. I, cause it's family. So it feels a little bit more like duty, not in a bad way. But, but then once I got there and I was not at my own house and I woke up and I was like, Oh, I don't have any chores to do here. and I didn't plan on doing any work. And it was like, Oh, my brain was just like, you've got nothing to do, man. And I was like, cool. This is, so I realized I need that decompression time. Everybody does. Everybody does. But I realized I had to leave my house to get it. And yeah, it felt really good. yeah, so that was a surprisingly relaxing trip and we all need that. so this is, I just want to remember, so this was episode one of Tyra. So next week will be episode two of Ashley,
Track 1:yep.
sara_1_04-03-2024_100510:Okay. that's where we are. And I. And I am so thankful for season two, and I'm so thankful for Lacey, and thank you for everything, Lacey.
Track 1:Sarah.