This episode of ‘No Shame in the Home Game’ delves into Theresa’s story, emphasizing the fluidity of life and the constant need to adjust to its changes. Lacey and Sara dive into Theresa’s experiences, from dealing with a new puppy, adjusting family schedules, to finding joy in creating a functional home hub. They tackle the importance of flexible meal planning, the creation of a salad drawer for convenience, and the role of scaffolding in managing home life. The conversation underscores the significance of mindset shifts, self-compassion, and relinquishing comparison to others, shining a light on finding personal joy and satisfaction in the small, everyday victories.
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Transcript
Welcome to No Shame in the Home Game, the podcast that cares how your home feels, not looks. I am Laci, your, host who is still trying to figure out a new mic. So I appreciate everyone's patience. Here with, the most patient of patients, Sarah, my co host. Hi, Sarah.
Sara:Hi Lacey, that was actually a really fun five minutes. It was like that commercial, can you hear me now? And then it was like, there was this one where I was like, oh, that's it. and then you talked more and I was like, no, that's not it. And so it was just like, it, for me, it was actually comical. no, I love that you're so intrepid with technology. And here I'm using these headphones from the nineties. I think, I don't know.
Lacey:Need whatever makes you feel confident. You don't need anything else.
Sara:That's the core of the show.
Lacey:is.
Sara:I love that. Thank you for reminding me. I need those reminders. Thank
Lacey:I'm happy to provide them to you because I'll never provide them for myself. That's not true. I've been getting so much better about my self talk. I've had a couple of breakthroughs with it lately that I'm feeling so good about. Okay, so we're talking Teresa I want to say Teresa 2, I was actually present for it because I wasn't present for Teresa 1. And let me tell you the joy that I had during this episode because Teresa has a special guest in it. And the whole time, I am just joyfully watching the special guest be cute. I'm like trying to dance around what it is.
Sara:a little cliffhanger for our audience to go. Ooh, who's going to show up that we can't see
Lacey:But we'll post a picture of because worth it.
Sara:It is so fun working with Teresa because she really embraced the process and all the steps. And she really proves that whole point of life keeps happening because Teresa lives a lot of life all at once, full speed ahead. And we really flex with everything that's going on. And so it's an adventure. It's a wild ride.
Lacey:It is, but it also makes sense, it's not like her problem went away or anything like that. What I love is it's very clear her priorities shift throughout her journey and that feels so, relatable to me. Like a lot of Teresa's story, I'm just like, yes, I feel you girl. I feel you. So I have my heart, definitely, in this one a lot.
Sara:and that's such a great point too, because There is no end point, right? It's about coming up with a framework. I always call it the scaffolding. I'm not sure. I think I just like the way that word sounds, but it's about coming up with a way to do things, not the way to do things. And so even her goals from the beginning and what the road we thought we were going to go town, it was like, it did, it really morphed and. It ended up working for her. We got to where it needed to be. So I'm glad that all this stuff happened, because it shows we all have to pivot so much, and it really shows that's how this work is done. Nothing is set or etched in stone.
Lacey:Yeah, by the way, scaffolding is actually a learning design term that by when you're doing, instruction, the idea is that you scaffold the information so you give them enough to then take that next step up and next step up. So scaffolding is a really good term to use in this situation as well.
Sara:Word of the day. Scaffolding.
Lacey:All right.
Sara:I, yeah, okay, let's get it, let's get it, we can go crazy, we can go wild, but let's get in.
Lacey:let's jump in here from Teresa in part two.
undefined:Mhm.
Lacey:We're excited to do episode number two with participant Teresa, hello. But as usual, I'm going to kick it over to Sarah
Sara:to Sarah because Frustration, emotions, not really having a smooth system and something we narrowed in on with Teresa, which I can laugh about because I've known Teresa a long time, is she doesn't want to be hemmed in by being told like what to do. She doesn't want to plan. But as Lacey and I just discussed in one of our episodes, having a certain amount of structure actually allows you to have more creativity because you're not having to think about every single element. So, we got to this point with Teresa of, you came around to seeing, okay, I can have a structure, but I don't have to do it, but it gives me something to fall back on. And then as with life, I love this about No Shame in the Home Game. Life happens. So Teresa's had a lot of change between episode one and episode two. Teresa, do you want to give a couple of quick highlights of everything that's changed in your
Theresa:will say today, first of all, it's the first day that I have not had to get up and out of the house at five o'clock in the morning for skating because we said, I think we're going to stop skating. My daughter has been a figure skater and joined the synchronized skate team here in the DC area, which was amazing. It's a travel skate team. And there's a lot of going to rinks that are a little ways away. So anyway, I get to stay home now more because we're, um, shifting gears and not doing so much ice skating. But I think the thing Sarah's referring to is that we added this really cute, adorable puppy to our home. His name is Harry, Harrison Ford, Prince Harry, Harry Potter. So we added a puppy and, there's just so much you could say about adding a puppy to life, that's a big thing, right?
Sara:Well, so three big things. Your time is shifted. You already have a big travel commitment. You drive an hour each way to work. So that's already a big time commitment. And then the time you were taking your daughter to her skating was a huge time commitment. And that's where we really saw a lot of conflict with the food is you didn't have a lot of time to eat. Be creative on these days when you're working these long days. And then two things that I thought of was one was the puppy and two is you added a washer and dryer or you're going to add a washer and dryer in your
Theresa:Today.
Sara:Today. is new washer dryer day. What was great was that you were able to come to me. We do, back and forth between episodes and you talked about these big decisions and we talked about. How you want your family to feel and what is adding or subtracting from that desired feel and the time to take to figure out washing and drying without having it in the house, you'd gotten used to it, but it was actually adding some friction to your week. And then you wanted to add in this puppy, but you already had a certain friction load with feeding. Food and laundry. And so you were able to really come to some clarity around, I really, like you wanted that feeling of the new puppy in the house, cause you're very much a dog family, but you had this fractured energy for not frustration. You'd figured it out, but the food and the laundry. it was taken away from any time you could devote to that new puppy. And you're very much about training your dogs and giving them a lot of attention. So it was great that you were able to use that as a starting point for conversation with your family about, do we, it was, it's home CEO in a nutshell, do we want this as a family? Yes, we do. Okay. How much time are we devoting to stuff? to the skating. How much time are we devoting to food prep? How much time are we devoting to laundry? And you made, as a group, a decision about those. So I think that was huge. And then the other thing that was so beautiful was your family had gotten excited about a salad drawer. So this was all about food, and un, unbeknownst to them, you were talking to me about food prep. And at the same time, your family came and said, Hey, what if we turn this drawer into a salad drawer? What was the evolution of
Theresa:my family likes to watch those I don't know if it was like quantum tech or something, but like shows with like just clever stuff or spaces. So they already like watching those and they saw this, salad bar in your drink drawer of the refrigerator and then you and I talked and then it all came together. But my husband also had for Christmas, given me food prep containers so they fit really nicely in the refrigerator, I loved sending you that picture of the drawer as it has evolved, where Shannon is cutting the vegetables. She, it turns out she loves pickled carrots and she discovered that on her own. It was this amazing synergy. And then when my husband saw this stuff taking over his drink drawer, And mind you, what's in the drink drawer is like seltzer and water. and it's big enough for it to be shared with vegetables. But I wasn't quite sure how it'd go over. And he was like, Oh, I love the snack bar in the drink drawer. I'm like, yeah, that's been there for a few days. Thanks for noticing, so he, and he called it a snack drawer, yeah, go ahead and get yourself a snack of chickpeas and carrots and cucumbers. And my family will eat meat and pasta like all day long, but they don't mind if there are no vegetables, but I mind it bothers me that we don't eat vegetables. It bothers me in my mind. It bothers me in my digestion. And I have been like eating what they eat, I keep saying. And now we have this drawer where we can like add the vegetables and it's been going well. I have to admit that the puppy, the last week we haven't been able to prep it, I added the chickpeas and they're still there. And. like today is a major, like replenish that drawer, but it is working and Sarah, you really came up with it as a, like a manager. She did her magic. It's I want more vegetables. How can I scale it? How can I, what do we call it? Like parallel play of sorts, like with, I want to make curry and vegetables that are warm, but I'll, I can flex with this,
Lacey:I need a very visual description of the salad drawer. so we're talking multiple containers in this drawer where you open it up and they're filled with pre cut, pre opened different salad fixings to be able to do like a quick salad bar.
Theresa:Yeah. I have also, I have hard boiled eggs in there and then I have chickpeas, carrots, cucumbers, olives. That's it. right for right now. And so I can just grab the lettuce. That's, not yet in the salad bar, and throw it in a bowl and then add these other things. And then I just run off and I just made lunch. I'm like, wow,
Lacey:I just want you to know that I'm making this today. this is so up my alley because for a while we were doing veggie trays and we enjoyed the veggie trays. Don't get me wrong, but I've gotten to a point where I'm like, I would love to have a salad, but then I got to cut everything up and all these different things. And now it's my mind, blowing my mind.
Theresa:I love curry. I love spicy and no one in my family loves that. So last night I bought soup and we've been playing around more with what do we purchase out of the house? Because since now my husband takes care of the dog a lot, the puppy a lot more. He's Oh my God, there's just so much to do. I don't have time. I'm like, why don't you tell me what to bring home for dinner? And I keep saying that like specifically. What, but last night soup and I picked up curry like in the refrigerator section at Harris Teeter, and I'm like, that plus my vegetables from the drawer is gonna make me very happy to tomorrow. I don't have time to cut them. it's a wonderful, I even buy them in a bag like broccoli. That bag is rotten. I didn't, it's not in the drawer! if it's not already in the line of fire, it gets forgotten about. That's the other thing, it's all in the right place. it's a total, win.
Lacey:Okay.
Sara:gave that example of if I have a bag of chips on the counter, my family will snack on those chips all day, cause it's right there. But if I put a bowl of clementines on the counter or grapes, they will eat those because it's the path of least resistance. So there was just this beautiful lining up of what your desire was and what your family's idea was. And you made this, I want to go back to a sentence you said. The drawer is not stocked right now because life had gotten busy. And I want to say, and that's okay, because it's all about having the scaffolding, and then life happens, but then you go, as soon as you have time, like today, you go, okay, I'm going to fill this back up. You don't have to keep reinventing the wheel. You already have the structure.
Theresa:And I also, Sarah, you also know that I'm like pretty much a rock star with the lunches, right? Like I get lunches together for my family pretty easily. Especially for my husband, a really nice routine on what he likes. And now that's added to the salad bar drawer like I'm making more tuna and hard boiled eggs, deviled eggs for Shannon, egg salad for the lunch, and it's in the drawer because I have enough containers and enough space that I'm like, this is like an area of my refrigerator that's very known. And here's another thing, Sarah, that I recognize. So in my house, I have like this. Little mantra I say in the morning, beds, floors, dishes, beds, floors, dishes. It's like phone, wallet, keys. And I can look at the kitchen and I'm, I know many people will not go to sleep until their kitchens are clean, I don't mind going to bed with it being messy. I wake up to a disaster zone, but I know where everything goes because it's going to fit into the dishes and the floors, like It all gets picked up in the morning so that when they get home from their day, it's nice. And when I come home, I've lost my edge. I'm like, Yeah. it's a disaster tomorrow morning, bed, floors, dishes. And now I add salad bar to The weekly thing. it doesn't have to happen every day. So I'm excited about that.
Sara:There's so much good stuff because I talk about that with people, the reset point and what's your prompt. Is it an event or a time? And I love that you are, yeah, I do it in the morning. Beds, floors, dishes, is my morning routine. That's awesome. Yeah, I don't like to go to bed at night until my kitchen, that's my nighttime prompt, but yours is in the morning. So finding what works for your family and What makes you feel the best, right? If you had that, it has to be done before I go to bed. The energy might really change in your household. If there's not enough time or energy or space around that, I do want to go backwards a little bit to the work that we did around the food planning and the salad drawer, your assignment, when I left you on episode one, was I asked you to get in touch with your family about what are meals that they like and what are vegetables that they like. And that was a real voyage of discovery because part of what I kept hearing was, so and so doesn't like this, so and so doesn't like this, but I like this. And yes, you already mentioned parallel play. And I thought it's okay to have a theme. themed dinner, but then people get to switch out what they do or don't like. And you said some of these were big ahas. You're like, oh, I didn't know they liked this. We ended up for each family member, finding overlap of, oh, this is the common element. you can trade out this vegetable or this base. I think it's hilarious. It's hilarious. Each of you likes a different lettuce base, which I just love. One was butter lettuce, one was green, just leaf lettuce. And you were Aula.
Theresa:Oh, no, it's not green lettuce. It's iceberg lettuce.
Sara:Yes. And but again, okay, we're all gonna have a salad. But you, now you have your salad bar, and then everyone liked different toppings. Okay, go pick out your toppings, but we're having salad, and then the main course, I think grilled cheese was one of them. Okay, great, you might each like a different cheese, but we can all have grilled cheese and salad. I know there's a big thing around not making different meals for different people in the family. And I hear that a lot with people and I get it, but again, just having that same theme. And So we were able to come up with some ideas and I'm wondering how is the meal planning part going? How are you integrating meals to compliment the salads?
Theresa:I think with the puppy, the last little bit and the skating thing, just ending, I've been repeating, but the soup got added in. So while I picked up soup at the grocery store, we have been doing more soup based thing. That was like new. And then we've been, buying out a bit, I think a little bit of that. My brain's a little foggy on how we've been doing that. I still have my sheet next to the the refrigerator, but I think really we've been
Lacey:for
Theresa:still, and a little bit of, when mom's home, she's making her routine things, and for me, the routine things are getting easier to do. But the exploring, I think I wanted to explore on Sundays and add something new. And I'm like, exploring Sunday has been more like chaos Sunday still. So no trying new things I don't even know what we've had really, but I don't feel stressed by it. You know?
Sara:And that's what's important. That's what's important is that you don't feel stressed about
Theresa:And remember how I was like, I could be coming home from work being like, I don't know what I'm going to have for dinner. Not any deal. and somehow magically, like in massage, it's all going to come together with, Intuition, I'm like, yeah, no, there's stuff at home. there's stuff to like work from. And I'm like, I don't know just yet, but now I know. And then I can tell them it's what's for dinner. I'm like, Oh, we're having such and such. and and you can find it or I'm coming home. And I'll make it,
Sara:And that was something we talked about was there's two nights, is it two nights or three nights a week where you don't get home until eight or nine right?
Theresa:three days a week. Yeah,
Sara:Three days a week. and so one of the things was a mind shift around, use that, expression, let them suffer of, they are fully capable of making food for themselves and you can have the food in the house and they can figure things out and they can focus on eating things that you may not enjoy as much on those nights. So we did come up with Oh, you can always have, these, we reviewed certain items. Like the manicotti you said is always in the freezer. They can always do that, and you mentioned there's a canned soup that your husband will eat. He can always have that, right? So you don't have to plan for them on those nights where you're not getting home until later because there is food in the house. And are they taking to that to figuring it out for themselves?
Theresa:I think they are. I definitely don't get home to, I'm so hungry. what's for dinner? I'm like, it's nine o'clock. what do you mean? What's for dinner? I'm not seeing that. So they are figuring it out. And I'm not hearing about it so much, which to me is a success. I'm much more focused on what I'm making for dinner on the nights that I'm here and letting it go. I don't know if that's also, cause there's more chaos in our house with that puppy and everyone's happier with they're not focusing on what they don't like. They're just focusing on their joy more. But I know that today's like a big day of just me revisiting what it is. Prepare for the coming days for food, like looking at my list again, and I've been so happy about my salad drawer that lunches have been going well and Oh no, you've got plenty to choose from. And that I haven't really been doing that day to day work.
undefined:Mhm. Mhm.
Sara:And setting you up for success with the salad drawer is a good idea to keep a running tally of things that you've done because, we get bored, seasons change, tastes change. Do you have some place in the kitchen where you can tape a piece of paper that you can easily reference? or you could put it right on the fridge because maybe you notice the family isn't eating, I don't know, the pickled carrots as much. So you can rotate in something else. But then if you get bored with that something else, you can look at the list and go, Oh, yeah, we used to do pickled carrots. And then you can go back. So it's a way of, again, reducing that mental burden of having to remember what worked in the past and just writing it down. Cause we talked about that too, you could come up with six things and then the family could pick four for that week of what do they want to see in the drawer this week. I did want to note for people listening, and this came up with Lacey as well, with the vegetables, certain vegetables can last longer in the fridge than others. And it's about having an awareness about the vegetables that. can tolerate time better. so very wet vegetables like cucumbers, there is a great way to store them so that they don't go soft as quickly, but just knowing you need to eat those a little bit faster or like carrots. As long as you don't do anything with them, they can last a pretty long time and then you can shred them and deal with them. But you had done some pickling, because people Pickling will help them stay even longer in the fridge.
Lacey:I do love pickling. I actually did my first attempt at pickling last week. I made some pickled cabbage for a meal. And so I would like to explore that more. Pickled onions I think is where I'm going to start next,
Theresa:Oh, that sounds yummy
Sara:How do you, how did you pickle the cabbage? I'm very, I don't, I've never
Lacey:just a quick pickle where you, heat up, the vinegar, salt and sugar and water. You heat it up and then you cover it and then you let it sit for, I think it was four hours. And it gives it a little bit more of a pickle type thing. It's not, it's never going to be kimchi, but it's getting us closer to that. We made these like Korean bowls.
Theresa:What did you put in your Korean bowls?
Lacey:purple rice, which is a mix of black rice and white rice, we make this, cause I just don't like brown rice, but the black rice is similar. So when you mix them, I feel like I'm doing better at least, we found like this Korean beef, So that has like a lot of flavor in it. My husband always makes that part, so I don't really know. and then some like scallions, we did carrots. So yeah, it's a very Americanized thing with some Korean flares cause we love, bibimbap and that kind of food,
Sara:I love Korean too. And Teresa, you said Shannon's taking ownership over pickling some items. What is that? Can you tell me what that looks
Theresa:she was cutting the carrots and putting the vinegar and sugar on them. That's all we added to it. She's been doing that like after school. That's one of her chores on the days I'm not here. So she's done that probably. twice, on request. and she got excited about it. So I was glad for that.
Sara:What I love about that and this is something I try to encourage to people is When the family is complaining about food, give them ownership, pick the recipe, help me prepare it give them an opportunity to see what goes into it so that. they know, Oh, I really liked this flavor, but I didn't like the texture. Or then they can start to under, instead of a family saying, I don't like it, which so many apologies to my mother. Of how many times I said that as a kid, but. If you're just served something, it's easy to say, I don't like it. If you have participation in making it, there's a lot more awareness around, Oh, I saw what this looked like when it started. How it ended like, what could be different? maybe I really just don't like this item at all. Or maybe I just want different seasoning. So I love that your daughter's getting involved because then she can have even more awareness over what she likes, and then she's learning how to make her own food, which is ultimately the goal when you're raising kids is that they can do this for themselves. And I want to also touch on mindset that we worked on. When we talked last time, a lot of your mindset was. I don't know how else other to say it than a little beaten down. I think you were carrying around a lot of weight around things that hadn't worked or, not finding that magic recipe or piece that satisfied everybody. And I really encourage you to change your mindset around. We're figuring it out or we're going to work together or there is a solution and really Taking off those heavy feelings in order to open up the landscape of possibility. Did you do some time around that or did you ponder those thoughts?
Theresa:I am noticing that very much, not like just in this moment, but I've been just noticing it over the last couple of weeks. Just, as you say that I think about like the background story of all of the times I've said, I'm going to do better with the food stuff. And I think I shared this the last time, I remember doing that. The EFT, that emotional freedom tapping, like this was my main complaint. I think like seven years ago, I started tapping because I needed a better handle on food prep. it's that long ago and that old, an issue of sorts for me. So yes, I really enjoyed being able
Sara:I
Theresa:to do, some,
Sara:to
Theresa:Meditation, really some journal drawing about home and about food prep and about the scalable nature of getting it, getting a meal right isn't really my goal. It's getting a meal that has these options so that we're all happy. That feels like a better goal for me in my home.
Sara:And
Theresa:I guess I got happy about that. I got more joyful because it fits me better. It fits more of Oh, I get to have what I want. Other people get to have what they want and we don't have to all be the same basically. So I guess focusing in on, I value my home and in a different way. And when I was doing the home exercise of I value home I remember the funny thing to me was like, I asked one person, what do you love about your home? And they're like, Oh, I love that. My husband does projects and I really love to cook. I'm like, ha. I don't love to cook and I get so tired of the projects and. I thought that was really interesting. I'm like, that's not really my joy. I really love that home is a functional hub and I like seeing it that way. It's not always going to be neat and picked up. It's not always going to have all the food we want. Sometimes the food is going to come from outside. Sometimes we're all going to be doing the same. Sometimes we're going to be doing something different. It may feel a little chaotic. But it's mine and I value and can stand behind my home and my food. And I don't know, that just started to click more for me.
Sara:so much goodness. I want to highlight first. I want to let Lacey in the audience. no. Teresa and I also share. A friend who's a coach, a woman's transformational coach. And we did her 10 day value challenge where we got to pick three values. We really wanted to focus on and see how do we integrate those into our lives? Yes. And Teresa jumped on to home very quickly. And I think that's so pivotal. And I just got goosebumps all up my leg because and I say it all the time, not every home should be the same. We all have different values and goals. We don't all have to love prepping food. We don't all have to have the same output, right? You define, what did you say? Your home is a hub of, what did you say? Restoration?
Theresa:Like a functional hub. Like I wish it was a home of restoration, it's not, it's functional, it's a functional hub. Like it, it serves each of us differently as a hub of our activity.
Sara:But that's perfect. And as long as everyone in the home understands, and if Shannon decides that having a certain type of food is her passion, Then she gets to take the lead on that and I love that mind shift and we just had episode 2 with another Participant Tyra where we really needed to find that mind block for her in order for her journey to open up And oh my gosh, the goosebumps are just going all the way up my leg because I feel like for you, I feel like that was the block you were sitting in what from the outside looked like this pit of failure. You felt like you tried everything, things weren't working, the family wasn't satisfied, and it felt like you were holding The burden all on your own. And I feel like we were able to shift it. Not we, it was you did the work, but you were able to shift it to my family can be in discomfort around food and they can figure it out for themselves. There is a way to approach this. That's different. That may work, right? Like you identifying our houses for function. Food is not my joy. All right, but you need food to survive. But yeah, it doesn't have to be your joy. And I really feel like It's just lightened you and it's given you permission and freedom and. From the outside, I'm inspired because I hold some guilt and shame around the meals that I give my family, but yeah, I love to bake and cook, but not under obligation. I don't like spending more time cooking than I do eating and so you're giving me that permission of, Oh yeah, food prep isn't really my joy either, but my family's fed. That was it. You getting clear on your goal to me, that was the unlocking that you're not going to make everyone happy with food, right? It shifted how you looked at it. Does that resonate?
Theresa:Yeah, I, yeah, and it's so interesting because at the same time it hasn't given me some level of like freedom to not do anything in the kitchen. I actually just am starting to enjoy the kitchen more because it doesn't have the same feeling as it did a month ago, really. So. yeah, I'm really, I'm really hopeful that it stays. And I also want to say, Sarah, thank you for listening so carefully. Like you took notes, you've checked in, you enjoyed my photos. it's been, it's not just me doing it. I really felt like I had this.
Sara:just
Theresa:supportive person in my corner being like, yeah, just try, try some other new things. And I look forward to, really seeing myself flourish with it more because it has been a really nice shift, just as you've described it.
Sara:nice. First of all, thank you., I receive and hear what you've said and I love the granular details. That just lights me up. I love the little nitty gritty, but also what I've said all along with this work is that It's like we're given a car and told to drive, but we're not taught how, and it's, when you're managing a house, it's like we get to hear the complaints way more than we hear the praise or appreciation. We're always being told how we're doing it wrong. But then it's like, where do you go to figure it out? We're all so unique and different and nobody wants to admit that discomfort and shame of, Oh, I don't know how to do this. It should be so basic. I should know how to do this. So that's why I started doing this work because, Hey, we all need driver's ed to learn how to drive a car. Nobody just gets in and knows, right? You need those guides. And so I love being this guide and. I really hear what you said about The kitchen feels different because it's 50 percent about food and 50 percent about the energy and the mindset. And you did, I think you used to walk in your kitchen and immediately feel defeated because you felt the heaviness of the meals that didn't work. The food you, I know throwing away food is really bothering you. And. I think you. felt that weight. And also I want to say, like, it's interesting because I think if you ask my daughter and my husband, if I've made a transformation in the kitchen, I'm not even sure what they would say. aside from I love the new snack drawer but I know there's a shift and it's like a step in the journey. I don't think it's over. I just think, my gosh, I just stepped onto a new path and I, I'm ready to like take another hike, you know? So, Yeah, that's feeling that also feels really good about it in terms of, sometimes I worry that changes like this up and down, Oh, I just found the newest, best thing. It's how long will that last? But I feel like it's a shift that I can feel in my body. it's where do I feel it? No, I feel it. Almost like I would say in a grounded kind of way, like in my feet, like I know how to walk around the kitchen and start putting things in their places in that I have new scaffolding, as you would say. And for me, you know, that means I can listen to a podcast and do something fun for myself while I'm getting this work done and be like, I love my job here in the kitchen. and be like, I
Theresa:here home working in the kitchen, And not making food and looking for this, like, how'd I do? I prepped so that you can be functional. And so can I
Lacey:want to put that on a shirt.
Sara:when you say you don't even know, if your family has noticed the shift, I would say you're right, I don't think they couldn't articulate your mindset shift. But, Lacey and I talk about that 1 percent change. I would bet money that your family has noticed a 1 percent shift in your mood and your energy. around, how you're showing up in general. you're not walking in the door with that heaviness of what's for dinner? I'm hungry. You're not being confronted with that. When you walk into the kitchen, you're enjoying your podcast, you're a little bit more at ease. So I would bet that your family has noticed that. But come on, it's all clouded by the new puppy. Like, how can we really know what's making you happy? Is it the puppy or the food?
Lacey:I've been staring puppy for 40 minutes now, and it's made me so happy. So I get it.
Theresa:exactly,
undefined:Mhm. Mhm.
Sara:because this is episode two and we are going to do a third episode, what is something that I can help you with in the kitchen around the meal planning and the journey? What still feels like a friction point for you?
Theresa:I think now, like just even talking about it, it's okay, is it the joy, the puppy or the fact that we have new ideas in place? And now I think it's follow through for me. It's okay, great. Let's see those new meals that are scalable. And I think that's what it is. But now I really would like to see myself, walk a few miles basically and see how it goes, in, the day to day. And I'm so excited that I'm not working as much too. I've just told myself three days of work is plenty. I really have at least for the next month, like a real set schedule about being home to do home things.
Lacey:I, so something that I noticed in the beginning that I'm starting to see more and, understand more and more is it sounds like you have a very heavy expectation for yourself. To be like the most consistent when it comes to all this, if you're not super consistent, you will fail. I heard it when you were like, it's not been as good with, because we've had the puppy and all that stuff. I just want to say, I'm not the expert here, but I am giving you permission. to not be perfect at it all the time, I think accepting that maybe another layer for you of any little bit that I do that's better is great. And tomorrow I can do better or I cannot. And it's, I think that mindset will also give you a little bit more of a lift because. We're not, we all don't do great all the time, we go through ups and downs, but if we can just keep going back to that scaffolding, we have a foundation to continue to go up.
Theresa:yeah, that makes, that definitely makes sense. that's a nice thing to offer me too, that perfectly consistent doesn't have to be in my mindset along with my new joy.
Lacey:Yeah.
Sara:Your work right now is creating that scaffolding. And life is going to up and down change, life happens. But all you need to do is know that you have something to go back to when the time is right. And that really your objective is your mindset of I've provided the foundation. I'm doing what I can, when I can. And I think the way I can support you on this journey with this next step is between now and the next meeting is I want us to go back and forth and create a very clear outline. These are the meals that are always available in the freezer, in the pantry. These are the go to meals when mom is working and won't be home until late. Or these are the meals we can fall back on when. Our new washer and dryer is being delivered and I'm not going to spend as much time in the kitchen. And then creating a clear outline of every week we're going to have, and you decide is it four or five items in the salad drawer, here is a list of all those items and Shannon can do this one. Richard can dump the olives into a can, like getting it really clear I always see it as like a building blocks of what the building blocks are, and then knowing the rhythm of your week of working three days. Okay. My goal is to do it on this day. On these days, when I'm out doing this, I'll pick up soup to go with the salad and starting to see, this is the day I have more time. I want to try that new recipe on this day. And so we're going to get really clear on that outline for you. Okay. Just to reduce that mental pressure and that mental reinventing the wheel every single day. So really just cementing what you've already been doing, but getting it on paper.
Theresa:yeah, that sounds really good. Yeah. because once it's on paper, it'll become more clear. That sounds really helpful.
Sara:and if you go out of town for a week to go be with your mom, the family can look at the piece of paper If you go into a restaurant, this is such a great example, going back to, talking about how not everyone has to eat the same thing. When you take a group, your family to a restaurant, not everybody's going to order the same thing, right? But they're all going to sit down and look at the same menu and go. these are my options for appetizers. These are my options for entrees. These are my options for sides. And so it's really creating your own family's menu of if you're out of town for a week, we can do grilled cheese easily tonight for dinner. Oh, that's right. Manicotti's in the freezer. We can do that for dinner. Mom usually makes deviled eggs on Monday. She's out of town. I can do that. I can make egg salad today and it's just giving them, it's taking down that mental load, that invisible load and letting your family see it. So that's where we're going to be. And Lacey's smiling because she's looking at the dog and I'm trying not to look at the dog. I'm trying to only look at Teresa because the dog and I love, I'm going to only call him Harrison Ford.
Theresa:I know. When Cause they Shannon and Richard wanted to call him Harry, and I'm like, I would be happy if you guys settled on a name. I can work with Harry. And then, three days later, I'm like, Harrison, I've always loved that name. Harrison. Is Harrison Ford. I'm like, done. I can hang with Harry. And I can call him Harrison Ford whenever I want to. Yep,
Sara:I want to hang with Harrison Ford,
Lacey:Yes, so handsome. woof!
Sara:Of allowing the magic to unfold for really coming in with a new perspective and you saw something that wasn't working. You took a step to make a change. You were willing and open. I want you to really appreciate. All you've done for your family. This is what we talked about with Tyra is we don't get to hear thank you enough. So thank you, mama Teresa, for all you've done for making food for your family over the years. Thank you for taking time to make this an easier journey so that you can enjoy life more and enjoy your family more. And we are going to come up with that outline for your family. So it's not all on you. And you're going to keep enjoying your puppy and you're going to enjoy the joy of having a washer and dryer in your house. Lacey, do you have anything else to add?
Lacey:Be gentle with yourself. I see so much of myself in you in this, it's not really shame, but it's more of like beating yourself up. Cause I do that so much all the time. And, I would never do that to anybody else. So that's what I'm, I want to say to you, no, you're doing it. You're making it happen. There is no such thing as perfect. There is no award for it.
Theresa:I hear, I really hear you. And also I was just wanting to add that my other value word was self respect, which was interesting to happen along with this. It's You know what, I'm pretty happy with what I'm doing. So isn't that enough?, I also know that I do a lot of comparing to other people and that's where the perfection starts to come in. I'm like, Oh Yeah. look, if your sister walked in your kitchen, she would have something to say, I'm like, my sister, my mom and six other people would be like. What's happening in here and be like, Oh, it's my kitchen.
Sara:and that's a great point because the comparison game, there's up comparison and down comparison, and there are instances in which it can be helpful. There are, but I would say for the majority of the time, we're actually using it to beat ourselves up and two houses are the same. Your priorities, your values, your energy, your motivation, your time. Everything is different and my sister's house is so different than mine. We're very different people and I'm okay with that. And if she doesn't like my house, that's fine. She doesn't have to live in my house. I'm taking ownership. Over how I'm leading my life. And I think that's where the self respect is, you're respecting yourself and your journey.
Theresa:Yeah. I noticed like when Lacey's saying don't be too hard on yourself. And I'm like, Oh yeah, one of the reasons I get hard on myself is because I get comparative. that's not the way that my mom raised me to have a kitchen, or that's not what my sisters do. And I really felt like this freedom, but this is how I do it. And it's part of that, that no shame in the home game mindset that, both of you are carrying forward in all the episodes, it's like how your house feels, not how it looks. And I just, yeah, I'm just really noticing that I can go down that road and be hard on myself again, or I can be back in the joy where it's like. I bet if, and I love my sisters too, and they love me. I bet if they walked in and saw my salad jar, they'd be like, hey sister, that's a great idea. I'm like, yeah, that's one of my successes, one of my wins, and I would be happy about that, which is really different than I think that my sisters have something every evening that they have prepared for their families. And it's probably not even true. They probably eat ramen noodles some nights too.
Sara:and I just, I really want to put this out because It's part of my movement And my, revolution that I'm starting, which is if it doesn't feel good for us to compare to others, it's really important that when we walk into somebody else's home, that we don't compare. It's got to go both ways. We can't judge others for how their home is run. If we don't want to be judged. And I really like to impress that upon people because it goes both ways. And that's how we start to make the change. And on that note, I feel like we've solved all the world's problems.
Theresa:yep. Thank you so
Sara:Oh, thank you. Thank you ladies for such a beautiful morning.
Theresa:Thanks.
Sara:Okay, we're back and I'm no less silly. So I did the scaffolding because we've been watching Saturday Night Live and there's this hilarious bit with, I can't think of his name. Because I'm not great at remembering names, but it's like a spelling bee. And so the judge is giving these words. And so he keeps doing that voice that like scaffolding only, that's not the word he says, I want to break out that voice more often. I don't know what that is, the spelling bee judge voice.
Lacey:Yeah, I love it. Like it, love it, love everything about it. Absolutely. Oh, I am so glad that everybody got to meet Harry and now knows why I spent most of the episode just staring at him and we will put up a picture of him on the no shame Instagram because I think at one point I teared up because I'm like he is so cute. I know there was one point where he like yawned and I was like sorry.
Sara:YII have, again, Theresa and I are friends in real life and I have the blessing of, we do Marco Polos, so I get a lot of him in my life in little videos and I usually, sometimes I'll listen to Marco Polos while I'm driving and I can't listen to Marco Polos when Theresa does one, because I just wanna stare at the dogs like the whole time there's something about him that, yeah, I am drawn in like a moth to a flame and I don't wanna look away. Yeah, he's my kryptonite.
Lacey:I always wanted a golden retriever growing up, like that was my dog that I wanted. So I think there's just a piece of that in there for me too. Just, My heart, like I could just feel my heart lifting and soaring. But, we will, finish up Teresa's story in a couple of weeks, but next week you're going to get to hear Tyra part two and, hear the continuation of Tyra's story because there's a lot more story to tell there too,
Sara:I want to hear Lacey, what are you appreciative of today? What are you grateful for? What's on your mind?
Lacey:Sarah. I have started, I don't think I talked about this last week. I have started doing a call out on social media for people to let me hype them. Did I talk about this last week?
Sara:I don't know, but I can't, I want to hear, I want to hear about it all again.
Lacey:It is something that brings me so much joy now. I've been, I've done it, I think I did Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, last week, took the weekend off, did it again today, and It is just so much fun. I've had People out there randomly respond. Some people just say, I love this. And then I hype them because they said they loved it. this morning, my cousin Al, she said she was starting a new job and I was like, girl, and I hyped her and 30 people liked that video. And I was like, Oh, I 30 people cheering her on, And it is just bringing me so much joy. So much joy and it feels so authentic to me and who I am and what I enjoy doing and this is something Sarah and I have both talked about of showing up on social media in a way that feels good to us because a lot of the social media advice feels so structured and businessy and not our genuine feelings. And this is the first time, one of the first times where I'm like, Oh, I could do this every day. No problem. New people to hype, put the goodness out in the world. This is all I would want in life. So I have literally, that's how I start my weekday mornings now is I make a video saying, Hey, let me hype you. And I am loving every minute of it.
Sara:I love that. To me, it's the equivalent of perpetual motion, but it's perpetual joy. You are hyping someone up to feel better, and in doing so, it makes you feel better, and then that person feels better, and then other people witness it, and then they feel joy. It's perpetual joy. I tagged you in somebody on threads who had a book coming out and I went back and I read your, and I was like, Hey, you want to hype this gal up? And then I came back and I read your hype and I was hyped. It was so good. and I'm going to do a little side plug, joyful support movement. We're not just the founders, we're members. If you're inside the village, you can get hyped
Lacey:Anytime. Anytime.
Sara:of gratitude, but it's funny. I've joked with, participants season one, Sarah about being an emotional bouncer for people. If you. Don't have the emotional energy to deal with something, but you also don't have the wherewithal to express it in a way that's healthy. I would come in as like the emotional bouncer and be like, at this time, I'll just say, Lauren will not be participating in the family Sunday gathering as she has no time, energy, or patience to deal with any of you. And I would do it on behalf because I have no emotional attachment to the situation. And I just thought. Oh my gosh. We could sell ourselves as a package. I could be the emotional bouncer and you could be the hype gal. Oh my gosh. I think we need to be a part of somebody's crew. Is this our future?
Lacey:That's what I was thinking, but then I also recognize I like to be the center of attention too much. I don't know if I would be good being on somebody's entourage. yeah, I'm realistic about that about myself.
Sara:Fair. That's good. To know yourself. That is fair. I like that.
Lacey:it's one of the reasons why Joe and I's marriage works so well is he does not want to be in the spotlight and I'm like, don't worry, I can be in the spotlight for you.
Sara:When you did that, I immediately recalled some stories you've told us about Iris and I was like, there it is. There's Iris right there.
Lacey:It was Iris's, birthday this weekend, and she was so happy, so joyful, on Saturday morning, she knew that her grandparents were coming over. We did a grandparents dinner and she was like vibrating with energy and joy. She's Grammy and Bop Bop and Grandma and Grandpa are coming over. And preschool teacher got her some presents, which is so lovely, and she got her balloons and, Isaac let one of the balloons out of the house on accident. So now that's Iris's go-to thing to tell people like she'll, Iris, Isaac lit my balloon outside. He let my balloon blow away instead of putting her in bed, she's I'm gonna tell Ms. Jen tomorrow, Isaac, Isaac, let my balloon blow away.
Sara:Oh, I almost want to start like a comedic, resume for her. Many things nailed intuitively.
Lacey:much. She did something else that Joe and I were rolling the other day and now I can't remember what it is. Oh, I know what it is. my dad was saying, I want to give you a big birthday hug and Iris is a leaner. She lets you hug her like that's her jam, which I'm like, that's a girl after my heart because I'm not a hugger, I'll participate if you want me to. So my dad was giving her a big hug and he was like, I got to give you a big birthday hug. And she just declared, it's not my birthday anymore. It's Lucas's birthday. So my dad would stop hugging her and now she wouldn't have a birthday hug anymore. And it was just. The comedic timing of it was so good. And also, girl, yeah, if you don't want the hug, you don't need to have the hug. You established those boundaries. It just was a, oh, and we were just dying. Cause then my dad teased her and he was like, birthday hug. And she was like, not my birthday. It's Lucas's birthday now. Okay. Don't know who Lucas is. I'm like, he's a kid in her class. She's whip smart. She's got it.
Sara:I love that. By the way, as soon as you said you're not a hugger, I made a mental note. I went in my brain and made like an asterisk in my brain. It was like mental note. Lacey is not a hugger
Lacey:It genuinely surprises a lot of people that I'm not a hugger. it is because heck, I've been saying I went to hype random people. You would think a hugging thing is part of that, but I just, we can appreciate each other from a soft, solid distance.
Sara:and no, and I totally respect that. And. I will find another way to like a dog when it gets excited and they shake like when we do meet in person. we'll side note that I'm not sure what, I'm not sure about that, but I'll just have to find another way to let my energy out, like hug a tree or
Lacey:There, there are, I will say, there are very appropriate hugging times. And I am very affectionate with my children, with Joe. I will hug all over my mom. But I have some very strong boundaries and that's one of my places where I have boundaries. And so you're either one of those people or there are hugging occasions. When we meet each other, Sarah, in person, it will be a hugging occasion.
Sara:okay. I was talking to a friend last night, and I was telling her all about Joyful Support Movement. She was like, how did you and Laci meet? And I told her the whole thing, and then she goes, are you ever gonna meet in person? And I said, I don't know. I don't know because I don't know if it's going to change the magic.
Lacey:mean, in my head, you're still five, 10, Sarah,
Sara:amazing. I hope I can grow into that. I'm like, I legitimately don't know if it'll, this is like people who meet long distance over the internet like, and they think they're, we're not romantic. Let's be very clear, but Oh my gosh. And you meet for like the first time. That's gotta be really nerve wracking.
Lacey:I, in my heart, I believe that we're going to meet and it's going to be lovely. And in my mind, it's like on a talk show, not like a dramatic review,
Sara:not like Jerry
Lacey:not like Jerry Springer, but because you and I are going to be on a talk show together, we meet there in the process of the talk show. And
Sara:That's what I was picturing too.
Lacey:it out in the universe. If you have a talk show that you want us to come talk about joyful sport movement and therefore gives us a reason to travel and meet.
Sara:And meet in person.
Lacey:We would love it.
Sara:Oh, okay. That's going to happen. I was thinking about what my moment of gratitude is, and I actually have so much to be thankful for. And I was trying to pick just one. And then I thought, you know what? I am just really thankful that I made bagels today because life has been very busy and chaotic and I haven't made bagels in a while and the joy of doing something very simple. It felt very restorative in the most simple of ways. And I was very happy. I was very happy. And which is funny for me to say, cause I'm not usually very happy in the kitchen, but I took the time. I had the time and I made the bagels and now they're downstairs and I can't wait to eat
Lacey:I feel like the bagels are like a cornerstone of your household for me. I'm like, of course you're happy. The bagels are a big deal to y'all.
Sara:they are, but I had traveled and then when I came home, there was the whole roof thing that started before the traveling, during the traveling, returning from the traveling, and then trying, you know how it is after you travel, you're trying to get back into the swing of things. So yeah. So bagels were absent for a while. So yeah. Happy to have bagels back in the life.
Lacey:bagels are like a symbol of normalcy for you and stability.
Sara:yes.
Lacey:it. Which, I, it's so funny how much you want normalcy when you haven't had it in a while. I remember we had gotten through the holidays and then something else happened and then it wasn't until February for me that I was like, Oh my gosh, life is normal. It's normal right now. And it is. Beautiful, and I love everything about it, and I am very thankful for it. So I get it. Totally get it. if there's any way to end this, that's how. So I'm just gonna say thank you for listening, and thank you, Sarah.
Sara:thank you, Lacey.